Such a change is indeed a good thing. After all, love is a mysterious thing that needs the embellishment of fate. This way of love makes people in love believe that the two sides are a match made in heaven, and also makes their feelings more pure, thus naturally moving towards marriage. Of course, everything has two sides. Free love does liberate the nature of young people to a certain extent, but it also produces some controversial topics in society. For example, we often discuss the topic of cohabitation before marriage.
Do you support cohabitation before marriage? I believe everyone has different views on this. If you ask a thousand people this question, you will get a thousand different answers. There is no standard answer to this question, and in my opinion, there is no right or wrong question. Whether it is support or opposition, it is a reflection of people's thoughts and has its own reasons for support. So there is no need to investigate who is right and who is wrong, let alone sneer at people who disagree.
Can support cohabitation before marriage. After all, today's society advocates free love, and people's ideas have long changed. Many people think that cohabitation before marriage is necessary. They think that this is a way for lovers to warm up their feelings, which can narrow the distance between two people and make it easier for them to take care of each other and care for each other. You can also increase communication and exchanges in your daily life to deepen your feelings; Be more responsible for your future marriage and know each other's lifestyle, daily habits and ideas in advance. There is nothing wrong with living together before marriage as long as you can be responsible for your actions.
Of course, it is reasonable to refuse to live together before marriage. After all, the two sides have not yet reached the stage of marriage. By doing so, we can prevent others from getting hurt and protect ourselves at the same time. Many people think that instead of enjoying some beautiful things after marriage in advance, it is better to think for yourself first. If you can't confirm the road ahead, don't do something you regret. This can also promote the feelings of both sides, maintain the mystery between the two people, and get to know each other spiritually through other means; It is also a performance of being responsible for yourself and being responsible for the other party; It is also a manifestation of one's self-love and self-sufficiency.
Therefore, this issue has a long history, and many times we hold our own opinions. In the final analysis, there is no fixed answer, no "should", only "whether it is appropriate". After all, love is a matter of two people, and the understanding of both sides is the most important thing. As long as you find someone who thinks like you and is willing to understand and tolerate yourself, then your feelings will naturally develop smoothly; As long as the other party believes in themselves and respects themselves, then this problem will be solved.
However, in real life, it is not so simple to find the right person. Many times, people will change. After all, we don't live independently, there will be outsiders around us to interfere, and life will be full of some remarks. People are often changed by external voices, and their thoughts will also change. At this time, contradictions will also occur quietly.
One of my readers, Xiaoli, had an argument with her mother-in-law and her husband because she lived together before marriage.
Xiao Li is a beautiful young girl. At the same time, she is very independent and avant-garde. She thinks that cohabitation before marriage can not only narrow the distance with her lover, but also enhance mutual understanding, so she doesn't mind. Her personality is also very good, very lively and outgoing. When she was in college, she often participated in theatrical performances, and she dared to express herself after work, so there were many suitors around her. She once had an ex-boyfriend, and their relationship was very good. Both of them met their parents, got engaged, and naturally moved in together. Only in the end, after the man's betrayal was discovered by Xiaoli, he broke up with the other party and got married.
After that, she met her current husband. He likes Xiaoli very much, thinks this girl is beautiful and lovable, and doesn't mind that Xiaoli once lived with others. Usually very good to Xiaoli, pursuing Xiaoli for a long time. Xiaoli was finally moved by his efforts, and the two came together. Later, the husband took Xiaoli to see her parents. At first, my mother-in-law was lukewarm to Xiaoli, because Xiaoli's education was not very high and she liked makeup. In addition, her mother-in-law is a very traditional woman, so she thinks Xiaoli is not the best candidate for a daughter-in-law or a good girl.
But Xiaoli's husband has been doing ideological work for her mother. He was afraid that his mother would dislike Xiaoli living with others, so he concealed the fact. He has always told her that Xiaoli is actually very nice, not only lively but also gentle and has a good personality. He even made it clear to his mother that he loved Xiaoli very much unless she didn't marry. Finally, her mother-in-law's attitude gradually changed.
After that, the relationship between the two became better and better. The husband proposed marriage, and Xiaoli agreed. After the parents met, the two families naturally talked about bride price money.
