"Just wait, don't disappoint the people on both sides" means: carefully examine your brother's request for help, judge with the right three views, and help your brother in the right way, instead of ignoring your family and your lover to help him. Only in this way can we live up to your feelings with your brother and your husband and wife.
The whole meaning of the poem "Helping My Brother" is: If my brother is in trouble, you can help him as his brother or sister, but you must take the right way to help your brother. You can't give him anything he wants, and you must meet his requirements. In Battle of Love, there is a female guest who is particularly interesting. When I was a sophomore, my brother asked my boyfriend to make money regularly, and my brother gave her all the money for college. This shows that this is what "Magic Brother" does. Tu Lei said at that time, "Does your brother have anything to do with his studies? He has no obligation to help. " In real life, as mentioned above, there are many men and women who help their younger brothers regardless of their lover's feelings. The reason why such people are like this is completely unclear.
Jiayi is a female friend of mine. She has been married for almost eight years. She told me that her husband is a man with the characteristics of "helping the younger brother". Brother-in-law has any difficulties, just tell her husband, and her husband will help without saying anything, regardless of the actual situation at home and his feelings. Next, let's take a look at Jiayi's emotional experience, hoping to alert some people who have the characteristics of "helping their brothers". When Jiayi got along with Cheng Ming before marriage, Cheng Ming was very angry that his brother didn't do his duty and scolded him not only for gnawing at the old man, but also for gnawing at him. Jiayi looked at her lover's fierce words and sympathized with him. She thinks Cheng Ming is really not easy. It is necessary for a person to support his younger brother and parents. At the same time, she thinks Cheng Ming is a responsible and good man. If he marries himself, life will not be bad. Jiayi's understanding of Cheng Ming is partly correct, that is, Cheng Ming is a person who loves his brother and parents very much. However, it is not necessarily true that he is a responsible and good man.
Cheng Ming's younger brother is doing nothing, which just illustrates one thing. He is not short of money. If he is really short of money, he will do business and try to make money. So where did Cheng Ming's brother get the money? There are two sources, the first is given by Cheng Ming's younger brother's parents, and the second is given by Cheng Ming. Cheng Mingming knew that his brother would do nothing but pay back the money. Why did he do it? Obviously, he dotes on his brother to the point where there is no bottom line. It's a pity that Jiayi didn't recognize this problem. She only saw Cheng Ming's unilateral bite by his younger brother from Cheng Ming's words. Cheng Ming, an ordinary white-collar worker, earns about 1 10,000, and Jia Yi's salary is about 5,000, so the sum of them does not exceed 20,000. Cheng Ming and Jiayi's parents are not wealthy families, so they have been renting houses since they got married.
In order to buy a house, Jiayi has never chosen to have children after marriage. Cheng Ming understands Jiayi's idea, so she works harder to make money after marriage than before. It took them more than three years to find a way to get rid of each other's expenses and the money that my brother secretly lent him in the three years after Cheng Ming's marriage, just enough to pay the down payment on the house. Jiayi and Cheng Ming saw that the deposit was enough. They tacitly went to the sales office and chose a house of 120 square meters. After buying a house, Jiayi worked hard for the decoration of the house, and finally decorated the house after half a year. Jiayi thought that she could live a comfortable life with a house, but something happened that made it difficult for Jiayi to keep a good attitude towards Cheng Ming. Jia Yi once looked through Cheng Ming's mobile phone and saw a message from his brother: "Brother, I recently talked about a girlfriend, and her salary is not enough. Can you give me another two thousand? "
Jia Yi saw the word "You" and felt a thump in her heart, thinking, "Did Cheng Ming give money to her brother more than once?" Jiayi asked him with a straight face: "Husband, did your brother ask you for money?" Cheng Ming inexplicably responded: "Yes, he really didn't live up to expectations. I told him a lot of secondary efforts not to spend so much money on love. If he didn't listen, there was nothing I could do. " Jiayi was a little angry and said, "Before buying a house, I don't care how you provide for your brother. If you buy a house, you will be responsible for our family and you can't lend it to him in the future. " Cheng Ming asked inexplicably, "Wife, did he offend you?" Jiayi pointed out three reasons for not giving her brother-in-law: the first is that buying a house is not the full amount, and two people have to repay the loan together; The second is that two people will have children in the future, and there will be more places to spend money; The third is that the family's economic situation is not as good as before, and it can't afford to support others.
