Using the "Chua's effect" in psychology, installing "Chua's instruction" in the other person's brain-a puzzle or a brain trick, arousing the other person's emotion and curiosity, and making the other person have a strong desire to explore secrets, can easily provide a psychological basis for subsequent communication, which is an important cold reading skill in interpersonal communication.
There are many ways to install Chua's instruction. As long as it is interesting and unexpected, such as telling a joke or an interesting thing, it can immediately attract the attention of the other party.
A: "Do you know that Xiao Shenyang is going to perform here?"
B: "I haven't heard of it!"
A: "He said a classic sentence to everyone during the performance, which I can't forget until now. Do you know which one? "
B (nervous): "Which sentence is it?"
In this way, the basic task of installing Chua's instruction was successfully completed. The ingenuity of Chua's instruction is that it goes deep into each other's emotional heart, and at the same time, it quickly stimulates each other's emotional response through cold reading, leaving each other with a feeling of "mystery * * * *".
When we successfully strike up a conversation with each other and have a very speculative conversation, we can get each other's information, such as mobile phone number, by installing Chua's instructions.
A gentleman successfully accosted a lady in the waiting room of the station. After the two sides talked a few words, a gentleman pretended to be relaxed and said, "Look at your depression, I'll test you." When eating an apple, I took a bite ... and found a bug, which was terrible. I also feel terrible when I see two bugs; But seeing a few bugs makes people feel the most terrible. "
The lady thought for a long time and said, "I really can't think of it." How many? "
A gentleman smiled mysteriously, thus successfully putting Cai's instructions in her mind.
Next, Mr. A said, "I won't tell you the answer first ... I know you are in a bad mood today!" " "(using the guessing skills of cold reading)
The lady asked curiously, "Well, how do you know ..."
Then the lady asked Mr. A with great interest if he studied psychology, and also discussed some people's feelings.
In the process of chatting with a lady, Mr. A extended the topic to stimulate her emotional changes, and then induced her to express her inner feelings through other techniques, making her feel that Mr. A knows her very well, just like a friend who has been in contact for many years.
As time goes by, the time to check in and get on the bus is getting closer and closer, so the lady reminds Mr. A to tell her the answer to the brain teaser.
So A Jun said to her, "It's almost time to check in. Enter your mobile phone number on my mobile phone and I will send you the answer! " "
So, she quickly sent her mobile phone number.
At the last minute, Mr. A deliberately created a feeling of pressing time, so that the other party could not help but follow his train of thought and easily tell his own phone number under such urgent restrictions.
It seems that this kind of dialogue is everywhere, but it is actually the result of careful design. It is a dialogue mode that successfully installs Chua's instructions and makes the other party have emotional synchronization after long-term exercise.
When we install Chua's instruction, if the other party knows that the answer is half a worm from the beginning (half eaten, of course, is the most disgusting), we can also jam the other party by asking another question that the other party doesn't know, making it uncomfortable for the other party to think about it.
Even if we don't enter Chua's instructions, we can still ask each other's phone number by time limit.
When you are chatting happily with the other person, pretend to look at the time, as if something suddenly occurred to you, and say sorry, "I'm sorry, I have to go first, can we talk about it next time?" By the way, do you have a mobile phone? XXXXXXXXXXX is my number. "Then stop and look at her expression. If she takes out her mobile phone and enters your number, it will be successful. All you have to do is warmly ask her to call to confirm.
Speaking is the most important tool for us to communicate with strangers, generate trust and obtain information.
Wang Li, a linguist, once said, "Speaking is the easiest thing and the most difficult thing. The simplest, because three-year-old children can also talk; It is the most difficult, because diplomats who are best at rhetoric sometimes say the wrong thing. "
In work and life, things like saying the wrong thing or not being able to speak happen from time to time, which greatly reduces the feelings of the other party, even affects the mood of the other party and causes irreparable losses.
One day, a student visited Professor B of a university, and he begged Professor B to say, "I am your student XX, and I failed the exam completely today. As a matter of fact, I've got all the credits, except your subject, which is all that's missing. Teacher, can you give me some guidance so that I can make up the exam again? "
Professor B is considering helping him this time. At this time, the student rudely opened the bag, took out a bottle of expensive Moutai, and whispered, "I thank you for this, so please help me muddle through!" " Professor B suddenly changed his face and declined his request. Professor B is very disgusted with this kind of bribery of students, because he is very famous in school.
