What you lack is the love from others outside, and it has nothing to do with the love from outside.
Your so-called lack of love leads to the loss of love ability, which is actually a sense of crisis caused by "lack of love". I am afraid that after you give love to another person, the other person will ignore it and will not give you the same love.
Therefore, the root of the problem lies in your inner fear and worry. Actually, you still have the ability to love someone.
What you can do is to have such a mentality: it is unfortunate, sad and regrettable for me to lack love since childhood. When I was a child, I encountered the dilemma of lack of love, which deeply tortured and hurt me, but there was no problem. The pain of the past didn't hit me, it only made me stronger, and it only made me more deeply understand the truth of "don't do to others what you don't want me to do to you" and the tragedy I suffered as a child. Since I suffered this kind of pain when I was a child, and since I am still worried about the lack of love when I was a child, I will definitely respond with stronger enthusiasm and passion to those who are willing to give me love now. The love that I lacked as a child should be compensated from the people I met today. And I will love him (her) as he (she) gave me, even several times!
Why is the water in the pond so clear? Come for the source of living water! To love someone, you must first have the feeling of love and know what love is before you can love!
If you agree with this, what is the source of the feeling of love?
First, parents give their children love, so children have the feeling of love!
Second, children feel the love and care of others other than their parents, so children have the feeling of love!
Second, there is no adult to love children. I guess that's what you said. Then I got a little curious. How do children know that no one loves them? Is there a comparison? For example, from the interaction between other people and other children, I find that feeling is warm, happy and happy, right? Therefore, as long as we don't hold on to what our parents or who should give me, we don't have this past regret, discomfort, pain, etc. We will find that the feeling of love is also there! Unless you "close your eyes" and look at nothing, there is no chance to get the feeling of love!
I want to say that a newborn baby who knows nothing can't even survive without the care of adults. This adult is not a parent, but also someone else. Every baby can survive because of born to love, including saying that he lacks love!
Maybe we don't feel as much love as expected? But who wants to be loved by someone who insists on love as I expected?
Yes, if a person lacks love since childhood, he will lose the ability to love someone. But it can be improved by psychological counseling the day after tomorrow.
Love is an ability. Like water in a sponge. If a sponge wants to give water to others, it must first fill itself with water.
It's easy to give away if you have it yourself.
In addition, in the absence of love, the probability of feeling the love of others is relatively low.
This truth comes from the psychological projection principle in psychology.
Noun explanation: the word projection refers to a psychological process in which an individual unconsciously reflects his own thoughts, attitudes, wishes, emotions, personality and other personality characteristics on external things or other people's psychological effects, that is, the personal personality structure affects the way of perception, organization and interpretation of the environment. The term was first explicitly put forward by L. K. Frank in 1939, but before that, there have been projection tests based on the principle of projection technology, such as Rorschach ink test in 192 1. Since then, it has been widely used in psychology.
According to the principle of psychological projection, when there is love in the heart, it is easier to feel the behavior, words and expressions of love from others. Therefore, it is usually easy for you to feel the favor of the person you like. Similarly, you can easily feel the hostility of people you hate.
Lack of love since childhood, is there no hope the day after tomorrow Of course not.
A person's understanding of love mainly comes from parents, so here is a brief introduction to the relationship between children and parents.
In fact, everyone grows up surrounded by love, but whether the children themselves feel that the way parents express love can be accepted by the children.
There are many forms of parental love, and these forms of love have many forms of expression.
As far as China's parents are concerned, it can be said that China's parents are the worst at expressing love. Whether it is the love between husband and wife or the love between parents and children, China's parents are usually ashamed to express it directly.
What I want to emphasize here is that no matter whether parents quarrel, divorce or abuse their children, parents are showing love to their children.
The lack of parents' expression of love makes children lack when they get and feel their parents' love. Over time, with the superposition and generalization of experience, it is more and more difficult for children to get the feeling of love, resulting in the lack of love.
This phenomenon can be effectively improved through the guidance of experienced psychological counselors.
I can also understand and trust my parents' love in different ways. In this way, I can also leave more love for myself to satisfy, understand and give others your love.
If a person lacks love since childhood, he will probably develop into two kinds of people.
First, resist anyone's love in the future, because I have a deep-rooted concept since I was a child, and I feel that this luxury thing of love does not belong to him (her), so I will instinctively refuse others' contact, and others will often show a little concern for him (her).
