This afternoon, Miss Hedgehog, a visitor from our Sleep Psychology Center, cried. Her story is summarized as follows.
Although her appearance is not picturesque, it can really be classified as "attractive". She is slim but sexy, and her white and slender fingers are unforgettable.
Miss Hedgehog usually likes reading, playing badminton and chatting with three or two friends. At that time, she came to this city alone to apply for a job. Her relatives are far away and her friends are new here.
Miss Hedgehog has always been a good girl. She has never done anything out of line since she was a child, and she has never been in love since she graduated from college. After entering the workplace, she quickly attracted the attention of many male colleagues. Everyone asked about her everywhere and wondered if she had been taken away.
As a white girl in the workplace, Miss Hedgehog is dealing with her daily work with trepidation every day and knows nothing about these tidbits. She even felt a little inferior, wondering if she was too unattractive to be ignored in college and could not get the response from her unrequited college male classmates.
Miss Hedgehog's peach blossom came a little late. In her life, two men appeared later, a man and b man. For male A, Miss Hedgehog has a good impression on her, but the other party has only played with her and never confessed to her. She politely hinted that he was deaf and dumb.
Seeing this, you may say that confession is actually enough, and it makes no difference to anyone, but some hedgehogs with inferiority dare to do so. She just thinks that maybe man A thinks he is not good enough and only takes himself as a spare tire.
Male B, for Miss Hedgehog, is "in hot pursuit", sending roses, inviting her to dinner, and even hoping that he can help her with laundry, cooking and flushing the toilet. Miss Hedgehog thinks that B man's purpose is too clear, and she hates him a little. Of course, she didn't give him a chance.
Now that I think about it, neither man nor man is a "good peach blossom".
Man a obviously just regards her as a spare tire, but what about man B? Miss Hedgehog really wants to be with him, and the situation will not be too optimistic. Sometimes, there is no lower limit to please and cater, but this is another form of coercion. A person who caters to you in the pursuit stage will often become a different face after success.
In this way, perhaps by fate, the "just right" Mr. Snail broke into Miss Hedgehog's world without warning.
Mr. Snail lives alone, with no house, no car and no savings. He usually likes playing cards, reading newspapers, watching TV and smoking. There are no close relatives and friends around him, and he lives in seclusion. Life is like a pool of stagnant water, even the ripples can't get up. In the eyes of others, they always look gentle, treat everyone well, and greet each other with a smile.
Mr. Snail also talked about a girlfriend before. They have lived together for several years, and they have all reached the point of talking about marriage. Then I broke up somehow.
In a blink of an eye, Mr. Snail is a single young man in his thirties, but he doesn't seem to be in a hurry to fall in love and get married, and he also sees through the world of mortals until he meets Miss Hedgehog.
Miss Hedgehog and Mr Snail work in the same state-owned enterprise.
One day, it was her turn to be on duty, and Mr. Snail came back to work overtime.
Seeing her sitting alone at the workstation, Mr. Snail came to strike up a conversation. The more they talked, the more speculative they became, and they became familiar with each other.
Compared with Mr. Snail, who is more than ten years older than herself, Miss Hedgehog has no redundant ideas, but her simplicity has aroused his desire to conquer. In his circle, there are not a few women with high education but blank emotional experience like Miss Hedgehog.
Mr. Snail expressed his affection for Miss Hedgehog without trace, which made Miss Hedgehog feel that he was a gentleman.
When they go out to eat together, Mr. Snail is willing to sit in a coffee shop with Miss Hedgehog for hours in a daze and listen to her talk. Miss Hedgehog and Mr Snail volunteered to be her "flower protectors". The relationship between two people is a little more than friends and a little less than lovers.
One day, Mr. A, who had been having an affair with Miss Hedgehog before, suddenly heard that he was getting married. After learning about this, Miss Hedgehog felt as if she had been cheated, fooled, sad and angry, and shed a few tears unwillingly.
Mr. Snail took the opportunity to lend her a shoulder and held her in his arms, scaring her little heart like a deer.