If the student knows how to read coldly, he will be able to detect the silent promise on Professor B's face. Maybe he mastered the conversation strategy of cold reading and didn't say anything wrong, so he wouldn't screw things up. Mastering cold reading can not only help us understand each other's psychological activities, but also help us adjust our behavior and dialogue strategies according to each other's ideas, thus winning each other's understanding and trust.
Everyone wants to get the understanding and trust of others, which is a psychological need of people. But we can't count on others' understanding and trust, because the premise of understanding and trust is that we need to communicate with people frequently, which is a basic skill of interacting with people. Timely and effective communication can promote understanding and trust between people, and make people become good friends from unfamiliar to familiar.
We all seem to have had such a psychological experience. When we lose communication with our long-lost friends, we will find that our friendship with them is gradually disappearing. When we meet again after many years, we find that there have been too many changes and differences, and it is impossible to say everything as we did at the beginning.
This distance between time and space reduces our chances of communicating with friends. In addition, we are not good at communication, which makes us worry about not having friends, but also losing the friendship we deserve.
On the contrary, looking back at the process of our communication with all our friends, which one has not experienced the process from strangeness to familiarity? It is through the accumulation of communication that mutual understanding and trust are gradually established.
Cold reading is just a social skill, which can instantly see through each other's thoughts and effectively guide each other's topics by using psychological principles. After mastering this cold reading skill, we need to communicate actively and continuously through some basic exchanges, deepen our friendship, deepen our feelings with sincerity and mutual benefit, and finally win each other's hearts.
Everyone has been off work for an hour, and the company manager Yu just came out of the general manager's office. At this time, he saw an empty office, and a lonely young man was cleaning up the things on the table, one by one. Manager Yu went over and patted him on the shoulder and said, "What's the matter, young man?" The other party said that he would resign tomorrow. Mr. Yu asked why, only to know that the other party was a newcomer who had just come in. After just a few days of training, the supervisor put him aside, regardless of the lack of communication and communication, the work could not go on. Mr. Yu nodded after listening, and then said emotionally, "Young man, I am the boss of this company, and each of you is my child. You can ask me directly if you have any questions. " I didn't do it right. I want you to stay. I'll take care of the following. "The young man was very excited, and he promised to stay in the attention of General Yu.
Communication is not only a means of information transmission, but also a need, a lubricant of interpersonal relationship and the basis of mutual understanding and trust between people.
Communicating with people may have both positive effects we expect and negative effects we don't want to see. Only those communication that can produce positive effects are effective communication, otherwise it is ineffective communication or negative communication.
In the process of interpersonal communication, communication that can produce the following effects is usually effective communication.
Communication that can bring us closer.
Can enhance mutual understanding and communication.
Communication that can build mutual trust.
So, how can we achieve effective communication? This is the meaning of understanding and mastering cold reading.
By learning and mastering cold reading, you can improve and enhance your interpersonal level, make yourself always in an active position in interpersonal communication, and help to establish a sunny communication image in your circle of friends.
When we communicate with people, the four key links are "speaking", "asking", "listening" and "answering". As shown in figure 1-2, using the conversation strategy of cold reading can promote the virtuous circle of "speaking", "asking", "listening" and "answering" between the two parties, so that the conversation can continue effectively and effectively, thus forming effective communication.
Looking at the operation mechanism of communication, we find that good communication will form spiritual harmony between the two sides and eventually gain the trust of the other side. To achieve this, that is, to gain the understanding and trust of the other party in communication, we must pay attention to basic communication skills in conversation, and on this basis, use cold reading to actively talk about the other party's mind.
● Speaking skills
Communication between people is a science. When asking questions, answering questions, expressing opinions and introducing products or services to each other, do we pay attention to our way of speaking and tone?
"You are wrong, it won't work ..."
We often hear such words in our work and life. Our first reaction is always to defend and try to convince each other. Even in the end, we tend to deviate from the problem itself, just to justify it.
Imagine that when we talk to others in this way, most people will respond in the same way. So, can our communication be successful? Therefore, we need to improve our speaking skills and make our words sound better. Even if we find fault with each other, we should make them willing to accept it.
Director Wang of the administrative department said to the staff, "You are wearing such a beautiful skirt today, which shows your beauty and generosity." Mandy suddenly heard her boss praise her like this, and her heart was full of joy. Director Wang went on to say, "If you call later,
When writing, you'd better pay attention to punctuation. "Listen to the director wang, mandy feel very ashamed, is determined.
It must be corrected in the next work.
