The wife said, "I'm sorry! I scratched your face and left a scar. What should I do when I walk on the road? "
The husband replied, "it doesn't matter, I just have a cat in my hand."
Impressionist painter
An impressionist painter's house was stolen and the police came to his house. The painter drew a portrait of a thief for the police, and the police looked for it according to the portrait. The next day, the police came to the painter's house and said to him, according to your portrait, we found a bike and two buckets.
I will tell you the funniest joke in the world.
Gabby: OK.
You are a handsome boy.
Beijing time is still accurate.
The owner of a township enterprise went abroad for inspection and saw many clocks hanging on the airport wall, so he wanted to check the table: Beijing 9:00, Paris 1: 00, Tokyo 10: 00, new york 20: 00 ... He couldn't help cursing: "Damn, so many clocks in Beijing are still accurate."
A bit cold joke
Tutu said, "My mother calls me Tutu, which is nice!" "
The pig said, "My mother calls me a pig, which is nice!" " "
The dog said, "My mother calls me a puppy, which is nice!" " "
The chicken said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "
The rabbit said, "I am a rabbit!" " "
The pig said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "
The chicken said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "
The dog said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "
The cat said to me, "I'm your grandmother's cat. It looks good!" " "
The dog said to me, "I'm your grandmother's dog. It sounds nice!" " "
The fish said to me, "I'm your grandmother's fish. It sounds nice!" " "
The bear said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "
Lang Ke said: "People call me a ronin, which is very nice!"
The samurai said, "It's nice to be called a samurai!"
The expert said, "It's nice to be called an expert!" "
The swordsman said, "You talk, I'll go first!"
Jimmy Lin said: "My fans say my idol is Ying."
Andy Lau said: "My fans say: My idol is Hua."
Jacky Cheung said, "My fans say my idol is called a friend."
Jordan chan said: "You talk, I'll go first!"
The senior math teacher said that I will teach senior math this semester.
The college physics teacher said: I teach big this semester.
The information management teacher said: I teach asset management this semester.
The socio-economic teacher said: You talk, I'll go first.
Peking University said: I am from Peking University.
Tianjin University said: I am older.
Shanghai University said: I went to college.
Xiamen University said: You talk, I'll go first!
General Li Zongren said: I am a benevolent man!
General fu said to him: I am just!
General Yu Dayou said: I am a man with great potential!
General Huo Qubing said: You talk, I'll go first!
The door of Lao Zhang's house is made of logs. Lao Zhang said: My door is a wooden door.
Lao Li's door is made of plastic. Lao Li said that my door is made of plastic.
The door of Lao Wang's house is made of stone. Lao Wang said that the door of my house is Shimen.
Liu's door is made of steel. Lao Liu said: you talk, I'll go first!
Bai Yu said: My name is White.
Jade jade said, my name is jasper.
Redjade said, My name is Redjade.
Apricot said: you chat, I walked first!
The students of normal college said: I am from normal college.
The students in vocational colleges said: I am from vocational colleges.
The student of the Air Force Academy said: I am from the Air Force Academy.
The students of the technical college said: You talk, I'll go first.
