Wrong way of communication
1, often compared
Like to compare people and things, it is easy to cause the other person to be depressed.
2. Evade responsibility
Like to escape, unwilling to take responsibility for their actions. We often use sentences like "have to" and "have no choice" to make ourselves victims.
3. Moral judgment
When many words of moral judgment are used in communication, conflicts are more likely to occur, such as accusing the other party of moral problems, bad character and so on.
Effective communication four-step method
1, observe the facts
Concentration: observing objective facts without prejudice and evaluation.
Many friends express their thoughts and comments as soon as they open their mouths. When your opinions and comments contradict each other, it is easy to arouse their vigilance.
Words such as "every time" and "Zeng" express observation results.
"Always" and "never" indicate comments.
"Frequently and rarely" is a comment.
Correct expression: Xiao Ming, I see you haven't done your homework for three days this week.
Misexpression: Xiao Ming, why don't you always study hard and often do your homework!
2. Express your feelings
Focus: express your true feelings objectively, without emotion.
When we express our feelings with strong emotions, it will cause serious harm in communication.
Misexpression: You always do this. I am really bored to death. Don't bother me again!
Communication principle: describe feelings+objective facts, and let the other party pay attention to your feelings.
Express feelings correctly: "I (feel) here"
For example, I feel very sad because you were late for your appointment three times this week.
3. Indicate the demand
Key point: explain your needs clearly and tell each other what you need.
We are always not used to expressing our needs, expecting the other person to infer our needs from their expressions and language attitudes, but the needs are often hidden deep and difficult to find.
Correct expression: I am angry that you ignored me for three days. If you can accompany me shopping here, I won't be angry.
Expression error: I'm just angry! Don't ask me, think for yourself!
4. Tell the requirements
Key point: express your requirements bravely and intuitively.
(1) If our meaning is ambiguous, it is difficult for the other party to understand what we really want.
Wrong expression: counterexample: I want you to spend more time with me, and I think you care more about me.
Correct expression: I think you say good night to me every night.
(2) Make clear the purpose of our conversation requirements and only express our feelings. The other party may not know what we want.
Correct expression: I hope you can accompany me four days a week in the future.