( 1)
My friend Xiaoxin happily went home for the New Year during the winter vacation, but she had a quarrel with her mother.
Xiao Xin's mother wants Xiao Xin to go home to take the civil service exam after graduation. Her job is stable and respected, and she can take care of each other when she is close to home. Xiao Xin has chosen art and fine arts as her major since high school, and has always dreamed of becoming a fashion designer.
Xiao Xin told her mother that she was not interested in civil servants at all. There are so many people taking the civil service exam that there is no advantage. Even if admitted, there is a stable low income. As long as I can see life, I don't want to live it. I just want to develop my major and do what I like. My hometown is only a fifth-tier city, and the related industries have not developed at all, so I still have to go to first-and second-tier cities to have more opportunities.
She even wants to use relevant data and economic theory to convince her mother. But her mother not only didn't listen at all, but also quarreled with her, and finally had to break up in discord.
Because Xiao Xin's mother only knows two things:
First, my daughter will be far away from home in the future, and it will be very hard to be alone.
Second, my daughter didn't listen to me and talked back to me.
(2)
My relationship with my father has never been very good, and there is basically no point of view that both sides agree with.
My father has a bad temper and is irritable. When I was a child, I was taught homework, and I was often beaten because of wrong answers. In my memory, he seldom praised me. When I did well in the exam, it was a pot of cold water poured on me. As long as I don't listen to him, I will be scolded.
When I graduated from high school, in order to stay away from my father, I filled in the volunteers from other provinces.
Every time I go home on holiday, my father always advises me to break up with my current boyfriend, then find a boyfriend in my hometown and go back to work after graduation. Whether I like it or not.
My uncle is an attending doctor in the provincial capital hospital, with a monthly salary of 20 thousand. My father advised my sister to study medicine in the future. No matter how my sister wishes, no matter how busy and tired I am, I will be a doctor.
Didn't I reason with him?
Don't! I've told you many times!
When I was a child, I reasoned with him, and he would think you were so young. Do you blame anyone who doesn't? Why are you so disobedient?
When you grow up, reason with him, and he will think that you are challenging his father's position and authority. You have been raised so big, you don't listen to anything, and you have learned to educate your father after studying for so many years.
(3)
Admit it, reasoning with parents is the most useless truth in the world.
Since childhood, we have all been taught contradictions. Communicate well, reason with your parents and express your thoughts. You have a point, and the contradiction will be solved naturally. Even books devoted to parent-child relationship and family education, reasoning and communication are the most important.
But have you ever found that parents are really a magical existence, they can hear a thing or two, but they can't listen to what you say.
After all, our parents have three "magic weapons":
As long as you disagree with them and disagree with them, they will look at these three hoops. If we continue, we will not only fail to achieve the expected goal, but will become more and more angry. You think he is stubborn, he thinks you are childish, and finally they quarrel.
It is absurd to reason with the people closest to you. It is unreasonable for an honest official to talk about housework with his parents, and the more he talks, the more chaotic he becomes.
Because everyone knows the truth, but they just can't do it. Might as well buy him a book to read.
(4)
So what should we do?
Between us and our parents, we are not brought together by the same values. We rely on every drop of blood in our bodies, on caring from small to large, and on love.
In such a close relationship, it is like sprinkling salt in honey, which has no taste and will destroy the original sweetness of honey.
There are thousands of reasons, and everyone has a set of theories that he has practiced countless times and regarded as truth. How difficult and cruel it is to persuade a person to change his habit of doing things for many years and realize that the theory he has adhered to for many years is wrong!
It's normal to have different opinions from parents. We live in two completely different times. Now that I have grown up, I will come into contact with completely different people and environments when I go out.
It's normal not to understand each other.
We just need to know one thing: they love us.
What we need to do is to listen to their nagging patiently, express our emotions, and then continue to take the road of our own choice.
In my parents' generation, social development was slow, education was low, people in the system had better living conditions and social resources, and everyone pursued simplicity and stability. Life teaches them how to make their children obey, and they also make their children obey. Experience tells them that "public" people are the most beautiful, so I hope you can find a job and live a stable life in the system around you.
What they taught us was that we suffered losses when we were young. What are the rules of this era? How to change it? What do we people really want? They have been unable to cope with the knowledge reserves and information needed for these things.
So, we just try to understand them.
They want to say, listen carefully, write it down when it is useful, and go in one ear and out the other when it is useless. Satisfy their sense of existence and participate in decision-making, and then do what they want to do well and make some achievements for them. They will see that your persistence has achieved good results, not only will they stop interfering, but they will also be proud of you.
Let them see your efforts and your smile, that's enough.
Relationships connected by love must be managed by love. This kind of warmth engraved in bone and blood is worth all the hard truths.
You have a good life, which is their ultimate goal.