Modern people are really stressed and anxious. There are many reasons for this result, and everyone needs to learn to adjust themselves.
First, the seriousness of "social comparison".
Social comparison is a term of social psychology, which refers to the comparison of one's beliefs, attitudes and opinions with others. In real life, people will compare with their friends, classmates and relatives who live close to each other, and then the consumption generated by the comparison becomes more and more serious, which makes the income requirement higher. In order to increase the pressure of income, people will be anxious.
Second, the cost of living is high.
With the improvement of living standards and the continuous development of society, people's living costs are also increasing. Such as mortgage, car loan, children's expenses, etc. The resulting pressure on life is also increasing, and people's anxiety index is also rising.
Third, the occupation is unstable.
In modern society, occupation is not lifelong. With the increase of enterprise competition, the requirements for employees are constantly upgrading. Employees feel pressure on the instability of their positions and may lose their jobs at any time, which leads to increasing anxiety.
Fourth, impatience.
Because people have been too utilitarian in recent years, the psychology of seeking shortcuts has always existed. With the change of the times, there have been many examples of short-term wealth in society, which also makes people restless and eager to move, filled with the fantasy of falling pies in the sky, eager to try, resulting in many losses, bankruptcy and other phenomena. The whole crowd was filled with anxiety. ...
The most important thing is the pressure from study, life and work. The following is my answer, hoping to help you.
This is an era of anxiety.
Although most people's material life is developing, at the same time, their anxiety is increasing. As a result, while the days are getting better, the happiness is getting worse.
Some people are eager to find a job right after graduation, but when they find a job, they feel that they don't earn much. With two years' income, they are bent on promotion and job hopping. When they really want to go to high school, they are worried that they will not be replaced by others.
Some people feel anxious when looking at others in pairs when they are single. I'm worried about not loving myself when I find a boyfriend. When two people have a stable relationship, they feel that life is dull and don't want to see other people's boyfriends with better conditions.
……
So for these people, anxiety is always accompanied. No matter how they live, they will always expand their desires, satisfy their previous anxieties and produce new anxieties, which are as deep as an abyss and endless.
Why do people get more anxious as they live? Of course, this is partly because of their endless desires, but in fact, human nature has not changed since ancient times. On the contrary, with the popularization of cognitive development education, people are more and more capable of rationally understanding and facing human nature. Another explanation, such as Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, is that when people's bottom needs are met, they will turn to high-level needs. Obviously, high-level needs are much more difficult than low-level needs, and self-realization is certainly far more difficult than satisfying food and clothing, which leads to more and more people may be stuck in a position where they can't get up all their lives and never get spiritual satisfaction.
More importantly, social reasons. Our generation was instilled with the expectation of getting ahead from an early age. Every stage of study, work and marriage is influenced by parents' planning, but few people know what they really want. It's easy to get confused when pushed to a certain stage, but suddenly I find myself not what I want. On the other hand, the rise of the Internet has triggered an information explosion. Everyone has countless channels to learn about other people's lives. The circle of friends sees who bought a new car and who showed love. Even people at the bottom of the society can spy on the drunkenness of the upper class on the Internet, which will undoubtedly stimulate the expansion of desire.
At present, it contains a lot of public opinion orientation, which is really embarrassing. People are used to defining success as earning a lot of money and marrying a good husband, so how much money is enough and what kind of man is good? I have met many people who are desperate to start a business because they read a few chicken soup and the autobiography of the big boss, which leads to failure. There are also many people who regard the bullshit of a man who loves you as a love bible, which makes their feelings fragmented. People are stupid on the one hand, but public opinion is also to blame.
As a higher animal, the most valuable thing for human beings is rationality and the ability to objectively understand and analyze things. But the terrible reality is that most people are dominated by emotions all their lives, living in their own world, watching what they want to see and doing what they want to do. What's even more frightening is that someone keeps telling you that it's okay. For example, I answered a question two days ago, and my boyfriend peeled a shrimp for my best friend. The answers I got were basically dazzling words such as love rat, cuckolding, cheating and breaking up. But is this really the case? Just peeling a shrimp can completely conclude that he wants to hit on your best friend, so he broke up? This is a fallacy. Moreover, it is impossible for the parties to break up directly, so each of these people will be the chief culprit to increase the subject's anxiety.
Human nature is complicated and the situation is complicated. It is biased to look at the problem with a single dimension. Recently, I read Towards * * * and found that Yuan Shikai and others like Cixi are not necessarily so bad, and Kang Youwei is not entirely good, all of which need to be viewed in combination with historical conditions. In the real reality, there are few people who are very good and evil. Speaking of it, a mouthful of love rat green tea is nothing more than building up one's sense of superiority and gaining a sense of identity. If the world is like this, it is no wonder that the three views collapse and anxiety arises.
Many people want to solve their anxiety by seeking ways from the outside. For example, if a boyfriend doesn't return, he will blame him and let him satisfy himself. Some people are addicted to alcohol and paralyze themselves. This approach only aims at the goal, not at the root cause. You can't paralyze yourself forever, and you can't completely control your boyfriend's unswerving devotion to you. That is equivalent to controlling one's emotions in the hands of others and losing the ability of self-peace.
To be truly effective, we must build three aspects.
The first is self-awareness.
First of all, you should have a clear self-orientation, know what kind of person you are, everyone has advantages and disadvantages, and use the advantages to improve the disadvantages. The combination of the two can help you find the direction of life.
For example, if you are introverted but meticulous, you are relatively suitable for doing some rigid work. If you agree with this direction yourself, then you won't be anxious because of imbalance. It must be clear that some are called shortcomings, such as bad temper and poor self-control. These shortcomings should be gradually changed, but the tone of personality like introversion and extroversion is not a shortcoming in itself. It can be adjusted to some extent, but it is not necessary to completely change it. Just learn to accept what's in your bones.
