Obsession is a lot of resentment caused by mistakes. The obsession was not love, nor was it the antonym of love "hate", but the word "unwilling". It's a bit like stock trading. It seems that I have been falling, but I feel that I have invested so much and lost so much that I can't bear to cut the meat, and the rest is like chicken ribs. It's tasteless to eat, but more than enough to throw away.
Of course, feelings are not just a matter of obsession. Although occasionally inseparable, there will always be problems and quarrels are inevitable. So you can't feel hurt because of a little dispute, so you decide that you are stubborn and want to get out. This is a dead end.
So how to identify whether a relationship is obsessive-compulsive disorder and how to get out of it?
Today, I recommend a book called Forced Love by Susan Forward, a world-class psychological counselor. Especially the top experts in marriage and love. This book is a book that teaches us how to recognize whether we are in a state or not in a relationship and how to get out of the state of obsession.
According to the author, if you are in one of these three states, you are in a state of compulsion. These three states are:
First, imagine that the other person is your ideal lover; Second, you can't get what the other party wants to destroy; Third, you habitually pay, feeling that you can be the savior of the other party and enjoy the feeling of being needed by the other party.
Everyone has fantasized about an ideal lover, for example, women have fantasized that one day there will be a hero in the world stepping on colorful clouds to marry her. But fantasy is fantasy. When we fall in love with someone, love begins only if the other person is willing to expose the true side to you without reservation. If you regard each other as an ideal lover and fall in love with each other without knowing each other, you will definitely get hurt.
When we can't get someone, it may not be our own fault, just because people don't like you. Many times there are many cheats about chasing girls and children, but many times they are useless. If a person really doesn't like you, it is extremely difficult to make the other person submit by skill. Because people don't like you, not because you are patient or skilled, but because you are ugly.
It is as difficult to make a person who doesn't like you like you at will as to wake a person who pretends to sleep.
At this time, people generally have two reactions.
One is that they lose their temper and want to destroy each other. For example, an example that broke out on the Internet before. A rich second generation kept chasing a woman, but after four or five years, he couldn't catch up. Finally, he threw the woman from the 2 1 building and died.
One is to work hard and continue to pay, thinking that as long as you persist, you will impress each other one day, but it is useless. No matter how much you do, you can't beat one person, you can only disturb others. I met a man who chased a woman for seven years. Breakfast is delivered to the company at seven o'clock every morning, and flowers and gifts are sent on holidays, but the woman is always unmoved.
Although these two reactions are different, it is a pity that they are both persistent, but they are only two sides of persistent.
As the poem says: "I attached my heart to the bright moon, which shines on the ditch, and the falling flowers intentionally follow the flowing water, and the flowing water has no love for falling flowers." When we cling to our feelings, we are infinitely sad and sad. If you can't ask for it, you should be robbed and survive. After a long time, life is doomed to failure. Therefore, getting rid of obsession is a hurdle that we must cross and a robbery that we must repair. Whether it's robbery, knot, chop and solution, it's going to be put down after all.
Buddhism has a method of Du Jie, but it is too austere.
Susan Forward has a way to get rid of her obsession. I haven't used it. I think it makes sense logically, and execution should be useful. She also used this method to help many people get out of their obsession, which should be no problem.
Her method is divided into three steps. Step one: first know your obsession, and step two: break the obsession system. Step 3: Change your behavior.
First of all, understand why the other person doesn't like you. It's no use picking natural stars for him. Since you can't change others, change yourself. It is impossible to touch others, so give up. Don't try to make others change their minds, make yourself change your mind.
This is simple to say, but difficult to do. People are narcissistic, no matter how stupid they are, others can't convince them unless they realize it. I think it's actually very simple, just that people don't like you not because you are bad, but because you are ugly. When you know this, you know that you are stubborn.
Although it is cruel to say it, I have to say it. In most cases, a person is obsessed with a person only because he has had a relatively bad life, and he has to find the illusion that he is a man with pursuits in his obsession, so he is obsessed.
There are differences in a person's thoughts, feelings and behaviors. The best way to be obsessed with someone is to start with behavior and guide thoughts and feelings from obsession.
Think about what you were doing before your obsession, go back and sort out those things, and naturally start to change.
For example, if you like playing basketball, go out and play basketball, build relationships with people who used to play basketball, and then slowly go back to the past. For example, now, if you like shopping, take one, two or three girlfriends shopping. Time flies.
Change your behavior, starting with labeling your behavior. For example, if you can't help sending him a message and making a phone call, then write down the comments on WeChat and the phone number as "Don't contact, don't contact, don't contact" and you will naturally control it.
Of course, you should deliberately avoid things that are easy to detonate your thoughts. For example, you shouldn't do stupid things like watching romantic movies. If you really want to see it, just watch One Piece. Don't listen to sad songs, such as "Missing is the pain of breathing", but listen to Ka Kui Wong's passionate songs.
Finally, give yourself a time limit, which you can set at will. For example, 33 days, 2 1 day, these are still valid without scientific basis.
Actually, you don't have to play cards according to the routine As long as you make up your mind to come out, you will eventually come out. Just try to reduce the cost of going out as much as possible so as to have a better life in the future.
Obsession is human nature. In fact, people are not just obsessed with feelings. Also obsessed with things, obsessed with power, obsessed with life and death.
People are always obsessed with one thing, and sadly, we usually die of our own obsession.
But human nature is so, even if you enter Buddhism, you are still obsessed with purity. Isn't purity a kind of obsession?
I remember when Mr. Jin Yong rearranged his seats in The Legend of the Condor Heroes, saying that "Huang Laoxie and Eden were indifferent to fame and fortune, but the old urchin didn't know what fame and fortune was". From the point of view of obsession, the old urchin is one level higher than them. The old urchin's name is: it has nothing to do with self-nature, and it is comfortable.
The following are the "good songs" in A Dream of Red Mansions.
Good song
Everyone knows that immortals are good, but their fame is unforgettable!
Where will the past and present be? A pile of grass on the wasteland is missing.
Everyone knows that the fairy is good, but gold and silver can't forget it!
In the end, I only hate getting together, but I close my eyes for a long time.
Everyone knows that immortals are good, but my wife can't forget them!
You said hello on your birthday, and you died with others.
Everyone knows that immortals are good, and only children and grandchildren can't forget them!
There have been many infatuated parents since ancient times. Who has seen filial piety for children and grandchildren?
Finally, you are welcome to leave a message and tell your own thoughts and stories.