In the family, a good parent-child relationship is not just a child kissing you. It is also important for families to respect each other and not quarrel. For children, an unharmonious family is helpless. There may be many reasons for family disharmony. Here, I will focus on the arguments between family members caused by different ways of raising children.
Let's talk about how every member of my family treats children:
Grandparents love children very much and will help them with anything, so the children instantly become "little emperor+baby mode" in front of them.
Dad gives his children a lot of freedom, and he often allows things that grandparents and mothers are not allowed to do. Children are "crazy+bold mode" in front of their fathers.
I educate my children with positive discipline. I have my own principles and respect his own ideas. Children are "independent+independent" before me.
In addition, I believe children will have different patterns in front of teachers, friends and strangers.
In fact, children can easily adapt to different parenting styles. It is not a problem for them to know that their father does this, their mother does that and their grandparents do that.
But quarreling because of different parenting styles is confusing, annoying and helpless for children.
If the relationship between family members is mutual respect, then everyone will respect themselves and each other, and it doesn't matter if they have different opinions and behaviors. Everyone still cares about each other. A family environment of mutual respect is very important.
How to achieve mutual respect? Let me share my example.
The children's grandparents came to live with us when their children were about to go to primary school. When they first came, they loved their children very much. Grandparents will take care of the children when they go to school. Come back at night to see the children and grandparents and listen to what they did today. I will focus on happy things and not interfere with the way grandparents get along with their children.
I will still get along with my children in my own way, such as brushing my teeth after eating sugar, eating snacks after meals, and going out to get things by myself. These are just to remind children, not to ask grandparents to do the same. They can still spoil their children in their own way, which is totally acceptable to me.
After getting along with each other for about half a month, my grandfather complained to me for the first time: children are difficult to serve. I asked in detail, it was about food.
Grandpa loves his grandson to buy expensive things every time he goes shopping, but the children don't eat much and there will be a lot of food left. It's a pity that they always have to pour vegetables. Even if they do it in different ways, they will still be picky about not eating it. When grandpa complained to me, I actually knew that he wanted me to help him find a way. At this time, grandpa needs to solve the problem, not blame.
From what I know about children, it has something to do with too many snacks at home.
I replied, "Ah, it's a waste to pour rice every time!"
Grandma said, "Yes, the food your father bought is still expensive!" " "
I continued, "He didn't eat like this before. He has a good appetite. Isn't he not hungry when he eats? Did he eat anything else before dinner? "
"... yes, he said he was hungry as soon as he came back from school, so he ate something, biscuits or something ..."
"Well, don't you think so? Next time he cooks early, he can eat it when he comes back from school, and then snacks are still required to be eaten after meals. Try it first, or it will be a waste to pour rice every day. "
"Yes, let your mother cook early at noon tomorrow."
I didn't ask if it was still lunch, and grandpa didn't mention anything bad. I still haven't actively interfered with the way they get along with their children as before. But from time to time, my grandparents will talk to me about other children's problems, and I will also give my own suggestions.
The way they treat their children is slowly changing. Maybe they can't stand the consequences of doting on their children, or maybe they think my education method is better and my behavior towards children has changed a lot.
When grandparents take care of their children, I don't interfere with their educational methods, so when children are with me, they don't interfere with my educational methods. We know that everyone's parenting methods are different, and children are well adapted to completely different parenting methods.
The baton for educating children does not need to be held in one person's hand. When the child is with his father, the baton can be held in his hand. Children with grandparents can be returned to grandparents.
A family learns to accept each other's differences, respect each other's parenting style and assume their respective responsibilities. What can children learn?
If everyone manipulates each other and shows no respect when raising children, what will children learn? What effect does it have on the establishment of parent-child relationship?
Once again:
Children can easily adapt to different parenting styles, knowing that their father does this, their mother does that and their grandparents do that will not disturb them. But quarreling because of different parenting styles is confusing, annoying and helpless for children.