1. fantasy
Only care about personal needs, emphasize your feelings, and be arrogant in interpersonal communication. When you get together with your peers, you will lose your temper regardless of the occasion when you are unhappy, but when you are happy, you will dance and have fun, regardless of other people's emotions and attitudes. In addition, in our relationship with others, we overestimate each other's intimacy and say something we shouldn't say. This kind of too intimate behavior will alienate people from it for psychological prevention.
be jealous of
Jealous people always observe everything through binoculars. In the telescope, small objects become bigger, short people become giants, and doubts become facts. Jealousy is a kind of dissatisfaction, unhappiness, loss, hatred and even some destructive danger to people who are connected with themselves and stronger than themselves. It is a kind of negative mentality that comes from comparing yourself with others. When you see that people who have some connection with you have achieved superior status or achievements, you will feel jealous; When the other side faces or falls into disaster, they will look at the fire from the other side and gloat; Even with the help of rumors, slander, difficulties, hard shoes and other means to belittle others and comfort themselves. As Hegel said: "A jealous person can't achieve great things by himself, so he tries to underestimate the greatness of others and belittle the greatness of others to make it consistent with himself."
doubt
This is a bad psychological quality in interpersonal communication, which can be said to be an erosion of the tree of friendship. This kind of mood is fascinating and confusing. It can make you lost, confuse friends and enemies, and ruin people's careers. Suspicious people often assume that others are not satisfied with themselves, and then look for evidence in life. With the beggar-thy-neighbor mentality, it is bound to impose facts out of thin air and even misinterpret the goodwill of others as malice. This is a narrow, one-sided and unfounded blind imagination.
self-abased
American psychologists' research shows that if children's achievements in various activities are recognized, supported and praised by teachers, parents and peers, they will enhance their self-confidence and curiosity, gain a sense of happiness and satisfaction in their hearts, and form a good habit of being diligent and eager to learn. On the contrary, they will feel frustrated and inferior. The formation of individual inferiority complex is mainly the result of the long-term influence of social environment.
Shallow inferiority is that others look down on themselves, and deep understanding is that they look down on themselves, that is, they lack self-confidence.
interfere
Psychological research has found that everyone needs an inviolable living space; Similarly, everyone needs a psychological space of their own. No matter how close a friend is, there are personal secrets and inner worlds that he is unwilling to reveal to others. Some people just like to inquire, inquire and spread other people's private affairs when they get along. This kind of person is keen to pry into other people's situation, and does not necessarily have any practical purpose. They are just low-level psychological satisfaction in prying into other people's privacy.
be shy
Shyness is a kind of psychology that most people have. People with this mentality are often shy or afraid to meet people in communication places or public places. Because of excessive anxiety and unnecessary worry, people are confused in words and actions. In the long run, it will not be conducive to normal communication with others.
7. hostility
This is a serious psychological obstacle to communication. Such people always treat others with hatred. This kind of psychology may come from being abused by the family environment when I was a child, making him feel that others hate me and I hate everyone. Show intolerant hostility towards people who are not as good as themselves; People who are better than themselves express hostility in a way that dares to anger and dare not speak; For people in similar situations, they express hostility by attacking and slandering. So that people around you are in danger of being hurt at any time, instead of interacting with them.
Second, overcome the psychological barriers of interpersonal communication-foster strengths and avoid weaknesses
The most effective way to overcome psychological barriers in interpersonal communication is to "foster strengths and avoid weaknesses". "Developing strengths and avoiding weaknesses" is a natural law, and it conforms to nature. Some creatures can survive in the cruel competition of nature for hundreds of millions of years only by relying on some kind of "power" because it constantly evolves and perfects its "power". For example, earthworms cut off their bodies and sea cucumbers abandon their internal organs, all of which can be regenerated. This is their "strength" for survival. If they didn't make full use of their "strengths" in evolution, the forces of nature would have eliminated them long ago. The "strength" of human beings is the brain and thinking, and the developed brain becomes the king of all things. If our ancestors were worried about "defects" such as beating lions, running cheetahs and swimming fish every day, would we still be human?
People who are eager to overcome the fear of interpersonal communication often only see the advantages of others and their own shortcomings. They envy those who are glib, eloquent and graceful in social situations, and focus on their own "clumsy tongue", often ignoring their written expression and logical thinking ability. If a person with interpersonal phobia often forces himself to "talk and laugh", the result may be more and more stuttering and blushing.
Everyone has his own advantages. Only by discovering and using these advantages to compete with others can we get twice the result with half the effort. If you only focus on overcoming your own shortcomings and don't pay attention to exerting your own advantages, then you will not only have no chance of winning, but even your advantages may become shortcomings because you can't exert them. The formation of defects is not built in a day, nor is melting built in a day. We must be mentally prepared for a protracted war. Take interpersonal phobia as an example, it often has the internal psychological basis of introversion and inferiority, or the defects of external appearance and language expression ability. In order to overcome the psychological obstacles caused by this, we must not forget the method of "fostering strengths and avoiding weaknesses" and fight a protracted war strategically.
Third, mental health care.
