0 1. Introduction
Recently, the popular online drama "New World" can be called a hot drama in the holiday extension, and the heroine Tian Dan in it is also controversial, because the heroine is not an ordinary person, but a god-like existence:
Being able to be literate and martial, the unusual gas field is simply going to heaven and earth. She used all the good things she met, and all the scum she met wanted to kill her.
Awesome! A little weak woman, what can she do?
Aside from her all-round ability in civil and military affairs and her ability to identify people with a unique eye, I think the most important thing is that she understands people's psychology and has empathy.
In one episode of the play, it is said that after Tian Dan escaped from prison, he missed a much smaller case and went to Xu Tianjia first. Naturally, he also wants to visit Xu Tian's father. Before that, Tian Dan chatted with Xu Tian and asked Xu Fu's preferences. Do you have any special hobbies? ...
In front of Xu Fu, who fell in love with her at first sight because of strangeness, Tian Dan ate snacks brought up by Xu Fuduan. A girl next door was innocent and lovely. She told Xu Fu:
From the dim sum of old Beijing, I slowly talked about the allusions of old Beijing's archway and eight cannons, became familiar with the affectionate image of old Beijing, and won Xu's goodwill. That night, chui fook spontaneously vigil for the female * * * party.
In another scene, Tian Dan met Xiao Duo's mother, Dao Meilan, and she naturally got close and asked her to help change the medicine. "They are all men, which is inconvenient. If they don't change the medicine, the wound will fester. " ...
The calm but intimate tone, as delicate and touching as the girl next door, won the maternal love of Dao Meilan who lost her daughter.
People with empathy will naturally get more help. Let Tian Dan get help from almost everyone in every crisis, so he can save the day in every crisis.
Empathy can be understood as empathy, thinking and feeling from the other side's point of view. Derived from the Greek empatheia, it was first used by American psychologist Tiechener in the 1920s.
Since we talk about empathy, we have to mention a book, The Mystery of Personality written by Sylvia Loken, a doctor of German linguistics.
Sylvia Loken said in Personality Puzzlement:
"Many introverts have a special talent for observing and listening, so they are also good at emotional substitution (empathy). They can hear the meaning between the lines and experience complex feelings. "
It can be seen that empathy mostly exists in introverted people. Extroverted personality is good at dealing with conflicts, which corresponds to empathy.
Sometimes in our work and daily life, it is inevitable to meet some people who are out of step. These two people are not bad people. However, many people alienate their friends and distract their husband and wife because of their inconsistent pace, inability to get along, misunderstanding of kindness, and so on. How can we get along, even be intimate?
It is not simply saying "more communication and more communication", so we can turn hostilities into friendship and be transparent. Communication may not be understandable, nor may it be understandable after communication, or even there is no chance to communicate at all.
After reading this book, many questions will be answered.
02. About this book
Sylvia Loken, the author of Personality Puzzlement, is a well-known German personality analyst, authoritative analyst and doctor of linguistics.
Personality Monograph is the result of the author's teaching and research work for more than ten years. In addition, there are a series of books, such as sensitive person at the Height of Introversion and Introversion Psychology.
The book Puzzlement of Personality is mainly divided into two parts: Puzzlement of Personality: Finding Your Advantages and Obstacles and Personality Psychology: Finding Your Lifestyle.
The first part is "Personality Puzzlement: Finding Your Advantages and Obstacles".
The author explains three personality characteristics: introversion, extroversion and mixed type. Advantages and differences of the two personalities; The internal and external personalities of the team grow together.
Cases in which extroverts and introverts have made achievements in the introverted field after people with two personalities have given full play to their own characteristics and avoided personality obstacles.
The second part is "personality psychology: finding a lifestyle that suits you".
In this part, the author talks about how introverts and extroverts achieve their goals in different ways; Unique advantages as an introverted manager; And the correct solution to the conflict between introverts and extroverts.
The first part, mainly in the form of tables and cases, analyzes the two main opposites in detail.