More than 60 years ago, a friend told me a joke and made me laugh. Later, I was admitted to the hospital because my stomach hurt too much. Before the doctor operated on me, he asked me why I smiled like this, so I told him. He laughed hysterically and finally died laughing. I was taken to court. The judge asked me to tell a joke, and the jury decided whether it met the factual elements of manslaughter. I want to sign an exemption contract. The judge announced that the court would be adjourned and reopened a day later, and announced that he would accept my opinion. So, I told this joke in court, and as a result, some people knocked on the table with a smile and some people rolled on the ground with a smile. Later, everyone who heard the joke that day died laughing. I became a celebrity in an instant, and reporters from all walks of life asked to interview me. I know that telling this joke may constitute public infringement, so I vaguely said something to the camera to the effect that "the reason is always a lie, and the belief is always masturbation." After the program was broadcast, it caused great repercussions. Unexpectedly, one day, some mysterious plain clothes broke into my bedroom and dragged me into a dark room. After a long time, a strong light shone on my face. I barely opened my eyes and was shocked. The man sitting in front of me is the only person as famous as me-the president. The president roughly explained the purpose of arresting me, which was simple: record this joke and send it to the dictator of a hostile country in the Middle East, laughing him to death. I had to agree to his request, and at the same time put forward that this joke belongs to weapons of mass destruction and should not be aimed at civilians. The president agreed. Two weeks later, the president announced that he had mastered the key technology of the joke and successfully tested it in the desert area. This caused an uproar in the international community, and many countries panicked. International military scientists named it "Laughing Deterrence". At this moment, some eastern country suddenly announced that it had mastered this joke, and the buddy who told me this joke had taken refuge in that country. Thus, a "balance between laughter and deterrence" has been formed between us. Three years later, on April 1 day, what I was worried about all day finally happened: a terrorist organization in the Middle East stole the original technology of that joke. As a result, civilization has been destroyed as never before, and governments all over the world are in constant fear. The United Nations had to hold a global summit and finally designated April 1 day as April Fool's Day. More than 60 years have passed, and I am dying. Before leaving this world, as a historical witness, I feel it necessary to tell this joke to everyone. That day, the joke my friend told me was very simple and short, just one sentence: I went to the ladies' room three times and didn't get in! !
The hunter hunted and saw two birds in the tree. He raised his gun and shot down a bird. He found it hairless. Just wondering, another bird flew down and cursed the hunter: TMD, I just coaxed her to take off her clothes and you shot her down. . .
Amei, a cleaner in a unit, is smart and diligent, but she has only a third-grade education and often writes some typos.
That day, during the unit health inspection, Ah Mui mopped the floor of the clinic clean. Because she was worried that others would get dirty when they went in, she wrote a note and posted it at the door: Please don't let idle people in. I'm clean, Mei.
apology letter
A pair of lovestruck men and women meet to mourn an elder. Later, they were in a bad mood. On the day of the funeral, only the man went to the funeral home, but the woman was not seen. The more he thought about it, the more he felt that something was wrong, and he wanted to write to the woman to apologize. Who knows that the woman is even more angry when she reads the letter.
Do you know how this man writes letters?
"Dear, I went to the funeral home to see you yesterday. I didn't expect to see you. I'm so sad ... "
***********************************
Show filial piety
Father: Don't learn from others all day, so that your parents are worried and have no filial piety.
Zi: Yes, I have insurance.
Father: What is the relationship between filial piety and insurance? Don't digress.
Zi: Of course, because the beneficiary is you, and I have been creating opportunities to be filial to you.
Father: Then when will you be filial to me? I can't wait.
Son: ..............................................................................................................................................................................
Than poison
I have two colleagues, a man and a woman, who like bickering very much. They usually "hurt" each other when they have nothing to do.
One day after work, the girl asked the man to give her a ride. Finally, the male colleague agreed, and they went to get the motorcycle.
When I arrived at the place where the motorcycle was parked, the woman saw that the motorcycle was broken and rotten, and she couldn't help but "throw it" to the man: "Please, this broken and rotten motorcycle should be locked ~ ~ ~ ~. 」
The man stared at the woman and said,
"Then why do you make up? 」
A couple followed the crowd around the big baboon in the zoo.
Wife: "It's strange that the uglier animals are, the more people look at them. Husband: shh ~ ~! Don't shout so loudly, everyone is watching you. 』
***********************************
Ears are here.
The new magistrate is from Shandong. Because he wanted to hang up, he said to the master, "buy me two bamboo poles."
Inquired that the "bamboo pole" in Shandong dialect was "pig liver", and quickly agreed, ran to the butcher's shop and said, "Master Xinxian wants to buy two pieces of pig liver. You are a clever man.
You should know it! "
The shopkeeper, a clever man, immediately cut off two pieces of pig liver and presented a pair of pig ears.
Out of the butcher's shop, the master thought, "My master told me to buy pig liver, and this pig ear is of course mine …" So he wrapped the hunting ear and stuffed it into his pocket. Go back to the county government and report to the magistrate: "Report back to Grandpa, I bought pig liver!" "
The magistrate was very angry when he saw that the master had bought pig liver, and said, "Where are your ears!" " Hearing this, the master turned pale with fear and quickly replied, "Ear … Ear … here … in my … pocket!" "
The headmaster is angry.
