In fact, whether there is a chance to get back together depends entirely on your value.
Let's just say that if the other person doesn't find someone better than you, then based on your deep emotional connection before, the probability of your getting back together will be great; But if you are not better than the people around you, then the other person will choose a spouse.
Therefore, when you take the initiative to break up, whether the other party is willing to get back together depends on whether you can be the best choice in the other party's life and whether it is irreplaceable.
In fact, many friends who have listened to my live class should know that I often say that if you want your ex to come back to you, you must let TA regret it, regret breaking up with you and regret leaving you.
Finally, turn yourself into a good enough person.
If you fall into negative emotions every day after breaking up and make a mess of your life, I believe the other party will be glad that you left you at the beginning.
On the contrary, if you become better, completely unaffected by lovelorn, or even become better after breaking up, it is likely that the other party will regret it.
Besides, you broke up. If you don't show some sincerity and attitude, the other party has been abandoned by you once. Will it be stupid enough for you to abandon it again easily?
Besides, you have to figure out one thing, that is, why did you break up on your own initiative and now you want to make it back.
First, the three States that men will regret after breaking up.
●●●● The breakup was too impulsive.
That is, impulsive breakup, and the attendance rate of this situation will frequently appear in intimate relationships.
Two people had a fierce quarrel because of one thing. Finally, the man was very tired. Finally, he said to the woman, "It is not appropriate for us to break up."
In fact, it is the so-called impulsive breakup, also called emotional explosive breakup.
And when the mood weakens a little over time and returns to rationality, you will regret the decision to break up at the beginning, so try to save it.
●●●● I have been exposed to the opposite sex and found that my predecessor is the best.
There is another situation, that is, after breaking up, men are also looking for "new love." In the process of contact with the opposite sex, they found that these opposite sexes are not as good as their predecessors, or even better than their predecessors.
At this time, when he found that the woman he contacted was not as good as his predecessor, he would start to regret it crazily and regret the original decision to break up.
Because sometimes, people will eat the things in the pot and remember the things in the bowl. Once there is a contradiction in intimate relationship, it will gradually enlarge this person's shortcomings and even think that "everyone is better than you."
But when you really get in touch, you will find that the ideal is full, the reality is very skinny, and some "new lovers" are not as good as their predecessors.
●●●● The ex-girlfriend became "sparkling".
Let me tell you something about myself. I broke up on my own initiative. Of course, my girlfriend didn't pester me at that time, just saying that after breaking up, we can still be friends. I didn't think much at the time.
This is absolute. We have been friends since we broke up, but we may not contact each other.
But about a month later, we met at a party. I found that she was like a different person. She not only changed her hair style, dyed my favorite color, but also dressed differently. The most important thing is that her speech is completely different.
Even if it involves many core issues, she can count a few treasures. At that time, I was thinking about what she went through after breaking up and how she was reborn in just one month.
Later, through re-contact, I found that this woman I have always loved may have broken up because of some unpleasant experiences, but it doesn't mean that I don't love her. However, her present changes have revived my inner love for her, so she is now my fiancee.
I want to tell you a truth with my story, that is, my predecessor is like a Pandora's box in a man's heart. As long as the predecessor becomes better and makes men shine, it will attract men twice.
If at this time, your values and abilities in all aspects are upward compatible, once men regret it, even if they break up voluntarily, they will take the initiative to get back together again.
Actually, sometimes men are more realistic than women. No matter what caused the breakup in the first place, they will be ready to move once they find that their predecessors left them for better themselves.
But then again, since we broke up on our own initiative, no matter what the reason, we will have a "defense mechanism" for being broken up.
That is to say, as I said before, you hurt each other once, and you left cruelly. Now you want to save it. Then you must first have a good attitude, because the other party is likely to reject your compound proposal.
Two. How to recover from active breakup?
I don't care that you broke up on your own initiative in the above three points, but since you have gone back on your word and want to make up, please show your sincerity and impress each other.
