However, in real life, many people can't listen more and talk less, but often listen more and talk less.
Listening less and talking more often lead to conflicts between people.
Zeng Guofan, an outstanding generation, once said a few more words in an early dynasty, which attracted criticism from his colleagues. The scene is very embarrassing. From then on, he deeply realized the truth that "if you talk too much, you will lose" and vowed to rebuild your personal image from "abstaining from talking too much".
"Don't talk too much" actually means talking too little and listening too much.
How can we talk less and listen more?
In the book "The Art of Communication at Work", the author discusses the importance of listening in work for us through a large number of real cases in life and a large number of professional charts and data, and also introduces several efficient listening methods for us.
This book is divided into four parts: basic principles of business and communication, personal skills, teamwork and effective speech.
Among the "personal skills", the skill of "listening" especially attracted my attention. This skill is very important in life and work.
The Art of Communication at Work is co-authored by Ronald B Adler, Yanni marquette Elm and Christian Lucas.
Among them, Ronald B. Adler devoted himself to the research and writing of communication. His book "The Art of Communication" is known as "the encyclopedia of work communication", and it is a classic course that has been selling well in the United States for nearly 40 years.
Yanni marquette Elm is a lecturer in communication at the Community College in Central New Mexico.
Christian Lucas is an assistant professor of management at the University of Louisville.
In the book The Art of Communication at Work, the three authors not only expounded the importance of listening in our work, but also introduced several obstacles and skills for us to listen effectively. Understanding the importance of listening and the obstacles and skills in communication will make our communication ability get twice the result with half the effort.
0 1. The importance of listening in work
Yu Guangzhong, a famous scholar in China, said: "Good words can win the audience; Only by listening well can you win friends. "
Being good at listening will not only make you win friends, but also make your work gain great benefits. On the contrary, if you are not good at listening, it will bring immeasurable losses to your work.
According to statistics, there are more than 654.38 billion workers in the United States, and everyone is not good at listening, resulting in a loss of 654.38+00 dollars, which adds up to 654.38+00 billion dollars. And most people make all kinds of mistakes about listening every week.
In our life, troubles caused by listening errors are not uncommon, such as rewriting letters, rescheduling appointments, rescheduling transportation ... all kinds of troubles will affect work efficiency and even lead to economic losses.
There are many disasters caused by poor hearing in history.
During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, Fu Cha, the king of Wu, did not approve of Wu Zixu's brilliant proposal to destroy the State of Yue first and then encircle the State of Qi. Instead, he repeatedly used treacherous court officials, even sentenced Wu Zixu to death, and did not listen to his plan, which finally led to the end of being destroyed by Gou Jian, the king of Yue, when his national strength was empty.
Therefore, being a man should not only be kind, but also be good at listening. A good listener can not only make intimate friends, but also reduce huge economic and spiritual losses.
02. Overcome three obstacles to effective listening.
It's important to be good at listening. However, research shows that the probability that the listener can accurately understand the speaker's meaning in conversation does not exceed 25% to 50%.
10 minutes of speech, the average audience can remember only 50% of the information; After 48 hours, the audience's memory dropped to 25%.
What is the reason that hinders the brain from receiving information?
It turned out that three kinds of "noise" hindered the reception of information. They are environment, physiology and mood. They are the main obstacles to effective communication.
First, environmental barriers:
Noise at the production site or buzzing in crowded rooms will make the information inaudible and difficult to process.
In this case, we can move the conversation to a quieter place.
For example, I want to talk to students, but I don't want to talk in the office, because the teachers in the office often discuss some problems, which will affect my conversation with students.
Second, physical obstacles:
Some people are hard of hearing because they have hearing defects. For example, earache and headache are temporary and can be treated. In addition, there are permanent deafness, auditory discrimination, sorting, memory and other processing difficulties, which will also affect the listening effect.
The best way to solve this physiological disorder is to identify the cause and treat the symptoms, which can generally make obvious changes.
Third, psychological barriers:
The most terrible obstacle to effective listening is psychological. For example, daydreaming, egoism, racism, fear of losing face and so on. These psychological factors will affect the effect of listening.
Some people say, "There are no obstacles in life. As long as you persist, you will definitely win! "
Knowing the above three kinds of hearing disorders, we can take corresponding measures to solve the obstacles in the listening process according to the specific situation. Except permanent deafness, other obstacles can be overcome as long as you are determined to change.
03.2 Various efficient listening skills make communication more effective.
There is a saying in The Biography of Wei Zhi, a Book of the New Tang Dynasty: It is clear when you listen, but dark when you listen.
This old saying tells us that we must listen to opinions from all sides at the same time in order to correctly understand things; If you only believe one-sided words, you will inevitably make one-sided mistakes. This is also a standard of effective listening.
How to listen more efficiently?
In the book The Art of Communication at Work, the author introduces several effective listening skills.
First, talk less and listen more.
Stephen Covey emphasized in Seven Habits of Efficient People: "We must understand others before others can understand ourselves."
This shows that if you want others to understand yourself, you must first understand each other's ideas.
If you want to know each other's thoughts, the best way at this time is to talk less, interrupt each other less when communicating with others, and be a loyal listener.
However, it is not easy for some people to do this.
Colleague Xiao Yi always said that her son Xiaoji talked too little and asked his friends what to do.
Once, our two families ate. Seeing Xiaoyi's son Xiaoji, I pulled Xiaoji over to chat. Every time I ask Xiaoji a question, Xiao Li tries her best to help her son answer it. Sometimes Xiaoji was interrupted by a little meaning just in the middle of his speech, and he had to explain for his son for a long time.
I put a little meaning aside and said, "You don't understand the child's inner thoughts. How can you answer questions instead of him? At this rate, will he be willing to speak in front of you in the future? No matter what the child says, don't help him, and don't easily interrupt the child and let him finish. This is the greatest respect for children. "
It seems that it is not that Xiaoji talks too little, but that his mother talks too much. If you want a child with few words to talk more, when communicating with him, you should talk less and listen more to understand what the other person is thinking, and don't just be a "spokesperson".
In the book The Art of Communication at Work, the author emphasizes that when you meet a client for the first time, you should spend 80% of your time listening and 20% of your time talking.
This shows how important it is to listen efficiently and talk less and listen more.
As Dale Carnegie said, "A pair of smart ears is better than ten glib mouths."
Learning to listen is more important than eloquence.
Second, ask questions.
In the process of communication, sincere questions can be a good way to collect facts and details, clarify meaning and encourage the other party to elaborate.
Basketball coach Rick Pitino signed a contract with basketball star Tony Delk in a university and raised several questions:
What does Delk want from the coach? What do his family expect of him in college?
For an hour, Pitino just asked questions, then nodded and listened carefully to Delk's answer.
Finally, Pitic successfully signed a contract with Delk. Delk lived up to his expectations. Four years later, he led the players in his university and won the national championship.
By asking questions and listening carefully, Pitic discovered Delk, a swift horse, and made unprecedented achievements for his team.
Dale Carnegie said, "If you want to be a good talker, you must first be a good listener."
Talk less and listen more, ask questions skillfully and listen carefully. This is the book The Art of Communication at Work, which shows us two basic skills of communication at work. Mastering them skillfully will make our communication more effective.
(The above pictures are all from the Internet)