So we can't talk? No, we need to change the way we speak, so that you can be invincible. Is to make others talk more. So how can we make others talk more? The answer is: talk by asking questions. Because asking questions can not only stimulate a person's potential, but also enable a person to realize his own value. Finally, you will find that the questioning dialogue will make people around you like you and thank you from the heart.
So how to use question dialogue? Timothy Golve, the tennis coach of Harvard University, asked his friend's ski coach to take the class instead because he was temporarily unable to attend class, but the ski coach said I couldn't play tennis. Golve said: Nothing, just saying. So the ski instructor finished the tennis lesson with trepidation. After the tennis exam, I found that the students who can't play tennis taught by the coach are far ahead of other students.
Of course, this is by no means a case. In Australia, a swimming coach took his team members to the sports meeting, and finally the team members won the championship. The players happily lifted the coach and threw it into the swimming pool, but there was a cry for help in the swimming pool. It turns out that coach can't swim.
Why can a coach who can't swim teach a champion? A ski instructor who can't play tennis teaches students to make faster progress? John Whitmer, a veteran of World War II, thought this phenomenon was quite interesting, so he devoted himself to studying and investigating the teaching methods of the two coaches. He found that the two coaches have one thing in common. Instead of setting an example, they ask questions to stimulate students' thinking and sense of responsibility, so that students can become the leading role, while the coach is only an auxiliary supporting role. Imagine who doesn't like the aura of the protagonist? This aura can not only stimulate a person's potential, but also create a person's value.
Therefore, according to this phenomenon, John Whittemer developed a set of GROW questioning mode, and wrote a book called "Efficient Coach", which was translated into more than 20 languages and sold well all over the world.
John Whitmer said that asking questions is the best way to release a person's potential, because no one likes being told what to do, but the answers triggered by asking questions are the result of their own thinking. No matter what the result is, there is sweat and achievements in it. This is enough to inspire anyone's fighting spirit, and the essence of success is fighting spirit, not ability. Believe it or not, many bosses are sometimes not better than their employees, but he can lead a group of people to work for him. This ability comes from the spirit of struggle.
So, how to apply this growing questioning mode? The author combines four groups of questions into a growth dialogue model. This model is suitable for solving any contradictions and problems, and it will make you feel that letting others speak is the best way to solve contradictions and problems. It is also the most correct posture to activate each other's potential and value.
The first group: help each other find the real goal.
Why does a person lose his temper? Just because this person's needs are not met, but the fundamental reason for not being met is that he doesn't know what he really needs. It's just that what happened was far from his expectation, which caused his inner loss and fear.
So the reason why most people don't succeed is not their ability, but their wrong understanding of the goal.
What is the real goal? Facing problems or mediating contradictions, what needs to be solved is actually the essential goal behind it. For example, if a person asks you, do you have a goal? What's your answer? If the answer is yes, please describe the time, place and specific appearance of your future goal. If not, then maybe your goal is not your goal.
So, the first set of questions is: What do you want to achieve, or what do you want?
Maybe many people can't answer this question, because most people may not know what they want, which is the root cause of the gap between people. And this set of questions will make you think, the meaning of your life, what do you want? Or what kind of life do you want to live and who do you want to be? What will I look like in the next five to 10 years?
The key to this set of problems is to make the other party realize the root of the problem, whether it is a contradiction or a problem, which cannot be solved without finding it. But remember, don't make any judgments in conversation. For example, his goal is to become a star. No matter how he is now, you can't say, come on, do you still want to be such a star? You can't even think silently in your mind, because the other person can feel your subconscious, and such an idea will make you lose the trust of the other person, so this conversation will fail.
After figuring out the goal, the next step is to help the other party figure out the current state.
In fact, most people are vague about their present situation, or most people don't want to know at all, or take the fantasy of the future as the present situation. This is the biggest obstacle to a person's success.
A person can't judge his present situation, so he can't grow, let alone succeed. Just like my favorite sentence: if you don't admit yesterday's ignorance, you can't surpass yesterday today. There is a book called WOOP Thinking Psychology, which contains an idea that most people can succeed, but optimistic thinking makes people feel that success is not far away, as if success is tomorrow, so most people lose their fighting spirit. But the truth is, you even bought the first step of the long March.
So, the question in this group is: What is your situation now? How long has this been going on? Is the situation true? What kind of facts can prove it?
The purpose of this set of questions is to help the other party see the state of the target clearly. Before any contradictions and problems, the first thing is to understand the status quo, and chasing a goal is no exception.
For example, many people feel that there is nothing they can't do and that they are awesome, so let him do something and let the actual results prove whether he is an awesome person. On the contrary, if a person feels useless, he can also try to do something, which can be very simple, because people's self-confidence comes from small success feedback. He will feel that he also has strengths, not nothing.
There was a member A in my old rider club. He feels that he can't do anything well. Once, our riders engaged in offline activities, and the coordinator was temporarily ill. I asked A to cover the shift temporarily, and the result was out of control. Under the overall planning of A, hundreds of people are in good order without any problems. After that, A became the boss responsible for the overall planning of the event, and he was also famous in the circle. Many people in the activity company asked headhunters to dig him up. In fact, everyone has potential. It's just the wrong time, the wrong people and things, and of course the wrong place.
In short, trusting a person is the golden key to stimulate ability and value, so the way to ask questions is to fully stimulate this person's potential ability. Let him see clearly what kind of situation he is in and what kind of things he needs to do to change the status quo and jump out of chaotic thinking.
