This abnormal state and relationship has been suppressed, endured and will move forward. Once things happen, it's easy to break out ~ it broke out, and the surface of things has been dealt with, but the roots are still there, and it will continue to break out next time ~
When Doudou was more than 8 years old, he began to cry every time he heard that he was going to his grandparents' house. He did everything he could to prevent him from going. Now when he hears that he wants to do something with his grandparents, he easily loses control. Because he is actually very helpless, he can't think of it, he wants to escape, but he can't escape. ...
Speaking of it, in fact, grandparents are not heinous bad people. In fact, they all love their children, but the way of love is a bit unacceptable, or the gap between them and my parenting concept is too big ~ children can't accept this way, and they try to communicate with me, but it's useless and they can't escape in the end. They can only respond with emotions.
Grandpa's problem is talking to himself, always preaching, nagging about what he thinks makes sense, always pulling the child to talk, and making various demands, such as asking the child to answer a question or let the child say something ~ in fact, there is no big problem. The problem is that grandpa doesn't have a good relationship with his children, but with the condescending eyes of the elderly, as children and grandchildren, you should listen to their nagging ... of course, in fact. Grandpa and the people around him have the same problem ~ I remember that every time during the Chinese New Year, he would take a written speech and speak to a table of people. I think everyone's expression is helpless, but it's hard to say it directly ~ Grandpa has no friends himself, and he is also a lone ranger at ordinary times, with no special hobbies. Life is a sport of shopping and cooking. It's true that it's monotonous, but he enjoys it. We all feel unable to communicate with grandpa. He always lives in his own world and thinks he is very powerful, knowledgeable and knows how to keep pace with the times. However, he won't listen to what we say to him, nor will he listen to our ideas and needs. ...
The father of the child is a man who doesn't lose his temper easily. His mood is very stable, but it is a closed state, that is, absent-minded ~ when I ask questions, his usual reaction is no response ... at first I was angry and felt that he didn't care about me. Later, I understood by observing the way he got along with his grandparents, because no matter how the father of the child responded, it would only lead to more exaggerated nagging and preaching. It's better to save your strength and ignore him and live.
Today, we took our children and grandparents out to play, because it was grandpa's birthday. Before going out, I specifically told my children to be as forbearing as possible. As a result, as soon as he got on the bus, grandpa first gave Xin Wei a red envelope and then spoke to Xin Wei for a while. Fortunately, Xin Wei didn't understand what Grandpa was saying at all, so it would be nice to receive the red envelope happily ~ But Doudou was different, and Grandpa began to nag about what problems Doudou needed to pay attention to ... Actually, to tell the truth, I think Grandpa was right, and these nagging also belonged to concern, but because the relationship between Doudou and Grandpa had been bad, Doudou endured and said, Honestly, I think Doudou's response is reasonable and respectful ~ Grandpa listened to Doudou's words, but turned a deaf ear. Going on, Doudou raised his voice and shouted: "I said no! Want to! Listen! " Grandpa responded that Doudou shouldn't talk to Grandpa like this, and then went on to say ... I can feel Doudou's despair ~ I can't help asking Grandpa to get off the bus ... Grandpa said that today is his birthday and he should be allowed to talk enough ... All along, my attitude towards Grandpa can only be lukewarm, because he is my husband's father after all. Although I am very dissatisfied with him, he still gives red envelopes to his children every month. And he gave us a lot of help financially before ~ my husband is an only child, and we will be responsible for the lives of grandparents in the future. As children, we don't want to make the old man too sad, and we can't communicate with him in many things ~ but the child can't bear it, and in the face of grandpa's disrespect, Doudou doesn't want to put up with it anymore, so as long as grandpa talks, he screams ... The scene was out of control ~ I feel very uncomfortable. ...
