The author of this book shared Rachel's story in the first feature of publicity response: delicate and keen understanding-companionship. Rachel is in the third grade of primary school and goes home alone every day. Mother often tells Rachel that she must go home immediately after school. One day Rachel didn't come home on time normally, and her mother searched frantically. After finally finding Rachel, she was relieved, but soon she became angry again. After the anger subsided, mother gave Rachel a chance to explain. Rachel told her mother that when she passed Sally's house, Sally was crying in the yard because she lost her doll. "So you and Sally have been looking for dolls ever since?" Mom asked. "No, Mom, I cried with Sally." Rachel replied.
Rachel's empathetic companionship vividly describes the relationship that the game therapist is trying to establish. The focus of this story is not so much tears as the understanding and affection accompanying this companionship. In fact, every child is a natural master of emotion and understanding, and they seldom judge and provide solutions. The training of game therapists focuses on giving up the interference of their own experiences and expectations and trying to understand the structure of children's inner thinking or integrate into their subjective world. These understandings can reduce the stimulation of certain emotions to children.
The second characteristic is related to identity. Identification can stimulate children's interest, make them pay attention to their rights, and believe that they can bear their responsibilities. Children's actions, behaviors and emotions are not defined by therapists. Their existence is recognized and should not be judged.
We should regard children as valuable individuals. Many children who walk into the consulting room will come with external comments and be bound by these comments. Whether the evaluation is good or bad, it actually sends a message: I can evaluate you and decide whether you are good or bad. Then, my expectation is that you should act according to my evaluation.
The therapist's approval encourages children to explore their thoughts and emotions more deeply. When children's emotions are expressed and recognized, their feelings for these emotions will be reduced. This is what we often see in the consulting room. There is a child who is aggressive everywhere in a family where anger is not allowed, and there is a very unhappy child in a family where happiness is the highest.
After talking about the two characteristics of facilitation reaction: delicate and keen understanding and attention to identification, let's learn the operation details of facilitation reaction technology together. The author's expectation for his response in the consultation is: I hope that my response, like a world-class diver, will jump off the springboard gracefully at the right time and be gently embedded in the water, hardly causing a ripple.
After seeing this description, on the one hand, I am delighted with the artistic realm of this kind of coping, and it is also a long and arduous training process for every game therapist. To resist instinctive reaction, it is necessary to make this reaction instinctive through training.
The author described many details about the response. In short, the writing process of this book will be different from many books with strong framework, and it is difficult to get the answers we want through the catalogue and title. It is more necessary for us to understand the author's understanding and feelings about game therapy from the cases shared by the author. It's like our work with children. We know some theories and directions, but we still learn and feel more in the interaction with children.
First of all, the counselor's response should be brief, able to interact with children and have an impact. Being short is not easy, especially for children. On the one hand, make yourself useful and relieve anxiety through long speeches. On the other hand, we don't recognize children as valuable individuals.
Second, the therapist needs to become a participant in the game with the child through oral reply. For children with high anxiety, this part is very important, otherwise the child will feel monitored. Describing what children are doing in words can convey the therapist's interest in children and their behaviors, and can effectively reduce children's anxiety.
Third, the therapist should use cadence to convey meaning and emotion. Every consultant's style is different, and not all consultants are required to meet a certain standard. What kind of consultant are you? What are your strengths and weaknesses in voice expression? Listeners who listen to my voice may have a feeling that my voice will be impatient and sound childish. I am good at expressing enthusiasm, excitement, anger and other emotions, but there are some challenges when expressing sadness, depression, boredom and other emotions, which require me to express them consciously. This part changes slightly, and children will be very sensitive to capture it. The consistency of language content and pronunciation and intonation is also an important part. This can also enrich emotional expression.
Fourth, talk to children as equal individuals. Sometimes when we meet smaller visitors, we will raise the volume, as if we were talking to the baby or trying to cover up the child's voice. This behavior reflects the therapist's attitude that children are incompetent and have no position in treatment.
Fifth, generally speaking, it is not a shortcut to directly ask the reason of children's behavior. If the therapist collects enough information to ask a question, he also has enough information to make a statement.
Finally, I will give you two books to give you an intuitive understanding of facilitation reaction.
Jim, an 8-year-old boy, connected two darts with a sucker and asked, "What can you do with them?"