It is difficult for anyone to enter her heart, and it is difficult for anyone to deserve her love.
Second, a person who lacked love when he was a child will be very eager for love when he grows up. As long as others have a little love for her, she will feel greatly encouraged and will be very concerned about that person, but such a person is easily deceived.
Childhood experience is very important for a child, and it is a crucial period for the formation of a person's character.
You ask this question, which means that you may have encountered such a thing at the moment, or your behavior, and you have noticed it yourself. However, from my professional point of view, the answer I give you is not necessarily. Why not? Because you use the word "lost", it's not that you don't have the ability to love, but that you haven't learned how to love others. Because the way a person loves others is first learned from his parents. And our intimate relationship now may be repeating the relationship with our parents when we were young.
Next, I will give an example of affection and love. You can compare the lack of love we may have.
You have lacked love since childhood, longed to be loved and cared for. You may even envy the scene where parents of other families care about their children, and you will think: I wish I had such a family. At the same time, you also indirectly learn the way other parents treat their children, because you think this is right and this is what children need. Then, you will also imagine how you will treat children in the future. Then you will give them a lot of love after you have your own children in the future. But when you love your child, it is actually a kind of compensation for yourself, because there is a word called "inner child", because your inner child is hurt and unloved, so when you love your child in reality, you are also loving your inner child. This is also a kind of self-healing, and slowly you learn how to love others.
Because of the lack of love since childhood, I didn't learn my parents' language behavior and educational methods in the process of loving myself. So when you have your own child, when he is misplaced, you may blame and punish the child in a very similar way as your parents blame themselves. From a psychological point of view, when we scold our children, it is actually a projection of our own heart. We are repeating the way parents taught their children in those years, and we are also conveying to children that you can't make mistakes. If you make mistakes, you won't be loved, and if you make mistakes, you will be accused and punished. This is called "the transmission of love" in psychology.
At the same time, if you can realize this, then your heart will have a lot of dissatisfaction and complaints about your parents. At this time, you should actually realize yourself, bid farewell to the past and learn the way of love again.
Constantly showing kindness in love is actually hoping to find the beauty lost in childhood in love. In order to find this feeling, we will show ourselves well or constantly, and if the other party gives positive feedback, we will feel very happy. But if we neglect our love, we will feel very lost, feel inferior, feel worthless, and often deny ourselves.
In fact, this kind of psychological feeling was cultivated in the relationship with parents when I was a child. For example, when we were young, we made mistakes and hoped that our mother would love us more, but our mother ignored our love, so we would have a lot of feelings of being unloved, feeling that we were bad and unloved. This is a repetition of childhood.
At the same time, this will happen in marriage, and one party is too good for the other. In fact, it is a manifestation of the lack of love, because it is necessary to test whether the other party loves themselves by constantly showing kindness to the other party. Because there are too many feelings of being unloved since childhood, there are many insecurities in my heart, so we should constantly repeat the temptation to satisfy the lack of inner security.
This is very similar to the third point. You may have suffered domestic violence when you were a child, or witnessed domestic violence, and you have a lot of insecurity in your heart. This is more reflected in women, and you can test whether the other person loves you by hitting yourself. If the other person doesn't fight back, then the heart can prove that the other person loves himself. However, this kind of insecurity often arises in his heart. He may look through the other half's cell phone and think about it often.
It is said that men find women to find their mothers, and women find men to find their fathers. Such a sentence actually reflects a person's lack of love. Mainly manifested in, in the process of getting along with each other, they will dislike what the other party is not doing well enough, or hope that the other party can do it in the way they like. Because if the other person does it in his own way, he will feel "satisfied immediately" and will be very happy. If you don't do it in your own way, it will arouse his feeling of being unloved in childhood, and he will be very upset and criticize each other immediately.
In fact, asking too much of each other means lacking too much love when I was a child, so I hope to be satisfied in marriage. Let another person be his own father or mother to heal and satisfy the missing love in his heart.
1. Being unloved in childhood does have an impact on a person's life.
Xiao Hong, known as one of the four talented women in the Republic of China, was born in a wealthy family in Harbin today. She lost her mother at the age of 9, her father remarried, her stepmother was ruthless, and her father was cruel and autocratic, so that even a little thing could make her tremble.
