When it comes to "social fear", this sentence may become: "Why do people have to be together? Won't it be particularly boring? "
For those who are afraid of society, "solitude" is the source of all happiness.
The "social phobia" mentioned here is non-pathological, which mainly refers to a state of being unwilling to communicate with others, not good at communication, often falling into embarrassment and panic in crowded social occasions, and enjoying being alone. There are not a few people who are "afraid of socializing"
Each of us has some symptoms of "social phobia" to some extent:
Don't call things that WeChat can solve;
Encountering acquaintances is always in a dilemma between greeting and pretending to turn a blind eye;
You will be very happy if the other party cancels the party you have never wanted to attend.
When a group of people are together, they often fall into the embarrassment of fidgeting or chatting.
……
If you want to kill a social fear, just two sentences: "Let's go together" and "Call". Perhaps you will be surprised that there were not so many people who were "afraid of society" before, but now more and more people are being discussed as a phenomenon. Social fear seems to be a "disease" born with the times.
1 Is the spring of "social terrorists" coming?
This phenomenon was "restored" in an episode of the Japanese TV series "The Woman Selling the House". In the play, an old couple, because they live in a single-family house, it is difficult to go up and down the stairs, and their son is not at home, so they plan to sell their current residence and live in a small house. However, when Wan Zhi, a real estate agent, approved the house, she found that one room was rarely opened and there was a strange sound coming from it.
Stills of "The Woman Selling the House"
Wan Zhi suspected that there was someone in the house, but the couple denied it. In order to find out the truth, she created the illusion that the house was on fire. After waiting for a while, a man really shouted "fire" and ran out. The man who ran out was the son whose master claimed to have lived independently. Because of the embarrassment in public many years ago, their son was no longer willing to communicate with the outside world, so he stayed in his bedroom for 20 years. The couple sold the house in order to give their son enough financial resources so that he could spend the rest of his life carefree even if he was isolated from the world.
The landlord's son chose to hide in the box and talk to Wan Zhi.
Like the protagonist in the play, many people who are afraid of society have escape personalities. When they encounter things they don't want to face and people who don't want to talk, they will choose to take a detour-they refuse to chat because they are afraid of embarrassment and silence. I choose to cut off this potential because I am afraid that I am not likable.
In the past, such people were judged as "unsociable", "weird", or as sloppy and boring "otaku". For example, the old couple in the play are very worried about their son who is afraid of society at home, but they will also take a secretive attitude in front of outsiders. However, with the development of the times, more and more people are afraid to show their "unique" side.
This is because the development of online social media has changed the way of dealing with interpersonal relationships. In the past, interpersonal networks needed to be established through acquaintances. With the development of the Internet, no acquaintances can interact with each other through social networks.
This weakens people's attributes in previous interpersonal communication and gives "social terrorists" the right to choose freely. When you need to communicate, pick up your mobile phone and finish socializing. When you don't want to socialize, you can also disconnect yourself.
The virtual environment of the Internet also creates a comfort zone for social terrorists, who can express themselves more boldly without facing the crowd.
Even more amazing, social networks are born for socializing. But now it provides the convenience of "social isolation" for "social phobia patients". When social terrorists are at a loss when they integrate into the crowd, looking down at their mobile phones to brush their circle of friends can be a panacea to help them cover up their embarrassment.
In the design of products, it seems that more and more attention is paid to the needs of this group of people. Online ordering by mobile phone, online shopping and self-service ordering by in-store QR code all reduce the opportunities for social terrorists to associate with strangers.
"Social networks can't socialize" provides convenience for social fears, giving them more private space and not being at a loss in too close interpersonal communication.
Why not be an introverted "social phobia patient"
Although social terrorists dare to express themselves on the Internet and gain more tolerance, prejudice still exists.
Some people's social phobia stems from their natural introverted personality. The public usually holds a certain degree of prejudice against this role.
"This person is good at everything, but a little introverted." Many introverts will hear this sentence from relatives and friends. In the eyes of many people, "introversion" is a derogatory term, meaning less words, no momentum and indecision. Under the influence of a certain degree of social prejudice, most people will find extroverts more popular, and introverts need to work hard to make themselves cheerful and lively. Numerous speeches and books will also repeatedly mention the story of how the protagonist was trained to change from introversion to extroversion to success. This environment makes introverts forced to socialize and become gregarious in order to seek identity, but their real demands are ignored.
In fact, introverts have many advantages. Some psychological studies show that "these people are more likely to succeed in some fields. Because they are more inclined to remain enthusiastic and focused in a specific field than ordinary people, they are more willing to invest time and energy in a difficult or boring environment until they succeed. "
For example, Charlie, the protagonist in the movie "The Wallflower Boy", is an introverted and sensitive "Wallflower Boy" who is easily left out in the school.
Stills of "The Wallflower Boy"
But his friend Patrick understands the advantages of his personality: "You see things, you understand things. You are the one who is watching silently. "
People who are not good at expression are actually better at observation. Their emotional ability is stronger, and they are more sensitive to people's feelings. But these advantages are easily overlooked and hidden by themselves. One of the hidden means is "pretending to be extroverted".
My friend Xiaoyi is a warm and cheerful person. Whether she is in a strange place or not, she can talk to anyone. But one day, she said to me seriously, "I'm actually a social phobia." Although I am enthusiastic on the surface, I really don't want to communicate with others, and I don't want to step out of the house. "
In the culture of "extroverted worship", I don't know how many people like Xiaoyi have wrapped their introverted hearts in a false shell. In fact, respecting individual differences is one of the signs of social progress. Only by truly understanding the psychology of these people can more people liberate themselves and embrace themselves hidden by social prejudice.
I am a social phobia, and I am very happy.
If you think that "social phobia patients" are lonely and indifferent, you are wrong.
They are better at getting along with loneliness. Their happiness does not need to be based on the affirmation of the outside world. They have the ability to find happiness by themselves.
Finland is a well-known "social fear" country. Finns even have to be separated from the people next to them by about two people when waiting in line.
A post on Reddit brilliantly describes the characteristics of Finns: "As Finns, the first thing to know is that we don't like (get close to) others." But this does not prevent Finns from enjoying it. In the world happiness report published by the United Nations in 20 18, the happiness of Finns ranked first among 156 countries.
Are you Jingfen?
Goro, the hero of the Japanese drama The Lonely Gourmet, walks around the streets looking for delicious food alone, and the happiness of tasting delicious food has not been reduced at all because of one person.
Even our ancestors didn't take "social fear" seriously. If you live in the Tang and Song Dynasties and meet people on the road and don't want to meet or say hello, you can cover your face with a fan and walk past them calmly, and it won't be considered rude. This etiquette is called "instant noodles".
"Instant Noodles" in Riverside Scene at Qingming Festival
In the view of "social terrorists", the method of getting happiness from foreign affairs is out of date. Inner enrichment and self-satisfaction are the happy ways to keep pace with the times.
Therefore, there is no need to forcibly change their world. As long as it does not affect life, the demand for private space by social fear should also be respected. Besides, sometimes they don't have to face difficulties, and it is also a good choice to fall to the ground for a while.
Haruki Murakami once wrote in My Occupation is a Novelist: "As long as you are lucky and find a" gap "that suits you in the world, you can survive well." No matter whether you are afraid of society or what kind of "quirks" you have, this can be used as the criterion for our survival in the world.
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Interesting souls are waiting for you.
About reading blackboard newspaper in middle school