At the school affairs meeting at the end of the semester, the headmaster was furious at the inefficiency of personnel management. He said, "the person in charge of the director's business is not sensible; The consciousness of personnel management is not strong; Not an official! "
In Chinese class, the teacher asked a sleepy classmate to answer the question, but the classmate was in a daze and couldn't answer it. The teacher said helplessly, "Will you?" I won't scream either! This classmate: Teacher Zhi is sweating profusely.
In junior high school, a biology teacher once talked about the ecological environment on the African grassland, but no one in the class listened. He said, "Look at me! If you don't look at me, how do you know what African wildcats look like? "
A teacher came up with an idiom "describe a person's ugliness". There are many strange answers when marking papers: "ugly", "cow's head and horse's face", "pointed mouth and monkey's face" and "Frankenstein" ... no one answered correctly. When I switched to the last one, it actually said "like you"
The students are trying to prepare for the exam next week. They are dizzy with fatigue. The monitor ran into the classroom and announced loudly, "Tell everyone a good news and a bad news. The good news is that the exam next week has been cancelled! " The whole class suddenly boiled, and some people danced happily. The monitor finally calmed down the situation and said with a depressed face, "There is still bad news. Next week's exam has been-moved to today. "
When drawing in the biology exam, ask what kind of creature is the cytogram? The correct answer is "female fruit fly". One person in my class answered "female fruit fly". The biology teacher held a meeting to study n for half a day and decided to give 0 points.
In the junior high school Chinese exam, the title asks the name of Mr. Lao She's masterpiece. A classmate couldn't remember, so I whispered to him: teahouse. As a result, the man heard it: teapot lid. Be scolded by the teacher.
Mr. B wants to describe a person's appearance in his composition. Unable to say a word, I asked my deskmate in a low voice, "How do you write a pair of glasses?" The deskmate told him, "It's just a pair of checkers." After reviewing Mr. B's composition, the teacher saw that it said, "He has a pair of checkers on his high nose."
There is a rich man looking for a servant. The topic of the interview is going to the toilet. The first few came out without washing their hands. So the rich sent them away. Only one person washed his hands, so the rich man left him. But one day, the rich man found that he didn't wash his hands when he came out. The rich man asked him why. The servant replied, "I brought toilet paper today ..."
A man and a friend went to visit his grandmother. While he was talking to his grandmother, his friends began to eat peanuts on the coffee table and ate them all. When they left, his friend said to his grandmother, "Thank you for the peanuts." Grandma responded, "Oh! Hmm! Alas! Because all my teeth have fallen out, I can only suck out the chocolate. Old, cough. . .
Eldest brother and second child fly, and second child gets airsick and keeps vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half a bag and throw up."
One day, Big Brother and Second Brother went to the theater again, and when they saw that they were in the middle of an argument about the plot development, they made a bet. The boss pointed to a row of spittoons in front of him and said, "The loser should take a sip of what's there." Unfortunately, the boss lost and took a sip with a frown. The two then bet on the following plot. This time, the second child lost. I saw the second child pick up the spittoon and drank fifteen gulps. Surprised and envious, the boss said to the second child, "You are so amazing that you can even drink fifteen mouthfuls!" " "The second one shook his head." No, I want to drink. The sputum in that spittoon is too thick. I really can't stop biting! " "
feel sick ..
When my friends and I first moved, there was no TV at home, which was very boring. Let's pretend that there is a TV set on the desk, and then we can change the channel by pretending that we have a remote control. This son of a bitch keeps changing channels. I told him, but he wouldn't listen. Then we started fighting.
The teacher asked Xiaoming questions in class, but Xiaoming stood up without saying a word.
Teacher: Xiaoming?
Teacher: Xiaoming
Teacher: Xiaoming! What's the matter with you? Do you know the answer or not? At least let me know!
Xiao Ming: Zhi ~
Three rabbits shit.
The first one is only long.
The second one is just spherical.
The third one is actually triangular.
Asked, it replied: I pinched it with my hand.
Have you ever heard the joke that the big pig said yes and the little pig said no?
My colleague asked me: Is Clinton's wife Chirac?
Once I borrowed money from others, and I wanted to say, "I'll pay you back when I get the money."
