When I was a child, I often looked forward to what I would look like when I grew up. It was not until many years later that I suddenly looked back that I found that what I miss most is youth. Those times that we ignore have become what we miss most; What we didn't think of is the most difficult thing for us to let go. I often miss my long-lost friends in the tossing and turning night, and repeatedly ask this silent night, if I hadn't done those things at that time, would the ending be different?
Teacher Feng is the first classmate I met after I entered junior high school. At the end of that hot summer, I smiled at her in the reporting queue and whispered your name to start our story.
My first impression of Miss Feng is that she loves to laugh. When talking to her, she will stroke the broken hair beside her ear, think about it, smile and answer some seriously. Her eyes never left. I was infected by that clear spring-like smile and fascinated.
Life is not always smooth sailing, just as the season is not always late summer, the heat will dissipate and the sun will run away. That cold autumn and winter was the most difficult one in my twelve years, and I dare not recall it carefully today.
Junior high school began to prove that I began to contact geometry problems. I sat at the back of the classroom and watched the teacher walk from one end of the platform to the other. The blackboard is gradually filled, and my thoughts are gradually drifting away. When I suddenly woke up, I was in a trance for a century. For example, the blackboard writing of ants and the anxiety of not finishing exercises are eating away at my will. To my slight relief, Miss Feng is still the same.
? We were all assigned to the last row when we were the same height. Although we are in different groups, the small classroom does not prevent me from facing her. Whenever I try to pull back my wandering thoughts, I can always see that she is not in class when I turn around. The difference is that she has fallen asleep and her head is getting lower and lower. After her deskmate woke her up, she rubbed her sleepy eyes for a few seconds and fell asleep again, which made me feel a little comforted. Because it's a long way to go home, we became companions to go home. At the most fixed noon and afternoon, we don't rush to tidy up our textbooks and go home together. The vegetable market behind the teaching building is sold by several families. They cut bags and put them at the door. A faint salty smell pervades the streets and floors. We smiled at each other at that time. There is a song called "In the Field of Hope" on campus radio.
two
If only the years could be so calm all the time, unfortunately, in such a happy time, our studies have reached the point where people can't bear to look straight. Near the end of the term, Mr. Feng and I ranked together, ranking 33rd and 34th in the class and 45th in the class respectively.
Our class is an experimental class, and those who can come in are among the best in primary schools, and they are more or less proud of not falling behind. This achievement made both Mr. Feng and I lost in thought, and the sense of crisis from the experimental class made us worry about our performance for the first time.
The final exam is as bad as ever. When my father called the class teacher to ask about his grades, the class teacher specially emphasized that I could fail the history open-book exam, but I held my breath. At the suggestion of the head teacher, I still went to make up lessons, which was my worst math course, and at the teacher's house, I saw Mr. Feng again.
I was very nervous when I first entered the cram school set up by my teacher at home. I calmed down when I saw Miss Feng. She sat in the first row, with her head down, studying the dense words in her exercise book carefully. I called her name in surprise and sat with her.
It was a dark and beautiful time in my life. I'm tired of going to cram school every day, but I also enjoy the free and lazy time after cram school. At that time, I was afraid of loneliness, and the company of Miss Feng calmed my mind, just like a traveler hiking through sand dunes in a hot desert and encountering an oasis. Happiness at that time was pure and simple.
One afternoon, when we came out of the teacher's house and went down the stairs, we saw that it was snowing outside the window. Miss Feng and I held hands and hurried out of the community. Coming out of the residential building, we seem to have entered a new world. Snowflakes floated down from the air, spun onto the sidewalk and melted quietly. Miss Feng looked at the scene with bright eyes, then plunged into the snow and turned on her back. Joy showed from the corner of her eye and she shouted, "It's snowing!" " More and more dense snow hits the sea newspaper promoted by the supermarket New Year Festival, and the fur collar of the pedestrian down jacket and the red lantern hanging on the street lamp are covered with branches. It was the first snow in 20 15 years.