Xiaoli's husband's family is general, and her parents opened a small supermarket in the city, saying that as long as Xiaoli got married, she could buy a house in the city immediately and write their young couple's names. Xiaoli's family conditions are also good. According to the custom of her hometown, as long as she doesn't have hundreds of thousands of bride price money, she will also marry some cash and cars. Without saying anything, the husband's family immediately agreed.
The initial discussion about bride price money ended here. But at the dinner table afterwards, her mother-in-law inadvertently asked Xiaoli if she had ever been in love with anyone before. Xiaoli, who is outspoken, thinks that her husband doesn't mind telling her mother-in-law, so she tells the truth. Unexpectedly, when her mother-in-law heard that Xiaoli was living with her ex-boyfriend, her attitude suddenly changed, and she said angrily, "You two actually kept this from me! I have long thought that you are not a good girl. If my son doesn't like you, I won't agree to this marriage. I think you are shameless! "
Xiaoli was very wronged when she heard this, and at that time she didn't know what to say in tears. The husband also knows that he is indefensible and is silent and afraid to speak. My mother-in-law repented on the spot and didn't give the bride price: "A girl like you still wants 100,000 bride price money? It's an idiotic dream! Our family won't give this money. It's up to you to decide to marry you and give you a dime. "Then he turned and left the table.
Xiaoli really didn't expect her mother-in-law to look down on herself so much, and she was very sad at the moment. The husband had to quickly comfort: "My mother is more traditional, don't take her words to heart. It's just that I dare not resist my mother's words. Otherwise, look at this. My family doesn't give money for bride price or your dowry, okay? I know you are wronged, but I will be good to you after I get married! " After all, Xiaoli still has deep feelings for her husband, who is also very kind to her at ordinary times and never cares about living with others. She finally agreed with her husband and they got married.
However, married life is not as beautiful as expected. The mother-in-law's difficulties and the change of her husband's attitude forced Xiaoli to finally end this marriage.
After the wedding, her mother-in-law hated Xiaoli. Even when I talk at ordinary times, my words also reveal my dissatisfaction with Xiaoli. I always scoff at Xiaoli, always saying that Xiaoli is a "second-hand" and not worthy of her son. The housework at home is also thrown to Xiaoli, and Xiaoli will also ridicule: "Don't be lazy, who told you to live with others before, and you should be good at housework?" He even often brainwashed his son behind his back and said, "This daughter-in-law is simply not worthy of you. You are a decent boy. It's really cheap to marry her. I can tell you, you should watch carefully in the future, and don't let her provoke other men again. Don't take it seriously! "
At first, her husband would coax Xiaoli and help her refute a few words. But the last family is always fighting. Mother-in-law often says that Xiaoli has lived with others before, and Xiaoli is often angry and crying by her mother-in-law, and she can't help it. Gradually, Xiaoli's husband lost patience, stopped going forward to adjust, and was replaced by a long silence. Instead of being nice to Xiaoli as promised before marriage, I was impatient with Xiaoli.
Later, things developed and Xiaoli became more and more wronged. Even her mother-in-law scolded her for going out with makeup, and her husband always sat there saying nothing. Facing the strength of her mother-in-law and the cold violence of her husband. Xiaoli, who has been married for only a few months, finally couldn't help it. After crying again, she handed her husband a divorce agreement.
Lev tolstoy once said, "All happy families are similar, and each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Xiaoli's family, because of the fundamental differences among family members, eventually went to misfortune.
In fact, living with others before marriage does not mean that it is a mistake. Only after that, you need to be cautious about your life and find the person who understands, respects and recognizes yourself on the road of love. And in the face of other people's gossip, we should also learn to face it bravely, communicate in time, and eliminate each other's inner barriers with sincerity. As an elder's mother-in-law, don't interfere too much with her children's marriage, especially not be unkind to her daughter-in-law because of previous events, or even hurt her self-esteem. As the head of the family, the husband's practice is particularly important. First of all, you should trust your wife ideologically and try to mediate the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. We should not only protect our wife's dignity, but also give her encouragement and emotional understanding in life. We should also communicate with our elders more, so that they can learn to tolerate the younger generation and look at the problem from the perspective of young people.
Only when the three parties agree and stop talking about the past can we live a good life now. At this time, the family understands and respects each other, the family atmosphere is harmonious, and the whole family is really happy.