As for marriage and love, stumbling is a lifetime, stability is a lifetime, and there are always ups and downs. Many married people have a bitterness that only they know and a little happiness that only they know.
The farthest thing in the emotional journey is not eternity, but the sense of distance between hearts. People have too many things to do in this life, and they are destined to walk alone. Walking, those things that I didn't understand will gradually see through.
The success or failure of marriage is one's own choice, and many emotional lessons are the summary of tears. There are always people who love each other but can't be together, and there are always people who are not together for love.
We often say that feelings need sincerity, in fact, in order to be the truest self. Only by taking every step in the future seriously can we have a clear conscience as much as possible.
1. She broke up with her boyfriend for her brother's bride price.
I received several long messages from a lady, telling an embarrassing love story she experienced, which was a bit sad.
There is a strange question in the message: we were first love, but we didn't become husband and wife. We broke up with regret three years ago. I married someone, but he didn't. Now we are still missing, can we still be together?
When I saw the message, at first I thought it was a marriage story full of love and hate, but I didn't expect her story to be more worth pondering. For women, this kind of thing may be the biggest sorrow in my life.
This lady will call her Xiao Qi for the time being. She is 29 years old and has no children. Her husband passed away 1 years ago.
Xiao Qi married a man with good family conditions at his mother's request. The so-called "good family conditions" means that the bride price his parents can give Xiao Qi is 1.6 million, that's all.
At that time, Xiao Qi's heart was full of sadness. After all, she already has a boyfriend, and she failed her boyfriend's love. ...
Xiao Qi and her ex-boyfriend have been in love since high school, and they became lovers at the age of 20. Love for six years, never further, never become husband and wife.
Although Xiao Qi and her boyfriend were deeply in love, Xiao Qi's parents always disliked her boyfriend's poor family and couldn't get the bride price, so they advised Xiao Qi to break up.
Xiao Qi said: I talked with him for six years, and my parents always opposed it. In the last year of love, I almost left with him and never came back. If I leave, I won't be so lonely as I am now, and I won't hurt the people who love me the most.
Xiao Qi's parents once gave her a "chance". If her boyfriend can save 1.6 million yuan to help her brother get enough bride price, she will agree to marry Xiao Qi.
In Xiao Qi's story, the boyfriend's parents can only come up with 90,000 yuan. Xiao Qi's parents were disappointed and totally denied the relationship.
Mother warned Xiao Qi: You are the head of the family, don't be too selfish. Your brother hasn't married yet, so it's up to you whether he can get married or not. Only by marrying a rich man can you live up to the kindness of your father and me. If you don't listen, I won't live.
Second, for her younger brother, she married a man she didn't love.
Xiao Qi fought, but he didn't change the fate of "parents' orders, matchmakers' words". After breaking up with her boyfriend, she got engaged to another person.
In Xiao Qi's story, she was very sad. She didn't eat for two days and didn't feel hungry. She accepted her mother's arrangement and went on a blind date with a man in a neighboring village.
That man is not as tall as Xiao Qi, looks as bad as his ex-boyfriend, and is slow in speaking and doing things. Xiao Qi despises him, but she promised her mother because his parents can pay the bride price.
On blind date, Xiao Qi almost cried and cried. She didn't ask any questions and kept nodding. Xiao Qi is willing to associate with him and marry him. It is said that love is beautiful, that is someone else's business. She only sees sadness.
Xiao Qi said: I don't blame anyone, but my family is poor. If only one of my brother and I can be happy, my parents will definitely hope that the happy person is my brother. If my brother can't marry a daughter-in-law, my parents will sacrifice my happiness to replace him.
Mother told Xiao Qi: Don't cry, there is nothing we can do. You can't blame anyone. This man is honest and dutiful, and it will be good for you to live a good life in the future. It doesn't matter who you marry. With this 1.6 million, your brother's wedding event has also been solved, which is the real thing.
Not long after receiving the bride price of160,000 yuan, 26-year-old Xiao Qi married a blind date. A month later, Xiao Qi's younger brother used this 16 to meet someone, and the other party agreed.
Xiao Qi said: My parents told me when I was young that my brother would have to rely on my sister to help him get married. I didn't really understand this sentence until my wedding day. They have decided my future.
Now that she is married, Xiao Qi can only accept the reality, just like fate, which cannot be changed.