Say, "I'll take you when I have money."
anxious
One of my classmates, Yu Jingbo, wrote a letter one day, and the dormitory doorman shouted at the dormitory door: A letter of dried cold rice noodles!
Our Chinese teacher: Please turn to 120 yuan.
The whole class is dizzy, and the teacher is nicknamed "money addiction", hehe.
Once a friend watched a CD at home, and the quality of the CD was not good. The friend said, "Why are there so many Marx?" It took a long time to realize that he was referring to Massek!
A buddy gets married and gives a red envelope. Dude, say no politely.
I said, that won't do. Once a year, be sure to bring it.
In junior high school, the role says "white-haired girl"
A boy (Yang Bailao): I pulled two Jin of red rope and tied it for my daughter. ...
Teacher: It's not like wrapping a mummy …
When cooking, I pointed to cauliflower and said, a potato.
Aunt asked: cauliflower?
I continued to point to cauliflower and said: potatoes
Aunt asked again: Is it potato or cauliflower?
I quickly said, isn't this a potato ... er, broccoli?
Now that I think about it, it's enough to make people vomit blood. I'm sorry, aunt who sells rice
When I went to buy cakes, I wanted to say "two yellow pears send an egg tower", but the result was "two orioles sing an egg tower"
What is even more depressing is that the owner actually understood. ......
In college, there was a girl named Liu Yun in our class. Once, a classmate from another class sent her a letter. The word "Yun" in the lower half of the word "Yun" on the envelope has a horizontal line, which has become a dot because it is too scribbled. As a result, this classmate took the letter and let out a cry, "Liu Mang, who is Liu Mang? There is a letter for you. " All the people in the corridor ran out to see Liu Mang. As a result, this girl named Liu Yun was scolded as a hooligan for four years.
There were rats at home for a while, and my mother bought rat poison to keep the family quiet, but there was no medicine for any rats. One morning, my mother got up and looked at the rat poison in the janitor's corner and said to herself, "Why doesn't anyone take this medicine?" ~ ~ ~ "The whole family fainted. . .
The English teacher teaches grammar and asks everyone before class: "I'm finished, do you still understand?" We replied with one voice: "No!"
Until I raised my cup, I asked the bright moon and sank again, and I suddenly remembered home.
Once playing mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so I had to buy candles to continue playing. After half an hour, it was too hot to stand. One man said, "Let's turn on the electric fan. It's too hot." Another man said, "You can't open it. If you open it, you will blow out the candle. "
As the saying goes: murder and arson, pay back the debt.
In physics class, the teacher talked about radioactive elements and said: radioactive elements are very dangerous, so you humans must stay away! !
Spit out the grape skins if you can't eat them.
I received a phone call at the company, which was promoted by a clothing company and kept saying that I would make uniforms for a big company. I grabbed the gap between each other's speeches and blurted out: "Our company is not in dressing the!"
The other party whispered for a few seconds, said "I'm sorry" and hung up.
Our university teacher: I am looking for three classmates, a man and a woman. ...
The class began to look around, looking for Chris Lee.
Go back to the dormitory after self-study at night, Liu Yuxian mm for one day, and then follow.
I always wanted to strike up a conversation, but I didn't have the courage to go forward until fairy mm was about to enter the girls' building.
I gritted my teeth and stepped forward to ask mm loudly: Excuse me, classmate, are you a woman?
Later ... later, I enjoyed the eyes of the fairy mm for two years.
In Allen's class, the teacher was passionate: How many heroic sons and daughters lingered underground? ...
Students' graduation works are made of big red cloth and sewn on black robes.
The teacher who answered the question asked: Why does Phoenix use red instead of other colors?
When that classmate was excited, he blurted out: Because the phoenix is burning! ! Three seconds later, the students who came to see the defense laughed hysterically, and my stomach was twisted with laughter!
When I was in junior high school, my teacher asked me to recite Mulan words (the teacher was BT), and I was nervous.
When my brother heard that my sister was coming, he slashed his knife at his parents (pigs and sheep) .......
The whole class laughed and laughed at themselves, and I forgot all about the rest. Fortunately, the teacher didn't punish me ~ ~
Heaven, earth and Dou E are more unfair than me!
