Q 1 Dad is better than Mommy ~ How did I get here? Spicy reason: how to say sexual behavior? ! About nine and a half out of ten children will ask their parents, "How did I get here? Whenever faced with such a question, my parents' heads are blank, or they are too embarrassed to know how to answer. After all, make it clear to the children. There will inevitably be some embarrassment about adult sexual behavior, and it will be too much to think too much?
Please think like me, and advise parents not to think too complicated, and don't think that children are too young to understand the problem. Psychologist Chen Yanqi said that since sex education has been an important topic since childhood, as parents, we really don't need to ask ourselves to make it clear once. We can guide children to understand what sex is like step by step, which is the best attitude for parents to talk about sex.
65,438+coping skills of children aged 0 ~ 3 When children ask such questions for the first time, we can help children understand sex slowly through fairy tales or metaphors (such as picture books and story books), and even establish the outline of sex for the first time. It's like telling a child with a lovely naming method that there will be an egg baby in mommy's body and a baby in daddy's body. Because mom and dad love each other very much, they will sleep together and give birth to a lovely baby!
Coping skills of children aged 3-6 As children reach the age of kindergarten, such problems will surely reappear in the daily conversations between parents and children. In fact, at this time, parents can establish a correct concept, and children will not look at sexual organs with pornographic eyes. It is suggested that you can accompany your child to watch relevant educational films and animations, and even provide auxiliary instructions on the side. At this time, just like knowing other organs of the body, parents can focus on using accurate nouns to guide children to understand the meaning of sexual behavior and make it closer to the facts (such as knowing the correct name of sexual organs, how to conceive, etc.). ). Teaching with a neutral but clear attitude can prevent children from being abused because they don't understand and being deceived without knowing it.
Q2 When children are curious about their parents' sexual organs, they are spicy. Why? The child is curious about my sex organs! Bathing with young children is a very common and efficient way to raise children in every family. Only when children reach the stage of being curious about things around them, it is inevitable that they will begin to be curious and explore all parts of their bodies during the bath. At this time, parents' bodies are like the statue of David in the museum, allowing children to ask a series of questions and even explore new parts with their hands; And my parents' faces and limbs were all too sudden, but they were not as elegant as pure white marble statues, but full of sorrow.
Please think like this with me. Psychologist Chen Yanqi said that this situation is actually a good opportunity to explain education to children. No matter whether the child asks a question or touches it with his hands, the first reaction must not be reprimanded or rejected (for example, you are bad! Don't touch this dirty thing! )。 It is recommended to try to understand the child's curious reaction first (such as: wow! Do you find us different? ), even being asked different questions by children (for example: Why does Dad/Mommy have this and I don't? Why does ro's father/mother look different from mine? Wait a minute. ), with an evasive and generous attitude to accept, further clarify and explain the physiological differences between different sexes to them, and teach boundaries to protect their bodies.
What if I still can't cross the embarrassing line? If you feel embarrassed when taking a bath with your child, psychologist Chen Yanqi suggested that parents can choose to put on clothes to bathe their children. If children don't understand the change, we can tell them clearly and generously, because these parts can't be exposed at will, so it is the best way to respect themselves and others that Dad/Mommy must put on clothes.
Facing the coping skills of children aged 1 ~ 2, it is very important to give an obscure or lovely name to organs (or body parts) to guide children to know or identify organs. If parents are always ashamed to talk about it, once they face their children's curious questions, they will easily fall into the dilemma of "parents don't talk, children don't understand", but they miss the best opportunity to guide their children to know their own bodies or to be different from others' bodies.
Coping skills of children aged 3 ~ 6 When children begin to express and communicate verbally, parents are advised to tell them as clearly as possible (such as telling their children the names and functions of organs), so that children can clearly understand the differences and even boundaries between their bodies and others. For example, when a child wants to touch out of curiosity, we can clearly tell the child: "Yes! This is only for mom and dad, but just like your body, others can't touch it without permission! 」。
Always can't talk? ! Q3 What should I do if I find that my child loves to play with sexual organs? Spicy reason: Are they in * *? Found that the little boy always loves to touch his penis; When girls like to dawdle the quilt intentionally or unintentionally, I believe many parents will inevitably start to worry about how to stop their children from such behavior. Some parents even began to think about whether they did not check TV and Internet properly, but exposed their children to some * * * information, which is why they did this.
Please think like me. When parents discover this series of behaviors of children, please take off colored glasses first, and then treat them with a healthy and stable attitude. Because sex is an innate instinctive desire of human beings, even newborn children have already had instinctive reactions to sex (such as instinctive erection and touching sexual organs). Psychologist Chen Yanqi further said that this behavior is slightly different from the * * * in adults' heads. In fact, children's senses are different from those of * * * (such as comfort, * * *). ) by touching or stroking, and such behavior will gradually disappear after the child passes this stage. Remind parents that in the face of such a situation, never treat children's sexual exploration (such as touching or playing with their sexual organs) as a wrong or terrible thing, or stop their children by humiliating, which will lead to children's misunderstanding and fear of sex.