Cheng Ming readily agreed to Jiayi's words, but in fact, every time his brother asked him for money, he would give it. Jiayi was very unhappy when she learned that her husband's behavior of helping her brother was duplicitous, but she couldn't find a good way to stop it. So after the house was renovated, they quarreled over Cheng Ming's brother, and the relationship between husband and wife gradually faded. Jiayi hasn't thought about divorce yet, but she is very unwilling. After all, she just bought a house and hasn't moved in yet. One day, Cheng Ming's younger brother came to Chiayi's new home. Jiayi asked sarcastically, "Brother-in-law, there is no money again. Do you want your brother's money? " Cheng Ming's younger brother had the cheek to say, "Sister-in-law, if not, I'm not here to ask for money. I'm looking for my brother. " Cheng Ming asked his brother, "What did you come to see me for?"
Cheng Ming's younger brother came straight to the point and said, "Brother, my girlfriend and I are discussing getting married. If my parents give a bride price, we will lack a wedding room. No, I want to see your new house. Really well decorated, very suitable for my wedding room. " Cheng Ming was very unhappy to see his younger brother say this. Originally, because of him, the relationship with Jiayi fell to a low point, and now I come to tell myself that I want my own new house. Cheng Ming scolded slightly angrily: "This is all because your sister-in-law and I worked hard for three years to buy a house. You said you would give it to you? " Cheng Ming's younger brother's tears fell from the corner of his eye and suddenly he began to cry: "Brother, my parents have already taken out all the money for my business. I don't want to watch them sell the house and pay me a down payment. Brother, if you really feel sorry for your parents and my brother, then the house will be my wedding room first, and I will definitely return it to you after I get married. "
Cheng Ming looked at his brother's tearful eyes and recalled his parents' efforts to himself. He really can't bear to watch his parents who have worked hard all their lives sell houses for their younger brother. Just wanted to nod, Jiayi accepted her brother-in-law's words: "The house I rented has no wedding room. When I married your brother, I rented a house. Are you poor and crazy? Shall I give you my new house as a wedding room? " Cheng Ming's younger brother touched his tears and refused to answer Jiayi's words. He asked innocently, "Sister-in-law, you can't say that. My brother is just my younger brother. Who will help me if he doesn't help me? " Jia Yi was very angry with her brother-in-law's groundless remarks. She clenched her fist, picked up a teacup full of water and fell to the ground. She snapped, "Your brother has only one younger brother, but he also has only one home, only one me. If he agrees today, I will file for divorce immediately. I have a share of this house. I would rather sell my other half than be your wedding room. "
Cheng Ming looked at Jiayi, flustered and frustratedly spoke the word "divorce". He was very sad. He knew Jiayi was on the verge of divorcing him. If he didn't handle it well, Chiayi must have divorced himself. Cheng Ming said helplessly to his younger brother, "You also saw your sister-in-law's attitude. If you still have my brother in your eyes, don't come to me in the future. You certainly won't agree to a loan to buy a house. " When Cheng Ming's younger brother saw it, he knew that his brother would not agree, so he had to leave his brother's house reluctantly. When Jia Yi saw that his brother-in-law had left, he said to Cheng Ming with a cold face, "I said this not only to your brother today, but also to you. If you give money to your brother again in the future, the family will fall apart. I am really disappointed in you. " With these words, Jiayi walked into the bedroom, closed the door, and wept bitterly. Later, Jiayi told me that since this incident, her husband has never had too deep contact with his brother, and the relationship between husband and wife is gradually warming up.
The words "helping my younger brother" not only represent some women who help their younger brother regardless of their families, but also represent some men, such as Cheng Ming. After buying a house, Cheng Ming has his own mortgage, plus the daily expenses of the husband and wife. Even if the salary of the husband and wife is nearly 20,000, the actual deposit will not be too much. However, Cheng Ming didn't think so much at all. When his brother needs money, he will relent and agree. Even the new house he just bought, he wants to use it as his brother's wedding room. If Jiayi didn't take divorce as a threat, Cheng Ming's new house would definitely become his younger brother's wedding room. When giving advice to a male guest who has a "brother-in-law" girlfriend, Tu Lei said, "When you meet unreasonable demands and endless demands, don't put yourself in her shoes to meet her needs. If you can't resist, don't resist. " That's not what Tu Lei said. This is just a passage I translated for my friend.
To borrow Tu Lei's words, I want to tell some men and women who are "helping my brother" and tortured by "helping my brother" not to easily agree to anything that affects the happiness of marriage, let alone acquiesce in your lover's "helping my brother" behavior, whether in love or marriage. Refuse, resist and strive for your own happiness. Only in this way can you not be destroyed by your brother, and only in this way can you not be hurt by the lover who helps your brother. I hope my friends can understand the true meaning of the poem "It is difficult to help a brother" written above, so that their marriage can be full of happiness and they can live happily with their partners for a lifetime.