Before starting to analyze how to act, I still want to talk to you about the cognition of saving love and tell a truth (refuse to refute haha); Let's put aside the fate of fate and whether it is appropriate. Judging by breaking up, it may actually be wrong. It's really not you, but being able to break up decisively also proves your "cowardice". Either the hard power is weak, for example, the attraction is not enough, the temporary conditions do not meet the requirements of the other party, and the hard power cannot meet the needs of the other party. Either soft power is not good, such as emotional intelligence is too low, unable to speak, too emotional, too strong and so on. Back and forth, in fact, being broken up is the big difference. As an experienced person, I am not here to comfort you, so I need to tell you the truth of the world in detail for you to accept. Only if you accept it, you will be "weak" for a while, and as a result, you will be able to stabilize your mood and then become stronger bit by bit. When you are strong enough to save your feelings easily, then you really regain the dominance. You can only dump others, and others can't dump you again. This is the purpose of redemption-always taking the lead in a relationship.
Let's put aside the topic of strength. Let me first analyze the points that the other party is heartless to you. Usually, you may think that the man is heartless, but you don't understand why the other person is so heartless. To understand why men are more ruthless after breaking up, we must first understand where their ruthless motives come from.
I interspersed a little knowledge point: animal people have two characteristics,
1) They love face.
2) They like to avoid conflicts by avoiding.
An analysis of the reasons for "breaking up with you" If they are suppressed by long-term emotions in their marriage relationship, they will instinctively resent and resist this relationship.
Do you think that when the other person denies you and breaks up with you, you will also hit him and belittle him?
After breaking up, did you cling to each other for a long time, begging for destruction?
In the process of getting along with you, is it because you are selfish and emotional that you ignore his feelings and even constantly challenge his bottom line because of his forbearance and tolerance?
Do you simply enjoy each other's pursuit of you, enjoy a high-level sense of control, and ignore each other's sincerity and Excellence?
If all the above points are correct, then the other party will really become ruthless in the accumulation again and again.
The reason for this aversion is the gradual derivation of feelings, usually the accumulation of contradictions between you, or the result of a quarrel or cold war between you, which has caused serious psychological harm to each other.
Therefore, if a boy is always emotionally tortured, beaten, belittled and ignored by you in the process of falling in love with you, it is only a matter of time before he breaks up with you.
Being able to communicate with you normally is "not rude"? Sometimes, the other person's attitude towards you gets warmer. Do you think the other person will make up with you? Think too much, men often just want to save face, and some of his actions just want to save face. In the process of redemption, many small partners will find that apart from the very rude rejection at the beginning, the other party is warm to you for a while, cold for a while, hot and cold, like ice and fire. Sometimes I'd like to talk to you more, and sometimes you don't reply to any message. .
It is very common that no matter how good an excuse you make up to meet, he will find various excuses to avoid it. The most exasperating thing is that he often loses his temper with you because of your questions. Men's state of being hot and cold is sometimes not what you think of as a prelude to reconciliation. They are not ready to make up with you right away.
The fact is; They are abnormal because, on the one hand, your redemption will actually give them some pressure, on the other hand, they do have old feelings for you. This also makes you feel that from your point of view, occasionally, the other party does have the intention to get back together with you. But the core contradiction is still there, and it has not been solved, so it is sometimes emotional and sometimes rational, and its attitude is hot and cold and unpredictable.
But this process is the most torturous. In so many consultations I have received in the past seven years, few girls at this stage can maintain their mental and emotional stability, because in this process, you will continue to experience ups and downs from hope to disappointment, resulting in a feeling of being swayed by considerations of gain and loss. Just at this time, many girls began to make false self-suggestion. For example, what we want to imply at this time is, "It doesn't matter, because my temporary value doesn't meet his requirements. I still need to work hard to laugh. " But many girls just hint that they are at this time; "It doesn't matter, as long as you can get in touch, it means that the other party still has feelings for me." Then I began to find fault with some small details and asked them where they were and what they were doing like checking posts, which led to the other party becoming more and more irritable and rude.
