The broadcast of TV series "Anjia" made Fang Jinsi, played by Sun Li, the focus of public discussion. Ten years ago, the writer Liu Liu never let the audience down.
"Hello, meet me. I am Fang Jia's fourth son, Fang Si's well, 1234' s well, and the well in the well. " There are four wells in the room, and the room is like brocade. Behind the homonym is bleeding sadness.
There are five brothers and sisters in the house. She is the fourth in the family, with three elder sisters above and one younger brother below. She is like a sandwich biscuit, and her father doesn't love her mother. Just because she was born, she was thrown into the well by her mother.
When she was a child, she was a punching bag at home. In order to survive, she developed the skill of long-distance running. After taking the first place in the school, her mother refused to continue to go to school and asked her to work for her brother to go to school. With grandpa's help, she managed to get into high school. Later, with her perseverance, she was admitted to the old 985 college.
Family of origin's house is like a piece of brocade. Even though she had a hard college time, her sufferings didn't end. Her biological mother asked her for money again and again like a debt collector, and finally went directly to her company to ask her for 1 million to buy a house for her brother.
"She gave birth to me, but she is not worthy to be my mother!" How much hatred do you have for your mother to say such a thing? Perhaps many people can't understand how there is such a mother in the world while they are distressed by the beauty of the room!
I think of what Mr. Degang Guo once said: "If you don't know anything, you must be a generous person. You should stay away from him, because lightning will bring you trouble. "
Rome wasn't built in a day. You haven't experienced other people's ups and downs, so why ask others for their understanding? Life is really like drinking water.
It can be said that her parents' neglect and neglect made her life deeply influenced by her family background, and she wanted to get rid of this influence. But what I want to say more than accusing her mother of a room full of flowers is that not all girls who have been hurt by their families are fine.
02
"My brother is your palm, and my sister and I are just the back of your hand." Although Cheng Hui has reconciled with his family of origin, he still shed tears from time to time when he mentioned his childhood.
Today, Cheng Hui, who has returned to his hometown for the New Year, can still feel the concept of "son preference" from the words of the older generation in his hometown. Looking back, why not her parents?
At the beginning, my parents insisted on having a son, even though they already had two daughters. You can imagine how distressed it is to have this brother.
From small to large, the good dishes at the dinner table are always on my brother's side. Every New Year, I buy new clothes and shoes for my brother, while Cheng Hui and her sister can only wear old clothes and shoes.
"My sister and I almost all have no more than 35 cloth shoes. The quality is poor. My mother hesitates for a long time every time, and buys hundreds of sneakers for her brother without blinking. "
When Cheng Hui was ten years old, she and her sister began to do all the housework, washing, cooking, cleaning, and sometimes going to the fields to do farm work with her parents, which my brother had never been exposed to.
At that time, as long as I overslept on the weekend morning, Cheng Hui's mother would definitely come in with a stick and lift the quilt. When she found it was too late to cook, she began to curse death.
One winter, Cheng Hui's mother saw that she didn't clean her brother's clothes and shoes, slapped her in the face without saying a word, and then scolded her severely.
On another occasion, the money at home was lost, and her parents insisted that she stole it, on the grounds that her brother and sister were too young to take it. At that time, she was lying in bed in the middle of the night, and her father just grabbed her from the bed and slapped her. Later, after discovering that the money was misplaced, Cheng Hui lay in bed crying, afraid to cry.
When my younger brother went to school, Cheng Hui and his younger sister began to carry him to school in turn, and they had to help wipe their bottoms after going to the toilet at school, but even so, Cheng Hui's parents still thought they were lazy, didn't work hard enough and went to bed late ... In short, they were useless.
In a family born in Cheng Hui, my mother is a very strong person who wants to be a winner in everything. She happened to meet an equally strong mother-in-law (Cheng Hui's grandmother) because they often quarrel over trifles.
Originally, my father didn't like my mother's strength, saying that she was narrow-minded. Besides, my father is still a person who can't tell the proper boundaries. If he doesn't help his wife, he often takes his mother's side and blames her for it. A mother with a strong personality can't stand it naturally. Therefore, since the childhood, Cheng Hui didn't see them quiet.
