0 1 Unable to forgive your partner from the heart.
The appearance of extramarital affairs destroys not the marriage itself, but the trust between partners.
Many men will choose to return to their families for various reasons after cheating in marriage.
However, the extramarital affair is over, but the pain in marriage is not over, and the harm caused by the husband's derailment to his wife's mind is long-lasting.
Even if the derailed party returns to the family, it is difficult for the partner to trust again, so many things will produce contradictions and conflicts.
A derailed man asked for help: "My wife and I have been married 10 for many years. As the relationship between husband and wife faded, one day I derailed until my wife found out. "
My wife clamored for a divorce, and I woke up. I can't lose my wife and family.
I apologized to my wife, begged for forgiveness, and promised not to contact any third party. In fact, I did. I put all my thoughts at home.
My wife forgave me verbally for the sake of the children, but she changed a lot. For example, she became suspicious and worried about me. Sometimes she secretly checks my mobile phone. Sometimes you will be questioned for a long time because you come home late after working overtime.
02 hidden problems in marriage
Sometimes I want to get close to her, but I am always coldly rejected.
Moreover, her temper has become irritable, and she often makes a scene with me because of a little thing, and she always mentions my things.
I'm a little disgusted with this, but it's really my own fault. Who told me to be sorry for her before?
What can I do to make my wife forgive me from the heart and truly trust me?
When one party in marriage has an affair, many couples will choose not to divorce and continue their lives by weighing their feelings, children, economy and other reasons.
However, marital infidelity is very destructive to marriage, which also means that there are some hidden problems in marriage. If it is not handled seriously and properly, it will easily become a hidden bomb and may detonate marriage at any time.
When the relationship between husband and wife becomes fragile and alienated, even cracks appear, although the marriage can be maintained, it loses trust.
The hardest thing at this time is to rebuild intimacy and trust. Repairing wounds and rebuilding relationships require more patience and wisdom, a lot of efforts and more cooperation between husband and wife.
Face up to the harm caused by derailment
What can the cheating party do?
0 1. Understand the emotions and injuries caused by cheating on your partner.
Cheating is very hurtful and will destroy the trust and security of the derailed person. For those partners who find their lover cheating, it is not only spiritual betrayal, but also physical pain.
This kind of pain and emotion need to be seen and resolved, and only by seeing the injury can we face the problem directly.
However, many men will try to downplay their mistakes, such as: "I just made a mistake that only a man can make" and "others seduce me, I will pay attention next time"
Or when your partner is upset and loses his temper, he says impatiently, "I'm back at home." Why don't you forgive me? " "Are you finished?"
Even some men will put the blame on each other: "I cheated because of XXX." When the cheater defends himself blindly or even shirks responsibility, it often leads to the deterioration of the relationship.
Take responsibility for repairing the relationship.
For the cheating party, you should realize that the other party has the right to be angry or sad because of the harm you have caused. The right to forgive is on the other side.
Only by bravely admitting your mistakes, not escaping or denying them, can understanding happen.
02. Sincerely make up for mistakes with actions and take responsibility.
Begging for forgiveness is not just lip service, but practical action, taking the initiative to repair the relationship, so that your partner can truly feel your sincerity and repentance.
Otherwise, your partner may think that you are just a delaying tactic with no real reward.
For example, understand your partner's "unreasonable" behavior and say to your partner, "It's my fault. No matter what you do, I will accompany you. I can understand your behavior. I will try my best to get our relationship back together.
For example, in the face of partner's anxiety, insecurity and trust, the cheating party can take the initiative to make his behavior open and transparent, and alleviate his partner's distrust and worry.
After the man cheated, the wife was very upset, fearing that her husband would not love and like himself, and that her husband would cheat again and eventually lose her husband.
The restoration needs the joint efforts of both sides.
The husband is also very guilty. In order to dispel his wife's doubts, he tells her in advance every time he has a meeting or works overtime. With colleagues and friends, I will also send selfies to my wife; Bring your wife into your own circle, introduce your wife carefully and spend as much time as possible; When I am outside, I will occasionally send a WeChat address with a sentence "Wife, I am here, please check it."
Through these practical actions, the husband really reassured his wife.
It is worth noting that no matter how hateful the derailed person is and how injured the betrayed person is, the reconstruction of intimate relationship cannot rely solely on the repentance and awakening of the derailed party, nor on the forbearance and tolerance of the derailed party, but on the close cooperation of two people.
What can the cheating party do?
0 1. Set the reaction limit for yourself
Many times, the injured party will have a sense of moral superiority and feel that "you did something wrong, you hurt me", and will use this as a reason to accuse the other party of all kinds of trivial things, hoping that the other party can bear the pain they feel.
At first, the cheating party will feel guilty and owe, and want to make compensation. But in the long run, they will choose to escape or defend themselves to release this sense of guilt because they can't bear the huge psychological pressure gradually.
Rebuild marital trust
Therefore, the derailed party should set a limit for its own reaction, and don't borrow the identity of its own victim, and regard derailment as a weight to enhance the right to speak. Otherwise, the more entangled, the more negative reinforcement, and both of them can't let go of the pain.
02. Stop chasing mode
The cheating party should try to control itself and not chase it too hard.
Don't think of yourself as a victim, don't accuse and complain that he is a troublemaker, and don't let him report it all the time.
The cheating party may feel that their self-confidence, security and trust are ruined. As long as their other half is not with you, they will think about it. At this time, no matter how sensitive and suspicious you are, you should try to convince yourself to believe him.
Even if he tells you his mobile phone password, you can choose not to look at his mobile phone, pocket and wallet, and not to follow his whereabouts, even if you really want to.
But the more you know, the more painful it will be, and the easier it will be to entangle with him. He will also feel that his private space has been compressed and he will have a sense of rest. Only by letting go of the pursuit mode can we open the door to rebuilding trust.
Heal one's inner wounds
03. The derailed party is psychologically cured.
In the face of their partner's infidelity, many people will have no confidence in repairing their marriage and feel that their partners can no longer trust them. This psychology is because TA is in a traumatic event.
If you like, there are at least three ways to try.
The first thing is to shift your attention from your partner to yourself, learn to love yourself and take care of your body and mind. You can get together and interact with friends and relatives, travel, exercise, eat, listen to music and watch movies, cultivate some hobbies, and let your mood slowly return to the sunny world.
The second is to explore their own responsibilities in marriage, seek ways to change, and let themselves really grow up.
If you feel that your heart is very painful and you can't pass the psychological barrier, there is a third way, that is, to seek the help of a professional marriage counselor, to increase your inner strength, and to improve your ability to manage your marriage and control your emotions under the company and guidance of a marriage counselor, so that you can work hard.
This also applies to the cheating party. Experienced counselors can also help the derailed party to better communicate and deal with the guilt and shame caused by the derailment, deeply understand what happened in this marriage, realize the root cause of the derailment, and take remedial measures to stabilize the castle of marriage.