In the final analysis, their attitude has changed a lot. In the final analysis, they feel that the core problem between you has not really been solved. Everything now is procrastination, just a choice to weigh the pros and cons. So sometimes I feel that you are still the same, and sometimes I feel that the problem has not been solved and changed. Finally, don't touch it. That's why they make you feel rude again and again.
Taking advantage of boys' guilt, will it be "no longer rude"? Recently, I received such a consultation. Girls like to use the guilt of men for moral kidnapping, in order to win men's continued investment and dedication to her. But I stopped her from saving at once.
First of all, boys' guilt is not something that can't be used, but something that can't be used often. You need to get to the point. If the communication between two people is uncomfortable and the core contradiction has not been solved, then every time the guilt of the man is successfully used, it is equivalent to pushing the other side a step. Because the man and the woman broke up, many people will feel more or less guilty about their predecessors, especially men and women. But if you often use their psychology, their idea is; Since I have done * * * * for you, our debt and friendship can also be here, and I don't owe you anything. If you really force them to think so, then what they invest in you can't be called investment, but settled early and completed early.
Many girls are really cheated by guilty boys in the process of redemption. As I said just now, many boys and girls will instinctively feel guilty after breaking up, but whether they think in their hearts or act, they are just psychological comfort in disguise. Who doesn't want others to say that they are good? Every time you do something for a girl, you may make up for some of your guilt. Also freed a point from this relationship. Men will think in their hearts; I am really affectionate and righteous. After breaking up, you still have to be responsible for your predecessor. I have a good conscience. When I say this, people can only say that I am good, and there is no reason to wear a love rat hat for me. Once you think like this, when will their guilt make up and when will they really ignore you?
Those girls who take the boy's guilt seriously really think that the man still has feelings for himself, and he starts to spoil and arrogance again. Some people even push their luck and start asking the man for this and that.
After a long time, the only remaining guilt and patience were exhausted. At last, I was really bored, and the result was still a great sense of gaffes.
The above situation, whether it is getting along before breaking up or recovering after breaking up, is easy to cause the man's rudeness.
Ok, let's go back to the topic of the strong and the weak at the beginning of the answer. We have broken up. Don't get emotional. There must be something unacceptable about you. You need to be strong and correct. Of course, you are not encouraged to change yourself for men, not for men, but for yourself. The core of hold recovery is to save yourself better. Only such a strong motivation will make people try to lose weight, try to become beautiful and correct their temperament. The most important thing is to learn to maintain a long-term relationship and learn to fix a man's wrist. These are not for one talent, but intimate relationships will accompany you for decades.
The three most important points are discussed here:
a； Learn to understand men.
The so-called understanding of men means that we can dig out and even control many hidden needs of each other from many explicit behaviors. I feel that I don't know my ex well enough. If you do, there will be few arguments. How did you get to this point of redemption? What you think of as "understanding" is just what he wants you to know, which is not necessarily true. Therefore, accurate and in-depth cognition is one of the skills you must master.
b； Learn to "sweet talk"
In fact, what I'm talking about here is sweet talk, but in essence, I'm watching what I say, okay? The ability to win people's hearts You can feel the thoughts, demands and feelings in each other's hearts and satisfy each other through language. Don't think it's flattering, think so? But you are too straight. To love someone is to hope that he can be happy. Language is the cheapest and simplest thing to make your lover happy. If, in language, you make the other person feel depressed easily, it means that you either don't love each other or love yourself too much.
In the process of recovery, there is a 60% chance of success, which comes from whether you understand the correct wording to make the other person happy and comfortable. Most breakups are due to poor communication, so is it important for you to say "sweet words"?
c； Learn to show value.
Value display is easy to understand, that is, becoming beautiful, making yourself beautiful and eating delicious food. If the man sees your new image and attraction after breaking up, he will unconsciously move closer to you.
It is not difficult to recover, even if you meet him heartless, it will be relatively simple as long as the method is proper. You can do it!
I'm koi fish, a relationship counselor. There is no one I can't analyze. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.