However, there has been great controversy about the disconnection of the network. Some people directly regard disconnection as a lifeline and deify its function, while others vote against it, thinking that disconnection is nonsense and useless.
If you ask me, they both made the mistake of generalizing.
First of all, breaking up means completely disappearing from each other's world, and not contacting each other for at least ten and a half months. There are many articles telling you that the longer you break up, the better. As a result, when your predecessor has almost forgotten you, you will think about regret.
Therefore, breaking off diplomatic relations has no effect on itself, but what you did during breaking off diplomatic relations, that is to say, you can't pin your hopes on breaking off diplomatic relations at all.
Even the pie will not fall from the sky. What makes you believe that a person will fall from the sky? Is there such a good thing?
There are two problems with the disconnection method adopted by most people:
Disconnection has a negative impact;
Disconnection is useless because it ignores its own actual situation.
I will share a small case with you directly. Some time ago, a tourist found me and said that I had been disconnected from the Internet for 25 days. One day, he suddenly received a message from his predecessor and asked him, "Did you leave your cosmetic bag when you moved?" He was particularly excited at that time, thinking that he was in the faithful wife, he immediately began to make peace and show his love, saying that he had suffered and suffered during this time. As a result, the opponent's backhand was a black drop. It took him 25 days to break the connection and hit Shui Piao.
He just made a typical mistake because he didn't know the essence of redemption at all. He only knows how to disconnect, but he doesn't know why and how to disconnect. Just like Gai Lou, he didn't lay a good foundation, and no matter how luxurious it was, it was just a castle in the air, and it collapsed with a slight shake.
Next, I will give you a good dry goods and tell you what to do in the end!
First of all, hit the nail on the head: I don't agree to simply break up, but after breaking up, you can give the other party a period of time to digest negative emotions, and you can also give yourself a chance to grow up again, so that the other party can see your attitude towards this relationship, and at the same time, you can clean up your bad impression, find the right time to appear in the other party's life and re-establish a more stable relationship.
Therefore, the key points of recovery are: eliminating impressions, keeping in touch, re-establishing personnel and showing attractiveness. I will tell you one thing:
When your other half wants to break up with you, all kinds of emotions will emerge in your heart: unwilling, collapsed, unacceptable, sad and so on.
This moment of denial will make you extremely sad or calm, and you will feel a sense of anxiety and uncontrollable. No one will listen to reason and advice, because there is only one thought in your mind: "Why did you abandon me?"
Then you will contact your ex or hurt yourself crazily in order to get an anodyne answer, which is why many people will be more ineffective in the early stage of recovery, because you are not the only one who suffers, and you are reluctant to leave each other, and the other party will finally be free. At this time, trying to get close will only have the opposite effect.
So I suggest that in the early days of breaking up, try to do what you like, cry when you feel uncomfortable, eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are tired, and it is not a bad thing to burst into emotions.
Because of the influence of extreme emotions, the redemption you make will only aggravate the rejection of the other party, and you will suffer more from being injured again, so you might as well take a vacation for this relationship first. The time is up to you. When can you adjust your mind and stay calm, and then we will move on to the next step. (About 3-7 days, as the case may be. )
Many people have heard of the "white bear effect": from now on, you should not imagine a white bear. After reading this sentence, will a white bear come to your mind involuntarily?
Then please continue to close your eyes and tell yourself never to imagine the white bear again, but you still can't help thinking about the bear. At first, it may be just an outline, but now you can still see its eyes.
This is actually a power of self-suggestion.
Why do I want everyone to do this little experiment?
Because you often peek at your ex's dynamics after breaking up? Every time he sends a circle of friends and changes his avatar, you feel extremely uneasy? Are you starting to feel unwilling? Why can he let it go so quickly? So, you began to force yourself to put it down quickly, and as a result, you couldn't help thinking of him.
Therefore, forcing yourself to forget your predecessor and leave him alone is actually deceiving yourself. "I miss you, I can't let you go", is this a mistake?
You really love him. Why did you forget him so soon? What's more, how much I want you to get back together, let alone forget it.
I suggest you face your heart and contact him if you still miss him. Let me say, "The fairest place to save you is that I haven't forgotten you, and you don't want to forget me."
But you must not rely on entanglement. We can find a compromise, such as returning to the original relationship with him and being friends or colleagues first, which will not only alleviate your pain, but also bring you a chance to recover.
I have a simple template for your reference, and plagiarism is not recommended. Specific things are decided by specific circumstances. Partners who really can't make up their minds can directly find me:
"I thought for a long time. I respect your idea. Maybe there is something inappropriate between us, but I can't accept it so quickly, because things come too suddenly. I hope you can give me some time. Don't worry, I won't bother you or cause you trouble. Let's be ordinary friends and help each other if there is anything. "
I found that many visitors like to ask me as soon as they come up: "Teacher, why hasn't he made up with me?" What are my chances of recovery? "
The starting point of your thinking is around "saving your ex", but you never think about "why is he with you?"
Do you think you haven't suffered enough injuries?
Or is it your infatuation?
You know, the bottom line of wanting your ex to change her mind actually depends on what changes you have made after breaking up.
For example, if the other person breaks up because you are noisy and never consider his feelings, then you can seize this reason and actively seek opportunities for change.