After seeing the snow, we went to the supermarket again. How much pocket money do we have to buy things? So all we buy are promotional snacks on the bottom shelf. Two dollars and twenty cents can buy a big bag. Now, I won't touch the snacks at home for a month, but at that time, we spent such a cold winter with such simple happiness.
three
The first time I went to Miss Feng's house, I noticed the abnormal atmosphere. The coal-burning stove is still breathing, and it seems to be suppressed when it burns vigorously, but it is still supported by red-hot coal. The air is full of gas. There is obviously Miss Feng's mother warming herself in the room, but the light is off and it is dark, so I can't see my aunt's face clearly. When Miss Feng closed the door, her mood suddenly sank and she tentatively said, "Mom, I'm back."
I called my aunt and introduced myself as a classmate of Miss Feng. My aunt replied and turned to scold Teacher Feng. Her tone is a little harsh. Obviously, she is a biological mother and daughter, but she thinks that Miss Feng is a patron. I held my breath when I saw Miss Feng frowning. It didn't take me long to find a reason to escape.
Even though I noticed that Miss Feng's family atmosphere was abnormal, I couldn't restrain my desire to associate with Miss Feng. I went to Miss Feng's house more often because I found that her parents did not exclude her classmates. Because of this, I know more about the little-known things in Miss Feng's family.
Miss Feng told me that she has a younger brother, and the family prefers boys to girls, but I never thought it would be so serious. Because the rented house is not big enough, Miss Feng and her brother's bed are arranged in the same room. When chatting with Miss Feng, Miss Feng reminded her brother not to lie in bed with shoes on. She said wearily, "You're dirty. I have to wash it again."
? I didn't expect such a sentence to cause my brother's dissatisfaction. He glared at his sister mercilessly, and then slapped Miss Feng in the face. My eyes widened strangely, and I was shocked by what I saw. At a loss, the air began to become dignified and time seemed to stagnate.
? After my brother left, I whispered to Teacher Feng, "Don't you care about him?" Other people's homes are sisters teaching younger brothers and sisters. "
Miss Feng looked up at me, then lowered her head and sighed. "He is used to bullying. This is not the first time. I can't hit him or scold him, or my parents will scold me again. "
Miss Feng's mother sells fried potatoes in the street and pushes cars everywhere. She couldn't read, so she changed her name to Shuiyue, which has always been called Water World. Earn less money, life is trivial, people are slowly smoothed away, and they are grumpy, but there is no lack of goodwill.
When I went to see Miss Feng again, Miss Feng and I followed her mother to set up a stall. One winter afternoon, two little girls pushed the stall side by side from street to street. We wore school uniforms bought by the class, bypassed busy intersections, bypassed quiet streets, bypassed the troubles of young people, and talked and laughed, as if it didn't matter where we went.
four
But I was not a very good friend, at least not then. That day, Mr. Feng quietly cut off a strand of my hair while I was pretending to sleep. It was nothing serious at first, but I got angry and my face became ugly. When Miss Feng saw this, she apologized again and again, but I was a snob and persisted. Miss Feng also cut a lock of hair and held it in her hand, with her head down, at a loss. I still chose to run out of the door instead of staying.
? Miss Feng is still my good friend. When I got back to school, it seemed that this had never happened. We still have classes together, go home together, talking and laughing ... until the monthly exam.
? The first monthly exam next semester, I squeezed into the top ten of my class. It is said that it was a holiday effort, which did not exist at all, but it was just luck at that time. The top ten students in the class can change their seats at will. I resolutely sat with my good playmates in primary school, and we were all in the second row. I didn't know at that time that such a small move changed too many things.
? The success of deskmate's efforts aroused my anxiety. Watching her work hard, I began to study nervously. I dare not be in a daze in class, and I dare not hand in my homework. When she asks questions, I will follow closely. This fast-paced study made me ignore Mr. Feng at the back of the classroom, and I stopped making up lessons. I spent more time on my homework, and the rapid warming of the results made me taste the sweetness. In class, I caught a glimpse of Mr. Feng's head buried very low. When sleeping, my heart rises inexplicably.
"I won't go with you at noon. My dad gave me a time to go home quickly. " Facing Miss Feng who was waiting for me to go home, I left a word in a hurry and left without looking back. The song "In the Field of Hope" sounded behind me, and I quickened my pace.
Miss Feng came to see me less often, and physical education class stopped playing with me. When I knew it, I pretended to be unknown so. After physical education class, my classmates all squeezed out of the school gate, and I was almost pushed forward by the crowd. I noticed that Miss Feng was right in front of me, and her situation was the same as mine.