It's not just today. In the past, whenever we went out with our grandparents, there were many contradictions and conflicts, but when our family went out by themselves, this would not happen. Grandma will always control it ~ for example, when eating, she will always ask her children if they want to eat this or that, and she will help them do many things. But children don't want to be disciplined. Maybe I respect them more at ordinary times. Once they are disturbed by others, they will be more sensitive and will tell their grandmother: leave me alone, I know for myself. The problem of eating, if children eat less, the variety of food is not rich enough, or the posture of eating is wrong … will be constrained by grandma. I feel particularly depressed when I am with them. If I talk too much, I will become very strong and make my grandparents uncomfortable. If I leave it alone, they will continue to discipline Doug Xinwei with what they think is "strictness", trying to give me a "demonstration" and try to teach me how to educate my children better ~
To tell the truth, I have been a child-rearing consultant for so long and solved the child-rearing problem for so many parents. But my grandparents never recognized my idea and never thought that the way I educated my children was reasonable. In their view, children are not obedient at all, have their own ideas about everything and don't listen. Children never do what grandparents say and always ask why ~ I respect children's trial and error and let them try, but grandparents always think that I am irresponsible and should not let children bear any consequences, but should teach or tell them more truth ... When they try to reason, children never want to listen because they are too vague. My grandparents blame me for raising children too wild and have no respect at all.
In fact, it's not that I haven't communicated with my grandparents about my parenting concept and what my children are like. Times are changing. If they want to live in peace with their children, they have to make some adjustments with the times. However, communication is communication and practice is completely different. They always judge everything with their own eyes and experience, or they always believe that their ideas and educational methods are the best. Another thing happened today, which made me very angry. There is a nursing dog in the shop, a newborn puppy, which looks very cute and is the kind of gentle puppy. I told Miaodi that he could touch it gently, and Miaodi was happy to play with the dog ~ then grandma came out to scare him: "Touch! If you want to be bitten, you have to go to the hospital for an injection! " I am a little angry because I have communicated with my grandmother many times. So I said to my grandmother, "Mom, I have communicated with you many times. You are afraid of dogs, but you can't make my baby afraid of dogs. My philosophy is that dogs are our good friends, and I hope that dolls can get in touch with small animals more ~ you don't care if they touch cats and dogs, I will take care of them and I will be responsible. " Grandma was very angry at once and began to count who was bitten and which child was caught ... I had to respond: "I know there will always be accidents, but we can't do nothing just because there are accidents." As you said, with so many accidents, we won't go out? " As for pets, I know how to teach children, so I don't have to worry ... "Hey, I like dogs very much when I think of peas about 2 years old, but I dare not touch all kinds of small animals just because I was scared by my grandmother several times ... And myself, I like to stay with animals since I was a child. I think children who can get along well with animals will feel softer and have a good animal friend, which will also be cured.
I think so differently from the old people! In fact, I can understand them, living in that era, that is the concept and way of raising a baby, but the baby with new ideas I brought out really can't accept and endure the old people ... which makes my grandparents very chilling, but there is nothing I can do. Doudou doesn't want to get along with his grandparents anymore. When Xin Wei was 5 years old, she would occasionally say that she wouldn't go to her grandparents' house, but because she was young and easy to coax, she could bear it for the time being ... In fact, except Doudou, my husband and I didn't like being with them very much ~ but they were parents! My husband and I know that even if we don't like it, we still need it ... I'm thinking that when the children grow up, I can slowly teach them how to restrain their antipathy and do what they should do. This may be a practice. ...
Resume and reflection: If I need to travel like this next time, I will take story machine and headphones, and let the children listen to the story by themselves as soon as I get on the bus. If grandpa has anything to say, let him tell me that I can bear it ~ Before going out, I will send a WeChat to tell grandma to leave the children alone and let them come by themselves. As a mother, I will take full responsibility for myself ~ maybe this way will be better. ...
When I recorded these scenes, some images kept flashing in my mind. When the children grow up, as a grandmother, will I be dissatisfied with my daughter-in-law's various parenting methods and want to guide them in my way? I write this down today to remind myself that each generation has its own unique imprint. Besides, whoever owns the child should be responsible ~ as long as I do my job well, I don't have to worry about the rest. ...