Why do I always feel that someone is holding a knife behind my back everywhere I go?

Seriously, you really have a serious tendency to depression. I can understand your pain very well. I had the same symptoms as you in the two years of college entrance examination, even very painful. There must be potential pressure in reality that leads you to do this. If you are really in pain, trust me and tell your family well. They won't scold you. Also, it is important to believe that your thoughts can be changed. The same world is very different in the eyes of different people, which is caused by people themselves. Try to do something meaningful by yourself. It will be painful at first, but it will definitely work. Trust me, really. You can ask me any questions, and I will try my best to help you.