Husband and wife during the day, neighbors at night, the days are clear at a glance, and the more uncomfortable they are.
The furthest distance in the world is that two people live under the same roof but have nothing to say, and even the most basic intimate contact has become a luxury.
Therefore, many people will try to save it and see if they can rekindle the passion of marriage through other methods, such as sleeping in separate beds.
But this is a lifetime.
I chose the true stories of two visitors to tell you in detail why "husband and wife will die if they separate beds"?
@ Ms. Wang, since the birth of the child, the feelings have faded.
This year is the third year that Ms. Wang married her husband. They have been sleeping in separate beds since they gave birth to their children. They wanted to take care of their children wholeheartedly at that time. Her husband couldn't help, but it would disturb her, so they simply let her sleep in the guest room.
After all, the child is too young, and the husband and wife are subject to the child, so both of them have reached a * * * knowledge, and sometimes they are really busy in the middle of the night, so they rushed there by calling their husbands.
But what I didn't expect was that after only half a year, my husband's attitude towards her was much colder. I feel impatient to ask him to help with the children, but I didn't hear it at night anyway.
Sometimes, after putting the child to sleep, Ms. Wang longs for her husband to come and spend time with her, and will sneak into her husband's room to hint at him, but he doesn't respond at all.
Ms. Wang found me very sadly. She said that if this division continues, the relationship between the two people is likely to come to an end. No couple will part ways at night. What's the point of such a marriage?
@ Ms. Li, her husband found a third party outside, and the marriage existed in name only.
Ms. Li is 40 years old. She and her husband have been married for 10 years, but they have been separated for 7 years. At first, it was because my husband was working in other places, so he could only get together less and leave more.
She advised her husband not to work so far away, and he could earn less money, as long as his family was happy, but he wouldn't listen, saying that there were old and young people in the family, and how could he live without making money?
Every time a person is busy taking care of the children at home, seeing other people's husband and wife close will be full of resentment, and communication with her husband will be less and less. Now she thinks it makes no difference whether she has a husband or not. She can come back if she likes, and she can live alone if she doesn't.
Until recently, she accidentally discovered her husband's secret. It turned out that he had found a third party in the field and woke her up directly. She doesn't want her marriage to end like this. It's time for her to bear it for so many years.
Unexpectedly, my husband said calmly, "things have happened, and I have nothing to explain." If you want a divorce, just go. "
Ms. Li's mood changed from anger to loss. She doesn't know what to do. She saw my article on the Internet and asked me for help. I wish I could tell her if there is still room for recovery in her situation.
Therefore, although the distance between beds is very short, the resulting contradiction, as well as the relationship of gradual indifference or even change of heart, is the biggest killer in marriage.
First, long-term separation of beds is prone to betrayal.
Love is always the more you practice, the more you love, the more you ignore, the more you refuse, the less you love.
Therefore, sex and love are inseparable, and they are the glue and bridge between husband and wife.
When he loves you, he wants to be bored with you all the time, and he will hug you when he sleeps, but when the intimacy between you decreases, he will deliberately stay away from you or find reasons to refuse you.
This distance is not only physical, but also spiritual. His heart is not on you, and his body will naturally not contact you.
When you want to interact, you will be impatient, often lose your temper for no reason or even be cold and violent. Such a man has a high cheating rate. The reason why he still lives under the same roof with you is that he thinks your food is tasteless and it is a pity to abandon it.
Second, quarreling at the end of the bed, some things can only be buried in the bottom of my heart.
There are no couples in the world who don't quarrel, but they need to understand and tolerate each other, so many people go home at night and close the door no matter how red the family is during the day.
Because feelings need to be communicated in time, there is no time to talk during the day. At night, when no one is bothering you, you can directly tell each other what you want, and both sides can understand each other, thus enhancing their feelings.
Couples who have been separated for a long time, in large part, want to attract each other's attention by separating each other's beds, hoping that the other side will bow its head angrily, and it happens that the other side thinks so.
The most hurtful way is that two people are deadlocked with each other. If you don't violate the principle, try not to quarrel all night. To make it clear that day, the consequence of a sulking life is that you are so angry here that the other person has fallen asleep.
No matter what kind of relationship it is, it can't stand the suspicion and doubt day and night, and they are thinking of each other. This life must be very tiring. ①
Third, separating beds is equal to separating feelings, and each has its own ulterior motives.
Many women don't intend to sleep in separate beds, but want to get each other's attention through this behavior. Whether you sneak back because you can't stand the loneliness in the middle of the night, or take the initiative to ask for the end of the bed separation, women will feel happy.
Yes, women are like this sometimes, always hoping to prove men's attitude through temptation.