The next day, Mr. Snail still got along with Miss Hedgehog as a friend as if nothing had happened, but his attitude of "nothing happened" made Miss Hedgehog feel a little hurt.
One day, she finally couldn't help asking him, "Do you like me or not?"
Mr. Snail replied half seriously and half casually, "Yes. You are very different from the girls around me. In fact, some people have introduced me to several objects, some of which are more beautiful, gentle and virtuous than you. I've never been tempted, I'm just seduced by you. Single for many years, I didn't think I was planted in your hands ... "
The first time Miss Hedgehog heard such a touching confession, her heart was pounding and she plunged into the river of love with Mr. Snail, unable to extricate herself.
In fact, is this confession very touching? Not exactly. It sounds like a compliment, but it's actually derogatory. There is a kind of "you are inferior to others anywhere, but I still have a crush on you, so you should be grateful."
At that time, Miss Hedgehog didn't think so much, only that Mr. Snail was cute everywhere.
After that, she lived with Mr. Snail without telling her colleagues and family.
At that time, she certainly didn't expect that this man would make her feel at a loss in the future. Almost all the big waves in her life were given by this man.
After three months of love, Miss Hedgehog soon found that Mr. Snail was not exactly what she imagined.
He often borrows money from Miss Hedgehog, ranging from several thousand dollars to five or six hundred dollars, saying that he lacks funds to do business with his friends.
At first, Miss Hedgehog thought that a man would borrow money from a woman, which showed that he was really in trouble, so every time he asked, she gave it generously.
Miss Hedgehog didn't care much at first. She thought Mr. Snail would borrow money when she was one of her own. Anyway, she was not in a hurry to ask for it, and both of them lived together, so it was not necessary for you and me to divide it so clearly.
Later, as Mr. Snail borrowed more and more money, Miss Hedgehog was a little unhappy. Her income is not high, and she can only save 1000 yuan a month. As the only daughter in the family, she never sent a penny home, but posted it all on Mr. Snail.
Later, she often couldn't find his person, and he didn't answer the phone. When I got home, I casually explained to her that she was just going out to play.
As the days passed, Miss Hedgehog found that Mr. Snail was very enterprising and never planned for his future.
He doesn't like to integrate into Miss Hedgehog's social circle, is indifferent to her relatives and friends, and never introduces Miss Hedgehog to his relatives and friends.
All kinds of Mr. Snails made Miss Hedgehog feel puzzled, dissatisfied and unhappy. The contradictions between them accumulated more and more, and finally there was a quarrel.
One night, after two people had a big fight, Miss Hedgehog ran out of the house and walked aimlessly in the street with tears. Mr. Snail may be worried about her safety and go to the streets to find her. First they had a big fight in the street, and then they made up and hugged.
In this way, Mr. Snail and Miss Hedgehog have been fighting and quarreling for a year and a half.
In most cases, Miss Hedgehog thinks that the other party ignores her feelings and wants to chat with the other party, but Mr. Snail doesn't think so. She thinks Miss Hedgehog is playing with her temper and is indifferent to her.
Miss Hedgehog sometimes spends hours stewing a bowl of delicious soup for Mr. Snail, but she can't find anyone.
Miss Hedgehog is sick and doesn't want to move in bed, but Mr. Snail thinks she is coquetry and forces her to get up and eat, just for the convenience of tidying up after dinner.
Mr. Snail's various behaviors make Miss Hedgehog more and more disappointed. When she painfully decided to leave this unsuitable man, she found herself pregnant.
Miss Hedgehog's parents have a traditional concept. When she learned that her daughter was pregnant before marriage, the man's economic condition was not good and she almost fainted.
Miss Hedgehog's mother kept sighing and crying, but her father explicitly asked her to abort the fetus and make a clean break with Mr. Snail, otherwise the father-daughter relationship would be cut off.
Originally, Miss Hedgehog was still hesitant to break up with Mr. Snail, but after her father scolded her for not loving herself, she seemed to be pushed by some force and completely pushed to Mr. Snail's side.
