Nana is 28 years old, beautiful, intelligent and independent. She is like a princess in a close relationship, caring and sticking to her feelings and ideas. This is related to her growing experience: when she was a child, Nana's parents often went out early and returned late, and there was not much time at home. Even at home, they spend their time arguing about family chores and have little time to take care of Nana. Therefore, Nana began to be independent from a very young age, did not dare to rely on anyone, and suffered a lot to get to today.
Zixuan is two years older than Nana, with a well-off family and good looks, but his relationship with Nana is his first serious love, so Zixuan is very concerned about this relationship and hopes it will bear fruit. He loves Nana very much, and his relationship is dominated by Nana. He is willing to pay and sacrifice for her. Although he sometimes thinks Nana is a little cold and selfish, doesn't like going home very much, and rarely gets close to her parents, he can understand Nana's growing experience.
Zixuan hoped to give Nana a warm home, but Nana didn't cooperate. Even if she is engaged, she still doesn't care about family affairs. She goes out every day and works overtime day and night, making her home a hotel. Zixuan and his family want to discuss the wedding with Nana, who looks impatient. Approaching marriage, it is even more "unscrupulous": obviously, I made an appointment to see the wedding dress on the weekend, but Nana, as the bride, got on the plane that day and ran to see her best friend; We agreed to go home for dinner on the festival day, but without saying a word, we went to have afternoon tea with our classmates. We talked until we forgot the time to eat, which made our parents hungry for a long time ... Such things emerged endlessly, and Nana would only say perfunctory words: I forgot, it won't happen next time. Zixuan is angry and helpless, so she must always be patient.
Recently, the young couple made an appointment with their in-laws to talk about the wedding banquet. As a result, Nana didn't come back until 1 1 that night and asked her family to wait for her. Naturally, you can't talk about what you should talk about. Zi Xuan can't stand the dissatisfaction of the prospective in-laws. She said angrily, "otherwise, we won't have a wedding. Let's break up." Nana cried bitterly, and Zixuan left with her parents.
Facing Nana's apology, Zixuan could not forgive her. A week after the Cold War, Zixuan lost his temper. When she wanted peace, Nana refused to get back together. Despite Zixuan's best efforts and even persuading her friends and relatives, Nana remained indifferent. Halfway through the wedding preparations, it naturally stopped.
Zixuan was very depressed and helpless. I don't know why Nana had such abnormal behavior before marriage and even left herself. ...
Interpretation of psychological counseling on marriage and love;
A stable relationship is in a state of "falling apart" in a short time, and a wedding that is being prepared "has caused complications". Zi Xuan was caught off guard and felt absurd and confused.
Reading the cases of Zixuan and Nana carefully, we can find from the details that Zixuan is more active in getting married, while Nana is passive. Nana's "abnormal" behaviors such as standing up and being late in the wedding preparation process are not conducive to the smooth progress of the wedding. Therefore, Zi Xuan found it difficult to understand why Nana was so "destructive" and destroyed it in some very low-level ways. Nana felt wronged because she didn't want to destroy her feelings with Zixuan on the conscious level, but her subconscious made her make many seemingly stupid and low-level "mistakes", which made the wedding unable to proceed normally.
From the perspective of Zi Xuan Nana's five-year love, Nana also loves Zi Xuan, but why does Nana have such a strong "destructive behavior" in the face of marriage? Moreover, it seems that for Nana, the pain of breaking up is more bearable than the pain of stepping into marriage.
Most women hesitate to get married because of the following aspects:
I. Fear of losing my freedom
Entering marriage, husband and wife become legal couples, and the obligations and responsibilities between husband and wife are much more than when they are in love, which are restricted by law and morality. In modern society, women's economic ability and status are enhanced, and they live freely when they are single. When they are in love, they also have their own space and choices. However, after marriage, they not only have to share family responsibilities, but also their free space and time are compressed. They need to realize that they are married. This is undoubtedly a big challenge for most women in the new era. When the wedding day approaches, women's anxiety and worry about losing their freedom reach the peak, and then turn into fear of marriage.
Second, I am worried that there will be great changes in my married life.
"Is he really my favorite? Do I really want to marry him? "
"Some people say that men are different before and after marriage. What if he changes after marriage? "
"Two people in love can live in harmony, so will there be changes after marriage? If it's all the same, why get married? "
"Can I be suitable for married life? Will I be a good wife and mother? Can I get along with my in-laws? ... "
There are many unknown and uncertain factors in marriage, and no one can guarantee that marriage is the sublimation of love. Living habits, consumption concepts, hobbies, getting along with husband and wife, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law may all cause contradictions and conflicts. What about the cold war? What about quarreling?
Moreover, children should be considered after marriage, not to mention the hardships of pregnancy. There may be unexpected situations when giving birth. Will the husband cheat during pregnancy? What should I do if my in-laws come after the baby is born? What if my in-laws don't come to help? ……
All these worries are overwhelming, which worries many women. ...
Third, the influence of the surrounding environment.
More and more TV dramas and movies can see the theme of marital infidelity. Gossip news about various stars' infidelity also emerges endlessly. There are always keywords about extramarital affairs on the hot search list in Weibo, and the increasing divorce rate makes many young people hold a wait-and-see attitude towards marriage.
The concept of marriage is much more open now, but loyalty is still the cornerstone of marriage. However, when more and more people are involved in extramarital affairs, extramarital sex, ambiguity and gossip in the social environment, and many friends, colleagues and even relatives who look like gentlemen around them have such behaviors, women can't help but worry: Will my other half do something that betrays me? There is no answer to such concerns, which also makes many women hesitate to step into marriage.
Fourth, the "shadow" of family background
Most of our views on marriage are obtained from our parents' marriage. The way children get along with each other and the relationship between parents will affect their views on marriage. Nana is a vivid example. She has watched her parents quarrel since she was a child. Even though she has a stable love, in the face of marriage, her heart is still full of resistance, fear and conflict, and even subconsciously she will not hesitate to dissolve the engagement.
Unharmonious marriage not only affects the feelings of husband and wife, but also affects the physical and mental development of children, laying a tortuous foreshadowing for their emotional experience. Children who have experienced emotional disharmony between their parents have been experiencing the misfortune, pain and fear of marriage for many years, fearing that such problems will happen to them. When we don't know how to solve it in reality, in order to prevent the beginning of an unfortunate marriage, we will intentionally or unintentionally do things that destroy the relationship.