One year, during the Dragon Boat Festival, the whole family had dinner at Cheng Hui's grandmother's house, but Cheng Hui's mother didn't go (they don't get along at ordinary times, so it's even harder to put down face at this time). Father also drank too much, because his family said at the dinner table that he was incompetent and could not afford to be a family.
Father came home drunk, and his angry mother said a few words to him, all of which were disappointing.
It turned out that Cheng Hui recognized what her mother said. After all, it's not the first time her mother mentioned it to him. But her father slapped her without saying anything, and scolded her for moving on. She didn't want to, so she packed up and left.
The father's words completely angered the mother, and the two fought on the spot. As soon as my mother couldn't beat her, she smashed everything at home. Cheng Hui, who was young at that time, was directly scared to cry.
"If you don't want to live, divorce" became the phrase they talked about as soon as they quarreled.
03
It is said that parents quarrel, and the child is the last to get hurt. Parents always want to threaten each other with divorce, but what derives from their children's hearts is the lack of fear and security.
"I'm really afraid of my mother. Every time I hear the sound of her slippers, I immediately jump up and start looking for housework everywhere, so as not to be called lazy by her. "
When I was in junior high school, it was past nine when I came home from school at night. Cheng Hui saw a pot of wet clothes at home, and his parents were playing mahjong. Without saying anything, she ran to wash clothes.
Although Cheng Hui didn't get praise from her parents that time, she saw her mother's attitude towards herself changed the next day. She thought it was worthwhile to spend more than an hour washing clothes last night.
From then on, she began to try her best to "please" her parents, because at that time, she thought that by doing so, she could get her parents' love and let them know that girls were not worse than boys.
She began to take the initiative to do housework, act according to their faces and study hard. Speaking of reading, Cheng Hui thinks it is useful to study hard. After she was admitted to a key university, her mother offered to send her to college and asked her if she had enough money.
Although she has graduated from college and lives and works in other cities, she still wants to "please" her parents because she feels that everything she has experienced before is normal and has become accustomed to it.
A few days ago, Cheng Hui broke up with her boyfriend who had been talking for a year and a half. She broke up on her own initiative. When talking about the reasons for breaking up, Cheng Hui did not deny their feelings, but after hearing about her parents' marriage, she was afraid of getting married, pregnant, who would be hurt by marrying, and whose mother would make the same mistake again.
In the days when they live with their boyfriends, although they will indulge her at first and seldom quarrel with her, the longer they stay together, the more frequently they quarrel about trivial matters in life.
Although her boyfriend will take the initiative to apologize to her after each quarrel, and she knows that quarrels between lovers are inevitable, she is really afraid that she will fall into endless quarrels like her parents one day.
In fact, it is endless quarrels and contradictions. This kind of family relationship is more tormenting than family breakdown.
"My parents' quirks and endless quarrels make me afraid of others talking loudly now. I feel very uncomfortable when I hear too much noise around me. Thinking about escaping, the whole person is particularly sensitive and cares about what others think of me!
I still don't know how to express my emotional needs. I feel inferior since I was a child, and the whole person is also very sensitive, especially concerned about what others think of me! "
04
Many times, I think those girls who have been hurt by their families will actually feel sorry for their hard-working parents, but at the same time they will hate their neglect and neglect of themselves. This relationship between parents and children is mixed with love and hate.
But even when they grow up, they can repair their parents' past defects through various channels. Although they are not all good, they are still confused. They always feel lonely when they are told how much their parents love them.
This kind of family hurt them, just like a big ugly scar, even if they put on beautiful clothes, it is still there.
Parents' injustice and a bowl of water will eventually make them feel insecure and inferior, and become too strong and self-protective, just to prove to their parents that although they are girls, they are not worse than boys, so it is difficult to trust others and their families.
I have always felt that not all families can be reconciled, but I want to give some advice to girls who have been hurt by their families:
"Everyone is an independent individual and an ordinary person. You and I are, and so are your parents. You can escape from the family that hurt you, but this kind of escape is not escape, but learning to grow. You still need to take care of your parents. This filial piety is to fill your guilt.
Whether it's family or marriage, only you know the ups and downs. After all, the right to speak in your life is in your own hands. You need to be confident and responsible for your life, not immersed in the family you came from! "