1 ~ 2 years old children's coping skills; Before the age of 3, children's ideas about sex are still in a very simple state. Therefore, most of their sexual explorations only focus on their curiosity about body parts, and even let themselves feel different senses by touching or touching them (for example, they like or hope to feel excited or happy by touching or touching body parts). Parents are advised not to look too flustered when they find such a situation, and try to divert their children's attention (such as inviting them to play with toys or going out for a walk in the park). ) to reduce their desire to play with sex organs.
Coping skills of children aged 3 ~ 6 Why do children play with their sexual organs? The reason is that when their senses receive such * * * and reactions, they will make children feel comfortable and * * *. Therefore, when parents play with their children's sexual organs, they should first respect their children's feelings, and then communicate with their children clearly what the boundaries are (for example, I know that you will be comfortable to touch here, but such behavior is limited to the home and can't be done outside! )。 And you can make an agreement with your child through a limited time (for example: good! Mom and dad give you five minutes, but after five minutes, we can't do this anymore. We're going to play with toys! ), in this way, let children know clearly when they can and when they can't, and even cultivate a habit of self-control for this instinctive desire.
How to deal with the scale of accepting children to play with sexual organs? Having said that, parents must still have some doubts. Where are the criteria for accepting children playing with sexual organs? Psychologist Chen Yanqi put forward the following two standards for parents' reference:
1. When children are so obsessed with playing with sexual organs that even affect their normal work and rest and life, they must take their children to seek professional consultation (such as physical and psychological problems).
2. Make it clear when and where you can't do it, but when the child has been doing such behavior, parents are advised to explore the reasons why the child must do it (for example, children's behavioral reactions due to anxiety, such as biting their nails and pulling out their hair). ).
Q4 found that children always touch other people's bodies or expose their own bodies. Why: as rude as a porn addict! Because children are curious and explore about sex, it is easy for them to express themselves in a more direct way (for example, open other people's clothes to see what is different, ro opens his own clothes for others to see, and so on). This situation seems harmless at home, but when it happens outside or in front of strangers, it often makes parents lose face and even want to become hamsters.
Please know all parts of the body like me and respect the body (including yourself and others). This is the curiosity and exploration spirit that every child will definitely have when growing up. Psychologist Chen Yanqi suggested that we can honestly accept children's sexual exploration, communicate with them in the same way as children's mood, even explain to them the definition of their body boundaries, and even teach children how to protect their bodies from infringement and understand that others also have the right to choose their own bodies. We must also fully respect them.
1 ~ 3-year-old children's coping skills: In addition to letting children know about sexual organs, parents can also slowly tell their children the significance and importance of physical autonomy at this stage. Teach them that whenever and wherever they are, as long as they are in a state of fear and discomfort without their permission, any stranger, including their closest relatives, can touch their bodies without authorization.
Always can't talk? ! Five common spicy "sex" problems Q5 was accidentally caught by a child and had intimate behavior with the other half! Spicy reason: oh, my god! At this moment, my body and mind feel invincible. When I had intimate behavior with my partner, I didn't know that the door had been pushed open. When I saw it, I found that the child was standing by the bed, staring at himself and staring at each other. All the time is like a slow-motion movie. A few seconds later, the other half of the bed screamed loudly, but the child was scared by this reaction and ran out of the door. Faced with such a shame, it is too difficult to pretend that nothing happened, but I don't know where to start.
It's really embarrassing for you to be caught with your partner by a child like me. Psychologist Chen Yanqi said that intimate behavior between husband and wife is a normal thing, so don't feel too guilty. In addition, because children's hearts will definitely be curious, some even ask questions directly. At this time, don't reprimand the child with an angry and flustered reaction. You should calm down your emotions first, and then talk to your child about the intimate behavior you see. In this regard, Chen Yanqi's psychologist specially put forward three coping skills to give parents such an embarrassing situation.
1. Taking the initiative to care about children's feelings is the first priority. After calming down your emotions, you must give priority to caring for and comforting your child's feelings. Because children usually encounter such scenes without understanding, some children will feel fear and even anger because of the unknown. At this time, parents can take the initiative to ask their children: "Did you scare you just now?" Or "Are you angry?" And then discuss it further with the children.
2. Tell children that respecting privacy is not only because of their parents' intimate behavior, but also because of their love for each other. We should also tell our children to respect the privacy of others. For example, if the door is closed, it means that you don't want others to disturb you. If you have something urgent to explain to your parents, you must knock on the door before entering the room, instead of opening the door at will.
Please discuss the so-called pleasant discussion with a pleasant and inclusive attitude. It is not to treat such an incident as a joke, but to accept and guide children to treat such sexual problems with respect in a relaxed and inclusive atmosphere. In addition, if parents' attitudes are obscure and embarrassing, children are more likely to guess at random, and even find adults' reactions interesting and joking; On the other hand, if parents can be calm and firm, children will treat sex cautiously and calmly.
Chen Yanqi's current position: Deputy Director and Counseling Psychologist of Wanhua Parent-child Home in Taipei, Counseling Psychologist of Xu Li Psychological Counseling Center Education: Postgraduate experience: Counseling Psychologist of liberta Education Foundation, Special Counseling Psychologist of TSMC Co., Ltd., Psychiatric Social Worker of Songde Campus of Taipei United Hospital. Major: Psychological Counseling for Children and Adolescents, Parent-child Relationship and Parenting Education, Physical and Mental Problems, Career Exploration and Interpersonal Relations.