As a man, I agree with you. I think the running-in of historical events may have brought love to my girlfriend, and the love brought by the attraction of the other party has become a reluctance to pay for long-term feelings. So there are few normal love feelings now. But as an emotional analyst, I only have two suggestions: break up after knowing the cause of the problem. Or correct the causes of the two problems and save each other. Because in the emotional problems between men and women, one side's problems also show the other side's problems, and even if the other side has problems, you can let the other side return to correct them through your own correct guidance, which may be because your methods are insufficient.
So generally speaking, I can divide it into the above two suggestions. Let's choose a template, start studying the problem, and try to find a solution, or persuade you to let go of your worries, so that there is no burden of showdown.
1, girlfriend cheated.
2. Your emotional concern
3. Suggestions on recovery methods
4. How to eliminate the psychological burden in showdown?
Because you don't have a deep understanding of your own problems, such as how you met, how you fell in love, and so on, this is very important, which determines the possible problems in your later methods, as well as the psychological analysis and cognition of the other party. Therefore, all my analysis links are the causes of "possibility", and I will try my best to help you interpret each other and give you suggestions around various possibilities.
1, girlfriend cheated.
Therefore, according to the inference you described, you know the specific time of the other party's derailment and the derailment incident you learned happened a year ago. But was it the only time a year ago? Since the other party chose to cheat, the physical cheating is only the final result, and there should have been a certain degree of emotional cheating before, which will be discussed below. And the other party's infidelity happened after 6 to 7 years of love. You can also feel that girls are also defending their feelings and yours, but the way you maintain your feelings is different and there are problems. This is also described below. Now let's talk about each other's infidelity.
As an emotional counselor, according to various social situations, the cases of students, and all kinds of psychological analysis I have accepted, I have come to the conclusion that there are four psychological reasons for most women to cheat, namely: emotional revenge, emotional empty nest, physical level and mental illness. It can be said that there are basically two and a half reasons because of men. According to your description, if it is because of emotional revenge, that girl is because of your emotional management and too much interference in each other's space. Or you didn't interfere with yourself, just by expressing opposition. So you may want girls to give up their fun life because of their expression, thus giving them a psychological interference, because you described your bad temper before, although you don't know what you said, you can guess and feel the psychological impact on girls. So basically, among the four reasons for the other party's derailment, your situation is just emotional revenge, and I won't introduce the rest here.
Therefore, the other party chose to cheat in emotional revenge. Of course, this kind of revenge is only passively produced by the other party. Actually, I didn't want to get back at your feelings in the first place. So the other party chose to cheat at that time. When cheating, there is a great chance to restore the situation at that time. The cheating party has a strong ability to maintain emotions, or it can be said that the emotional intelligence is very high, at least higher than you, so you can know that your girlfriend loved you at that time. The other party could make up for it at that time, so after making up, your girlfriend felt the feelings given by the other party, which you didn't take into account because of emotional intelligence problems. At the same time, the other party caused a female voice emotionally. To put it bluntly, the object of cheating was very familiar with your girlfriend at that time, so it was not you because of lack of emotion and understanding from someone around you. At the same time, driven by emotional intelligence, the girls finally paid their feelings for the derailed object, and derailment is only a form of expression. In fact, there are many kinds, so I won't mention them here.
2. Your emotional maintenance ability
Therefore, the problem of your girlfriend's infidelity shows that your emotional maintenance ability is lacking, and you can't say that it is insufficient just because you have it.
I know you have the ability to save each other several times, but after all, my ability is limited. I hope you can understand my outspoken words and I think you should also be aware of the limit of your emotional maintenance ability, otherwise the other party will not choose to cheat to amplify their emotions.
So you said you had a bad temper before, but in the end you changed almost. At the same time, you like ordinary life, which is good, but for women's emotional maintenance, it can be said that the attraction has declined, so girls choose to go outside and seek an ordinary life different from what you said. At that time, the idea was to take advantage of the relatively free relationship before marriage and have a lot of space of your own, because the other person's interpretation was that the other person could feel your hobbies, and you like ordinary life but girls like to have fun. After the wedding day, I must limit my entertainment and be ordinary with you, so on the one hand, I will spend the last time before marriage, but I didn't expect what would happen during this time, and at the same time, I will give myself a last chance to consider whether I can finally adapt to your living habits or change your living habits to be consistent with myself. But your description shows that you don't show or confirm that your living habits will not be changed by the other party, so the other party's psychology will naturally enjoy the life you once liked.