I bought WSJ for LP. I went to the store for a long time and didn't know what to buy. I just took a bag and asked the owner, "Boss, is this easy to use?" The boss (male) wait for a while looked at me carefully for 5 seconds and said, "I have never used this either!" " "
When I was a child, my father watched me write a composition. There is a simple mistake in writing. The father smiled and said to his mother, "I find your son very stupid." I was in a hurry and said loudly to my father, "Your son is so stupid!" -_-b
When soldiers come to earth to cover water, they will block it.
My mother once went to the bank to pay the water bill. After paying the money, the bank said that you don't have enough money. This is the second page. This should also be handed in.
My mother: What's the second page?
Staff: Sewage
My mother: My family never drinks sewage.
The director of our senior three office once again angrily scolded us for not listening to the class and said, "Don't blame me for turning against you in the future!" "
The math teacher's trademark action
Put up two fingers and say to the students, "Students, the key to learning math well is three words!" " ! ! Do more exercises! ! "
A few days ago, I said that my girlfriend was as stupid as a pig. She twisted me, which was very painful and she never let go. When I was in a hurry, I said, "I told your mother that you abused pigs!" "
One day, I went to worship Guanyin with my parents and my brother.
I didn't wake up, just come forward to say:
Suffering Guanyin ...
Mom and Dad:->-|||
Brother:->-||||
Bodhisattva: T _ _ _ _ T ||||||
When I was in FoxPro class in my sophomore year, a teacher began to count how many people were in our class.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, tick ...
One day, my dear mother asked me to buy pepper.
Mommy: "Go and buy a catty of peppers."
Even: "A catty! Why buy so much? "
Mommy: "Nonsense ~ To cook! ! ! "
I was depressed and surprised when I went out to buy it. When I left, I specifically asked, "Are you sure you want to buy a catty?" ! "
Answer my eyes! anxious ...
When I arrived at the vegetable market, the more I thought about it, the more wrong I was. Why did you buy a catty of peppers? Too many, isn't it? ! Take out your cell phone.-Confirm again!
The answer is still the same: a catty of pepper! ! !
28 yuan, a kilo of peppers, the boss weighed and bagged me. I was about to pay when the phone rang ~ ~ ~ Mom? !
I only heard the roar on the phone: "Wrong! No! ! Not a catty, not a catty, but one or two! ! ! "
Sweat! ! ! !
When the house was just delivered, there were many people coming and going, and every time the security guard asked questions.
Originally, I wanted to say that I am the landlord, but I often say that I am the landlord.
I ran away while the security guard was short-circuited
When I was a freshman, I played a "thief" at a party in the courtyard, which made me famous and won the favor of girls. He is called a "thief" on weekdays. One day, when I was visiting the Asian Trade, I was seen by a Harbin girl who spoke very quickly in my class. She shouted at me excitedly, "Alas-thief-thief", and I was immediately caught by the people next to me. ...
also
In the unit's toast, a leader said, "I wish you good health ..." Hold your breath, and there will be no more words.
Once I booked a hotel for my boss and wanted to ask if there was any free internet service. I couldn't figure out how to say it, so I asked him, "Excuse me, do you have any special services here?" "
The other party: "What? Special service We are a regular hotel! "
-__-! ! ! !
Old four in the dormitory got out of bed and looked for slippers for a long time. No, I asked everyone: Where are my slippers?
When shopping, my friend suddenly exclaimed, "Wow! Virgin bookstore! "I was frightened. I looked up and saw a plaque with four big characters written on it.
-Foreign language bookstore-_ _!
I once went to buy mutton kebabs.
Hold out four fingers and say "three kebabs" to the boss.
The boss received "How much?"
I held out three more fingers and said "four" ...
Our general manager is surnamed Zhou. I was driving as soon as he called. When I get nervous, I say, "Premier Zhou ..."
My surname is Zhu, the computer room of the management unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" I was yelling at that guy.
Waiting in line in the canteen, I heard a boy next to me say, "Master, a bowl of bullet cauliflower soup!" " "(Porphyra and egg soup) Haha, I laughed and sprayed soup.
One day, I ate slowly in the rice noodle shop and was hungry.
Finally, I couldn't bear to strike the table and roar. I wanted to say no to rice noodles, so I lifted the table!