Her loveless childhood made her feel insecure in character. Make her more dependent on others emotionally and spiritually.
When she was young, Xiao Hong was rebellious, yearning for freedom in her heart and unable to be truly independent emotionally. Her emotional entanglements with four men in this life are just for someone to love her.
The first man was her cousin Lu Zhenshun. In order to resist the arranged marriage, she ran away from home with Xiaohong and lived with her outside marriage. Later, because there was no economic source, life was in trouble, and he vowed to let his cousin return to his home as soon as possible and cut off contact with Xiaohong.
The second man is Wang Enjia, the fiance chosen by Xiaohong at home. At first, Xiao Hong particularly resisted this kind of arranged marriage, but Wang Enjia chased him to Peiping, and they warmed each other in difficult days and came together.
But it didn't last long. Finally, Wang Enjia abandoned Xiao Hong for practical reasons. Although Xiao Hong was pregnant at that time, Wang Enjia did not choose to stay.
The third person, Xiao Jun. Their meeting was the best moment in Xiao Hong's life. Xiao Hong thought that she had found the destination of love and devoted herself to it.
What's more, since she was a child, she needed Xiao Jun's wholehearted efforts to fill her inner timidity and loneliness. Xiao Jun's dependence and possessiveness are getting deeper and deeper, which makes Xiao Jun unbearable. To this end, quarreling has become the norm, and their love life has begun to light up. Two years later, they left Xiao Hong and flew away with another woman.
The last person is a good friend Duanmu Hongliang. Maybe Xiao Hong didn't really have feelings for Duanmu, so in later life, she hated Duanmu for no reason, but at the same time she was afraid that Duanmu would suddenly abandon herself and leave herself. After the fall of Hong Kong, Duanmu Hongliang finally left Xiaohong again and fled alone.
Writer San Mao said, "If the heart has no home, it will wander around."
The suffering of childhood made Xiao Hongtai feel insecure and needed too much care. From the very beginning, Lu Zhenshun and Wang Enjia, to the most brilliant Xiao Jun, and then to Duanmu Hongliang, her life has gone from one man to another. As long as she can catch someone to rely on, she will be desperate to get love. But the reality is ruthless, and she has been abandoned again and again.
She is brilliant. Facing her own destiny, she has the courage to fight, but always places her happiness on others. Her spirit can't be independent, her soul can't be free, and she can't transform herself, which leads to a tragic ending.
At any time, love should not be the only antidote to emotional deficiency. One must first learn to respect oneself and have an independent soul. Only in this way can a person control his own life and face any twists and turns of fate wisely.
2. Nobody loves you, but learn to love yourself.
"Everything is fine" was popular some time ago. In the play, the mother prefers boys to girls, the son eats eggs and milk for breakfast, and the daughter can only eat rice in soup.
The son goes to school, travels abroad, and the mother sells the house for sponsorship. The daughter can only do housework and earn money to go to school by herself. When the house is sold, you have to share a room with your parents.
Mother's eccentric indifference, father's cowardice and incompetence, unfair treatment between brother and sister. All the experiences tell her that no one will pave the way for her, and she can only fight for what she wants.
Unfair fate, but she didn't choose to give up, but worked harder, earned money to go to school, supported herself, and tried to get ahead.
It is also her hard work and being good at seizing every opportunity in life that made her meet the noble person in life-Lao Meng. Through her constant efforts and the guidance of experts, she became an enterprise executive, financially independent and independent of anyone.
On one occasion, she broke off relations with Sue's family and stayed away from each other.
Once upon a time, she was estranged from Shi Dongpo;
Once, she felt that there were some injuries that she could not overcome in her life;
But in the end, Su Mingyu, who has gone through hardships, not only gained money and status, but also gained affection and warmth, and had a happy life that she never imagined.
It all comes from the fact that no matter where she is, she never gives up. I can love myself without the love of her family.
3. Lack of love experience and nourishment does not mean lack of love ability.
We often hear such remarks as "Why should we love others first because we have never been loved since childhood?".
If you can't get it, you must not give it?
We must have heard of many people who experienced hardships in their early years but had great love, such as Han Hong.
We have also heard that people who grew up in a good environment are so selfish and cruel, such as Li Tianyi;
Therefore, past experience can affect people, but it can't decide people.