In the communication with subordinates, Director Wang skillfully used the skills of cold reading, and made the other party accept his own point of view through the dialogue of first promoting and then restraining. In our usual social life, the relationship between superiors and subordinates is not always like this. At this time, our conversation should be more strategic.
When a "turtle" tells his story of returning to China to start a business, he tells a wonderful fragment of using turning words when communicating with people.
What you said is ... quite right, but ...
What you said ... is very correct if ... (learn to express it more tactfully)
What you said ... is very correct, and ... (after being sophisticated, you expressed it wisely)
The same thing, expressed with different turning words, gives people a completely different feeling. "But" is an objection and people will resent it; "If" is a supplement, the other party will accept it, but in case a psychologically sensitive person feels that he has done a good job, his psychology may still be rejected; It is even better to use the inflectional word "he", because this word gives him the feeling that it means later or that he said it himself, not that we added it.
Say the right thing and speak in the right way. This is the basic requirement for us to speak. Only in this way can we easily understand each other and reach a * * * understanding. We need to pay attention to the following basic rules when communicating with others.
When speaking, use more declarative sentences and less negative sentences, rhetorical questions and interrogative questions.
Use the tone of "Yes", "Yes", "Yes" and "Do me a favor".
Say more about what the other person cares about and is interested in, not what you care about.
When you speak, you should talk about the target, the opportunity, the occasion, the way, the substance and the purpose.
Pay attention to each other's reaction, give them a chance to express themselves, and don't chatter.
Don't speak too loudly, be soft and cheerful, and have a positive attitude.
Praise and affirm each other at the right time and enliven the conversation atmosphere.
The skill of "asking questions"
Asking questions is an art of speaking, which plays an important role in "narrowing" the distance between the two sides of communication. In the process of communicating with people, only by asking appropriate questions can we achieve the purpose of smooth communication and make the situation and results of the conversation beneficial to ourselves.
In the process of communicating with people, when asking questions, we should consciously lead the other person's ideas to the purpose of our questions, and at the same time try to make the other person feel the sincerity of our questions and make him embarrassed to refuse. The other party forgot to turn off the computer, so we can casually ask, "Do you still use the computer?" This is better than just saying, "Why didn't you turn off the computer when you finished using it?" .
Asking questions is also an effective means to change the subject, get information, break the deadlock and guide ideas. Clever questions can immediately open each other's chatterboxes, make each other feel reunited after a long separation, and instantly become our good friends.
In social situations, try to use open-ended questions, less closed questions, and give each other a free communication situation.
Open-ended questions usually start with what, how, how, how or why.
"Do you have any special ideas?"
"What do you think of this matter?"
Why do you always like buying new clothes?
"How is your family?"
"How is your work recently?"
"What do you want me to do?"
Open-ended questions can make each other open their hearts, relax their vigilance, and speak their own thoughts as much as possible, thus helping us to communicate with each other from more angles and get to know each other more comprehensively.
If you use closed questions, such as who, when, where, yes, which one, will, can, can, do or not, you can only get the other person's yes, no, no.
● "Listening" skills
"Listening" should also pay attention to skills. "Listen to the sound, listen to the sound of gongs and drums" and "listen" are not just listening with your ears, you must understand with your heart and respond positively.
Being listened to seriously and actively is the speaker's expectation of the other party. If you are good at listening, you will make the other person feel satisfied and have a good impression on you. As long as you are good at listening, the other party will regard you as a friend and bosom friend.
Listen attentively and concentrate.
Maintain proper eye contact and positive body language.
Have enough sensitivity and be good at finding out the information he inadvertently revealed from the other party's words.
Don't interrupt each other intentionally, but guide them in time.
Repeat and strengthen your concern for each other.
Ask appropriate questions to get to know each other better.
● "Answer" skills
In communication, we should respond in time in the process of the other party's expression, so that the other party can feel the happiness and positive attitude of both sides.
Answering each other's questions can increase each other's understanding of us, express our attention and respect for each other, and thus gain their recognition and goodwill. Positive response to each other can be carried out from the following aspects.
In the face of each other's questions, opinions and demands, we should respond positively.
When we answer, we should be sincere.
Cleverly transfer the topic to the other party, get more information from the other party, and let the communication continue.
When the other person makes a declarative expression, we should nod our heads in time during the pause.
If we master the communication skills of cold reading and improve the communication level with communication partners, it is easy to gain the understanding and trust of others, which is also the purpose of our interpersonal communication.