Response: "Here, this is a question for you to decide". This reaction allows children to exert their creativity and make their own decisions.
Seven-year-old Connie walked into the game room, looked around and asked, "Is this room really for me?"
Response: "This room is completely prepared for you, which is a bit incredible for you." This reaction shows that the therapist understands the child's emotions.
Next, let's discuss the limitations in game therapy. Restriction setting is one of the most important links in treatment, and it is also a difficult problem for many therapists. Restrictive conditions provide a framework for the development of therapeutic relationships and help to improve various relationships in real life.
The author of this book thinks that restrictions should be set when necessary. On the one hand, setting too many restrictions at the beginning of the relationship will hinder the progress of the relationship; On the other hand, when there is a scene that needs to be restricted, the child may not remember it or may not sit in the right position. At work, I will put forward the most important restrictions at the beginning, such as the length of time, the frequency of meeting, and the principle of no harm. Other parts will set restrictions when necessary.
The basic principles of setting restrictions are: restricting the provision of physical and mental safety and protection for children; In the process of treatment, limit the protection of children's mental health and help accept children; Restriction can improve children's initiative, self-control ability and sense of responsibility; Restrict the stable situation and emphasize the present; Restriction improves the consistency of treatment; Restrict the ways to maintain occupation and morality acceptable to society; Restrict the protection of equipment and rooms in the treatment room.
The game therapy room can not be divorced from the basic requirements of the real society, but also achieve the goals of children's maximum expression of emotions, development of relationships and self-exploration, and also take into account the endurance and sustainability of the game therapist as an individual. These three considerations make restriction a therapeutic part, which is worth discussing.
In fact, it is very important not only for game therapy, but also for educators, parents or each of us. It is a test of the boundaries between relationships and social rules and a way to establish self-boundaries.
The purpose of therapists is to encourage children to express their motives, wishes or needs in an acceptable way, and to encourage expression rather than prevent behavior. The significance of setting it as negotiation lies in the discussion and analysis of breaking time.
In order to help children express their emotions, develop relationships and explore themselves, the following steps should be followed: first, admit children's emotions, wishes and needs; The second step is to discuss the rules; The third step is to make feasible selection targets; Step 4: Tell your child the final choice and stick to it. Many parents complain that it is difficult to make rules for their children, or they will stop at conveying the rules, or it is difficult to implement them when the rules are broken. If parents are interested in this, you can be advised to read this part of the book in detail.
To evaluate the effect and outcome of game therapy, it is first clear that it is more important for therapists to understand the reasons for children's changes and progress than children.
The evaluation effect of treatment can be obtained more from the treatment room, because children can be allowed to express their needs in a negative way in the treatment room, just as we will expose our more negative side in front of friends and maintain our good image in general social occasions.
Another part of the evaluation can look for every first time from the perspective of transformation. I was particularly impressed for the first time. A five-year-old girl with emotional control always took a critical and accusing attitude in consultation. The first time the game therapy called me Teacher Lu, our relationship changed. She regards me as a different individual from her, and she can also regard herself as an independent individual. Perhaps this is a trivial change in the eyes of many people, but every first time in game therapy deserves our attention. In my works, there is also an evaluation dimension, which is a series of changes in my feelings when I am with this child, such as anxiety at first, irritability later, and calmness.
Finally, talk about the end of game therapy. The relationship between consultation and interview is separation-oriented, just like parent-child relationship. If the therapist successfully establishes contact with the child on the emotional level and the therapist shares the inner self with the child, then although the relationship ends in reality, in the inner part, the relationship becomes a part of the child's companionship. The reference point for the end of child-centered game therapy is to return to children themselves. This therapeutic relationship focuses on the child himself rather than a specific behavior habit or problem, so there is no evaluation of therapeutic effect based on observation.
The following are some references that can be used as the end of the evaluation:
At the end of the consultation, we need to be very cautious and give our children enough time to discuss the separation. Generally, we will end the discussion by giving 1/6 to 1/4 of the total number of consultations, and also evaluate the children according to their individual status. The end signal must be sent by the child, not unilaterally decided by the psychological counselor. In children's real life, there will be many separations before saying goodbye. We should fix the effect of negotiation, end the relationship gently, and don't rush it. We should carefully consider children's feelings and give them enough time to discuss and accept separation.