Mixed type is a comprehensive type of introversion and extroversion, showing different personalities according to the proportion of introversion and extroversion in the heart.
This book mainly makes a comparative analysis of introversion and extroversion. This paper analyzes the advantages and obstacles of the two personalities in detail, and lists many cases, which are easy to understand.
Then, in view of the differences between introverted and extroverted personalities, the book analyzes the advantages and disadvantages of the two personalities in mutual interpersonal communication.
And look at extroverted personality from an introverted perspective, and look at other people's different ways of doing things and self-evaluation from an extroverted perspective to help readers understand the misunderstanding caused by personality differences.
Read this book carefully and know yourself. In communication and teamwork, at least we can avoid wasting some useless communication time.
From the book, you not only read the ways to distinguish between two personalities, but also learned how to distinguish and use character strengths, avoid obstacles and understand each other's needs, and how to use them (character strengths) for effective cooperation and coordination.
03. Managing Hua Xiaobai in that year.
The book "A brief encounter" also reminds me of the episode that depressed me many years ago when I was a manager, but I still feel ironic when I think about it.
Ten years ago, I worked as a middle-level manager in a listed company. My team members were young and excellent, with good departmental performance and positive personnel. As a supervisor, I am naturally proud of my ambition.
Later, at a departmental exchange meeting, everyone spoke freely, and a subordinate gave me an opinion, saying that my usual smile made him feel disrespectful, as if to satirize him.
What? Does my smile make him unhappy? I think my smile is the most real and perfect. Everyone thinks he is the most sincere.
Because I am introverted and shy, in fact, I am basically unsmiling.
But the size of a supervisor must be approachable to subordinates, so "love O2O". But today, this smile made him feel sarcastic.
Analysis to analysis, thought for a long time or not, just talk to him privately.
Young subordinates say that sometimes when reporting to me, I will nod indifferently, and then I will squeeze out a smile and tell him that I know and I don't care.
But he was very unhappy. "If you say yes, it's over. You have to laugh until the end, making me feel that I am not doing well. Are you comforting me or satirizing me? "
I ... I didn't mean to. "You really understand wrong. I nodded in agreement. I just want to show you basic manners by smiling. Maybe, not natural enough? I am not born to laugh. "
I quickly explained it to you for a long time. After all, first impressions are too important for young people. Fortunately, they finally let each other go.
Careful analysis is due to their different personalities and insufficient understanding.
Everyone's personality is different. As the saying goes, "Don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you." In fact, what you want may be exactly what others hate and dislike.
Sometimes we feel that some ways of respecting others may be different from each other's views, so our understanding is far from perfect, and misunderstandings are thus formed.
It is often said that when we are not understood, we often comfort ourselves that "justice is free from people's hearts and a clear conscience is good."
However, with the acceleration of the pace of life, we drift with the tide and become impetuous. Those who haven't had time to get along may go their separate ways tomorrow.
People who spend a little longer together always feel that there is no need to explain in a hurry, and some misunderstandings can only be abandoned in the end, which is a pity after all.
If everyone can understand how good personality traits are, they can effectively avoid minefields and live and cooperate in a comfortable way.
If I had read this book earlier, I could have avoided it.
04. This book has its own golden room: "Four Communication Tasks of Management"
In this book, for managers, I want to focus on the "exclusive advantages of introverts: management and communication" in Chapter 5 of Part II.
This chapter is devoted to such a situation:
There is some friction between the extroverted executive director Ai Nuo of an IT company of arc Consulting Group and Igor, the best developer and introverted professional of its subsidiaries.
Aino thinks there are many talented people in the company, but Igo is a typical bookworm. Although he is only knowledgeable, he is slow to respond to customers' inquiries, thinking a lot but acting conservatively, seeing problems but not opportunities … and so on.
Igo also complained a lot about aino. "No matter what I do, no matter how many successful projects I have, Aino will always know more than me!