And your quarrel, I don't know what you were arguing about, but you can also guess that most of your quarrels at that time were mainly about caring for each other, but you still gave each other a sense of spatial interference inexplicably. Therefore, the limitation of your emotional maintenance ability lies in the methods and skills of communication and expression, as well as the control of the other party's thinking. At the same time, from another point of view, even if you don't like going out to bars or coming home late, you can even go to entertainment with your girlfriend once a month. So the key is to accompany your girlfriend to feel her life, which is similar to coping without paying attention to experience, but don't throw cold water or show unhappiness. I don't know if you have ever done something like this to maintain your relationship. If possible, it will have a general or direct negative impact if it is realized in the process of companionship.
3. Suggestions on recovery methods
If, after the above, you understand your current lack of emotional maintenance, and finally consider saving each other, even if it is the last time to save each other, you need to start with thinking and routines, and focus on in-depth communication, so as to save each other. First of all, we should know the way to recover successfully, that is, the other person falls in love with you again and gets to know you again. I don't know what specific recovery method you used before. According to your description, we can see that the other person's psychology is similar, which belongs to long-term emotional accumulation, and there are few feelings that couples need to maintain. Therefore, it is necessary to re-cultivate the emotional foundation, re-attract each other and make them fall in love with you again at this stage. So I don't know how you got together in the first place, so the advice I can give here is also very one-sided. I can only say that at this stage, you need to know each other's thinking deeply, and you can make appropriate changes from each other's thinking, such as entertaining with each other. You don't like that lifestyle, but you focus on companionship rather than adapting to each other, with the aim of guiding each other's psychological return. Meanwhile, you have been in love for eight years. No matter what happens in the middle, eight years has accumulated a deep emotional foundation. I don't recommend giving up on time cost, I hope you can save it. Also, based on the emotional foundation, it is easy for you to save each other. Compared with the psychological pressure brought by your final choice to leave, the pressure is actually greater and the psychological damage is greater, which has a deep impact on the future mood and the other person's mood.
4. How to eliminate the psychological burden in showdown?
Because the other party has given you emotional harm after all, your emotional harm to the other party is ignored here. So you ...
Finally, it is understandable to choose to break up. So it's hard to tell right from wrong in your three views of breaking up. All three have different degrees of derivation and influence. I hope you can weigh the advantages and disadvantages yourself. But always break up, the other party is always cheerful, and so are you. There is no need to have too much psychological burden. When you are sad, you will eventually be diluted by time. When you enter a new relationship, you will gradually forget it.
First of all, I don't know the time node of your question, when to tell you about the affair, and you have made all the plans, so it's good for you to choose to break up with the other party now, because you can spare more time to heal your psychological trauma as soon as possible, and you can also give the other party more time to make the other party regret or rejoice. Anyway, it's each other's business. The advantage lies in saving time in the future. Similarly, you will enter sorrow earlier. On the one hand, this is inevitable. No matter now or in the future, your mind will come to this step, because your relationship has been 8 years. But on the other hand, it will save time in the future and get out of sadness earlier.
Then you decide to break up with each other in the future. I don't know how long it took. You may have your own opinions and control your own time. So after you mentioned it, I feel that it may be what you described. Let him see hope and break up. You will continue your proposal and then show your cards. Finally, you said that you still love him, and suggested that you don't procrastinate, giving each other hope and killing each other's hope. If it may be useful for emotional revenge, it will cause a certain emotional shadow to the other party. After all, the other person has given it to you, but your last sentence, you still love her, shows that this form is not desirable, but it may also bring you regret.
And it is understandable that you broke up, but you still need to continue to improve your emotional maintenance ability and avoid repeating the same mistakes in future new relationships. Therefore, you can also improve yourself first and then consider how to break up. It is not cost-effective to bring emotional shadow to the other party and the same degree of harm to yourself. After all, this operation is not recommended.
Finally, I hope you can get out of the shadows as soon as possible. My emotional counseling is paid by the minute to some extent, and now it is free for you.
Hope to adopt!
Thank you, hope to adopt!