The result said, "Boss! ! ! ! I'll eat the table without rice noodles! ! ! ! "
The whole store was silent for 3 seconds, and then burst into laughter under the table ... shame. ...
When my parents quarreled, my father said angrily, "I want to go out!" " "
Playing basketball in high school, A gets the ball and selflessly passes it to B, and B scores easily. After a while, B got the ball, A shouted to pass it to him, but B threw it himself. As a result, A shouted angrily: I was really blind just now. ...
Full laughter
In my impression, the monitor of the primary school is extremely serious. A self-study class, the classroom was crowded with people. After several times of maintaining order, the monitor was finally fed up. He stood up, patted the table and shouted, whoever makes any more noise will break his mouth! ! ! ..... class be quiet.
When we were in college, we asked a friend how Manchester United was. He said excitedly, "Manchester United lost and Beckham took two yellow plates!" " "
Don't take porcelain work without a golden hoop.
When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture and talked about a new material, saying, "The sexual function of this material is incomparable with that of the old material ... Oh, no, the performance and function ..."
Just went to college, military training, the company commander didn't know where the accent was, and shouted the password-"Drill to the left!" "Drill to the right!"
When I was in college, I heard a girl order: Master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour potato shreds, not potatoes!
When I was a sophomore, our Chinese teacher was an old teacher who had just transferred from Nanchang to Beijing. He has a strong accent. His son is attached to the Department of Architecture of Tsinghua, which is also the purpose of his coming to Beijing. He is very proud of his son and always tells us about his son. Every time he says, "My (my) (son) is from Tsinghua University Toad (Architecture)".
If moths jump on frogs and toads, won't they become snacks? ...
Cooking at noon, my mother made me a pot of carrots: "Go, cut the carrots into diced meat!" " "
A colleague asked me yesterday. How to write festivals? I replied: add a festival section under the grass prefix and remove the grass prefix! All the staff burst into laughter! I haven't reacted yet ~ ~ ~ ~!
When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me when I would graduate.
I wanted to say 2000, but when I got excited, I said, "Two thousand years ago. . . "
What's more, the examiner sighed and said, "Confucius' student. "
10 minutes after class, the deskmate raised his hand and said, teacher, I want to go to the toilet.
The English teacher said unhappily: How old are you to go to the toilet?
One of my classmates has been reviewing the computer level 3 exam. One day, while playing football, another classmate took the ball to the bottom line and only heard him shout: Enter! Get back in the car! (in the middle)
I remember once buying a fruit called Elizabeth. I opened my mouth and said, boss, how much is Shakespeare? The boss froze on the spot.
The physics teacher said, "It's a thick spring. I pushed it from both ends to see if it was thickened (constipation). "
Listen to your classmates,
Once a girl in her dormitory went to buy sanitary napkins.
Say to the boss: a pack of sanitary napkins.
The boss actually asked: Do you want three delicacies or spicy food?
Then the classmate paused and said, Sam Hsien, I'm afraid I can't stand spicy food. . .
Senior sister, college student, late for educational psychology ... walked into the classroom. She glanced at the blackboard. The old professor was angry and asked the teacher elder sister to answer the questions on the blackboard. The senior sister hesitated for a long time and said, "This is too difficult to talk about." The whole class is nervous. (note. Professor's original title:
50 brand-new slips of the tongue have now come to earth! -Laughing till a slip of the tongue 2007 Hot Edition (ZT)
A very good male classmate of mine fell to the ground. I asked a question to show my concern: "Does your ass hurt?" As a result, I accidentally said, "Your ass fell to death." Sweat ~ ~ The brother stood up and patted his ass, farted and said, "He is still breathing!" " I just fainted.
Drink with leaders and others, raise your glass and say loudly, "Let's die together!" My brain was too hot. ......
Once, the photographer of our newspaper interviewed an anonymous star and talked about how he met the star at the meeting. The boss looked at a pile of photos on the table and made a joke: I see you have become his royal photographer. But the boss's southern Mandarin is not clear, so he pronounced "Yu" as "Japanese". From then on, this poor photographer was called "everyday photographer" by us. He worked overtime, and of course he became a "night photographer".
Boss, do you have a toilet paper hunger card?