He talked on and on, making people breathless. The fruits of victory will belong to him. ...
Why didn't he let me make my own decision? My grades are beyond reproach, and my customers' satisfaction is high ... and Aino is just picky! ..... my efforts have not received due respect. ...
They are just "appearances": glib, but not real. "
How to deal with this situation as a successful manager? This book has a clear answer to this question, so I won't go into details here. Interested friends can have a look for themselves.
The book points out that "according to different environments, both introverts and extroverts may become excellent managers." , detailed analysis of the differences between introverts and extroverts in leadership quality:
Different personalities will lead them to face different unfavorable factors because their obstacles are different.
Combining the two characters analyzed in the book as the strengths and weaknesses of managers, both managers and managed people can find a successful way to understand each other's difficulties.
The four important communication tasks of managers are the magic weapon that managers have to learn.
These four important communication tasks are:
Facing diversity, digital communication can stimulate potential and provide a sense of security.
Facing diversity, managers need intelligent communication strategies to understand and respect the differences of team members, give full play to the characteristics of each team member, learn from each other's strengths and achieve the best results of the team.
Faced with diversity, as managers, your employees need: planning, integration, respect, grasping the direction and feedback. Recognize and respect differences, make up for obstacles, and combine advantages.
For introverted team members, you should give them the opportunity to work quietly and independently, make good use of their introverted empathy and guide other new team members.
Encourage introverts to participate in the meeting and ensure that their speeches are not interrupted.
For extroverted team members, let him find his place in the team and create his sense of belonging and collective honor in the team.
And through the way of competition, stimulate the competitive consciousness of extroverts. And he needs to be encouraged to keep his feet on the ground in time.
If you are an introverted manager, use the talent of introverts to care about others, pay more attention to people around you, respect the desire of extroverted employees to communicate, encourage creativity and give employees enough room to play.
Digital communication: Your employees need rules, role models and skills.
Digital communication requires managers to be more comfortable with introverted employees and set aside quiet time for them in a friendly way. And extroverted employees need more convenient contact means, but they need to pay attention to their impatience and easy distraction in time.
Stimulate potential and give different forms of attention and appreciation to employees with different personalities.
Expressing identity in a special way: attaching importance to the distribution of power and taking responsibility; People who are eager for recognition can praise him in front of everyone; Provide necessary vacation time for family members, and occasionally provide the possibility of working from home.
Provide employees with the necessary sense of security: explore opportunities to control the situation, create fairness, and ensure transparent information and smooth communication.
A sense of security means not following the rules as much as possible, not interfering with each other, and standing still in the face of change. Only by changing can we grow.
A sense of security is to create good growth conditions for it: solid land and internal and external motivation.
05. Conclusion: Change yourself and the world will be wonderful because of you.
"The company is like a ship sailing on the sea, and the manager is like a captain, a leader under uncertain circumstances. Their tasks also include occasionally breaking backward rules and adapting to new situations. "
Michal Zell, former CEO of Germany's "Yellow Power Company", said.
As a manager, knowing the personality characteristics of team members can better manage the team, respect differences, give play to advantages, stimulate potential and lead performance to a high point.
For each individual, it is of great benefit to know his own personality.
Where are your character strengths and obstacles? Where is your comfort zone? Know yourself, give full play to your strengths, and avoid and improve your shortcomings.
Discover your own uniqueness and use this knowledge to make your life more suitable for you.
Knowing the personality of partners (husband and wife, colleagues and friends) can respect each other's differences, learn to appreciate others, promote each other from a new angle and cherish each other.
Unnecessary misunderstandings have melted away and become more harmonious and colorful, creating a miracle of mutual love and benefiting from it.
As the book says, "This is a comprehensive book. What content of this book will you apply to your own life and communication with others? "
There is no doubt that if you read this book and apply it to your life and work, you will be more than half successful.
A good book is worth reading; Enjoy with you and * * * create a miracle of love. Thanks to Sylvia Loken's "Personality Puzzle".