The subject said that he and his girlfriend had known each other for many years. Although they are engaged, they have no expectations for their future marriage. Now they are a little hesitant and don't know whether to get married or not.
In the comment area, a netizen said:
You can't choose to get married just because you want to explain this relationship for many years. ?
I'm impressed.
Marriage is a sacred thing.
You can't choose to get married just because you feel old, let alone get married for the sake of getting married.
If you get married for the sake of marriage, then this marriage is in danger of collapse at any time.
The ideal state should be: meet the right person at the right age, and then step into the marriage hall together at the right time, neither too early nor too late.
Between men and women, if you can do these three things, you can get married.
Otherwise, it needs careful consideration.
Know each other's personalities
Whether it's time to get married, in fact, everyone has their own standards.
This standard is often complex and changeable.
Including feelings, career, economy and other factors, the proportion of these factors varies from person to person.
But in any case, finding the right talent is the most important thing.
Happy marriages usually have the right partner.
And a suitable partner should naturally have a good personality.
If you can't understand each other's personality, you will rush into the marriage hall, which is tantamount to a gamble.
Once caught in it, it is a dilemma.
Just like a letter I received from a reader some time ago.
The female reader said in the letter that she and her boyfriend got married only three months after they met, which was a flash marriage.
At first, she felt that as long as two people love each other, there is no insurmountable difficulty.
Moreover, before getting married, the boy promised her that he would work hard to find a job and save money to buy a house.
But after marriage, she discovered that her boyfriend had no intention of fulfilling his promise at all.
He is not only lazy and irresponsible, but also owes a lot of gambling debts outside.
This made her feel very disappointed and regretted listening to his sweet words.
She was going to divorce, but she was pregnant again.
She hesitated, not knowing whether to break up or continue this life.
What should I do if I break up with my child?
But without breaking up, she completely lost confidence in life.
What happened to this girl is really sympathetic.
But she also has a responsibility to know people who are not suitable for this situation.
If she takes more time to get to know each other and understand each other's personality when she gets married.
Maybe we wouldn't be in such a dilemma.
Many people believe in love and want to spend their lives with the people they like.
But the reality is often that everything is good before marriage and nothing is right after marriage.
Has this person changed?
It's possible, but it's more likely that you didn't really know this person from the beginning.
Just like the girl who wrote this letter, they just met for three months and got married hastily.
It is difficult to guarantee that there will be no problems in such a married life.
Although marriage can change a person, the old saying goes:? A leopard cannot change his spots, can he?
When we want to change each other with love, we are often easily defeated by reality.
Therefore, even if you believe in love again, you should leave time for yourself and look at each other's character.
This is responsible for marriage and for yourself.
Can be tolerant of each other.
Everyone has his own personality, as well as his own shortcomings and deficiencies. It is not enough to live a lifetime with someone by vigorous love.
If we can't tolerate each other and adapt to each other's living habits, there will be endless quarrels in this marriage.
Once, Sister He, a former colleague, invited us to her home, but an extremely embarrassing thing happened.
On that day, Sister He spent almost two hours preparing three dishes and one soup. Although it looks ordinary, it tastes good.
He Jie's husband just got back from work, pointing to zucchini fried ham with chopsticks and saying:
Why not fry with eggs? Fried zucchini with ham is not delicious at all. ?
Then he said:? The food cooked today is too salty to eat. ?
Throughout the meal, Sister He's husband has been picking on Sister He's faults.
Maybe it's because we three girls are present. Finally, Sister He couldn't help it and shouted angrily:
Eat whatever you do. If you don't want to eat, I won't prepare your share tomorrow, so go out and eat! ?
Sister He's husband also replied angrily:? You don't go to work now, you can't even cook at home. What else can you do? ?
Two people, look at me. We are arguing so much that we can't persuade them. Awkward.
Like my sister He and his wife, both of them made the same mistake, but failed to tolerate each other.
A person who can't tolerate others is usually strict with himself. With such people, you will have endless anger.
If there are endless sulks and quarrels every day in the later marriage life, I believe no one can stand such a marriage.
A really good marriage will be surrounded by a person who is infinitely tolerant of himself.
Tolerance is mutual, and it is impossible for one party to manage this relationship well.
If two people don't know how to tolerate each other, then such feelings won't last long.
If both of you can tolerate each other, then you can consider getting married.
You can trust each other.
A suitable partner should not only have a good personality, but also be tolerant of each other.
More importantly, trust each other.
In every love, trust is an essential thing and the most basic thing.
Only when two people trust each other can they give each other a comfortable love.
Many feelings can't go on in the end because one party doesn't trust the other and is constantly suspicious and suspicious. In the end, both of them were exhausted and had to break up.
Of course, if you want to gain the trust of the other party, you must first do it yourself.
Give each other trust on the premise of doing it yourself.
Trust takes time to accumulate. Being together for a long time, experiencing more, knowing more about each other, there will be more and more trust.
When we fully trust each other, contradictions will be reduced.
The process of building trust is difficult, which requires a lot of effort and time, but it is easy to destroy a person's trust.
So cherish the trust given by the other party.
Before entering marriage, the right partner should consider at least the following three points:
First, we should give full consideration to each other's personality.
Being a man is the basis of doing things and marriage.
Second, we should understand each other's tolerance.
Only an inclusive marriage can last.
Third, learn to trust each other.
In feelings, trust is the most basic and essential.
Some people get married after getting along for a few months, not necessarily unhappy;
And some people, who have been in love for several years, are not necessarily happy.
As for time, its influence is not absolute.
But in any case, time can at least make us more rational and cautious in the face of marriage choices.
Li Dan said in "Seven Pa Shuo":
Marriage is an empty shell. Marriage should protect us, not us. ?
In my understanding, this is the importance of choosing marriage carefully.
A good marriage can make each other grow and achieve.
Instead of walking on thin ice in the face of a precarious relationship.