I have been watching day after day, with the same attitude and different mood.
Judging from the straight back and facial contour of the old man, when he was young, he must have been a rough and generous person who dared to love and hate, but he was not cute. The biggest reason is that he is too overbearing to defend the beautiful situation. For this reason, I am embarrassed to refuse.
In the last year of studying there, I will leave. What I can't give up is Xanadu, which is a mystery, especially when the old man paddles the boat slowly through the softness of the lotus bushes.
On that Sunday morning, dew was shining under my feet because of the sunshine. I sneaked around to the place with my back to the hut, glad that the keen old man didn't find me in time. Lotus has not yet blossomed, and the transparent light green is shining with the aura of life in the morning sun. There are not many fish in the water, but only a few seem so free and full of childlike yearning for water sprite. The water is very delicate, which makes me sigh. My eyes stayed on the small wooden boat. The erosion of wind and rain makes it look shabby, but it still looks strong. I was going to go into the hut to find out, but the old man was standing in front of me, and generate was angry because he was touched. Embarrassed, I stepped back. ? Sorry, I just want to have a look. ? You're invading me. ! ? The momentum is clumsy and aggressive, and when I return to campus, my heart beats slowly and steadily.
I have never had any antipathy to him, but after being rejected, I became more and more interested in his strange behavior, but this interest ran aground with my departure, and that poetic picture became a sealed dream in my heart.
Walking through society, being hurt, happy and angry, right? Love? There is no longer fantasy and fanaticism beyond time and space, and even many times I don't believe in love. I just feel soft-hearted when I see men and women who don't understand the world, but that doesn't belong to me. I dance my unique life monotonously like a small dust in the air that is difficult for ordinary people to see.
This winter, I struggled in the emotional whirlpool and was at a loss. Finally, I set foot on the train of nostalgia. I always thought that the old man had a sad story fixed in that landscape. The old man's voice and smile, hut, wooden boat, lotus, water and small fish overlap in front of me.
After getting off the bus, I went straight to the place I dreamed of many times. The high wall blocked my eyes and my heart was choked by something. I ran around looking for the door in a hurry, and after a big circle, an iron gate finally appeared in front of me, which read in bold? Ancient Zen Temple? I walked in with soft steps, and the sound of the machine came from my ear. Some palaces are well built, and tourists come in and out in twos and threes. I'm really confused. I can't find that piece? The location of Xanadu, slowly walked towards a middle-aged man who was carving. He sat on a big stone, bent his head and concentrated on his work, and his face was covered with dust. ? Excuse me, the old man here, the pond, you mean the dull old bachelor, right? Do tourists always want to see that beautiful place? He developed it well, but it has been bought by the developer, and now I'm afraid it's dying. ?
I was shocked, and under his instructions, I went lower and lower. It's snowing again. Far away, I can't see the lotus. In the season that does not belong to her, the water is all white, and there are frozen skins and plastic bags inside. Without the small wooden boat, I can vaguely see the broken pieces of wood scattered under the snow. Two oars leaned against the wall of the hut, like two souls gathered together, telling the legend of life and death. Unconsciously, I went straight to the hut without being scolded. At this time, I have put on my snowsuit, like a snowman. The fragile wooden door is closed obliquely. I gently pushed it away, and a gust of wind blew the hair on my cheeks and fluttered in my sight. An enlarged black-and-white photo on the wall stands out on the bare earth wall. It was a young girl, and her appearance was not particularly outstanding, but the hazy brilliance wrapped in white shocked my beauty. I stared at the photo for a long time, until my eyes were sore and I slowly turned around. The room was damp and the cooker in the corner was covered with dust. The old man was lying on the bed with his eyes closed, covered with a lux quilt, but it had faded long ago, but what seemed to remain unchanged was his eternal hot heart. He seemed to feel the presence of someone, and his eyes opened quickly. Seeing me, the magnified illusion pupil produces a blazing flame. ? Quiet? Quietly, he suddenly stood up and came to me with open arms. I was shocked by the sound from the depths of his soul. Seeing him suddenly fall down just a step away, I was shocked by the sudden thing, watching his face turn yellow gradually and his body become stiff gradually after the spasm?
Construction workers and I buried him near the hut and found nothing valuable in his room. I found a yellow, rough and worn notebook under my pillow and quietly put it in my bag. I firmly believe that there will be a secret that I have been looking for for for many years, and I will return to sit down under the lamp with a fresh life-like heart, sort out my mood and open a yellowed, damp and worn-out notebook. Some words are neat and some are scrawled, which shows that he was either calm or happy or impatient or in a hurry. There is no date, not a diary, but an essay on his whim. I read eagerly with the feeling of exploring the unknown soul.
