Don't try to save love, but attract it again. I can't let go of my ex after breaking up. Do you think treating him better than before can save love? This is a wrong idea. In fact, to save love should not be to fight for it, but to attract it again.
Save love, don't fight for it, then attract it 1. First, love is not a pursuit.
This theory may be unacceptable to many people, but it is true. Since ancient times, it is normal for men to pursue women and get beautiful women back. Then why does a man pursue another woman? Because this man is attracted to women, he will try his best to get close to each other, hoping that women will like him.
Men are also particular about chasing women. If a man only pursues a woman through constant efforts, then a woman may be moved, or she may not accept his efforts, repel or even hate him.
Of course, there are also many cases of pursuing success. If men get love because they are always nice to women, then their love is likely to break up because of the change of attitude after they get together.
Why? Because your love is your pursuit, and all she needs is that you are kind to her, then another person can get her love by being kind to her, and she only loves the feeling of being pursued by men. Unless you can maintain the enthusiasm of pursuing each other at the beginning, the pursuer will be easily rejected by the other party and easily replaced.
Love emphasizes equality, and proper initiative does not mean wishful pursuit, but will break the proper principles and form a too rigid and disharmonious relationship. Such a chasing party is easy to get tired, and the chased party will not learn to cherish it.
Second, love begins with mutual attraction.
Saying that you don't pursue love actually has a premise, that is, mutual attraction. Why do some predecessors, how to pursue you, have no results, and even cause your disgust? Because, the other party did not attract you in the pursuit process.
Similarly, pursuers who can pursue success often have their own relative charm, and the pursuit process is actually an attractive process. If you want to pursue each other, then you should properly show your beautiful side, let the other side have a good impression and enhance your interest, rather than just paying so simply.
When you gradually attract each other by showing your charm, your efforts will get corresponding results. For example, two ex-boyfriends who came to the rescue, when the conditions were quite even, one took her to a food stall and told her that Hanting nearby had opened a room and told her not to go back at night. A restaurant that took her in and out of the high-end atmosphere looked at her affectionately and said that she would take you to the fortieth floor of Hilton to see the night scene later.
It is said that love is full of routines, but all routines are actually psychological activities. Regardless of the user's intention behind it, the original intention of the founder of the routine must be to give happiness to the loved ones. Those who are willing to spend their time and energy on you will definitely get extra points.
Third, to save love, don't pursue it, but make a second attraction.
You want to pursue your predecessor? Then, you will be less competitive than strangers, because strangers are fresh, your predecessors know your strengths and weaknesses, and the unhappiness between you remains in your memory. Only through the correct secondary attraction can the other person come back to you.
On the bright side, times have changed and people are changing. Before you can fix it, you must first solve the reason why you broke up. This is the best way to show that you want to continue to explore new areas.
You need to do a lot of preparatory work for the second attraction, such as: finding out the core reasons for breaking up, self-reflection, self-transformation, and improving various abilities ... Only when you do the preparatory work for the second attraction, your predecessor will be attracted by your changes, interested in you, and you will gain a better self in the process of the second attraction. Then, saving love is just around the corner.
To save love, we should not strive for it, but re-attract it.
Performance response: Just after being broken up, the whole person is completely confused, unable to believe and unwilling to accept, struggling in reality and fantasy, and finally recognizing reality.
Reaction principle: the height gap before and after breaking up takes some time for people to accept and digest psychologically.
Behavior: Emotion is in a state of high tension, blindly praying for each other to get back together, or blindly admitting mistakes; I feel that I have made the other person angry, or I have done something wrong, and the other person is joking. This is mainly manifested in the psychological reaction.
Salvage skills: stop contact and digest and accept naturally.
Keywords: recognize the reality
What we have to do at this time is to recognize the reality that we have broken up, stop trying to get back together and admit our mistakes.
If you continue to harass the other party at this time and refuse to accept the unilateral breakup, it will only make the other party feel that you are unreasonable and even more disgusted with you.
2. Exclusion period
Performance response: after recognizing the reality, you fall into the pain of being broken up and naturally look for ways to alleviate the pain.
Reaction principle: Breaking up has caused great harm to one's own psychology, which will naturally trigger one's "self-protection mechanism" and seek various venting methods to comfort and relieve self-protection.
Behavior: For example: getting drunk, chatting with friends, posting friends circle, QQ space, Weibo, etc.
