In our country, the house has always been a hot topic. In China people's minds, the house is equivalent to home, which has special significance. Every China people will have a "house plot" in their hearts, which also leads to the house affecting all aspects of our country.
Take marriage as an example. A house is a necessary condition for couples to get married. It used to be okay. As long as two people love each other, even if there is no house, a woman will be dead set on following a man. But in today's society, if a man has no house, no woman will marry him.
Because with the abnormal growth of housing prices, it has become something that most people can't afford. So getting married is an unattainable thing for most young men. This also explains the social phenomenon that the number of single men is far more than that of single women.
And according to my observation, because of the house, more and more women regard the condition that "marriage must have a house" as the basic condition. It intensifies the process of marriage materialization.
With the gradual materialization of marriage, many couples' feelings are actually very fragile and can't stand the storm. Few people divorced before; On the other hand, divorce is everywhere now. This also shows that the relationship between husband and wife is relatively fragile now.
-02-
I have always believed that a marriage bound by material things will definitely have contradictions because of material things. I have such an example around me.
My friend Xiaolan has a good family, and her parents are middle class. She is also excellent and has a high IQ. After she came back from studying abroad, she worked in a foreign company and earned a lot of money.
In fact, according to her conditions, it is not difficult to find a good man. But she knew nothing about emotions and completely gave her marriage to her parents.
Parents think that finding a suitable man should not be wrong, so they ask friends to introduce people in their circle.
Xiaolan met a man. To tell the truth, Xiaolan has no feelings for men, but men are more interested in her. Xiaolan's parents knew that the man's family was very rich, and their parents started a company. It must be right for their daughter to marry this family. So Xiao Lan should marry him.
Xiaolan did, and the happy marriage didn't come. But after a year of marriage, she found a man flirting outside and divorced.
In this way, it is not omnipotent to blindly pursue the right combination, because when things are combined, feelings will be extremely fragile.
-03-
What should two people consider when deciding to get married?
I think it should be a series of emotional things, such as whether the plans for the future are consistent, whether the three views of two people are consistent, whether they can tolerate each other in character and so on.
But the reality is: women ask men, you buy a house and a car before you get married, because I need a sense of security. When a man has no money, he buys a house with his parents' life savings.
Women also put forward some requirements, most of which are material requirements, such as bride price and three gold. Men borrow money everywhere to prepare. Because of these material requirements, men and women began to quarrel before marriage, and the content of the quarrel was also because of material.
Finally, after numerous bargaining, marriage was finally formed. But both men and women have left a bad feeling in their hearts, and that is because they quarreled with me in material aspects.
In the future marriage, every friction will remind both sides of this matter. Material matter is bound to follow two people's lives like a shadow.
Think about it. Is it sad? Marriage should not be like this, and neither should couples.
What's more, many people turn against each other because of the mutual calculation of houses and materials. The reader Xiaohui met such a husband's family.
-04-
Xiaohui is 29 years old and has been married for four years. Not long ago, she divorced her husband.
Speaking of the reasons for divorce, Xiaohui is still very angry: "I have been married to him for so long, and I didn't treat me as a family at all, and I joined hands with my mother-in-law to calculate me!"
When Xiaohui and her husband got married, her husband was poor, just a man full of ideals and beliefs, but he deceived Xiaohui with his own golden words.
My husband told Xiaohui before marriage that although I have no car, no house and no savings, I have a heart that loves you. And I will give you the best life through my own efforts.
Young Xiaohui easily believed his words and promised to marry him.
But Xiaohui's parents don't agree, and he must ask the man to buy a house before he can get married. Later, after some bargaining, the two sides discussed that the house must be bought after marriage and the bride price will be 100 thousand. Marriage has just formed.
After marriage, the husband really worked hard, and the couple temporarily lived with their in-laws. Mother-in-law said to Xiaohui: Let's make money together and try to buy the house early. Xiaohui agreed.
In the past few years of marriage, Xiaohui has been very economical and unwilling to waste money, because she has a goal in mind, that is, to buy a house.
In recent years, Xiaohui and her husband worked hard and saved money. With the support of their in-laws, they finally paid the down payment for the house after more than three years of marriage.
-05-
Because the rest of the house loan needs her mother-in-law to use her provident fund loan, some procedures are done by her mother-in-law. Xiaohui and her husband have been choosing the decoration style.
After determining the decoration style, the husband said to Xiaohui, don't you still have that 100 thousand bride price in your hand? Why not decorate it first!
Xiaohui really wanted to live in a new house, so she took out the bride price money to decorate it without considering it. On the other side of the house formalities, my mother-in-law always said that the loan was difficult and she was still going through some formalities. Xiaohui didn't understand this either, so she didn't think about it carefully and has been supervising the work.
It took three months, and the house was finally decorated, leaving only electrical appliances to buy. Xiaohui looked at her house, satisfied and happy.
What she didn't expect was that there was something wrong with the house procedures. It was after the house was renovated, Xiaohui went to the property and asked some questions. He accidentally asked, why hasn't the real estate license been done yet? Unexpectedly, I checked the property and told Xiaohui that the real estate license had been handled as early as two months ago.
And there is only one name on the real estate license, which is Xiaohui's mother-in-law's name.
Xiaohui was shocked at once and hurried home to ask her husband and mother-in-law what was going on. The man and his mother-in-law couldn't hide it, so they told her, "This house was bought by my family. It is better to write my mother's name, and my mother also paid the loan. No problem. Besides, this house is where we live, and it doesn't matter who writes the name. "
-06-
Xiaohui suddenly woke up. Men have been lying to her. The house has been written with her mother-in-law's name, and she cheated the bride price decoration. What a good plan!
Xiaohui said angrily, "What's the difference between your behavior and cheating? Why do you want my money when you wrote my mother-in-law's name? The decoration is my own money! "
I didn't expect my mother-in-law to say, "What is yours and what is mine? When you marry into our family, everything belongs to our family. What's wrong with writing my name in this house? I won't drive you away! "
Xiaohui is in a hurry. She gave men two options, either to write their names in the house or to get divorced.
I didn't expect my mother-in-law to say, "Threaten us with divorce? I tell you, my son can marry a better one without you, and this time he has a house and can't find what he is looking for! "
The man also bowed his head and said nothing, indicating that Xiaohui would forget it.
Xiaohui couldn't help it. She's never seen such a family. Forget it. She roared: "Divorce, I never want to see anyone in your family again!" "
Xiaohui divorced a man, but the house was not divided into a penny, and she couldn't take the decoration away. Looking at her mother-in-law's proud face, Xiaohui got angry. She hired two people to smash the newly decorated house with a hammer!
-07-
My mother-in-law suddenly froze. She didn't expect Xiaohui to be so cruel and do so. Moreover, Xiaohui also specifically told two people that smashing one piece and leaving one piece will be more troublesome in the future.
Xiaohui was also forced by her mother-in-law and husband to come up with such a way. Xiaohui said to her mother-in-law, "old woman, I won't leave it to you even if I can't take it away!" " "
Things ended dramatically like this. But for us, reading stories is secondary, mainly because we want to learn something from them.
Marriage should be a lifelong commitment and responsibility after the couple's feelings are in place, but now it has become materialistic because of reality.
But as husband and wife, don't be blinded by material things easily, thinking that marriage only needs material things, and nothing else is important. This idea is wrong.
A sense of security can't be given by a house, a car or some money, but you need to feel that the other half is reliable and love yourself in your heart.
In the end, marriage needs to be managed by husband and wife with feelings, and excessive pursuit of material things can only make marriage fragile.