Case 1: In order to check the child's whereabouts, the mother checked the child's mobile phone information and rummaged through the schoolbag.
/kloc-wang hong (a pseudonym), a 0/7-year-old senior three student, secretly swiped his mother's credit card to buy a mobile phone in the next semester of senior three. He has been used to mobile phones for more than a year. "His father and I asked him not to delay his study, and it was useless to say that it was good or bad!" In last week's argument, the irascible wang hong banged his head against the wall and poked his hand with a pen. ...
After school started, he always had conflicts with his classmates. He shouted angrily, "They are always targeting me, and that look is obviously contemptuous. I don't want to go to school! " Although I have hardly been to school, I sleep in class and don't do my homework after class. Stay in school, the teacher forced to accept the phone, wang hong reacted violently, and made a scene with the teacher. His reason is: I have my own goals and circles, and I can't achieve them without a mobile phone. "I have depression, and only one mobile phone can stabilize my mood."
On weekends, parents managed to sneak into their son's room and turn out his cell phone while he was asleep to see what the child was doing. I rummaged through my schoolbag, trying to find any clues.
Case 2: Parents want to coax their children to study with their mobile phones, right?
Xiaoli, 13-year-old girl, "still not awake". During the first semester of online class, she kept her mobile phone and computer. On the eve of school, I refused to go to school because my homework could not be completed. I was also inattentive during school. "I don't do my homework if I don't play with my mobile phone!" "Xiao Li threatened her parents.
I have been "wandering" in class, and I am tired when I go home. I often brush my mobile phone video at night until 1 in the morning, and I can't sleep when I brush my mobile phone. I'm also blind, listless during the day. "You are driving me depressed!" Xiaoli said. However, parents think that children are not depressed but addicted to mobile phones, and only brush their mobile phones instead of studying. They wanted to restrict the use of mobile phones but gave in because she said she would kill herself.
"We can't help but give her the phone back and coax her to study hard. Is this right? " Xiaoli's mother is very helpless.
Experts take the pulse: turning over schoolbags and "coaxing" study are all wishful passive behaviors.
"Looking up information, turning over schoolbags and coaxing children to study with various conditions are all passive behaviors of parents' wishful thinking, which is harmful to their growth." Jiang Pu said that "mobile phone addiction" is a superficial phenomenon, and its essence is an education problem. Bad parenting patterns of parents will affect children's growth.
Internet is a spiritual refuge for teenagers. It is common for children to fall in love with the internet but not with school, which makes many parents have a headache. Parents often pay attention to the decline of children's grades and the "complaints" of teachers, but they don't know what difficulties and problems children have encountered in reality. What is his frustration, pressure or loss?
Jiang Pu analyzed some children's addiction to Internet addiction as an example. Children may just want to relax when they start playing games, but after playing, they find that they can beat others in the game, relax in that virtual world and show their sense of value. For problem children, the most important thing is that games may be the inducement, and then a vicious circle may gradually form-the more difficulties you encounter in the real world, the more you want to catch your breath in games and get a little balanced satisfaction. But the more you throw yourself into the game, the worse his real situation will be, thus forming a vicious circle that is hard to get rid of.
To learn to deal with problems in life, parents need to grow up with their children.
Jiang Pu suggested that when children have extreme speech or self-harm behavior, it is best to let psychiatrists intervene to make some assessments first. For ordinary children, adolescent children think too much, and sometimes impulsiveness is normal. In this period, harmonious parent-child relationship helps to deal with all kinds of contradictions and conflicts.
Children in this period are also under great pressure: at school, they will inevitably encounter unsatisfactory things and have great learning pressure; Poor academic performance, ashamed to face teachers and parents, worried about the future; The interpersonal relationship with classmates is not handled well ... under various pressures, children don't know how to deal with it, and who can really understand themselves and really help themselves.
So what parents can do is to establish a good relationship with their children and give them more positive encouragement and appreciation. For example, when eating every day, don't ask him how he studied and how he did in the exam, but ask him what he was happy or unhappy about that day. Talk less, take some time to play with your children regularly, especially dad, and do this more. You can even make plans with your child, fight games, understand his preferences and specialties, and follow the trend. At other times, parents and children put down their mobile phones and concentrate on their studies; Every night at dinner, parents and children talk about what they saw and worried about that day, and try to solve them together, so that children can find their own strength in participation.
Event preview Wednesday online communication expert Deng
The National Day "Super Long Holiday" is coming soon. Has your child adapted to the rhythm of school life? How to adjust parent-child relationship during holidays?
On Wednesday (September 30th) 13: 00- 14: 30, Deng, an expert in the Yangtze River Health Psychological Think Tank and director of Hubei Psychological Counselors Association, answered questions for everyone. Teacher Deng, director of the training center of Wuhan Institute of Psychology, as a lecturer of the lecturer group of Hubei Psychological Counselors Association, has rich consulting experience in personal growth, children's education and parent-child relationship, intimate relationship and emotional stress adjustment.
You can pay attention to the information of Xin Qing, add a health assistant, invite you to join the "Youth Psychological Counseling Group", leave your own questions in advance, and then Teacher Deng will give a centralized reply.
Editor: Yao Hao