In fact, I have heard many similar questions, but most of them are raised by women. Because men's attitude towards things is more rational than women's, they must be thoughtful and calm when breaking up. For relatively emotional women, it is rare to break up peacefully. Unless, the other person is a cold character, or she is really disappointed in you.
However, first of all, I want to make sure that there is a chance to save it in either case!
My point of view has always been that as long as one of you doesn't cheat, the emotional breakdown can be remedied. Let's talk about why I ruled out cheating.
There are two reasons. First, if it is the fault of the other party, then such a person is not worth mentioning; Second, if it's your fault, why ask the other person to forgive you?
Ok, now let's get back to the topic: how to save it?
I know you must be anxious now, and you really want to know what you should do to save her, but one thing you must know before saving her is that there is no casual success in this world, and saving is a long road, during which you need to pay a lot of emotion and effort, and there are likely to be failures and grievances. If you are ready, let's begin!
Why can she say goodbye to you calmly without blacking out or deleting each other? 1. The breakup broke out after she accumulated negative emotions for a long time.
You know, a woman is a very emotional animal, so in most cases, when she is dissatisfied with you, she will vent it at the first time, not hold it back.
But now she said nothing and said goodbye to you calmly. Why? This only shows that her dissatisfaction has long existed, but you didn't find it, or just ignored it.
The way you treat her negative emotions is very deadly. As mentioned above, women are very emotional animals, and they need their partners to bring them high emotional value, which means that when she is angry, she needs you to coax her. If her needs are not met by you, her heart will begin to stage a bitter drama.
You may think it's a trivial matter, and it will be all right after a while, but when you come to see her again, the play in her heart has been finished, and finally a conclusion is drawn: "He doesn't love me." Don't feel too exaggerated. That's what women think. So many men don't know why their girlfriends were fine just now and how they suddenly lost their temper with themselves.
At first, it may be good for you to coax her, but as the number of times increases, your subconscious will think that she just wants you to coax her. Maybe you don't even realize that your apology and persuasion have become perfunctory unconsciously, which makes negative emotions accumulate in the girl's heart again. As time goes on and the number of times increases, she becomes more and more disappointed in you. In the end, she felt that it was meaningless for you to stay together, and she chose to be disheartened.
Even if she chooses to break up, she still can't give up her feelings for you.
The biggest difference between women and men is that men are most enthusiastic about each other when they are just together. As time goes on, their feelings will gradually decrease or tend to be dull. And women's feelings are the lowest when they are with a man, and gradually increase with the increase of time.
Therefore, in a love relationship, the longer the time, the higher the attachment of women to men. In other words, even if the other person chooses to break up with you because of the accumulation of disappointment, psychologically speaking, she still can't give up her feelings for you.
That's why she didn't hack or delete your contact information. She still needs you psychologically, and she is reluctant to delete your contact information. When she misses you and sees other couples showing love, she will still open your chat interface, look at the previous chat records, open your circle of friends and see your recent situation.
Since she still misses me, why not get back together? 1. The problem between you has not been solved. She is afraid that even if you get back together, the final outcome will still be separated.
She chose to leave at the beginning, which means that there is a problem between you and you can't solve it for the time being. This problem is like a small piece of rotten roots. If you don't remove this rotten place and just cover it with soil, the whole root of the tree will rot in the end.
This is what she is afraid of now. The problem between you has not been solved. Even if she wants to come back, all you have to do is cover this dump with soil. The longer we spend together, the bigger the rotten place will be, and finally it will be completely rotten and irreparable.
2. Keep your promise and rationalize your behavior.
There is an anchoring effect in psychology, which means that when people judge someone or something, they are easily dominated by the first impression or information, just like an anchor sinking into the sea, fixing people's thoughts in a certain place. That is what we often say, "ass decides brain".
Because from an objective point of view, you have broken up, which was put forward by her, so when she makes some judgment or decision, her thoughts will be dominated by such impressions or information. In order to maintain her impression or the promise she made at the beginning, she usually does something that fits her impression, that is, refuses to communicate with you and resist contact with you.
See if you are willing to make changes for her.
Finally, you should know that before we do anything, we will make an estimate in our minds. In other words, each of us has a steelyard in our heart, and it is worthwhile to do something because the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Take the matter of getting back together, as mentioned above, the problems between you have not been solved, and there will definitely be problems after getting back together. Breaking up is a very uncomfortable thing for her. She won't get back together with you until she is sure that getting back together is better than breaking up.
So, now she is observing in the dark. If you are aware of your previous problems or the real reason behind her breakup, and you are aware of your own problems and try to change them, she will consider whether to get back together with you.
How to restore the high success rate? 1. Relieve your negative emotions first.
It is said that women are more emotional than men, but in recent years I have found that many men who have been broken up are more emotional than women.
Some people bombard each other with phone calls and text messages, some people go to each other's homes and companies to contain them, and some people even follow each other and monitor all their actions. These are all very wrong behaviors, but the other party hasn't blacked out or deleted your contact information, which means that you haven't done anything drastic before, so it is very beneficial to save now.