Try to analyze the contradictions that have arisen from his point of view, reflect on what you have done wrong, and subtly pass them on to each other as friends, so that he can feel your changes when he gets along with you, thus changing his stereotype of you.
For example, you can tell him a short story: "I went out to eat with a friend today, because she was late for a long time because of the traffic jam." I was furious. I remember that you used to be late, so I scolded you regardless. Now that I think about it, I am really unreasonable. You often have accidents on your way to work. I have been urging you to lose your temper, but now these things have passed. "
Through such a short story, you can not only hide your sense of need, but also not lower your posture because of problems in your recovery process, and at the same time, the other party will begin to doubt: "Hey? Why is she different from before? "
If you want to re-establish a new relationship with your ex, you must learn to start from scratch and make the other person curious. This is one of the key steps. You can also talk about these topics:
"What brand of stomach medicine did you buy me last time? I want to prepare some at home. "
"The toilet is blocked again. Do you still have the phone number of the master? "
These topics seem to have nothing to do with redemption, but from these simple exchanges, it is enough for your predecessor to see your changes and to talk about memories from time to time. Although there will inevitably be some embarrassment between two people after breaking up, you can still easily open the situation so that the other party can't find a reason to avoid it and is willing to smile and accept it.
In the relationship between two people, "sunk cost" affects our decision-making all the time. For example, the one who pays more will be more willing to compromise and part, because he is unwilling to lose his efforts, while the one who pays less will be easier to leave and give up, because he loves less.
So I want everyone to understand a truth: if you want to save a person by being nice to him, you are likely to get deeper and deeper, but if you let him increase his investment and investment in you, he will cherish you more 90%!
When you have done the first few steps, you will definitely enter the stage of "emotional backtracking", which refers to an emotional state. If you don't make excessive moves after breaking up, the other party's impression of you will not be too bad, so after coming out of the pain of breaking up, you will inevitably feel empty and lonely, and you will be remembered from time to time.
This is a great opportunity for you to turn over!
In fact, what you have to do is very simple, that is, to deepen the impression of the previous step, whether it is to improve your own shortcomings or to cultivate a refined attitude towards life. Seeing a better you will arouse your sense of crisis and you can't wait to get you.
I still have a few tips to help you. For example, you can tell the other party intentionally or unintentionally that you have a new suitor, but you have not promised to guide your predecessor to take the initiative to make up; You can also deliberately say something ambiguous to your ex, but don't make it clear and don't entangle, leaving room for him to guess.
Believe me, when a man can't hold his breath, he will continue to pay for your damn desire to conquer, and then the initiative to save will be firmly in your hands.
Finally, I want to tell you that there are no good things in the world. You have been trying to save him since you learned of the disconnection.
Then you might as well work harder to achieve a better self, make your ex regret being separated from you, and let the two of you reach an understanding on this matter.
What kind of person you want to be after breaking up is much more important than saving someone.
Psychological test: test the probability of getting back together after breaking up.
Have you ever thought about the possibility of getting back together after two people break up? This set of test questions helps you test the probability of getting back together after breaking up. Let's try it together.
Do you still have your ex's contact information in your mobile phone?
It's five points.
No, all 0 points have been deleted.
What is the reason why you broke up?
Due to objective reasons, the family disagreed with 1.
Long-distance love, no future 2 points.
TA thinks I have a bad temper and our personalities are incompatible. Three points
There is a third party involved in our relationship.
After our quarrel, no one would bow their heads and broke up in a rage.
I think TA has a bad temper, always complaining, and was dumped by TA for 6 points.
Of the following four statements, if you had to choose one statement that you agree with most, which one would you choose?
If a person loves another person, he should love all of TA, regardless of its advantages or disadvantages. Otherwise, it is not true love. He likes 2 points at most.
Although feelings are what you want, but it depends on people's efforts, the other person's love can also be controlled, as long as it can meet the other person's psychological needs, love can guide 4 points.
Twisted melons are not sweet. If TA doesn't want to get back together, I respect the idea of TA 1 minute.
The emotional world can never be equal, and those who want to get back together must not be stingy with their 6 points.
When you express one thing, you value it more.
The accuracy of verbal expression is 2 points.
Talking to the other person gives the other person a strong impression of 1.
Are the people around you comfortable with what you said? 6 points
The ultimate goal that words can achieve is 4 points.
What do you think are your basic emotional characteristics?
Emotional, often unable to control his temper 0 points.
Self-control ability is strong, the surface is calm, but the inner mood fluctuates greatly, and it is difficult to calm down 2 points in case of contusion.
Everything is a cloud, and it is not easy to get angry by nature. My friend praised me for my good temper by six points.
Feelings are not slow and direct, but once they are unstable, they are easily excited and angry. Three points
Did you save your ex?
I saved it, but it was rejected. I didn't save four points.
No, I don't know what the other person is thinking, so I dare not say 2 points.
I saved it several times, but the other party was very exclusive, Lahei, and I don't want to see my zero again.
I tried to talk, but the other party thought we were not suitable. Hope to find happiness 6 points.
The complete version of the test questions and answers can be obtained by private mail.
I'm Chen Yu, an emotional counselor, and I know more than you think. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.