I saw an interesting question on the Internet: Why can't I marry a "Phoenix Man"?
The following answers are varied, and one of them impressed me deeply. He said: It really takes a woman's courage to marry Phoenix Man. Have the courage to face the family of Phoenix Man, because after marriage, you should constantly subsidize his family and accept his unrelated relatives. If you ignore one, you will face a quarrel.
This answer has won tens of thousands of praises, which makes many women who marry Phoenix men feel the same way.
The definition of Phoenix Man on the Internet is as follows:
The most terrible thing about Phoenix Man is that if you want to marry him, you should be prepared to face endless harassment from his family and even relatives who have nothing to do with it.
I believe that this is unacceptable to most women.
Women will choose to marry Phoenix Man, mainly for love. But women can accept that men are poor and accept some shortcomings of men, but if all they see later are unprincipled demands and bottomless demands from the other side, the final outcome can only be divorce.
The reason is simple: I can accompany you through the hard times, but you can't let me lose sight of hope.
The word "Phoenix Man" was originally neutral, but now it has become a derogatory term. Nowadays, many people will have a bad attitude towards Phoenix Man, but even so, there are still many women who will choose to marry Phoenix Man without hesitation.
I used to wonder why so many people jumped in when I knew it was a fire pit.
The story of reader Xiao Y gave me some inspiration.
Fortunately, on the one hand, perhaps more, many times, women don't realize that they are married to a phoenix man before they get married.
02
Before getting married, Xiao Y always felt that her relationship with her boyfriend, Gao Jiawen, was very strong and could withstand the blow and experience of any life.
Considering this, she was only 22 years old at that time, and she married Gao Jiawen without hesitation despite the opposition of her family.
Little Y knows about Gao Jiawen's family. His parents are both farmers, and there is a younger brother and a younger sister studying below. It can be said that the whole family is counting on Gao Jiawen to support them.
So little y is very considerate. When she married Gao Jiawen, she didn't ask for a house or a car. The bride price was only a symbolic 10,000 yuan.
When I used to get married, I was almost naked.
Xiao Y's family is a city dweller, and their family conditions are not very good. His parents are also working-class, and they also have some savings at home. When she got married, Xiao Y bought a suite in the city with the help of her parents. The house is not big, it is an ordinary two-bedroom apartment.
After marriage, the two lived in the house bought by Xiao Y's parents.
At that time, Xiao Y still foolishly thought that with their abilities, they would be able to get ahead and make a name for themselves. Awen also showed high fighting spirit, saying that he would never live up to Xiao Y's expectations.
Life is the trivial daily routine of daily necessities, not just shouting slogans.
Little y gradually discovered that the life after marriage was completely different from what she had imagined.
03
In the third month after marriage, Gao Jiawen and Xiao Y discussed taking their parents to their hometown, saying that their younger brothers and sisters were studying outside, and they were not in their hometown, and no one took care of their parents.
In Gao Jiawen's words: I want my parents to enjoy happiness when I get married.
Although Xiao Y was unhappy, after all, the other party was wearing a huge "filial piety" hat, which was really hard to say, so he couldn't help Arvin's repeated requests and nodded in agreement.
After the in-laws moved in, the two rooms and one living room, which were not very spacious, became more crowded.
At the most outrageous time, Xiao Y was responsible for the daily expenses, and her in-laws didn't mean to pay a penny at all, which made Xiao Y's life even more difficult.
Not to mention that. During the winter and summer vacations, Arvin's younger brothers and sisters will come back from their holidays and move in.
A house with two rooms and one living room has six people living at once, including two people living in the living room. The youngest family eats and drinks Lazar on little Y, which makes her complain.
When Ann heard this, she was shocked. She hasn't figured out how to squeeze six people into two rooms and one living room yet.
On the other hand, most of Gao Jiawen's salary goes to his parents, brothers and sisters (as mentioned above, the whole family is counting on Gao Jiawen to support them).
At first, Xiao Y has been trying to convince herself not to ruin her feelings for these trivial things. After a long time, she gradually couldn't stand it.
Xiao Y asked Gao Jiawen to send her in-laws and younger siblings back to their hometown more than once, but Gao Jiawen disagreed. One by one, she was unfilial and blamed Xiao Y. For this matter, the couple quarreled many times.
Xiao Y was originally soft-hearted and quarreled. Gao Jiawen apologized, and then moved with emotion and reason. After a fool, he left.
Xiao y, who can calm down, slowly became suspicious of this marriage. At this moment, she thought clearly, Gao Jiawen is not the kind of "Phoenix Man" mentioned on the Internet!
But by that time, I had been married for almost a year, and it was too late to go back on my word.
Little y is very regretful. When she was in love, she didn't think Arvin was a Phoenix man at all. She just knew that his family condition was not good, and Xiao Lu always thought that she could accompany him through this painful experience.
It never occurred to her that most of her pain in this marriage was brought to her by Arvin.