Have you ever encountered such a problem? Friends or family members have problems, please give some advice. But later, I found that no matter how much advice you give, the other party seems to feel that it is not good. It may be easy for you to stand and talk, and some may even cause conflicts and contradictions. Why is this happening? You didn't ask my opinion?
In fact, when everyone asks questions, they have answers in their hearts. So no matter how others give advice, they may not really solve the problem. Even because of the advice, I will bear the inexplicable responsibility, because the advice is from you, and others will think that the reason why I can't do it well is because the method is wrong. So at any time, don't make decisions for each other, but let them find their own solutions to decide what to do.
I have a friend, Hui Hui. After playing tennis, he said he wanted my advice. So Hui Hui said that she wanted to divorce her husband, and now she is separating, and asked me if I should choose divorce. I said you can get a divorce if you want, if you are unhappy. Shake it, but divorce will hurt children, and the division of property is very troublesome. Then I said, I'll just get along. Hui Hui went on to say, but every day like this feels like torture.
See, anyway, give advice. Why? Because he has the answer in his heart. So I changed my method. I just stopped giving advice. I asked Hui Hui: If your husband is in danger or difficulty now, will you help? Hui Hui said of course. I continued to ask: if you can improve the status quo with your husband, will you still get divorced? A Yao said: I divorced because my husband didn't respect me and changed me. Why divorce? At this point, Hui Hui smiled to himself. It turns out that she has deep feelings for her husband, just changing the status quo and not really wanting a divorce. What is the solution? Find the root of the problem, define the goal, and find out the status quo, right?
Later I asked: Why do you think your husband doesn't respect you? Hui Hui said that she likes playing ball and violin. But her husband thought it affected their family relationship, so he smashed her violin while she was away. The racket is broken, too Hui Hui chose silence for this kind of behavior. After that, her husband became more and more fond of smashing things.
Hui Hui cried while talking, and then I asked: If you treat your husband like this, your husband will suffer silently. What will you do with your husband next? Hui Hui said: I will look down on him. There is no principle or bottom line at all. In fact, I am too accommodating to my husband, because there is no bottom line and principle. Well, Hui Hui himself said this question. What needs to be noted here is that if you say that Hui Hui gives in to her husband, or that she has no principles and bottom line, Hui Hui will think that you are accusing her, and she will instinctively choose to fight back and defend, but if she says it herself, it will be different, because she is aware of the problem and will find a way to solve it herself.
So I went on to ask: What do you think you can do or your husband will smash your things? Change my attitude towards you? She said that she would go home and talk to her husband. When encountering problems, she should let her husband know where her bottom line is and tell him what her bottom line and principles are.
Hui Hui discovered the problem himself and found a solution. Of course, the result will not be bad, because how to decide is her own business, and whether to divorce or not is also her own business. So you can't make decisions or make any suggestions for her, or she will eventually impose all the responsibilities on you.
Later, Hui Hui sent me a special message to thank me. He said: After a thorough talk with my husband, we gave each other room to think. Then, during the New Year in China, Hui Hui returned to her mother's house, without her husband, but her husband chased her. Previously, she didn't want her husband to accompany her back to her family.
The main goal of this group of questions is to activate the other party's logical thinking and let the other party bear its own responsibilities, because all the problems and contradictions are borne by the other party, not you.
Many problems have not been solved, or the goals have not been achieved. The main problem is that there is no real desire to do it But many people think this is not a problem, because they really want to do it, because they don't know what to do, or they are not ready, which leads to the delay in starting. In fact, what I want to do is not just the distance between a wall, but the problem of the link point between heaven and earth in the distance. It seems to be together, but it is actually a hundred thousand miles.
In this set of questions, the way to ask questions is this: When are you going to do it? What are your chances of doing this? How many points can I get from 1 to 10? Who does it have to do with? What efforts are you willing to make to achieve this?
The issue of executive power has always been a hot topic in the workplace, but little is known about what executive power is. Execution is actually the ability to predict and obtain results from scratch. Everything will be hindered by problems and difficulties. People who can see obstacles naturally know how to solve them. Instead of constantly complaining about the difficulties of the matter itself.
So looking at a person's execution ability reveals his life background.
The goal of this set of questions is to find obstacles that hinder implementation. For example, if someone scores 5 points for the future goal, then you should ask the other person to know where the 5 points will be deducted. What is the reason why you failed in 10? And ask the other party what kind of support they need to get to score 10 or close to 10.
The author of this book wrote a sentence in the book: asking questions can stimulate a person's potential and develop a person's value. Anyone who solves problems according to the GROW model can be compared to a life mentor.
A person's ability to analyze and solve problems represents his wealth ability. Moreover, if a person learns one more skill, he can hire one less person in the future.
In fact, a person's achievement lies not in his ability, but in his willingness to do things. It's like we always say that we are not interested in something, but most people don't know that the real reason for not being interested is that you are not doing well at present. Being interested in one thing means doing it better than others, and then it becomes your interest.
And success is to constantly increase your interest and willingness to do things. Spontaneity is far more positive than letting others wind up.
Finally, four questions are summarized:
First: What's your goal? When and where will it be completed? What will it look like when it is completed?
Second: What is your current situation? How to prove that your present situation is true?
Third: What efforts have you made for your goals? What are the ways to achieve the goal?
Fourth: On your way to your goal, who is your obstacle and what people and things must be your support?
This set of problems is not only suitable for solving any problems, but also can be used on the road of growth. It will help you improve or improve your communication skills and your brand influence.