His writing style is rough and messy, and some places seem incoherent and have many typos, which shows his writing level. I try to repeat his ideas in my own language and record them as much as possible.
Today, I went to the field to harvest soybeans as usual, and a new girl appeared in my field of vision. I guess it must be a young intellectual who just went to the countryside. She watched her clumsy and hard work from a distance. Her childish face is helpless and wronged, and I don't know whether it is tears or sweat. She is full of tenderness, thinking that her parents were beaten to death because of the landlord, her brother ran away from home, her house was demolished, and she was here alone. At first, she looked at me carefully and said gratefully, thank you, big brother. ? There was a grateful smile on his face and tears on his cheeks. My heart was hit by a gentle current, and I bent down to work hard. I must have been embarrassed at that time, because I could feel her smile and bent down to pull the beans with my hands. I clearly saw the blood bubbles in her tender hands? You rest, I'll finish cutting it for you. ? The captain came from a distance. Look at me. Look at her mess. Kongjing, how can you share joys and sorrows with the masses! Can't stand the ability to stay in a big city? Zhuang Cheng, are you a hero who saved America? My rebellious anger soared. ? So what if it is? Do you have compassion? Didn't you see the blood bubbles on her hands? Captain Li just looked at her hand. Then get used to it. ? Just leave.
In the evening, I went to the big yard where she lived with gauze and medicine. Through the window, I saw that she was moved to tears and put on a small floral coat with white decoration, which looked simple and elegant. Her freshly washed black hair hangs neatly, her hands are red and swollen in several places, and her skin is rotten, revealing red flesh. She looked at herself pitiful and depressed. Despair is everywhere in my life. She is singing. My initial hesitation was finally replaced by determination, and I strode to the door. ? Who is it? She asked in panic. ? Me? I brought you a potion. ? She looked at me from the window with a smile on her face. My heart is full of ripples. She opened the door for me. I didn't dare to touch her eyes. I handed her the medicine and gauze. ? Big brother is really good! Where do you live? Me? Can I tell her that I have no home and live in a hut? I can't! ? I'm the only one at home, my parents are dead, and I don't know where I am. It turns out that we are all ends of the earth. I came here enthusiastically in the spirit of ah q, but I didn't expect this to happen. ? I will try my best to help you.
How can I describe my mood today in words? The exhaustion of the body was completely washed away by her voice, and her soft little hands made me feel hot all over. I suddenly found out how boring and colorless my previous life was. Now that I feel her presence, the world suddenly evokes a strange brilliance, and the small hut is full of sparkling femininity. Her clever figure kept shaking in front of her eyes. I tried to catch up with her, but she flashed by like an elf, close at hand, far away, within reach, and disappeared in an instant?
The next day, I continued to harvest beans. I went out of town early and did two jobs. When the sky is quiet, I have cut it in half. I motioned for her to come over. ? Is your hand better? No, it hurts too much. ? You watch me do it. ? Seeing her obedient appearance filled my heart with joy. Enjoy it.
After my quiet hand was injured, I slowly did some work within my power and gradually adapted to manual labor. We also began to get to know each other. We are no longer bound to each other. Earlier today, after work, she insisted on going to my place, because she already knew that I lived in a small house far from the village. I can't beat her, let her follow me down this road step by step. When I saw the small water lake next to the hut, she cried with surprise. What beautiful and clear water! How can there be such a round lake? It is said that it was formed by a meteorite falling from the sky. ? If there are lotus flowers, goldfish, wooden boats and your cabin, what kind of paradise it is. No matter how hard and tired I am, I am here without hope and regret. ? That's not easy. ? Beautiful happiness actually comes very simply. ? She suddenly murmured thoughtfully.
Before long, I showed everyone what she blurted out. When I brought her here, she shouted in surprise. So I often visit this place and often help me cook and wash clothes? What I am most happy about is her happy expression of rowing a boat and humming a ditty and intoxicated in the lake. Eyes narrowed into two shallow crescent. How happy it should be to go on like this. But this beautiful scenery did not reduce the deep melancholy in her eyes. Her hopeless expression of missing her loved ones often appeared in meditation, which I could not help her anyway.
That night, I wandered around the brigade as usual. The light in the empty room stopped. When I went back, I suddenly saw Captain Li sneaking towards the brigade. Those educated youths who went to the countryside all went out to play tonight. Kong Jing stayed with me. She's the only one left now. Thinking of his usual love of philandering in the village, I kept my eyes fixed on Kong Jing. I was suddenly angry. Quietly followed him into the big yard. He went straight to the empty door. ? Kong Jing, let me tell you something. ? What is this? Tomorrow. I went to bed. ? Is it urgent? Then wait a minute. ? I secretly shouted:? Do not drive! Do not drive! ? But pure silence opened the door. Captain Li suddenly hugged her. ? What are you doing? I called someone. ? Then I rushed to the top of the door and punched and kicked Captain Li. He didn't expect to suddenly jump out of one? A disappointing star? . Run away in a hurry?