There must also be a policy: how rude you were when you broke up, how hard it is for you to get back now.
This is your only way out, because the other person will always be the one you abandoned, right?
Redefine your identity and lower your opponent's defense mechanism.
You know, it was you who broke up at the beginning, and it was you who hurt each other. You may have said something that the other person doesn't want to hear. What should you do at this time?
Redefine your identity, say something to each other and be friends again. For example: "Although we broke up, we can be friends" and so on.
On the one hand, it breaks the defense of your relationship, and on the other hand, it lowers her defense mechanism against you.
You think she has been abandoned by you and has no trust and security for you. So if you want to rebuild, this process needs to reduce your relationship first. For example, you can rationalize your previous behavior: "I know I was wrong before, and I have been reflecting for a long time." If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be hurt. Now I regret it even more. You must have had a really hard time. If so, can we? "
Remember, you broke up on your own initiative, and the other party will certainly have various excuses, such as some decisive words, similar to saying that you broke up at the beginning, how dare you make up now, and so on.
But it doesn't matter, not once. We are rationalizing the next day, but in this process, you should be able to bear all her negative emotions. When your relationship can return to the position of friends, she will be in a state of "doing nothing" with you, which is also conducive to your subsequent recovery.
As long as she can break through the defense, then you as friends, to interact, to re-establish the relationship, you are equivalent to a good beginning of redemption.
0 is her backing, not the giver of "love".
In fact, many people should understand that sometimes, what women want is very simple, that is, men care.
Then at this stage, you can make full use of your friend's identity as her backing. When she needs it, you can stand up and help her out when she is in trouble.
Because in the world of women, "understanding" is always more important than "love".
Therefore, instead of showing how much you love her, it is better to turn love into action and do something that really benefits her with your own practical actions.
And the purpose of this process is to build a sense of security.
Women feel safe only when they are protected. Therefore, in the process of men holding women, giving people a sense of security is also the most important link.
If you can understand her and give her what she wants, then she will regain her trust in you. If you interact next, you will be very friendly, and as time goes by, the emotional links will gradually fit better.
In many of my recovery cases, I broke up on my own initiative, then regretted it and wanted to recover it.
So insert a small "advertisement": girls, if you want a man to turn back, you will quietly become excellent and then shock him. When he regrets his decision, he will take the initiative to make peace.
Is the kind of person who breaks up voluntarily and wants to get back together, that is, a bitch?
NONONO, on the contrary, no matter what reason you have to regret, as long as you really realize that the decision to break up at the beginning was wrong and reckless, you can come up with the most sincere attitude to save each other and let them accept you again, and the feelings you saved are more worth cherishing, understand?
Finally, I want to tell you a word: I would rather regret than miss it. There's no shame in breaking up and wanting to get back together. I am afraid that you will miss a woman worthy of your love because of your so-called face.
Psychological test: test what your ex wants to say to you most.
1. Do you quarrel over trifles when you are together?
Yes, I often feel very tired.
Rarely quarrel over trifles -2
Occasionally, but we can make up soon -3
2. Do you think you are a person who likes self-reflection and is willing to correct mistakes?
Yes -3
Non -4
3.will 3. TA volunteered to tell you about her troubles?
Often say -5
Not so much-4
Will you tell your parents the process of your love?
Every detail, I often spit with my parents -6
Occasionally they will say -5 when they ask.
Almost nothing to say, nothing to say-5
5. How much energy are you willing to spend to get what you want?
Everything is mine, and it is mine after all -7
If you work hard, you may succeed.
Try my best to get everything I want.
6. Did you break up because there was a third party?
Yes. -a
Seventh place
7. Did the other party take the initiative to contact you after the breakup?
Yes -d
No-c
The complete version of the test questions and answers can be obtained by private mail.
I'm Chen Yu, an emotional counselor, and I know more than you think. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.