After breakfast, I turned on my mobile phone and the bell rang. That's the teacher's phone. Because a classmate came back from Beijing to hold a funeral for his father, and to thank his classmates for inviting us to dinner in Jiangbei, because I don't have a car, I only rub the teacher's car at every party. Who let us live in the same building? It is also the advantage of getting the moon first. Who doesn't want to own a car? Not only is it convenient to travel, but it can also show off big or small things at ordinary times, but it can't even afford to change bicycles. My cousin bought my bike 20 years ago and later gave it to me. This mount has been with me through thick and thin, and it is my only antique. The most troublesome thing is that I can't find a car or ride a bike when I go out of town for a funeral. At this time, I really want to have my own car.
I came to the meeting place with an umbrella, and a dozen students were waiting there. Two students are husband and wife, actually driving two cars. Looking at my former classmates, I feel that my life is a failure. I am willing to live a carefree life when people are desperately making money; Others eat health care products to keep fit, and I just sleep besides reading. I don't know how to keep fit and I haven't thought about losing weight. When others enter the ranks of beautiful women with double eyelids and lip lines, I think I am born with beauty and natural carving; While others are investing in real estate and stock trading, I sit in my office and write essays and poems. Others buy high-grade clothes to eat in the farmhouse outside the city. I wear clothes given by others, whether they fit or not, and I am eating simple meals with my rice bowl. I have never been kind to myself. I loaf around all day. I have no goal, no direction, no hope and I don't know how to look forward to the future. I only know that life is only today. Whenever I get together with friends, I know that I am behind the times and my happiness index is getting lower and lower.
When I learned that my classmates bought several luxury houses in Beijing, Qingdao and Tianjin, I realized that I was still living in a humble abode. When I learned that my classmates were flying around every day, holding hundreds of thousands of yuan to treat my father, I remembered that I took a fancy to a 40-square-meter building a few days ago, but I didn't know that I was worried when I had nowhere to raise money. When I heard that buying a house in a big city can make it easier for children to take the college entrance examination, I was ashamed of my inability to give them a good education. I heard that my classmates sent their families to Beijing to live a rich life. My father felt guilty because he was allergic and had no money to go to Beijing to see a doctor. Because as a woman, I haven't lived an enviable life for 40 years. I won't dress up for myself and live an isolated life all the time. Finally, I'm sorry for my parents who raised me. Even my son wants to buy books, but his expectant eyes are always rejected by me because I have nothing but enough to eat.
I can't take my family to the restaurant. I also thought that my family could drive to the wild to eat barbecue buffet. I also want to buy earrings that I have taken a fancy to. How I wish I could feel comfortable every day with a satisfied smile on my face. But I can't, because I don't have that condition. I had to lie impatiently in bed, holding my beloved book, and learn about the outside world from here. Because I don't know how to make money, I always feel that money seems to have a grudge against me. Whenever I have money in my pocket, something will follow. I often wait for the day of consumption in fear. I am afraid that when I have no money, I suddenly need money, but I have nowhere to borrow. I have been separated from others for more than forty years. I feel that others are getting richer and richer and I am getting poorer and poorer.
I don't know why all the beautiful things are far away from me. Are you afraid of me? I never wanted to kill anything. I have always been kind and helped everyone who needs me. At this moment, I remembered a phone call I had just received. A friend's child was almost rejected by a key high school and asked me if I could help. I know there is nothing I can do, but listening to the anxious voice on the other end of the long-distance call, I decided to give it a try, because I have never asked anyone for my own business, but I always help my friends, and I received another call. It was a relative who sent a computer to his son who was studying in elementary school. It was raining heavily outside when he received a call from the courier company. I was going to let the courier company deliver it to my home, but people didn't want to, so I decided it would rain. I called the owners who were going far away to the countryside and asked how to take them. When they learned that it was sunny and then picked them up, I found some little clothes and shoes worn by my son to give to these relatives, which was to help them as much as I could.
When I was about to fall asleep after a hard day, I received a phone call from my classmate and asked if I had time. I am depressed and want to talk to me. I know my mobile phone is running out of power, but I can't bear to refuse. I am duty-bound to become a listener again. My classmates kept telling me about their husband and wife's Mao Dun, even to the point of separation in the Cold War, and only one complaint fell apart, so I became a psychological counselor again. I told her that she should think calmly. In particular, put your child's feelings first and don't give up easily. After half an hour's hard work, the students finally decided to accept my suggestion and rethink the marriage crisis. I also put down the phone with relief, thinking that I have been alone for several years and there is no one who knows how to be warm and cold. Now I'm almost three or four, and I'm not ugly or short, not to mention.
I still read books step by step. As a woman, I am really a failure. I don't want to clean the house, and I don't know how to improve my life on weekends. I don't want to go shopping, and I won't chat with my parents. I didn't know I had a bad memory until I read one book after another. Finally, the blind bear can't even remember a joke. My life is really in vain. When I go to another world one day, I don't have to say I'm sorry for others.
I have tried to think that if one day I really stay in bed, I will have no money to pay for medical expenses. If I really leave, I will go home empty-handed, with no savings, no real estate, no gold and silver jewelry, and no one will think of me in the future. When I am free, I will sort out my closet full of manuscripts and some photo albums. I only leave these to my son, and I don't know if he will cherish them when he grows up. Will they be treated as waste paper? In that case, on the day I leave, I will take these books that accompanied me on the road. On that side, I won't be lonely, I can also be with my hobbies, no matter the wind and rain, no matter the rich or the poor.
It rained all day, and I remembered the host words that my classmates asked me to help write for the student banquet, so I insisted on serving the people and devoted my rest time. I am such a person, and I am happy when others are happy. I remember the one-year anniversary party of archivists a few days ago, which made each of us make our own wishes in front of the camera. When more than a dozen sisters sent their blessings to their relatives and children, I said I hoped everyone I knew would be happy. I never thought about myself in my heart. I always leave the best things to others and never know what I need. The needs of others are my needs. The happiness of others is my happiness.
This is the feeling that I can't bear to light a lamp after dark in the dim light of a street lamp. This day reflects my daily life in the past year, dull, free, without songs and tears.