Ada Choi, the star, came from an unfortunate background. Her parents divorced when she was a child. She and her eldest brother followed their mother and lacked fatherly love since childhood. Her mother seldom takes care of her younger brothers and sisters. She is addicted to gambling and owes huge gambling debts.
She was forced to make money at the age of 15, and participated in the draft at the age of 17. Later, she filmed a mistress for Liu Luanxiong, a wealthy businessman, trying to make money just to repay her mother's gambling debt of more than 80 million.
However, despite growing up in such a loveless environment, today's Ada Choi is also a happy little woman: whether in Weibo, Ada Choi, or participating in variety shows, or in daily life, she almost praises her husband Max Zhang, and is dubbed as "husband dazzler".
At the same time, Ada Choi has a good relationship with his two daughters. She often accompanies her daughter to do manual work and spends as much time with her daughter after work as possible. The love between mother and daughter is beyond words.
It is said that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the hardest in the world, but Ada Choi gets along well with her mother-in-law. Mother-in-law said that among several girlfriends in Max Zhang, she likes Ada Choi best. She is capable, straightforward and does not put on airs as a star.
Therefore, people who lack love can also love others. Simply putting the weakness of love on others not only underestimates yourself, but also looks up to others.
No matter how we are treated by the world, we have the right to choose to develop our ability to love. The key is to know what you want. Both love and being loved need wisdom, neither too flattering nor blindly demanding, but the ability to love.
Shi Lan said that we can't choose our origins or our parents. Maybe we can't forgive the harm that Origin and Fate have always brought us, but indulging in past grievances can't change anything.
Because you didn't get love from childhood, you should love yourself more;
Because we understand the pain of not being loved, we should love the people around us better in life.
Because the past cannot be changed, we are more responsible for our own lives.
Only by letting go can we get rid of it and have a chance to embrace a new life.
In this case, people's psychological changes are very complicated, and I only share my personal views here.
When a person lacks the care of love for a long time, will it make him lose his ability to love someone? I prefer to influence his judgment and acceptance of love and being loved, but he still has the ability to love someone, just in different ways.
Growing up without love for a long time will increase some negative emotions such as rebellion, boredom, anger, doubt and destruction. Because I have not been treated with love, I always feel that I have no sense of existence and value, but the fact that I am eager to be loved is undeniable, but it is only suppressed by time. In other words, if at a certain moment, someone around him will care about him, respect him, be willing to trust him and protect him, then his hidden love will multiply.
In fact, everyone has the ability to love someone, but influenced by the environment, they have different understandings of love and different ways of expression, but when time and conditions permit, the courage to love someone will also change.
If you are a girl, what is more terrible than losing the ability to love others is the self-love you don't understand.
As long as she meets a boy who is nicer to him, she may willingly give herself to him.
Because she didn't get the love of her parents and the warmth of her family since she was a child, when she grows up, she will go to bring disgrace to oneself as long as she feels that others treat her better.
As the saying goes, the poor raise children and the rich raise daughters. It makes sense to think about it. If a family doesn't value this daughter, she won't value herself when she grows up, and she won't know how to love herself.
The more she values her daughter, the more she will cherish herself when her children grow up.
Hello, I'm Zheng.
Lack of love from childhood is beyond our control, because the people who give you love are your parents, your relatives and even your friends. Whether they give you love or not is beyond our control. Although our growing experience may be bumpy and our living conditions may not be ideal, we can control ourselves more when we grow up. Saying that we lack love since childhood may be more like a feeling of congenital deficiency, but we can make up for it through our efforts the day after tomorrow. If you feel that others can't give you the love you want from an early age, can you give yourself the right to love from this moment on? You can be kind to yourself, buy what you want and pursue what you want. Whether others give us love or not is beyond our control, but we can love ourselves. Although I may not get the love I want since I was a child, I can love myself now when I grow up, and loving myself is also the premise of loving others.
What is even more frightening is that we attribute these lovelorn abilities to our own past, cling to the past and refuse opportunities for progress. You can't decide your past, but you can change your future from now on. Lack of love from childhood will indeed affect your ability to love and be loved to a certain extent. Because of this, many people may fall into a very difficult situation and feel that I am incapable of loving others and that I can't be loved by others myself, so you fall into a trap and feel that I can't love others anymore. Actually, it is not. You can also improve some places that you have not been satisfied before by giving them to your lover.
Try not to lack love! Lack of love is psychological trauma!