Where is Mr. Snail? I was angry when I saw my in-laws opposing this marriage. He even told his friends, "I'm not the one with a big belly anyway", while Miss Hedgehog was too busy playing games with her parents to pay much attention to Mr. Snail's thoughts.
After a while, Miss Hedgehog's mother watched her daughter's belly getting bigger and bigger and began to lose her temper. She ran to persuade her husband to arrange a wedding for her daughter and future son-in-law.
On Miss Hedgehog's wedding day, her mother cried and held her for a long time. Miss Hedgehog was sour in her heart, but she forced a smile and got on the wedding car. ......
Life after marriage is not easy. Miss Hedgehog and Mr Snail live in a rented house. When they are busy with their work, they have to eat dinner very late every day.
In the late pregnancy, Miss Hedgehog can only lie in bed to protect the fetus, while Mr. Snail buys food and cooks every day, just like a 24-year-old good husband and father.
Every night, he always goes out after Miss Hedgehog sleeps, but he doesn't specify what he goes out for.
At that time, Miss Hedgehog was about to give birth, exhausted physically and mentally, and didn't want to delve into it.
Soon, the children were born, and their lives were even more stretched. Mr. Snail has no savings, and even the cost of giving birth to a child is paid by Miss Hedgehog.
After the children went ashore, Mr. Snail took his mother to take care of them. My mother-in-law comes from the countryside, and her concept is very different from that of Miss Hedgehog. Fortunately, she is kind enough, so her mother-in-law has been polite for half a year.
In that half year, Miss Hedgehog was busy taking care of her children and running in with her mother-in-law. Mr. Snail has always been a shopkeeper, but he goes out more often at night.
When the child was one year old, Miss Hedgehog received a phone call, and the other party asked her to take joint responsibility and repay the gambling debt owed by her husband.
Miss Hedgehog is a little puzzled. After a long time, she finally understood the reason why Mr. Snail can't save a penny after working for so many years and often goes out at night: it turned out that he was addicted to gambling.
I didn't play much before, and my income and expenses were basically balanced. But then he lost more and more, and finally he couldn't pay off his gambling debts.
Miss Hedgehog instinctively wants a divorce, but she can't make up her mind at the thought that her son will hold his tender hand and call him "Dad" when he sees his father.
When Mr. Snail knew the story was exposed, he begged Miss Hedgehog to give him another chance. He said that he really wanted his family to live a better life, so he went astray. He knows that gambling is wrong, and now he realizes his mistake. I hope she can give him another chance for her son.
When her mother-in-law learned later, she almost did all the housework and earnestly advised Miss Hedgehog to give her son another chance.
Miss Hedgehog sighed and gave in.
Mr. Snail has been "good" for a long time. He works hard during the day, goes home to help with housework and take care of the children, and makes Miss Hedgehog happy in different ways. Miss Hedgehog feels as if she is in love again, and wishes that time would never stop at that moment.
Miss Hedgehog originally saved a little down payment to buy a house, but later took it out and paid off Mr. Snail's gambling debt. She thinks that if the money can make him realize the importance of family and relatives, make him turn over a new leaf and return to the prodigal son, it will be worth it.
Not long after, Miss Hedgehog found that Mr. Snail was going home late again. She asked him where he had gone, but he either didn't answer or faltered. Miss Hedgehog's heart sank a little.
I don't need to repeat it after the plot. Like all similar stories, she found him again and made a bet. He asked for forgiveness again and again. She felt exhausted and asked for a divorce. He doesn't agree, she can only sue.
After about a year's struggle, Miss Hedgehog finally got divorced. At the moment when she got the verdict, she was relieved, as if she finally woke up from a nightmare.
She sobbed, "Why do I always get hurt? ...... ""Please ask Dr. Ding to point out the maze! "
Hmm!
Miss Hedgehog and I analyzed and summarized the lessons that this marriage brought to her:
First, knowing people before marriage is unknown.
Not long after we were together, the other party began to borrow money from her. She likes to go out every night. This is actually very abnormal. At that time, she should be more vigilant, or at least find out the reason why the other party went out at night, but she chose paralysis again and again, and even foolishly thought that she was forgiving and paying for love.
