-"Mr Toad goes to see a psychiatrist" (4)
Text/Zhang Aimin
05
The reason why life is unique and gorgeous is that in just a few decades, we will realize the enthusiasm and hope of life and the fragility and fragility of life. We can laugh or cry. The master of our life has always been ourselves. Yes, we can tell the world that I am important.
In the consultation with Mr. Toad, Dr. Heron also mentioned the concept of life coordinates. The "life orientation" in interpersonal communication analysis refers to the basic beliefs and conclusions about the relationship between oneself, others and the world established in childhood, which will become the quasi-responsibility of this person in making decisions and implementing behaviors in the future. In other words, we subconsciously learned all the values and morals from our parents, including the criteria for judging life.
People's life orientation usually has the following four kinds:
First, I am good, and so are you. Believe in yourself and others. Such people are always full of confidence in the world and anyone, and will always pursue a win-win situation with others in real life.
Second, I am good, but you are not. Such people always show defensive attitude and strong aggression, and are often in a state of paranoia and anger. I always like to educate others, criticize others, stand above others, think that I occupy the moral high ground, like to impose my ideas on others, like to say "you really disappoint me" to others, and have a kind of psychology of "I can catch you".
Third, I am not good. Hello. Such people always feel bad about themselves, and others are better than themselves. Either inferiority, dependence, powerlessness, self-abandonment, and no opinion; Either be extremely obedient to other people's requirements and strive to gain recognition. Always pretending to feel inferior, playing the victim in life, unable to control life, often anxious and depressed.
Fourth, I am not good, and neither are you. Such people are full of panic and threats to their lives. He has a deep sense of abandonment and negative despair. He always thinks he is worthless and doesn't trust others to help him. The whole life is the repetition of rejecting yourself, rejecting others and being rejected by others at the same time.
For example, when Toad was a child, he was always scolded by his strict father for various trifles, which made him feel very painful, sad and helpless. When he becomes an adult and is accused by people around him again for something, the same unhappy, painful and helpless emotions will arise, which will make him constantly fall into the "child self-state". Compared with Mr. Toad, the badger in the book shows "parents' self-state". He often scolds and criticizes "Mr toad" like his parents (adults). Of course, there is no difference between a child's self-state, a parent's self-state, or an adult's self-state, which is an inevitable pattern in our life.
In short, believe in yourself and others. Keep working hard, be more honest about your feelings and needs, let yourself enter the adult's self-state at critical moments, and plan and implement actions rationally.
To understand your behavior intellectually, you must fully understand yourself, and to do this, you must be connected with your emotions. The so-called real living is to sincerely respond to the needs of the moment.
Only in this way can we break the causal cycle from childhood, get rid of the shackles of past experiences and become our true self in freedom.
Therefore, connecting your emotions is a lifelong practice. We must attach importance to the emotional management of children throughout their childhood. In the face of children's emotional storm, we must first guide children to face their emotions honestly and accept their emotions through * * *.
Of course, you can't change yourself just by this little book. It must be much more painful and difficult to dig yourself and face yourself. But I believe that everyone has the ability to become better.