Fishing skills: freeze and disconnect
Keywords: temporary termination of contact
In this state, we will be very painful after breaking up. I will want to let the other person know your situation, tell the other person that I feel bad, and I will want to pray for the other person to come back.
This idea is normal, but we can't do it. Because you and the other party haven't really calmed down, and you haven't eliminated each other's resistance to yourself. Your behavior will only make it harder for you to recover.
The correct way is to disconnect temporarily.
If you still have contact information, try to keep in touch, such as just breaking up and handing over some things in life.
Keeping in touch here is not ignoring each other, pulling black, etc. Try to keep your contact information, but don't mention feelings again. You should respect each other's behavior and try to keep friends. Freeze (principle: emotion, demand freeze)
At the same time, tell yourself that no one can live. This is also called "subconscious suggestion", which can alleviate the pain of breaking up.
If you have been blacked out by the other party, there is no contact information; Don't blindly add the other party's contact information and harass the other party for the time being.
The correct way should be to temporarily disconnect and calm down for a period of time to reduce the resistance of the other party to you and reduce your demand for the other party. disconnect
3. Missing cycle
Performance response: After breaking up for a period of time, I slowly walked out of the pain of rejection, began to miss the good things we had together in the past, and began to reflect on some of my own problems.
Reaction principle: "reflex mechanism" comes into play, that is, the learning behavior in our genes, and we begin to analyze and reflect. Try to find out the reasons for breaking up from your own memory, the other person's reaction and the tips of friends around you, or sum up some problems.
Behavior: reflect on the contradictions and differences in quarreling and getting along. Ask friends, browse past cases, photo albums, chat records, secretly look at each other's space, friends circle, etc.
Salvage skills: secondary attraction, heart anchor
At this point, the other person's resistance has eased, and you begin to enter the nostalgia period. Therefore, the other person will also start to reflect, check your space and miss the state when you get along.
At this time, if you can seize the opportunity to show each other your positive life. Stimulate each other with their own changes in some easy-to-contact ways; Let the other side form a subjective judgment: "Breaking up is not the right decision".
That is to implant an anchor in the other person's heart. Can play a certain role of mutual attraction and mutual reflection.
4. Verification cycle
Performance response: Because of the emotional influence of friends around me, the environment, loneliness, etc., I began to miss each other, want to know each other's dynamics and recent situation, and look for the possibility of recovery.
Reaction principle: Because the information received by the brain is that the current life state is not as sweet as in the past, the reflection mechanism concludes that breaking up may be a "wrong" behavior.
At this time, the brain needs us to "correct" this mistake, so it begins to try to return to "happiness" through reconciliation.
Behavior performance: By actively understanding each other's current situation, pay attention to each other's social dynamics, and guess each other's thoughts and situations.
If the other person has a new lover at this time, he will feel very angry. If the other person behaves well at this time, he will think that breaking up is a wrong decision.
Salvage skills: establish contacts and create encounters.
Observe whether the other person pays attention to you and visits you through social software. Through the information transmission between friends, judge whether the other party knows you, or even whether the other party actively contacts you.
Guess or judge whether the other party enters the verification period like you, if the other party obviously pays attention to you or contacts you actively; Then at this time, you can try to establish contact, create a chance encounter or take the initiative to contact.
What we should pay attention to here is that the other party pays attention to you, and even takes the initiative to ask you out, which only shows that the other party wants to know your recent situation and is wondering if breaking up is a correct decision. Doesn't mean the other person wants to get back together with you. Remember not to rush for success and blindly ask for it.
We should continue to contact slowly, gradually increase contact, and start the second pursuit like when we are in love.
And try not to mention unpleasant things when breaking up and quarreling, and try not to mention past experiences.
Two results can be obtained through verification:
One is that the other person is doing well, not paying attention to you and not interested in you.
The second is to pay attention to you and start to reflect on whether breaking up is the right choice. Two kinds of verification represent two kinds of results, and the possibility of saving success is more inclined to this one.
If it is the second, you need to think about whether you need to continue to recover. If you want to save it, you need to merge the "establishing contact" during the verification period into "establishing indirect contact", approach the other party actively, and let the other party feel that your information has been inadvertently exposed.
In this case, recovery is only the beginning, and there is still a long way to go.
If it is the first one, then you can take action, actively establish contact, create encounters and so on.
Due to the length of time after breaking up, environmental factors, personality factors and other reasons. In every psychological change period, all kinds of situations may happen. If conditions permit, it is recommended to do it with the help of a psychological counselor.