She always wanted to live with the first man she met, but she never thought carefully about whether that man really loved her and was suitable for her. By the time I accidentally had a baby with the other person, it was too late.
Second, you shouldn't believe what a gambler says repeatedly.
Gambling is a road of no return, and not many people can stop in time. The first time she found out that the other party was gambling, she had to break her tail in time to survive. Life actually gave her a chance to stop loss, but she acted too late.
Why do people like gambling?
Because human nature likes the feeling of being nervous, clinging and profiting by chance, most people can't resist the temptation and pleasure of "taking a gamble".
Ordinary life is so boring that we all need to adjust our lives by gambling. However, not everyone will be addicted to gambling.
All people who indulge in a bad hobby can't cultivate fun from a normal hobby. Mr. Snail is addicted to gambling, probably because he can't get happiness from work and interaction with his lover, family and friends.
This kind of gambler has no patience in doing anything, and only dreams of being small and broad and reaching the sky in one step. If you fantasize that you can influence each other and make the other prodigal son come back, then you become a gambler yourself.
Isn't it?
Isn't it the gambler's mentality that people who fantasize about influencing their "slag partner"?
You can't bear to gamble on the sunk cost, imagining that one day you can recover the principal and interest, but in the end you may only lose your wife and lose your soldiers.
Third, you shouldn't marry a child.
She doesn't regret having a child, but she regrets marrying each other. If she could resist the pressure and be an unmarried mother ... "
Here, Miss Hedgehog was silent for two seconds, and then added, "It seems that unmarried mothers are more difficult than single mothers."
I understand what she meant when she said this.
In the third-and fourth-tier cities in China, if you work in a public institution, you will face great pressure to get pregnant before marriage, but you don't want to have an abortion.
The first is economic pressure.
Units in the system will strictly implement the family planning policy. Once you have children born out of wedlock, you may be ordered to be expelled. If you are unemployed, you can look for another job, but not everyone can find a more suitable job immediately, and the pressure of raising children will be greater in the short term.
The second is the pressure of public opinion.
Once you are pregnant, but no man is responsible for your stomach, people around you will look at you like a scourge, and they will humiliate you as a slut and a victim, thinking that you will marry and have children because of your personal indiscretion or your own problems, which will make that man unwilling to take responsibility.
On balance, it is better to get married first, let the children be born legally, and then consider divorce.
It's hard, isn't it?
But there is no way, our law does not support unmarried children (of course, if you give birth, your children will be allowed to register).
What do you do for a woman who is pregnant unexpectedly but doesn't want to abort her child? For them, it seems more reliable to know that the father of the child is unreliable or to marry him. Win the bet and gain a happy family; If you lose the bet, you just have the status of "single mother". You don't have to lose your job, people will have some sympathy for you.
And this already belongs to sociology, ethics and even legal issues.
In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with "marrying a child" itself. Many couples may be busy with their careers and have no plans to get married for the time being, but the arrival of the children makes this plan fall ahead of schedule ... If the children have a good emotional foundation, they can add icing on the cake to their feelings.
I'm afraid I'm afraid that two unsuitable people who are about to break up will get married because of the arrival of a child ... then the ending of this story has actually been explained in the article.
If you just sleep with a man for the purpose of "borrowing seeds" and get pregnant smoothly, and this man is willing to cooperate with you to get married once and let the child legally land, naturally everyone will be happy.
If you marry a man who is not so reliable in the hope of building a happy family, the possibility that he will become reliable after marriage and having children may be similar to that of a "sow in a tree". In this way, you may only reap the heartbreak and sadness of chicken feathers.
Miss Hedgehog's story is very embarrassing.
I can only say that life is also a gamble, and everyone sometimes sits at the gambling table. If you don't want to gamble, fate may force you to gamble. Of course you can gamble, but you can't gamble forever.
More often, it is more important to know how to stop at the right time than to let go.
Ding guijun
August 5, 2065 438+08