If you feel bad now, have high negative emotions or want to get back from each other, then I suggest you have a drink and chat with your good friends and brothers first, and vent your current emotions until you feel comfortable, and then see how to get back.
Try not to stay at home alone. Being alone in a negative state will increase your negative emotions.
2. Relieve each other's negative emotions.
In fact, no matter whether the other person broke up with you in a fierce way or in a calm way, she has accumulated negative emotions in her heart, including sadness, anger, hatred and entanglement.
The so-called easing the negative emotions of the other party is to reduce the negative impression of the other party on you.
At this time, the other party gave you a very good opportunity and didn't hack you. You can take the initiative to give each other a reasonable statement first, that is, to sum up the problems that caused you to break up.
It should be noted that rationalization does not make you find excuses to prevaricate your mistakes, but makes you reflect on yourself and find out the reasons for your behavior.
Our attitude towards a thing or the way to deal with a problem is greatly influenced by our parents or friends around us. What we have to do is to find out the root of our behavior.
For example, you didn't have any ambitions before, which made her feel that you didn't work hard for your future and didn't pay attention to your future.
You can use this question to make a rational expression, such as "I didn't really work hard before, and I may have let you down." This may have something to do with my parents spoiling me too much when I was a child. In the past, every time I met a problem, my parents told me not to embarrass myself, which made me used to running away and unwilling to face the problem. This problem has never been found before. I really appreciate you letting me know the direction that needs to be changed. You're right. My present state can't give you a good future. Let's be friends first. "
This will not only give you a deep self-reflection, but also let the other person know that you don't care about your future, and you don't deliberately try hard. It is because you were influenced by the environment in "Born into a Family" when you were a child that you have such a character and such a performance. Trust in you has been re-established in her heart. Although it may not be much, it is a good start.
3. Actively increase contacts and make rational use of the circle of friends.
The negative impression you left in her heart is a long-term accumulation, which can not be eliminated by a rational expression. Therefore, follow-up efforts are needed.
If the other party does not refuse to contact and chat with you after your rationalization, it means that your rationalization is successful. If you can continue to make good use of the construction of your circle of friends and the later chat to further deepen her trust in you, then you will have a great chance of success.
However, the premise of this step is that your behavior has not caused her disgust and rejection.
A. First, share with her interesting things that happened in your life or funny jokes that you saw as friends.
This is very important. Don't show your needs too much when you start chatting. Because even if the other person no longer refuses to contact you, it is a fact that you have broken up, and you have clearly stated that you are friends with her, showing your attitude of being a couple as a friend will make her feel that everything you said before is false, in order to coax her back, resulting in a sharp decline in the trust just accumulated.
So when sharing your life, you just need to simply say what you share, such as "I saw a particularly funny video today, which killed me." Please see if it pokes you. " If the other person replies to you, discuss what you shared with you and just tell her directly. If not, it doesn't matter. Send another one every two or three days, not too often.
B. Share your recent life in a circle of friends.
A circle of friends is a good place for you to appear in front of each other. In this information age, whoever has nothing to do will brush friends. Sometimes it's not to brush anything, maybe it's just a habitual behavior, but as long as she can brush her circle of friends, she can see you.
So you can brush more positive energy content in your circle of friends, such as the group building of the company, photos of some activities you participated in, and some things you learned recently. These contents are also proof of your efforts. As long as she receives this information, the subconscious will have a good impression on you, and then further increase her good impression and trust in you.
This is what psychology calls recency effect. Our latest knowledge of others will dominate and cover up our previous evaluation of others.
As long as you keep adding goodwill to her impression, her feelings for you will be subtly influenced by this impression.
Each of us is complicated. When we treat the same thing, two different ideas often appear in our minds. There is a little black man and a little white man.
Your actions will make two little people appear in her mind. The little black boy said, "He can't be changed, so don't think about getting back together with him." The little white man said, "don't listen to the little black man's nonsense, take a good look at yourself." He loves you and takes your words to heart. The result of your reunion will be different from before. "
The more you constantly enhance your good impression in her mind, the stronger the energy of this little white man will be, until she believes what the little white man said, and your recovery will be successful.
Finally, I want to say, are you motivated when a woman is in love? Do you have a future? In the final analysis, what she wants to know most is whether you really love her. If you really love her and want to get her back, let her see what you have done and let her feel it.
Saving is not the goal, but being together.
Are you waiting for redemption? Let's test your compound success rate after breaking up!
Psychological test: test the probability of getting back together after breaking up.
Have you ever thought about the possibility of getting back together after two people break up? This set of test questions helps you test the probability of getting back together after breaking up. Let's try it together!
1. Do you still have your predecessor's contact information in your mobile phone?
It's five points.
No, all 0 points have been deleted.
2. What is the reason why you broke up?
Due to objective reasons, the family disagreed with 1.
Long-distance love, no future 2 points.