Xiao Qi tried to forget her ex-boyfriend and run this family. But a new problem has come. After only three months of marriage, Xiao Qi found that her husband owed a lot of money.
Xiao Qi's husband is honest and kind to Xiao Qi, which Xiao Qi admits. My husband really cares about her and is a kind and good husband.
My husband told Xiao Qi: I married you, and the bride price money borrowed by my parents has a total down payment of more than 300,000 yuan to buy a house. We need to pay it back slowly, not counting the mortgage. Let's return the house before it is built. I haven't given you happiness and romance for the time being, but I will try my best to love you all my life. ...
Third, my brother got married 1 divorced after a year.
Xiao Qi knew what her husband meant, but how could she return the house after buying it?
Even if you don't pay a penny, even if you can refund thousands more, Xiao Qi won't agree to check out. After all, it is wronged enough to marry someone you don't love. If you don't even have a house, then this marriage is too sad.
Xiao Qi didn't agree to go back, and neither did Xiao Qi's mother. Xiao Qi's husband obeyed Xiao Qi and resisted the pressure of his parents. He is willing to work hard with Xiao Qi and pay back slowly.
When Xiao Qi got married for half a year, Xiao Qi's younger brother also got married. When my brother got married, Xiao Qi, as my sister, had to spend money again.
Xiao Qi and her husband only had17,000 yuan. They asked the old man for 5,000 yuan, collected enough money and gave it all to their younger brother. The names are gift-giving, changing one's mouth, kowtowing, toasting, serving tea, new clothes and taking a group photo, which add up to more than 20 thousand.
In Xiao Qi's mind, his younger brother is the treasure of the family, but in his mother's eyes, he is more important than himself. But now that my brother is married, Xiao Qi is going to stop paying for her family's stupidity.
During this marriage, Xiao Qi gradually developed a vague love for her husband. Although her husband was plain and short, Xiao Qi was moved by watching him work from morning till night. People are full of meat. Sometimes, when you think about it, Xiao Qi will feel a little happy.
Isn't marrying someone just to live a down-to-earth life?
The days passed quickly. When Xiao Qi was married for a year and a half, his younger brother, who had just been married for a year, divorced. Xiao Qi can't believe it. Brother and sister-in-law have always had a good relationship. Why did they leave?
Later, Xiao Qi found his younger brother dating a woman outside, and was found by his sister-in-law.
In Xiao Qi's story, my brother wants to divorce and marry that woman. He was hot-headed and divorced his wife without telling his family. However, after the divorce, the women outside refused to marry. Originally, it was agreed not to give a bride price. She paid a bride price of 220,000 yuan and a house.
Xiao Qi's younger brother had no money to get married, so he had to ask his ex-wife to forgive him, but she didn't want to see him. He made the mistake, and his ex-wife didn't even return the bride price.
Fourth, don't go back to your mother's house without helping your brother.
In Xiao Qi's story, after my brother divorced, my mother cried all day. Parents went to the woman's house with gifts to apologize, hoping that their former daughter-in-law would come back, but they refused. Even if Xiao Qi's mother came to kowtow, the other party would not agree to remarry.
Xiao Qi said: My brother made such a big mistake that he didn't even know it! His parents couldn't bear to say anything about him, and he didn't go home for days. I lectured my brother a few words, and my mother also said that he was a child and was not sensible. Don't make him angry. ...
Xiao Qi's mother went to the woman's house intermittently for several months, and she didn't give up this fantasy until the woman got engaged again.
Xiao Qi thinks life is more like a play. Her parents exchanged her happiness for her brother's family, but his brother didn't cherish it. He even hoped that his sister would help him again and give him a chance to make a comeback.
Xiao Qi knows his family conditions and can't help himself. How can he help his brother?
Xiao Qi's mother began to ask Xiaoqi for help. Whenever Xiao Qi goes back to her mother's house, her mother hopes that Xiao Qi can help her brother again and give him another chance. There will always be times when money is tight. Xiao Qi refused again and again, and his mother's words became more and more ugly.
During that time, Xiao Qi's mother often called and said that Xiao Qi was not as filial as her neighbor Yuanyuan. People bought a house and a car for their younger brother, and there was no complaint. They are sisters, and Xiao Qi is disappointing.
Xiao Qi's husband loves Xiao Qi very much. Although he was disgusted with his mother-in-law's attitude, he said nothing. He still works hard, working overtime in the lumber mill every day. Xiao Qi was very moved and chose to work overtime. Husband and wife are in the same boat through thick and thin, just to make life better.