04
This is just the beginning, and what happened later is even more unacceptable to Xiao Y.
After Li Bei and Xiao Y got married, somehow, my hometown always felt that Arvin had married a rich woman, especially after Arvin took his parents to the city. All the relatives in the family thought that Arvin was successful in my official career and looked at him eagerly.
As a result, some unrelated relatives came over, either asking you for money or doing things with you, and even bothering Xiao Y's parents.
Little Y was very angry and told Gao Jiawen about it. Unexpectedly, Gao Jiawen also accused her in turn, righteously saying: These are relatives of our family. Please help your parents if you can. Don't be so stingy!
When Xiao y heard it, it exploded at that time.
Those relatives in your family borrow money when they open their mouths and do things when they keep their mouths shut. Do they treat my family as a charity or a bank?
Do you really think you are rich? !
Because of this, the couple had a big fight, but in any case, Gao Jiawen stuck to his guns and didn't think he was wrong, and no one could convince anyone.
At that time, Xiao Y had the idea of divorce, but she kept thinking about her previous feelings, always hesitating and making up her mind.
Not long ago, a distant relative of Gao Jiawen (Gao Jiawen called her Second Aunt, but she wasn't actually Second Aunt) came to this city and said that she was visiting. Gao Jiawen didn't even say hello to Xiao Y, so he let them live in.
Arvin's arrangement seems funny to me. At that time, his younger brother and sister went to school, so he let his second aunt sleep in the living room and temporarily set up a simple bed where his younger brother used to sleep.
I said, since I'm here for a trip, wouldn't it be delicious to go out and find a hotel to stay in? Do we have to squeeze here?
Xiao Y obviously knows more about Arvin's character and gives two words, which makes me completely convinced and almost vomits blood on the spot:
Save money.
It's just that Xiao Y was busy at that time and didn't have time to take care of it. Although he is very uncomfortable, he still wants to settle accounts with Gao Jiawen after his work.
05
What happened after that really made her decide to divorce Arvin.
One day, Xiao Y's mother called her angrily and said a lot, which is probably the case: Xiao Y's mother-in-law called Xiao Y's mother and said that she was unfamiliar with this place and asked her to take her second aunt and her family out for two or three days. All young people and old people eat and drink Lazar, but little Y's mother is sacrificed.
"When shopping outside, they didn't even grab the order symbolically. Your mother-in-law and her family of three are standing there like Buddha, waiting for me to pay the bill! "
Hearing this, Xiao Y became angry and found Gao Jiawen's theory: "How did your relatives call my mother around when they went to town?"
Arvin said casually, "Your mother has nothing to do at home after retirement anyway. What's the fuss about letting her take her second aunt out? "
Stimulated by Arvin, Xiao Y put everything that Li Bei's family had done for more than a year on the table and debated with him one by one.
Finally, Gao Jiawen was furious and shouted at Xiao Y: "Isn't it natural for you to marry me and take care of my family?"
Hearing this, Xiao Y suddenly became angry.
What's more, over the past year or so, I have repeatedly made concessions, but the other party has no gratitude, but thinks it is my job.
This incident completely chilled Xiao Y. She didn't want to put up with it any longer and filed for divorce directly.
Ironically, until she went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to handle the divorce procedure, Gao Jiawen still felt that Xiao Y made a mountain out of a molehill. She just had a temper with her for a while and kept telling her "Stop it" and asked "Is it necessary to divorce such a trivial matter?"
Little y is too lazy to explain anything to him. After such a long time, she finally understood that there was no way to communicate with the man in front of her.
She resolutely signed the divorce agreement and then kicked the Li Bei family out of the house.
This house has been bought for almost two years. After throwing the Li Bei family and their messy things out, she felt that the house was actually quite spacious for the first time, and there was no suffocating feeling.
06
Xiao Y told me frankly that she would have divorced Arvin if she hadn't been afraid of others gossiping and obsessed with her first marriage.
This time, it is the last straw.
She said that before she married Arvin, even for a long time after her marriage, she didn't realize that Arvin was an out-and-out Phoenix man.
After marrying Xiao Y, he always thought that he had climbed a high branch and would never ask for it endlessly. He also wants someone to get the truth and help his so-called relatives.
This kind of coquettish operation of giving money generously to others is really unique.
Not to mention the problem of Phoenix Man, Awen has never put himself in a right position since he got married, and he has wholeheartedly "got his hands on the world" and helped a lot of relatives and friends. The question is, have you reached it?
Without this wife, you are nothing.
But he can put on a pair of "you are my wife, you should help me, you should help my family, you should help my relatives" attitude, which is really beyond human reach.
In the previous story, I once said that women must be cautious about marriage. In addition to examining a man's personality, she must also look at his family more, because after marriage, it is inevitable to deal with his family often.
Whether he is a man or a ghost depends on his living environment.
See each other's true colors as soon as possible, or you will find so many unbearable problems after marriage, and you will pay a heavy price if you want to go back on your word.