One of our colleagues is on a business trip, so the dealer invited us to dinner. If you want to pee while eating, the dealer said there is a bathroom opposite. If you go, you can tell the door that we are eating across the street, so it's free. In order to save twenty cents, our colleague went straight ahead and confidently said to the toilet administrator, "I'm here for dinner!" " "
I'm from the logistics department. After the new year, customers call to ask when the goods will arrive before the festival. Because the holidays were so chaotic these days, I couldn't figure out the contents of the order, so I asked, What are you?
A friend of mine has just watched The Legend of the Condor Heroes, and he is very interested in "fighting the dog to win the battle" and often plays jokes on others.
One day, as usual, he. Kicked a man and shouted "kick the dog's leg!" " Everyone laughed wildly, and he felt embarrassed, so he kicked again and shouted, "Dog kicks!" " "
I went out to work during the holidays in high school.
I want to find a job as a waiter in a restaurant.
I'm nervous because I'm a child, and this is my first job.
Originally I wanted to ask the manager if he needed a job, but I also wanted to say that it would be more subtle to ask him if he needed manpower.
The result said, "Manager, do you need a beater here?"
I almost found a hole to get into.
Once I went to the market to buy food and prepare a dinner party. A Korean friend bought lettuce 2.4 yuan. He gave all the change to the vendor, and he was still short of a dime, so he said to the vendor-
"I gave you all my hair, so I have no hair."
The peddler was speechless, and it took him a long time to answer-
I don't want your hair.
Managers usually say to smokers at meetings: smokers are strangled! !
I remember when KFC went out to spread its wings, because I didn't see the advertisement and heard what others said, I always thought it was Liu Xiang who endorsed KFC. When I get to Ken, tell the waiter directly that I want Liu Xiang to spread her wings. . .
After the Sudan Red incident in KFC, I went to KFC, and the waiter asked, what can I do for you? I didn't even think about it: a pair of Sudan red. The waiter suddenly choked.
I went to a small shop for dinner with some colleagues after work the other day. There were quite a lot of people in the shop at that time. A fat waiter is as busy as a bee. A colleague shouted "waiter ~ ~" and the girl ran over: "What are the accounts of several nodes?" At that time, we all fell down and went to this restaurant for dinner. When ordering food, we shout "waiter pays the bill" and then shout "order!" ! "
I met my colleague in the bathroom at noon, and suddenly I didn't know what word to say hello to. The tie asked, "Have you eaten?" After asking, I was annoyed and embarrassed. The colleague replied, "Yes, and you?" I'm dizzy ~ ~ ~ ~
Colleagues asked about the exchange rate between RMB and Japanese yen, and he said, how do apes exchange with Japanese yen?
The dormitory brothers watch Prison Break, which is a scene in which a man takes out a blade from his mouth and kills people. The boss suddenly popped up: "I k, I can still talk, hide my mouth in the blade and take it." . . "
One day at noon, my mother asked my brother to move the table to the side. My brother hasn't moved for a long time. When my mother was in a hurry, she said this:
"Did you hear that? ! I told you to move the table two kilometers to the side. "
=_=! ! !
After the impassioned speech of the trade union chairman, the last sentence reached a climax: Comrades, let's do our work better this year than next year! The whole audience fell.
Our teacher is very good. One day, he said, "Take out your homework, let's check the answers, cross the correct ones, and then write the correct answers on them ..."
I called a friend I haven't contacted for a long time and learned that he was "suspended with pay"
There are so many beauties in Jiangshan, and countless heroes shoot eagles. . . . . .
Go to the cinema to watch Pirates of the Caribbean 3. There is a trailer for Transformers before the movie starts. I can't remember Megatron when I see the fanatic leader, and I can't remember that his team is called Decepticons. Because I was so excited, I was a little exclaimed, "How handsome! It's eight days in the south! "
What's terrible is that it was suddenly very quiet at that time without any movie sound effects, and many people stared at me and laughed ... what a pity!
Have dinner with a group of friends
One of them was probably betrayed by his brother. He was depressed, drank a lot of beer, and then stood up with a loud cry.
Brother! Not for sale! ! !
I think what I'm trying to say is that brothers are not for sale
At that time, more than a dozen people at our table were lying down.
I'm so tired, I'm exhausted from eating shit. ...