Self-positioning, including in feelings, is also very important. Many girls often complain that they like themselves but don't like themselves, and those who like and don't like themselves have been left behind for a long time. A big reason is that their self-positioning is wrong. For example, if you have three points, it is naturally difficult to find a man with seven points.
One of the reasons for people's anxiety is that they don't recognize themselves, and they are eager to change the status quo and can't do anything. This is totally unnecessary consumption. If we cultivate an objective cognition of ourselves and accept this cognition, we can avoid this internal conflict.
The second is external cognition.
People are social animals, and it is impossible to exist without society. External cognition is the cognition of the world and others.
For example, a big reason for quarreling between couples is to look at each other based on their own cognition. If they have the ability of objective cognition, they should jump out of subjective thinking and understand each other's thoughts. When we insist on one-dimensional cognition, if you think sweet zongzi is delicious, then someone will tell you that salty zongzi is delicious, and you will think that he is wrong, but in fact you are both right, because the world is not black and white, everyone has his own subjective feelings, and your three views are not the standard answer.
Including people often ask me what he means by saying this sentence and whether he still loves me, which is also an integral part of external cognition. Learn to judge others' current thoughts and character according to their external performance, and find out the internal reasons for the development of things. The key to establishing external cognition is two points: experience and thinking. Only by getting in touch with more people and things can we master certain rules. Only by thinking repeatedly can we draw inferences from others and truly turn these into our own internal cognition, so that we will not understand others and our own situation more peacefully, thus reducing anxiety.
In addition, as I said before, it will be very helpful to watch more objective and large-scale content, such as human history, or film and television dramas about human reality. Don't immerse yourself in some junk content, brush Weibo every day to watch fast food and brain-dead dramas, which will destroy you imperceptibly.
The third is to establish contact.
A major source of people's anxiety is their inability to coordinate their conflicts with the outside world. You want to be yourself but you want to be recognized by the outside world. Once there is a contradiction, you will have anxiety. Therefore, on the basis of self-cognition and external cognition, it is necessary to establish a connection between them, that is, you should learn to be immune to uncontrollable external environment.
There are only two ways to avoid conflicts, one is to adjust yourself to cater to the outside world, and the other is to isolate the outside world to protect yourself. This is bound to be a trade-off, and it needs to be analyzed in detail.
For example, if a college student is addicted to games and feels anxious because he has delayed his study, then in this case, he definitely needs to adjust himself, because indulging in games is wrong, a shortcoming and a violation of his own rationality. But if a girl loves her boyfriend very much, but finds out that her boyfriend is love rat, it is meaningless to adjust herself at this time. The fundamental solution is to isolate the external influence, that is, break up with your boyfriend, which is also a rational decision.
Therefore, the core of establishing contact lies in rationality, in the unity of knowing and doing, so as to keep one's behavior consistent with rationality, thus overcoming some negative desires of human nature, thus solving contradictions and realizing inner peace. This is a process of continuous self-cultivation. Everything requires us to know and do as one. Over time, we can accept ourselves better without outside love and recognition.
Reducing one's anxiety and avoiding bringing unnecessary anxiety to others is the main direction of self-cultivation in this era. However, if my article can benefit you to some extent, I will be very happy.
Because someone is selling anxiety. And there are more people selling anxiety than you think. Selling anxiety can make money, and an anxiety may be hundreds of thousands or hundreds of thousands. Of course, some people will do it after seeing this business opportunity, so you may see anxiety all over the street. When you really want to solve anxiety, you will find that you need to pay. Another reason is that even if you don't have much contact with these advertisements promoting anxious people. But your friend may have a lot of contact with you, so he will also influence you. Moreover, if your friend pays for his anxiety, he will subconsciously feel that he has done nothing wrong in paying for anxiety, so when talking about this topic, he will certainly convey more useful opinions about paying for himself. Because each of us doesn't want to admit that we have been cheated.
Hello, I'm glad to answer your question!
We are anxious because we are afraid of our unknown future. With the continuous improvement of living standards, people have higher and higher requirements for themselves. But at the same time, your own ability can't keep up with the pace of social development. I can't find my own position and direction. It seems that you are busy every day. I don't know what you are busy with, and whether you can accept the final result. There is a lot of pressure in life. Isn't it anxiety?
I didn't even have enough to eat before, so how can I feel anxious? All the emphasis is on one thing, that is, to try every means to eat first.
Now, the problems we face are nothing more than the unsatisfied dispensable things in our hearts. Many beliefs are easy to give up, and we don't want to live like this after giving up. Therefore, the will without the support of faith is easy to collapse, and then it becomes helpless, at a loss, and does not know the meaning and value of one's life. Shake your willpower, step on the accelerator and brake at the same time. Most people are in the same mood as driving. When they are in a good mood, they decide to re-plan their lives. When they make up their minds to work hard, they step on the accelerator and let themselves speed up. However, when they encounter setbacks in the middle, they are very depressed and feel so difficult! It's like driving in a ditch, the brakes stop with one foot, and so on, others look tired, and they collapse, and they are anxious!
There are many things worth doing in life, such as making money. I used to feel hopeless and unmotivated. Although I have been working for a month, I have also seen that others can make a lot of money, but I can only eat here with my dead salary and wait for death. Later, I started searching for various ways to make money online, and I found it. Although I didn't earn much money, I felt very strong in my heart. When there is hope in my heart, I am not afraid. I'm so busy all day, I just want to make money. What are you worried about?
Now people's anxiety may also be due to too much information they contact every day, but our energy and intelligence are limited and it is impossible to understand everything …
Need to stay away from media news ...