But today, she is very different. Even if she couldn't move, she was happy and smiled at me like a clear spring, just like when I first met her. In the chaos, she struggled to hold my hand, and I shook it off without hesitation.
? Today, I still remember the scene that day. Her smile instantly solidified, replacing the most common melancholy. I remember her walking in the opposite direction without looking back, and her back was as bleak as night. At that moment, she seemed to understand everything.
five
There is a rumor among the girls in the class that Miss Feng is a Bai Lianhua. I was very puzzled by those rumors, but I didn't say a word to them after all. In fact, not only the students hate Miss Feng, but even the class teacher hates her very much.
After the homework was criticized again, Mr. Feng's mentality completely collapsed. After school, she bowed her head and stared at her homework on the windowsill for a long time, then suddenly turned around and ran away like a heavy object and disappeared.
However, the next day we learned what happened: Miss Feng left home and went to her uncle's house because of the heavy burden of family and school. The teacher and parents worked hard together for a long time to find it. The head teacher is dissatisfied with Mr. Feng's schoolwork and can't bear it. She flew into a rage on the podium, sneered at Mr. Feng in front of the whole class, and all kinds of ugly words poured into our ears like ice water. Miss Feng sat motionless in the back row, her head almost lowered to the table, and her face was still that melancholy.
From then on, the head teacher treated Mr. Feng coldly. When Tang criticized the classmate who failed the homework the day before and turned to Mr. Feng's homework, he rolled his eyes and sarcastically said, "Here, I won't talk about you, lest you run away from home."
Miss Feng's English dictation is a mess. When the teacher asked me to dictate to the unqualified students again, I didn't know what to do with Mr. Feng's unqualified exercise books. Miss Feng also consciously stopped bothering me. Even though her sadness almost permeated the air through her expression, she still didn't say anything to me or let me know anything.
? six
"My parents are divorced."
I met Miss Feng on the bus and asked her, and she answered. After entering the ninth grade, Miss Feng was assigned to other classes, and I saw her less often. Occasionally, when greeting, that's the only answer she gives. No matter how shocking she speaks, her expression is Dou Yun, as if telling the story of a distant relative, like reading an old book.
? As for her depression in ninth grade, I heard her talk about it later. At that time, I was a sophomore. I saw her hair moving, so I chatted with her.
"I know that my mother gave me living expenses because I value that I can work to make money in the future. She is pregnant at someone else's house now. " If you still can't see the ups and downs of feelings, just like the fragments we had in each other's lives, it's just a narrative, not a talk about feelings.
Miss Feng said that after the ninth grade was assigned to another class, her campus life gradually improved, and the teacher in that class gave her a seat next to the podium so that she could listen to the class well. Classmates are very kind to her, and she has made many friends. The teacher who studied psychology takes good care of her, often talks to her, encourages her and enlightens her ... Miss Feng said that without these warmth, she might not survive that winter.
? "By the way, when I cut your hair, I want to put our hair in a bottle. You are my best friend at that time, and I want to commemorate our friendship. "
? "What happened later?"
? "When you left, I threw your hair into the trash can."
Seven?
? I thought I knew Miss Feng very well. I commented and teased under the dynamic of Miss Feng's selfie. An unknown number replied, "Don't spray if you don't like it, okay?"
? I had a fight with the opposite person in unknown so and replied to several comments. Both sides were tense until Miss Feng replied, "She is me, and she can represent me completely."
? I had a private chat with Miss Feng in unknown so for a while. Miss Feng told me that the other person is her cousin and her playmate since childhood. When she was isolated and laughed at, her cousin accompanied her, stood in front of her and even fell out with her parents. Therefore, Miss Feng trusts and depends on her.
? I forgot that friendship needs adversity and * * *, and that only people in the same boat can be called good friends. During the time when I fled, someone walked into her heart, and someone listened to her heart. She and * * * had already separated in time, and our friendship had already died, in that clumsy lie, in the hands of abandoned people.
? Miss Feng, if you read this article, please ignore me and don't change my indifference. I have done too many wrong things, and the memory of you can only stay in my heart like a bloody flower.
? The autumn wind has revived, and the past has come to mind. It seems to be the end of summer. The weather was clear and cloudless, and we passed the vegetable market under the guidance of our teacher. The market is noisy and the mustard tuber is fragrant. Everything is so calm and full of hope.