First, go back to yourself.
Recently, visitors with depression have been received one after another. Depressed people often have no strength. I found that they lost their strength because they lost themselves to some extent.
For example, Xiaoru, who has been living according to her mother's arrangement for many years, is 25 years old and can't make a decision about her life. But doing what her mother says does not meet the actual needs of her life. Her life is getting worse and worse, and people are getting less and less powerful. So in the consultation, I just kept confirming her needs, her thoughts and her feelings. Only in this way can she learn to plan her life according to her own needs and respect her thoughts and feelings more.
There are still many people who, although not living according to their parents' arrangements, are also influenced by the mainstream values of society. For example, what kind of university to take an examination of, what kind of work to do and how much money to earn. I can't really care about what I really want and how I feel.
Lao Jia has his own companies in Beijing, Shenzhen and Shanghai, and he is too busy to stop every day. In the end, he "suffered and became the Lord", but fell into depression and anxiety.
To be yourself is to look at what you really want in your heart and work hard towards what you want, so that you can feel that life is happening as you wish, and you have a real sense of control and strength. To do this, you need to go deep into your heart and understand your emotions and feelings, which are the reflection of your real needs. For example, you earn more and more money, but your body is getting more and more anxious? Then money is not what you really want.
What's more, you don't even need any values, ideas, or a mentor, because all these make you deviate from your life. Values are nihilistic and changeable, so are ideas, and tutors are an illusion. The life that really suits you needs to be combined with your physical and mental experience, so you should also get rid of the shackles of values or ideas and release your own strength.
Second, the existence of life.
Being is also a feeling, which can give you strength. The so-called sense of existence means that no matter what you do or don't do, you will have a sense of existence and value.
In today's society, there is a big drawback, that is, people are valued, and it is valuable that someone has some external abilities, such as students should study hard, men should be able to make money, women should be beautiful and so on. Just watch a blind date program, but as long as anyone with some experience knows, these external conditions are not directly related to a person's happiness or not. How wide and deep a person's life is, that is more important.
Oda is like this. She is a freshman. Only when she is among the best in her studies and stands out from the crowd can she find a sense of existence. Dad has also been instilling that you have the ability to survive. If your study declines, you will be scolded or punished. In this way, instead of being treated as a "person", she lost her sense of existence and has been trying to improve her grades or abilities. However, this did not give her a stable sense of value, but rather more anxious. When there are some setbacks in life, such as losing the competition, she will soon feel that her life is very painful and meaningless, and even want to end her life.
Many people's sense of existence is based on an external achievement, external evaluation or a face that can be changed at any time, and they can't feel the existence of life and body itself. This is why face, achievement and evaluation are extremely important.
Once, at the corner of the road, I saw a bunch of small flowers blooming in the wind. I suddenly realized that the beauty of existence is not because of brilliance, but because of existence.
To experience the existence of life, you need to feel yourself and your emotions often. Every moment of everyone's body, cells have infinite changes. You can experience the power and richness of life by experiencing your body, emotions and your own cells.
Do nothing, you exist, and this existence is a kind of power. You don't need to make earth-shattering achievements or risk your life to experience yourself alive.
However, this power needs to be tapped. Through meditation and psychological counseling, we can explore this sense of existence that has nothing to do with "value". That's the ultimate sense of existence. No matter what you do, you may just try to satisfy it. The sooner you dig, the better, because this is the call of life.
Third, self-realization.
What I said before is all psychological, removing the obstacles that bind strength and building a sense of strength.
But in real life, a person also needs some achievements and progress to cooperate, in order to effectively establish a sense of strength.
This needs some external achievements to prove.
If you can do what you like, you will devote yourself to it effortlessly. At the same time, if you are good at it, you will make achievements easily. So doing what you love and are good at is the easiest way to increase your sense of strength.
There are a few lucky people who can directly follow their inner needs and embark on the road they want. For example, Han Han, for example, a friend of mine, Z, loves it very much and studied it in college. He is engaged in this kind of work after graduation. He is full of enthusiasm and joy and has made extraordinary achievements.
However, most people need to gradually explore and gradually transfer to get to this road.
I embarked on the road of psychological counseling. That's it. I work enthusiastically every day, and at the same time I can help others with what I have learned. I have a great sense of accomplishment, value and strength. Move forward in the direction you want every day to make yourself feel practical.
However, the road from IT man to psychological counselor is still full of hardships and challenges. No one told me since I was a child that I wanted to be myself and pursue my own path. I just entered the university according to the established route of society and then entered the hot industry at that time, completely ignoring my own internal needs!
After graduation, I went to work in foreign companies and state-owned enterprises. In order to "get ahead", I chose to start a business.
At the age of 35, I am exhausted and miserable. I felt that there was a problem and began to look for a career that suited me for a lifetime. In this process, we should first get rid of the shackles of traditional ideas and break through the hints of people around us. They will interact with you with their limited views, such as how to make money in the whole industry; It's a pity to lose my major!
After three years of self-exploration, I found that I have 15 hours a day to study and experience my body and mind, or read books on psychology/spirit and participate in various activities. As soon as I talked about this topic, I became energetic, and I suddenly understood that psychology is my true love.
I completed this exploration alone, took many detours and experienced a lot of confusion and even pain. By the time you read this passage, you may have been luckier than me.
Fourth, interpersonal relationships.
Interpersonal relationship is very important to a person's sense of strength. Bad interpersonal relationships can make people tired, disappointed and lose confidence. Good interpersonal relationship not only nourishes oneself, but also embodies a person's physical ability.
In the process of self-growth, I have a "rebellious period". For those who are prone to self-criticism, give themselves advice and weaken their own strength, I will blacken or avoid contact. This action will give me a sense of strength and feel that I have the ability to refuse or even confront some people. At a certain stage, it is also an effective protection to avoid those who weaken their strength and reduce their confidence.
But my heart is still eager to have a harmonious relationship with everyone. Therefore, it is also meaningful to repair the relationship in time after it breaks down. The process of repairing will make you grow, and secondly, repairing relationships will make you feel that you have the ability to deal with interpersonal relationships.
Fifth, be responsible for your emotions.
Learning to be responsible for and comfort your emotions can effectively enhance your sense of strength.
Psychologically, many people are still like children. When they feel uneasy, it is easy to open their hands and seek comfort from others. This is equivalent to giving others the right to be happy.
Others may not give you the comfort you want, or they may give you negative feedback and make you feel worse.
In any case, seeking comfort from others will not really improve your sense of strength.
To be responsible for your emotions, you need to go deep into your heart and understand your body, mind and emotions. It is not enough or even useless to learn psychological knowledge. It needs more practice and experience, and joining the growth community or psychological counseling is an effective way.
I am a warm psychological counselor, Ni Zhenyuan. Welcome attention?