If you want to overcome the psychological barriers in interpersonal communication, you must do a good job in the following aspects of mental health care:
1, accept yourself
As the saying goes, "Know yourself and know yourself." Whether we can correctly understand, evaluate and accept ourselves is the premise of maintaining mental health. But "the authorities are fascinated." Not everyone can truly realize self-cognition, and self-cognitive disorder is an important reason for psychological imbalance. We should fully understand our psychological characteristics, advantages and disadvantages, make an objective and appropriate evaluation of ourselves, and prevent ourselves from becoming conceited because of high evaluation, or from falling into inferiority because of low evaluation. We should strive to establish the concept of "I am unique in this world", accept ourselves and face our study and life in a positive state.
2. Active communication
Whether the interpersonal relationship is harmonious or not and whether you can be accepted by others also directly affects your mental health. Interpersonal communication is the basic way to adapt to the environment and social life, play a certain social role and form a rich personality. It has many functions, such as communicating information, encouraging each other, generating synergy, forming complementarity, regulating emotions, and ensuring physical and mental health. Therefore, we should encourage ourselves to actively associate with others, not to escape, not to be lonely, to actively integrate into the group, to learn to deal with interpersonal conflicts in life, and to learn to be tolerant, considerate, respectful and sincere. If you can have a few friends with good conscience on the basis of extensive contacts, it will undoubtedly be beneficial to your mental health.
3. Frustration experience
A moderate amount of setbacks can exercise people's will and enhance their psychological endurance. People with strong psychological endurance, even if they suffer great setbacks (such as bereavement, failure in the college entrance examination, etc.) ), you can avoid your own behavioral obstacles and bear the blow, and better adapt to the environment. However, people with poor frustration tolerance are prone to form psychological troubles when they encounter stimuli and blows, feel unacceptable and get rid of them, and appear behaviors such as escaping (playing truant) and resisting. Therefore, modern people should consciously experience the wind and rain, see the world, take the initiative to challenge themselves, and deliberately give themselves some difficult problems (for example, introverts should participate in social practice activities, people with impatient temper should participate in art classes, and so on). ). In the process of trying to solve problems, we should accumulate experience, enhance psychological endurance and maintain mental health.
4. Rational control
Life cannot be smooth sailing, and setbacks are inevitable. Once encountering setbacks, many people will have negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, distress, sadness and pain, which will affect their normal work, study and life. At this time, we should be good at controlling strong feelings with reason, not impulsive. On the one hand, we should think about problems from many sides and angles, and don't walk into a dead end; On the other hand, to change your psychological position, think about it: "What would I do if I were the other side?" Or "what would someone do in this situation?" Calm yourself down in the process of thinking, take action according to rational judgment, and avoid negative emotions such as regret and self-blame after impulsion.
5. Pay attention to transfer
This is a common and effective method. That is, by diverting attention, temporarily forget troubles, dilute bad emotions, and choose what you like to do. The specific methods are: listening to relaxed music; Take a walk to enjoy the scenery of nature; Read newspapers and magazines and find anecdotes; Watch movies, TV, and participate in it; Recall the happiest and most successful moments and so on.
6, reasonable exhaust
Emotions need to be vented, otherwise "depression in the middle" will easily lead to psychological problems. So when people have unpleasant emotions, don't hold them in your heart, but vent them in a reasonable and appropriate way. If you talk to friends, teachers, parents or diaries, you can get comfort and guidance; Shouting and singing loudly where no one is there; Throw dolls and hit pillows; Shut yourself in your room and listen to loud rock music; Take part in strenuous exercise, exhaust yourself, etc.
7. Self-sublimation
Everyone has his own strengths and will encounter setbacks and setbacks. In this case, we should adopt the method of self-motivation to adjust our emotions and adjust and guide the mobilized energy in a direction that is beneficial to people, ourselves and society.
8. Flexible and humorous
Many things that seem disgusting and disgusting, if handled in a humorous way, will often make people's unpleasant feelings disappear and become relaxed immediately. As the saying goes, "a clown in this town is better than a dozen good doctors." Usually it is better to joke more, tell more one-liners, and watch more cartoons and sketches. Cultivating one's sense of humor can kill two birds with one stone by eliminating bad emotions and enhancing friendship with others.
9. The activity is substantive.
A tense, orderly and full life can help people overcome emptiness, loneliness and loneliness, cultivate good living habits, exercise people's will and make people have a positive and optimistic mood. Therefore, we should participate in more collective activities, cultivate our ability to improve understanding with others, and experience the joy of cooperation and success.
10, clever comfort
When frustrated in the process of achieving the goal, in order to eliminate the psychological pain and anxiety and the psychological imbalance of price reduction, we can skillfully find reasons or excuses to defend ourselves and make psychological adjustments. Such as "sour grape psychology", just as the fox said that grapes are sour because they can't be eaten, he can say to himself that "winning or losing is a common occurrence in military strategists"! Another example is the "sweet lemon psychology", which means that the original sour lemon is said to be sweet and everything you have is regarded as the best. When you have an argument with your good friend, you can think like this when you are excited: "It's a good thing you made it clear today, otherwise he won't know when he will lie to me!" " However, the method of self-consolation should not be abused, otherwise it will encourage inertia and bring negative effects.