In interpersonal communication, there are often things that make people a little annoyed, funny and can't spit in public, that is, friends pretend to be forced.
For example, I just accidentally brushed into the circle of friends of a friend I don't know very well: "Take a data cable from my husband's company, but fortunately it's not too far from home." And then posted a conspicuous Logo photo in front of the bat company.
I burst out laughing.
Pretending to force is a technical job, and it is really level.
To be precise, the more you can appear inadvertently, the more successful you will be.
For example, this friend, with a paragraph and a photo, let people get a lot of information that they want to distribute behind.
Information is distributed, but it is too deliberate, and it can only be considered as a lower-middle level compulsion.
Poisonous chicken soup will generally make diss say, "What you think of showing off wealth is just people's daily life."
But being friends is different from not knowing each other's background. Do you want to present your daily life or do you really pretend to be forced? Don't everyone have a B number in their hearts?
There are just some forced ways, which are hard to prevent.
Xiaoxian went to a friend's birthday party. When eating, she saw the birthday girl holding the car key in her hand and asked him when he bought the car. She sighed and said, "My husband and I told him it was not a big day. Just keep it simple. He insisted on giving me a car as a gift, and I didn't need to practice driving. He immediately gave me an agreement. "
Everyone immediately hissed with envy and hatred: "Woman, you are a happy trouble."
Of course, there are similar cases-
"Wow, your boy is really good!"
"Ah, not the same job, just bitter director. Now I think I still don't want this position. "
"Wow, you are still so modest. Dude, you are great. "
"Why didn't my husband come to kindergarten with you?"
"Hey, he doesn't know what to do all day. He travels a lot, flies around all day and goes to many countries."
"So powerful, it will be very busy."
"I haven't seen you for many years. Which city do you live in now? "
"Life is not easy, and the pressure is quite great. I have been working hard in Beijing for ten years and just bought a duplex. My hometown also has two suites and a car with my wife. Just a car and a house. Actually, none of this matters. This person is middle-aged, and the safety of the family is the most important. "
"Yes, yes, it's not easy."
This mode of pretending to laugh at yourself seems to require you to pay more attention to praise, which we collectively call "pretending modestly".
I thought it was just an ordinary greeting and was caught off guard by the dazzling light.
From the sense, some people may laugh it off, and some people will find it annoying. If you talk to your friend in private, your friend may agree and say, "Ignore him."
If you still catch a slight emotional fluctuation similar to an injury, it is also a normal reaction.
First of all, understand the psychological motivation behind pretending to be forced.
Austrian psychologist alfred adler believes in his theory of striving for strength that people are born with inferiority complex, and when there are differences in social groups, people will instinctively seek a superior position in the group than other individuals.
It is an original motive of human nature to show that you are recognized, so as to gain self-image and identity, or better material and spiritual enjoyment.
Pretending to be forced is a daily need, and there are many ways to gain superiority in our life stage:
Compared with school results,
At work, compared with the position salary,
Starting from appearance and dress, people generally seek differentiated affirmation and satisfaction between people in the same class or those who used to be in the same class.
A middle-income person and a big boss worth hundreds of millions are asking for trouble than assets, and it is easier to show other superiority in the circle of the same income.
Francis de Waal, a Dutch zoologist, wrote in his masterpiece Politics of Chimpanzees that Yeron, a chimpanzee, was not actually taller than other chimpanzees, but he succeeded in pretending to be bigger than other chimpanzees by putting his hair up, thus arousing their awe.
In human society, bragging is a way to pretend to be similar to the towering hair of chimpanzees. Being able to pretend in front of friends is mainly used to highlight that in this group, they not only have hardware such as ability and family economic strength, but also have soft power such as husband and wife feelings.
No matter whether you have seen those normal, high-profile, low-key and modest pretenders, the final goal is the same. Every pretender hides the need to find superiority among peers.
I pretend that I am (pretending to be a criminal's introspection every day)
Accordingly, those excellent people usually get enough social recognition and superiority without this way, so this is why real cattle people are more modest and low-key.
Having said that, you can understand why we feel uncomfortable when we are forced to pretend. Please comfort the injured.
Because others show their ability and superiority invisibly, it will make you in a lower position in the relationship, which will easily make people instinctively feel inferior and disgusted.
Don't pretend to be struck by lightning.
In fact, it is the best way for friends to brag and laugh it off.
But in the face of this illusory psychological repression, if you really want to balance it, I can give you a few tips:
1, homeopathic pursuit method
This move is suitable for people who show off their economic ability, such as "becoming a director", "buying a villa" and "earning millions a year". Congratulate them on their pursuit first, and then make a promise: "You are too powerful, too awesome. Let's celebrate. When are you going to treat at XX Hotel? "
And don't be shy about asking questions until the other person understands that there is a price to be paid to the performer to watch his performance.
2. Keep Atractylodes macrocephala silent
Package, must have the echo of the object, if you lose the response, it will be boring.
If you don't want to respond, you can use silence instead. In this embarrassing atmosphere, let the speaker bear this invisible rejection pressure alone, or reflect on himself or find someone else to force him.
3. Retreat for progress.
When the other party pretends to be happy, quietly show the other party more abundant conditions.
For example, someone is bragging about his good car and enthusiastically wants to give you a ride. He politely refused and drove a better car.
But this method requires us to be more advanced than the enemy's ability, which is basically a killer.
Of course, these are just superficial skills. I hope that you will succeed in cultivation and have a strong heart, and you can laugh it off in the face of all kinds of threats without consuming your energy and emotions.
Meditate on a formula of nourishing the heart in Jiuyin Zhenjing-"He forced him to be strong, and the breeze blew the mountains; He lived alone, and the bright moon shone on the river. "
After all, we are still good friends. end
-
About the author: Cai Jianjian, a national second-level psychological counselor, writes an in-depth analysis of emotional psychology, makes a warm and rational old tree hole, takes a clear stand and keeps independent thinking.