Me: This is a psychological problem. It is suggested that cognitive behavior therapy should be used to intervene. The act of taking other people's things is generally caused by two reasons, one is the sense of deprivation, the other is psychological problems, or lack of care, or childhood trauma. In today's society, it is impossible to feel lack in a rich area like Zhejiang.
A teacher: What do you think? Is it necessary for parents to take them to see a psychiatrist?
Me: I don't know how to treat a sentence or two. If parents like, I can help his children do it.
One day later, in their school, I met Xiao. He is very handsome, quiet, smart and polite. He looks like a good teacher. Seeing his parents come to see him, Xiao did not show any special excitement. Parents are very educated, people are very spiritual, elegant and generous, and belong to the social elite.
After communicating with his parents for a while, Xiao asked him to leave first.
Me: Was the child brought up by grandparents when he was a child?
Little parents: No, it's all ourselves.
Me: Generally, taking other people's things is caused by ignorance or improper discipline. It is impossible for him to feel lacking, and it is impossible for him to take care of himself and not properly discipline him. This is probably a lack of love or a childhood trauma. Did anything special happen in his childhood? For example, similar to ...
Little parents: I don't think so. ..... Second sister often has disputes with Xiao A. For example, when they buy milk at home, both of them want to take more for themselves, so we can't just give them half. Small ah after drinking, he will take the second sister's share. If the second sister refuses, he will secretly take it. Second sister will definitely quarrel when she finds out. We also said that there were many in the shop and we would buy them after eating, but they didn't listen and just wanted to argue. There are such things as where to play, where the second sister said to play, and the younger brother didn't want to go, saying to play somewhere else. My brother said where to play, but my second sister didn't want to. As a result, we are afraid to go out to play now for fear that they will fight again.
Me: Well, now the root of the problem has been basically found. It is caused by lack of love. Many people may think, how can there be a lack of love? I love children very much. We love our children very much, which is right, but we often only love them in our hearts and don't know how to express them. Children can't receive the message of love and feel the love of their parents. For example, we are happy when a child does something, but many times, we don't show it at all, or just say "well, it's good." In this way, children can't get our love and encouragement. We need to express our love, which is very lacking in our primitive culture. We should study hard and recommend a book, Does the child know that you love him? , written by a Taiwan Province writer, has not been officially published in Chinese mainland. You can buy the traditional version on Taobao. I suggest you buy it.
We know that the only child has brought great educational problems. Similarly, the second and third children, if not paid attention to, will also bring problems. It turns out that when there was only one child, this child was the favorite. With a second child, parents will focus on the second child, and the older one will feel lost and feel that parents love the second child more. At this time, some people will play some "traditional jokes", such as: your parents don't love you, they love their younger brother (sister), and all your parents' property will be given to your younger brother (sister) in the future. This will deepen the sense of loss of the older baby. Similarly, when Sanwa was born, Erwa had a strong sense of loss. Especially the age difference between the two children is not big, especially when they are only two or three years old.
In order to avoid this sense of loss to the greatest extent, children should be consulted before giving birth to the second or third baby. Some people say, what if children don't agree to have children? Then we adults can strengthen guidance, how to guide, not specifically here. When a child agrees to have a younger brother or sister, guide him or her to think about it. What can you do for your brother or sister after he or she is born? Wait a minute. Take precautions against the "traditional jokes" that neighbors usually play, so that children are not easily hurt by those "traditional jokes".
Why do Second Sister and Little A fight for milk? Everyone wants to be more of themselves? They are not fighting for milk, but for the love of their parents. Little boy stole his second sister's milk. Subconsciously, he felt that he occupied more parents' love. For a long time, Xiao Ah has formed an automatic thinking, taking whatever he likes, especially what he eats.
Once the root cause is found, it is easy to solve the problem. We can solve this problem from three levels.
First, strengthen the expression of love and flow love. When love is no longer scarce and fills the whole family, of course, no one will compete. This is the most fundamental problem. If this problem is not solved, it will only cure the symptoms, not the root cause.
We can express love and flow love by strengthening the sense of ceremony. For example, birthdays, the birthdays of the three brothers and sisters must be treated equally, and they must be better. On the birthday of the boss, his parents gave him gifts, and so did the second and third children. After eating the birthday cake, the activities of the day are decided by the boss, and activities such as watching movies and going to the playground are decided by the boss, and the whole family participates. The same is true for the second and third birthdays. Of course, besides birthdays, we can also create other ceremonies, such as admission and so on.
We can also express love and flow love by strengthening physical contact. Physical contact is the most direct and simple way to express love and flow love. When two people are very close, they often "hook up". At this time, love often flows freely and without obstacles. At this point, we should learn from westerners. When they say goodbye and welcome, they usually hug, and we can do the same. It's okay. You can hold the baby.
We can also express love and flow love by learning new ways of communication. You can read "Does the child know you love him" recommended earlier, or you can learn my "Image Communication Method".
Second, through cognitive behavioral therapy, intervene in the behavior of small A taking things. The specific method is abbreviated.
Third, through the image dialogue technology, improve the emotional state of Xiao A and Er Jie. Specifically, tentatively do three aspects. It is necessary to observe and improve the overall emotional state of children with your heart. Be the image of the school, observe and improve children's emotional state towards the school. Make parent-child images and observe the emotional state of improving the parent-child relationship.
After that, I made an image of a heart. At first, the little heart was gray, oval, rough and sharp. Through the image dialogue, the image of the little heart turns yellow, emitting golden light, round and smooth. ...
With that, Xiao's expression obviously revived, and he smiled happily and asked him how he felt. He said, very happy and comfortable.
These show that the image of the heart is very successful, and the emotional state of Xiao Ya has changed without his own consciousness.