It turned out that Xiaomei was wooed by her mother since she was a child. She can only choose one of her father and mother to stand aside. What her mother often says to her is: "If I divorce your father, will you still be with me or with your father?" Every time I quarrel with Xiaomei's father, I want Xiaomei to stand here alone. There is nothing better than telling dad everything in front of Xiaomei. Even if you go out to eat KFC with your children, you need to say to your children, "Maybe your mother will buy it for you because I love you. Your father never wanted to take you to eat this. Do you think it's your mother? I love you more? Your father scolded me and you can help me. "
When I take Xiaomei out to play, I don't forget to gossip with my children about my father: "Your father doesn't know what he is busy with every day. When do you think he was with you or his mother? " How busy I am, I still take time out to play with you, and your father doesn't want to! "Since I was a child, my mother was less likely to pass on all kinds of things about her father, which led Xiaomei, who has not been able to distinguish right from wrong, to become unfamiliar with her father and become a loyal and friendly army of her mother. Even if she sometimes feels that her father loves her, Xiaomei deliberately avoids it because she is afraid of accepting her father's love, which is equivalent to abandoning her mother.
It is the mother's behavior that keeps Xiaomei in contradiction and becomes a "thermal insulation wallboard person". Every time her mother complained to her, it was so big that they divorced and so small that her father snored. So what can she do as the youngest person in the family? Speak for mom, against dad? She did all this, but it was really hard for Xiaomei to see her father isolated. But she can only do this, so only she can't have both sides. But the child is destined to bear her father's coldness.
Xiaomei, who was bound by her mother since childhood, still endured the shackles of her mother when she grew up. Her mother often says to Xiaomei, "Your father is so mean to everyone. Only when he is petty to me and spends some money to bring something can he think of me for a long time. " Xiaomei is helpless. She pays her salary every month to transfer money to my mother. Every holiday, I plan to go for a walk with my boyfriend. My mother's phone said, "What if I quarrel with your father if you don't go home on holiday?" So when it comes to holidays, most children are with their mothers and rarely have their own private world. So, although I am married now, I have to leave a room for my mother.
Mom said: now, mom doesn't need to be angry with your father anymore. But when she was with her mother, she felt really tired. From the beginning of being sensible, she knew that her mother didn't like her, but regarded her as a special tool and a means to deal with her father. She wanted to escape, to be nice and close to her father, but found that she couldn't do it from beginning to end. Over the years, she has been trapped in this embarrassing and contradictory relationship, and she has become the most lonely and hurt one.
Although the mother didn't beat and scold the child, what she said to the child deeply hurt the child. However, the form of this alliance has been destroyed, and it is difficult to solve all the contradictions, but the contradiction between the two will rise to three. Therefore, involving children in adults' problems is a sign of weakness of adults. Let a weak child solve the contradiction between mom and dad. This responsibility is heavy enough to crush a child. No matter how big the contradiction is, please handle it yourself. Don't say that the other person is not very good in front of the children. Don't spit sour water with children. Your negative emotions will engulf the child. Although children know that their parents have quarreled, they should also be perfunctory, simply explain the reasons for the quarrel to their children, or reassure them that their parents can handle it well. Can't create anxiety for children and make them feel insecure.