This is a special visitor.
Call her Li for the time being.
Where is Harriet?
Beautiful, upright, quiet, well dressed, elegant in speech and elegant in manners. .......
It's the kind of girl that ordinary people will like immediately.
Li said that she came to solve the problem of singles, and she was still single in her thirties, so she was worried.
"You can definitely solve my problem. You are very professional at first glance. "
Li's comments made me feel a little narcissistic. Looking at this beautiful little white rabbit and her trusting eyes, a desire to save her came from my heart.
I noticed my anti-empathy, and a floating rise of attention told me that this anti-empathy feeling was very important, and maybe there was something the visitor wanted to express.
The following interviews seemed to be very pleasant, and Li showed extraordinary trust and obedience to me.
Once I was scolded by my boss for something at work, and she called me directly and cried.
Another time, she was drunk and fell on the street, and she also called me directly to ask me to pick her up.
These are beyond our agreement. We don't develop any relationship with consultants except consultation, and we don't contact outside the consultation room.
But the point is, while I am afraid of these consultation settings, I secretly hope that Li Lai will ask me for help.
I found myself in an inexplicable emotional atmosphere: I fell in love with Li? Li is in love with me?
I was very surprised to realize this feeling. The psychological counselor's well-trained professional habit made me immediately start self-analysis: Is it my own emotion? Or the emotion under our interaction?
However, I often get lost in self-analysis when consulting, and I can't concentrate on understanding some information brought by visitors.
Sally seems to have more and more hints and behaviors. She made it clear that she likes talking to me very much.
Even if I can find someone like me, I must be the luckiest woman in the world in my life, and so on.
Although I am cautious in my contact with her, I try to keep my boundaries, pretend not to understand her suggestive language, and sometimes even silently endure her explicit teasing.
I feel more and more that my emotional reaction has developed from narcissism and pleasure to fear and irritability.
Until one day, I finally decided to face this dilemma. At an appropriate opportunity, I told her without criticism: I have a feeling that you are flirting with me.
Ah! Li seemed to feel exposed, suddenly panicked and lost his former high spirits.
Next, it seems that the consultation can't go on, and Li's interest is dull and sometimes groggy.
You see, my friend told me that the consultation could not go on, so I had to refer it to you. After all, it is easier for same-sex people to discuss her relationship with men, and there is no need to worry about ruining it.
Sure enough, when Li and I explored ourselves together, Li's reaction was much more rational.
She's reluctant to talk about her recurring relationship patterns,
In the face of the men she loves, especially the powerful men, she always shows her charming side and makes them fall in love with her. If this move doesn't work, she will feel completely defeated, unattractive and not interested in going on.
This is a relational model.
Relationship mode is a continuous interpersonal interaction mode and a fixed behavioral thinking mode of connecting with others.
It is also an internalized object relationship.
Therefore, for Li Lai, it's not that she fell in love with a counselor, it's just a common pattern of her love relationship.
Because all human motives are related to sex. The pattern of individual particularity relationship reveals the dominant ideas related to individuals. Therefore, contemporary counseling theory is open to sexual images in counseling.
In the consultation, if the visitors constantly show sexual attraction to the consultants, there will be the following reasons:
1, logo or reverse logo
You may agree with a strong mother who has the same sexual pattern as yourself, or you may just the opposite.
I have a neighbor whose mother was a famous romantic when she was young. When things are scarce, her mother can always get what others don't have by virtue of her beauty. Although her honest father was angry, he was forced to turn a blind eye to her mother's actions because he was unable to support his family. When their brothers and sisters grow up, they are always ashamed to hear the gossip of their neighbors. When they were young, the neighbor hated what his mother did and vowed that they would never behave like her when they grew up. However, with the passage of time, this neighbor had to find it difficult to do things. Like her mother, she did something beyond the bottom line for the benefit.
2. Visitors subconsciously think that power is unique to men, so they must be sexually attracted to men in order to share their rights with men.
In an intensive class, the teacher asked the students to do a case. Without naming names, the students were a little flustered. When the teacher asked her how she felt about me, the student blurted out: I think you are so handsome.
The teacher replied: Don't tempt me.
They all stopped laughing.
The teacher then asked: In real life, are you afraid of authority?
The student said in surprise: Yes.
In fact, the teacher has analyzed the students' inner fear of authority from a seemingly unintentional sentence just now, which shows that he is willing to use seemingly flattering language to narrow the distance with the teacher and share the right of authority.
3. In this way, visitors try to control their anxiety by "turning passive into active";
There is a girl, surrounded by many male colleagues. When we get together to chat, we always say some dirty jokes from time to time, and we don't retreat or retreat, and we don't talk, which makes that girl blush and embarrassed. Once, a girl complained to her best friend, who was quite thoughtful, and suggested to her, how about this? Next time you take the initiative to say something yellow, those men won't dare to talk nonsense with you. The girl did the same thing when she went back. Sure enough, when men saw that she was so provocative and bored, they never dared to tease her again. ?
Visitors hope to satisfy their desire to defeat their annoying parents by luring the consultant out of his professional role.
Subconsciously, there may be disgust and hatred for the authority of parents. Counselors symbolize authority. By defeating the counselors or dragging them into the water, they can satisfy their inner desire to defeat their parents who hate them.
5. Having sex with men may be a way for a woman who suffers from emotional deprivation to learn to meet her needs for care and warmth;
The usual pattern of one of my visitors is that as long as they are in contact with men, they must have sex, because she thinks that only by developing this relationship can they show that that person must like her or have a sense of control over this person. She was very upset when she came to consult. After self-exploration, visitors gradually understand that this is a way for her to yearn for feelings. There are many ways to get care and warmth. She can change it.
6. Sex is a way to keep your emotions and life alive, otherwise it will die out.
Another visitor is distressed that she thinks that love or a good marriage relationship must have passionate sex. Therefore, when his marriage entered a dull life, there was a great panic in his heart: marriage is the grave of love, and we are not in love?
From the above analysis, it can be seen that the sexual pattern of the visitor is only one of his many relationship patterns.
For such a topic, the counselor can only keep a frank and open attitude and talk about it easily. The establishment of such attitudes and relationships will make visitors feel relieved that their private and perhaps shameful sex life is not mysterious or abnormal enough to be ashamed to talk about it. Convince visitors that these are just some difficulties in their emotional life and can be overcome in the end.