Xiao Qi said: We really want to have a baby, but the conditions at home are not good, so I can only put it off. I want to wait until life is better. My mother also said that I can't have children now, so I have to save money for my brother first. My husband loves me very much and listens to me. I'm really sorry I didn't give him a baby. I thought I married a man I didn't love, and now I regret not being with him all my life.
Later, Xiao Qi's mother quarreled with Xiao Qi on the phone all day. If you don't help your brother, you'll never get back to your mother's house.
Five, my husband left, only to find that he is my favorite.
During that time, Xiao Qi's mother occasionally went to the lumber mill to find Xiao Qi. Mother begged Xiao Qi to help her brother again in front of many people, and this was the last time. Mother came over again and again, which affected Xiao Qi's work.
In Xiao Qi's story, her husband is too honest and inarticulate, so he can only hold back the bitterness in his heart. Every time my mother comes to "find trouble", she will intentionally or unintentionally satirize Xiao Qi's poor husband's family and say that Xiao Qi married a useless man. My husband is very sad and can only sit in the corner in a daze.
Xiao Qi knew that her husband was thin-skinned and afraid of his mother. Whenever Xiao Qi was scolded and cried by her mother, she felt sorry for her husband. My husband understands Xiao Qi's pressure. He works more. This should be love, and he also hopes to relieve Xiao Qi's pressure.
Xiao Qi said: The last thing I should do is to ask my husband to give me my house back. My mother said that if my family returned the house, I could give my brother a bride price. My brother will pay us back when he gets married and it won't cost us anything.
Xiao Qi asked her husband if we could check out. My husband nodded in agreement. Let's return it together sometime. If we can't return it, we will sell it.
Xiao Qi cried that day. For the first time, she felt that she loved the right person, and her husband was worth loving for a lifetime. This is true love, although sad, but also very happy.
Xiao Qi didn't know how much pressure her husband was under to make this decision. He talks less than before, but he is more motivated to work. People have a rest at noon, and he keeps feeding and stuffing like a pique.
In Xiao Qi's story, a husband and wife were married for more than two years, and she lost her husband three days before they agreed to sell the house. She will never forget that her husband looked at her affectionately at the last moment.
My husband, who didn't eat before going to work that day, suddenly became hungry. He wants to eat steamed bread. Xiao Qi brought him two steamed buns left at noon, and he wolfed them down without eating. In order to do more work, he said not to go until he saw the last tree.
Xiao Qi agreed and wiped her husband's sweat. Her husband's efforts made her happy again.
A harsh voice sounded and the bearing was broken. The big saw disk hit the workbench and rolled on her husband.
Xiao Qi said, I don't speak. I cried my eyes out. He pushed me away and smiled at me. He just lay on the ground and looked at me. We didn't even say the last word. From that moment on, I lost him, my favorite man.
6. Life is born.
Later, Xiao Qi took care of her sad mother-in-law for nearly a year. My parents-in-law are kind people and have only one son. White-haired people send black-haired people, but Xiao Qi is reluctant to leave his parents.
Mother kept urging Xiao Qi: Don't be silly, it's time to meet someone. They pretend to be poor, and the house is yours now, and no one can give it to them. The money from the timber factory is returned to my mother-in-law, and half of it is yours. I will find a matchmaker to be your matchmaker. Whether your brother can marry a daughter-in-law depends on you. ...
At the end of the message, Xiao Qi said: My ex-boyfriend is willing to be my father-in-law's son, and he is willing to marry me. After having children, he will be the first to take their surname. His parents also came to talk to my parents-in-law, who wanted to say yes. My parents don't agree. They want me to go on a blind date. If I refuse, I won't be allowed into my house in the future.
As for the last question, as mentioned above, can I stay with my ex-boyfriend?
Xiao Qi and I talked intermittently for a long time in one day, and Xiao Qi's marriage was postponed by her mother. Affection is precious, but if a person doesn't even care about affection, then she is no longer a mother. Obviously, Xiao Qi is not a good wife in this marriage.
Things have passed, I hope Xiao Qi can be happy, and I also hope that this time I choose to listen to my own voice.
We often say that poverty in marriage is fatal, but it can make men feel inferior and women humble. Inferiority can change fate and make people lose their future. Everyone who pursues happiness must find the truest self, and the road is his own.