TA thinks I have a bad temper and our personalities are incompatible. Three points
There is a third party involved in our relationship.
After our quarrel, no one would bow their heads and broke up in a rage.
I think TA has a bad temper, always complaining, and was dumped by TA for 6 points.
3. Among the following four statements, if you had to choose one statement that you agree with most, which one would you choose?
If a person loves another person, he should love all of TA, regardless of its advantages or disadvantages. Otherwise, it is not true love. He likes 2 points at most.
Although feelings are what you want, but it depends on people's efforts, the other person's love can also be controlled, as long as it can meet the other person's psychological needs, love can guide 4 points.
Twisted melons are not sweet. If TA doesn't want to get back together, I respect the idea of TA 1 minute.
The emotional world can never be equal, and those who want to get back together must not be stingy with their 6 points.
4. When you express one thing, you value it more.
The accuracy of verbal expression is 2 points.
Talking to the other person gives the other person a strong impression of 1.
You say a word, and everyone around you feels comfortable. 6 points
The ultimate goal that words can achieve is 4 points.
5. What do you think are your basic emotional characteristics?
Emotional, often unable to control his temper 0 points.
Self-control ability is strong, the surface is calm, but the inner mood fluctuates greatly, and it is difficult to calm down 2 points in case of contusion.
Everything is a cloud, and it is not easy to get angry by nature. My friend praised me for my good temper by six points.
Feelings are not slow and direct, but once they are unstable, they are easily excited and angry. Three points
6. Have you ever saved your ex?
I saved it, but it was rejected. I didn't save four points.
No, I don't know what the other person is thinking, so I dare not say 2 points.
I saved it several times, but the other party was very exclusive, Lahei, and I don't want to see my zero again.
I tried to talk, but the other party thought we were not suitable. Hope to find happiness 6 points.
7. When dealing with each other, you are more inclined.
Ideologically compatible, considerate and sensitive to each other's needs. Six points.
The experience of love, doing what you like together, as long as you are happy, is 1.
On the practical level, there must be a clear future plan 3 points.
8. Do you usually doubt or trust your ex?
I never doubted his loyalty to feelings.
I am often afraid that TA will be taken away by others and that TA will fall in love with others. TA said I was always worried about TA 1.
Because there is often the opposite sex around TA, I occasionally suspect that I am checking the post and glance at the address book for 2 points.
9. Do you usually make up automatically after quarreling?
We both have a bad temper. It's good to be angry.
I'll just wait for TA to take the initiative to admit 4 points.
I can't stand fighting all the time. I will take the initiative to sum up two points.
Cold violence for a long time, ignoring each other 1 point.
10. Are you the leader in getting along?
I have been very passive, waiting for the other party to pay for me, hoping that he will lead me to 5 points.
I am a well-deserved leader, I have to worry about everything, and I have a certain desire to control 1.
1 1 What does it matter? TA and parents?
Single parent, lack of maternal love or fatherly love 4 points
I have a normal relationship with my parents, and I don't often miss 2 points.
Get along well with parents, harmony and friendship 6 points.
The relationship is extremely poor and the inner trauma is great. 5 points
I have a good relationship with one of my parents, but the other is not very close. 3 points
12. Do you think TA is an avoidant attachment personality?
Yes, TA is 1.
No, TA rejects reorganization, but does not avoid contradictions. Five points.
I'm not sure. TA likes to avoid questions, but it is really 6 points.
13. Which of the following movies would you choose to watch?
Comedy category 5 points
2 points for terror category
Tragedy class 1 min
14. Do you often eat and drink without thinking after falling in love, and your heart is broken, which seriously affects your normal life?
Yes, it's too difficult. 5 points
Not at all. Losing love didn't hit me that hard.
Can endure will not cause too much impact on normal life 2 points.
15. How long have you broken up?
6 minutes a month
Three months and five minutes.
For more than three months, 3 points will be deducted within one year.
More than one year 1 min
16. Do you have a lot in common, such as the same circle of friends?
Yes, we are classmates/colleagues, and we have close friends. Six points.
Yes, but I won't contact you. 3 points for liking your friends.
No, we are completely from different circles, and it is difficult to have an intersection of 0 points after breaking up.
17. Did you have any intense irreconcilable conflicts when you broke up?
We had a fierce argument, so far there is no reconciliation 1 point.
We broke up peacefully. 3 points
18. Have you ever had a third party?
Never. We have an internal emotional problem. Six points.
I've had it before. Forgive TA for cheating by 5 points.
We got 1 point for cheating on TA.
I was caught cheating. 4 points
19. Have you ever planned to get married?
No, we're just dating.
I have plans to get married, and I have never seen my parents.
I have met my parents and have been interacting with them. I plan to get married at 6: 00.
20. When will you give up completely?
TA likes someone else, so I won't bother him again. 2 points
I won't give up. 6 points
I've done everything I want to say and do, and TA is still indifferent, so I'll give up 1 minute.
I'm koi fish, a relationship counselor. There is no one I can't analyze. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.