In the process of psychological counseling, communication is the main thing, but actually doing is more important than saying. The psychological consultation I prepared for you is more important than talking. I hope I can help you.
Many beginners and seekers of psychological counseling often have various misunderstandings about psychology and psychological counseling. These misunderstandings will lead them in the wrong direction, affect their further studies, or fail to find a suitable consultant, which will cause losses to their time, opportunities and money.
The author is a psychological counselor who has worked for many years and has experienced this process. Here, I want to sum up my own experience and talk about the cognitive misunderstandings of psychological counseling.
First, I think highly educated psychologists must have excellent psychological counseling skills.
Psychology is a very huge subject, and psychological counseling technology is only a small part of psychology. The psychology department of colleges and universities studies the content of psychological theory. Most psychology professors and doctors, including masters and doctors of psychology who came back from studying in Europe and America, have little contact with psychological counseling technology. They are good at studying academic problems and don't do psychological counseling. Excellent psychological counseling techniques are rare.
If psychological help seekers find these experts and professors, it is estimated that they will not get any effective help, because people didn't do it at the beginning. I know a doctor of psychology who is a sea returnee. He said that for so many years, his main job was to watch the EEG of mice, but he didn't specialize in psychological counseling, so he was definitely not skilled in using it.
Secondly, I feel that as long as I am a psychological counselor, I can definitely help myself.
In the psychological counseling industry, "interlacing is like a mountain" is a common phenomenon. A large number of psychological counseling experts are genre experts, familiar with psychoanalysis, cognitive comprehension, family therapy, sand table, painting and image dialogue theory. They have no problem in training, but whether they are good at solving a certain kind of psychological problems depends on whether they are familiar with this field.
There are also many experts who are psychological writers, who are good at analyzing various social phenomena from a psychological point of view, but not good at solving problems. No wonder many outsiders find it strange: why does it make sense to solve the problem?
There is a saying in psychoanalytic theory: people who are afraid of spiders are very strict with their children because they have a strict mother. Many people listened and clapped their thighs and said, "That's true! Speaking of our hearts! " But if you know, you should know. You're still afraid of spiders. Only by desensitizing with behavioral therapy can we really get rid of the fear of spiders. However, behavioral therapy has nothing to do with understanding the causes of fear.
Poor children in Cambodia lack food and nutrition, and often go to the fields in droves to dig tarantulas to eat and supplement nutrition. Tarantulas are so toxic that they can even die in one bite, but they are used to desensitization since they were young, and they have no fear at all.
Third, it is considered that counseling is "invisible" and does not pay attention to technical details.
Every field has its own laws; Different laws must have different solutions. But why do many consultants think that "the avenue is invisible"? They use a technology to receive all visitors. The most common thing is to chat with visitors, without any skills, just to accompany and accept. Many visitors chatted, and their confusion and symptoms eased, so they thought their treatment technology was "invisible".
This so-called technology does not need any technology, but also uses technology. This is Rogers' humanistic technology. As long as we establish a good trust relationship with visitors, give them a safe and warm environment, let them talk and vent, give them support and encouragement, and let others' psychological energy flow freely, his thinking will gradually become clear, his biased cognition will change, and the intensity of some psychological symptoms will be reduced.
Establishing a sense of security and alleviating the anxiety of visitors is the first step of psychological counseling. This is a basic step, not an "invisible road".
This method is helpful for visitors with mild psychological problems; If the state is difficult, it will be difficult to be effective. For obsessive-compulsive disorder, somatization disorder and learned insomnia, this single communication has little effect. It has no influence on all kinds of bad habits, hobbies, smoking addiction, alcohol addiction and gambling.
Being bitten by a dog, being bitten by a snake, having an accident, being afraid of cars, etc., this kind of single phobia is useless. Some people say that we can find the driving force behind alcohol, tobacco and gambling, but finding it and solving the problem are two different things.
Others believe that the "invisible avenue" and "simplicity" of psychological counseling are personality factors. The west calls it personality charm, and the east calls it aura. Therefore, we should ignore technology and pay attention to personality cultivation. Indeed, the master has a strong aura. Sometimes they will give lectures, but before they can speak, someone will sit next to them and feel that their physical and psychological symptoms are relieving.
But not everyone can cultivate this kind of personality charm. After all, there are very few experts. Moreover, once you leave the aura of the owner, the symptoms of the helper will still recover. Therefore, consulting technology is still the most basic thing and cannot be ignored.
The earliest psychological counseling came from religion. Many people are confused and go to churches and temples to pour out their prayers. Priests, temple hosts and others also let the seekers pour out their anger and do not provide psychological solution skills.
Fourth, take the idea of psychological school as the truth and the process of counseling and treatment as the solution.
This is also an easy mistake for beginners. Or because he stayed in a single school for a long time and his thinking was not open enough.
Many schools have many assumptions about psychological problems. Psychoanalysis holds that psychological problems are subconscious conflicts and childhood trauma, especially sexual injuries; Cognitive behavioral school thinks it is cognitive deviation; Family therapy is considered a family problem ... and so on. These assumptions can be used as guidance suggestions for reference, but not as truth, let alone as a way of "presumption of guilt".
Psychological phenomenon is sometimes like a little girl, so it makes sense to interpret and analyze it from any angle. But meaningful, effective, completely different.