But what about men? You may feel uncomfortable at first, but you will be immune after a long time. Moreover, men's thinking is not as complicated as women's. He is more inclined to be self-satisfied. After getting used to sleeping in separate beds, he will subconsciously tell himself: "Sleep in separate beds. If you want to play games alone, you can play games. If you want to pick up girls, you can pick up girls. "
Even, he will fall in love with sleeping alone.
Sleeping with you, secretly playing with your mobile phone, afraid of disturbing you, taking care of your baby at night, and even kicking him away, isn't he much more comfortable alone?
However, the woman doesn't know and continues to set him free. The two continued to misunderstand, and the marriage crisis quietly occurred.
After analyzing these three common situations, you will understand that sleeping in separate beds is a very harmful behavior, which makes you lose your communication and emotional connection. After a long time, you will face an affair or have nothing to say.
Is it true that there is no turning arrow before opening the bow?
Can couples who sleep in separate beds never get back to their previous intimate relationship?
No, I brought you a solution today.
1, take the initiative to solve the problem and shelve the marriage dispute.
If your marriage has had a big problem, or even the other party has had an affair, at this time, if you continue to avoid the problem, it will only make it worse.
Of course, a marriage that is on the verge of breaking up can't stand your crying and accusations, so the first thing you have to do is to stabilize your mind and prescribe the right medicine.
Then leave him a message, the key point is:
"Since you changed your mind, I didn't also the way, but I still can't let go of my feelings for so many years. I have to give my parents an explanation. Please give me some time. "
Buy yourself some buffer time. It's not good for men that you have been apart for so long. If the way of handling disputes is shelved, it will temporarily reduce contradictions and give him some time to think.
2. Optimize communication methods and establish new people.
Marriage is not a debate field. You don't need to argue with him or treat him as an opponent.
Therefore, you need to adjust your mode of getting along and become a "wife" and "husband", "man" and "woman".
Before, you would say, "Do you still have me in your heart? Is it so disgusting to sleep with me? " ? If you can't continue, don't continue "
Now you can say, "honey, I've been having nightmares these days." Can you stay with me? With you by my side, I will feel at ease a lot. " ②
3. Create opportunities to get along and evoke memories.
Many visitors will complain to me that men are cruel and don't miss their old feelings at all.
In fact, it's not that he doesn't care, but that there is something wrong with your timing and method. Now your's relations are in crisis. You repeatedly emphasize the past, and he will only think, how did the gentle wife become like this?
So you should learn to observe his emotional changes, and then guide him after he is willing to accept you.
For example, you can send a photo of a person watching TV and sigh: "When you just got married, you have to catch up with the drama every night before going to bed and talk and laugh with your husband. A day's fatigue can be consumed, but people have to look forward after all, and the future will be better. Come on! "
Key points: don't give up, miss the past and look forward to the future.
In this way, your's memories will not bring any pressure to the other party, and also give him the right to choose, instead of forcing him to be close to you with your wishful thinking.
Give a man time to think and let him see your change. With the blessing of memories, it is not difficult to get him back to you.
Finally, I want to tell you that any husband and wife, although sleeping in separate beds for different reasons, have surprisingly consistent results.
In my opinion, the best relationship is that you are busy with yours and I am busy with mine during the day. In the evening, we share the same bed, lean on each other's shoulders, talk about today's troubles and interesting things, and then hug each other and sleep.
Husband and wife can be the closest people or the most familiar strangers. Don't let "sleeping in separate beds" become a straw to crush marriage.
PS: ① From "A Course of Marital Psychology-Being Your Emotional Counselor" (Section 1): Chronic Poison in Intimate Relationship;
② From the course of marital psychology-being your own emotional counselor (Section II): Improve your own psychology and learn to be coquettish.
Psychological test: test what your ex wants to say to you most.
1. Do you quarrel over trifles when you are together?
Yes, I often feel very tired.
Rarely quarrel over trifles -2
Occasionally, but we can make up soon -3
2. Do you think you are a person who likes self-reflection and is willing to correct mistakes?
Yes -3
Non -4
3.will 3. TA volunteered to tell you about her troubles?
Often say -5
Not so much-4
Will you tell your parents the process of your love?
Every detail, I often spit with my parents -6
Occasionally they will say -5 when they ask.
Almost nothing to say, nothing to say-5
5. How much energy are you willing to spend to get what you want?
Everything is mine, and it is mine after all -7
If you work hard, you may succeed.
Try my best to get everything I want.
6. Did you break up because there was a third party?
Yes. -a
Seventh place
7. Did the other party take the initiative to contact you after the breakup?
Yes -d
No-c
The complete version of the test questions and answers can be obtained by private mail.
# Emotional counseling #
I'm Chen Yu, an emotional counselor, and I know more than you think. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.