A visitor told me that she had turned to a famous consultant for help, insisting that her problem came from "childhood trauma" and asked her to recall her childhood pains every time. He really can't remember what happened, so the counselor called her "resistance", "prevention" and "resistance to memory" She hopes that the counselor will change the way, and the other party will not change. Helpless, she can only choose to leave, regretting having smashed an expensive sum of money.
Five, think that psychological counseling should cure the problem and despise the palliative.
Some schools think that visitors should be thoroughly cured, while others think that it is enough to treat the symptoms rather than the root cause. This is an argument about the goal of treatment, and there is no right or wrong.
Judging from the standards of mental health care and mental health, as long as the symptoms of pain and disease are eliminated, people's lives are stable and they can adapt to society well, the treatment will be over; However, some psychological schools have set higher goals: to get rid of all kinds of bad habits, change cognitive biases, heal childhood trauma, adjust subconscious conflicts, conduct deeper self-exploration and integration, explore their own future path, integrate and mature their own personality, and so on. It will take a long time.
In fact, from the priority of mental illness, if the client is very painful, has serious symptoms, has suicidal tendency, or even attempted suicide many times, he must first treat the symptoms and give priority to drug treatment; If the symptoms are not serious, visitors are interested in psychology and have enough money and time, they can naturally grow their personality slowly.
If the counselor makes mistakes in these two directions, and the visitor suffers from severe insomnia, somatization pain, depression and obsessive-compulsive anxiety, the counselor also says that he should adjust slowly, and the result must be the departure of the visitor. This counselor is considered a liar.
Can mental illness be completely cured and never recur? Some early psychology professors thought that heart disease came from the heart and got medicine from it. As long as psychotherapy is continued, it will be completely cured and will not recur. However, with the development of modern medical technology, especially brain imaging technology and neurobiochemical technology, it is found that many psychological diseases have obvious brain organic lesions. In this way, many mental diseases cannot be completely cured, and only symptoms can be eliminated to a relatively stable state, which is the so-called "susceptible personality".
Under the interaction of stress stimulation, these groups are more likely to suffer from and relapse some mental diseases. Even after medication or psychotherapy, it can be stable in a good state and cannot compete with groups with strong pressure resistance. No matter how ordinary people exercise, they can't compete with the physical fitness of Olympic champions. Of course, the immunity of different individuals is very different and cannot be generalized.
Having written so much, the ultimate goal is to help visitors find suitable consultants, so I put forward a specific suggestion: distinguish professional fields.
For marriage and love problems, interpersonal problems, depression, anxiety, compulsion, etc., we should find consultants who are familiar with their respective fields. Every field has its own rules, which require consultants to accumulate experience for a long time, and no one can win the world.
Some people who seek help are more complicated and may need to work together in many ways. How many technical schools the consultant is familiar with is his own business. The key is that they should be able to integrate and use these technologies according to specific problems. There is no expert who knows everything and is experienced.
Expanding: A Method of Psychological Counseling
First, the method of listening
Listening method refers to the skills of counselors to listen to visitors carefully and patiently, including listening and watching. Listening is listening, and witnessing is observing the body language of visitors, so as to listen to their voices. In the conversation with visitors, counselors mainly listen, not talk; The relationship between counselors and visitors is not a teacher-student relationship, but a friend relationship. Consultants should get along with visitors on an equal footing and receive them warmly. To do this, you must listen. When talking, counselors and visitors should keep an appropriate distance, which is a psychological distance, which varies from person to person and from time to time. When listening to visitors, consultants can neither stare at others all the time nor ignore them all the time. In the process of listening, the counselor should have a short reaction from time to time to encourage the other person to go on, such as "hmm" and "is that right?" Wait, show that you are paying attention to his speech. When listening to the other person, the counselor's own emotions and body language should also adapt to the other person. If the other party is happy, the consultant should express his happiness; When the other person is sad, the counselor should show heavy. When listening, the counselor should lean forward slightly and nod his head appropriately from time to time. In short, the key to listening is to listen attentively.
Second, the empathy method
Empathy means being able to experience the spiritual world of others, just like your own spiritual world, understanding and sharing the mental load of visitors. For example, a visitor said in class that he was humiliated in public: "I was so angry that I really wanted to stab him with a knife and didn't want to live." The counselor can say, "In this case, your feelings are understandable. Do you think it hurts you too much? "
Third, cognitive methods.
Cognitive method, also known as ABCDE theory, refers to the occurrence of event A, and because of B's idea, it produces the consequences of psychological disorder C. If the idea of B is changed to D (new idea) through psychological consultation, there will be new consequences of E and the psychological barrier of C will be eliminated. This method of changing cognitive structure is cognitive method. This method can also be called "explaining and enlightening", which is close to the daily individual ideological education.
Fourth, the displacement method
Shift method refers to a method that a person's goal has failed and his mind has been seriously hurt. If his goal can be shifted, his pain can be changed. For example, Confucius wrote Spring and Autumn Annals after repeated failures in his career, Sima Qian wrote Historical Records after his imprisonment, and Zhang Haidi was paraplegic and studied hard by himself. If the visitor is suffering because he failed in the college entrance examination, the counselor can move his goal and suggest him to go to a technical secondary school, vocational school or occupation. If he wants to go to college, he might as well go to TV University or Staff University. If he still can't go to college, why not go to an ordinary full-time university?
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