At that time, it suddenly occurred to me that it was time to express my confession to Kongjing. And I didn't mean to be at the most inappropriate, perhaps the most appropriate, time. Marry me and I'll see who dares to bully you. I regretted it as soon as I came out. Can I let her live in the cabin with me? But on second thought, I have two hands. As long as we work together, we will have a house to live in. We will have what others have. Still staring at me in the terrible silence. ? Me? Me? Forget I said that. You have a rest. Never open the door to anyone easily again, and tie the door to death early when no one is around. ?
How can I get Kong Jing to marry me? A poor boy who can't bite his teeth is ten years older than her. According to the eyes of the villagers, I am destined to be single all my life, wearing a hat with landlord elements on my head. So many girls in the village don't want to marry me. Isn't this daydreaming? I regretted what I blurted out all night and condemned it all night. The next day, Kong Jing saw me coming straight. ? Brother Zhuang Cheng, I was very unhappy yesterday. Don't be angry and ignore me. ? How could I? Forget what I said. ?
Kong Jing and I are back together. Actually, this is also very good. She can't leave me and I won't leave her. But the nightmare that night filled her with panic about Captain Li and made her more dependent on me. If she can rely on me for a lifetime, I will be so happy.
From my understanding of Captain Li's personality, I feel that he will never stop there. I especially remind Kong Jing to be careful. I often stay around the team yard until midnight.
At this point, the note was written by another person, and at first glance it was written by a girl. What the hell is going on here? It's a whole book. There is no tendency to open and reorder. Did they all live well and get married? Like most people, she abandoned him and returned to the city? With the feeling of finding the end, I read it in a hurry and wrote it down.
I'm shocked by what happened tonight. Brother Zhuang Chengge was injured in many places, one of which was cut off by desperate Zhuang Cheng with a knife. Captain Li, who is hiding, called the police. I didn't expect him to protect me all the time in the team, otherwise there wouldn't be anything tonight. I held him tightly and let his blood spill all over me. When the police came, I repeatedly said that Captain Li was plotting against me. After Zhuang Cheng found out, he was unwilling. He brought someone to beat Zhuang Cheng tonight. Captain Li called me a dirty lie. They found a man wandering around here during the night patrol and forced him to leave for fear of being bad to me. I didn't expect him to fight by force first?
No one believed me, and no one testified to the facts. Zhuang Cheng was taken away by the police. What should I do? I have to pay for it and try to save Zhuang Cheng. I can't just sit back and watch. I'm so heartless. What should I do? what can I do? Ask your parents for money? My father was beaten to the right, and my mother was still struggling with her three siblings. Didn't Wang Tao, the educated youth who came with me, tell me many times? His family is very rich. Will he help me? He has repeatedly advised me to go further with Zhuang Cheng. He thought Zhuang Cheng would hurt me, but what happened? When I was in danger, only Zhuang Chengge saved me. He was like a little puss-head. Where does he go every time? But for Zhuang Cheng's sake, I have to try. I must try.
I found Wang Tao, and I told him the situation in detail, begging him to find a way to help Zhuang Cheng. He made it clear that he could help, but he should be friendly with him and sever all ties with Zhuang Cheng. How can I refuse in this case? Besides, what can I do? Will captain Li play another game? I always have someone to rely on to protect myself! In this case, Captain Li won't hurt Zhuang again. Wang Tao is the person who is specially taken care of by the leaders above. How dare he take him?
Wang Tao went back to try to collect money. The only thing I can do now is to clean up Zhuang Cheng's house and everything around him. This is everything to Zhuang Cheng, and it is also my spiritual shrine. I prayed again and again that Wang Tao and Zhuang Cheng would come back soon. How is his injury? I'm going to see him.
Only a few days later, Zhuang Cheng obviously lost a lot of weight, and the wound was simply bandaged. Looking at his embarrassing appearance, I reached out to him with heartache and helplessness, and he hugged him tightly. This is the first time, maybe the last time. If this matter is solved, we will be familiar strangers. I should repay him for all he has done for me. Thinking of the sense of security and sureness with him and the time that this feeling will take away, my tears overflowed my eyes. He comforted me by seeing my complicated expression of farewell and pain. Everything will pass, everything will be fine, you should learn to protect yourself. ? I will. ? When I said this, I was obviously lacking in confidence. In the face of a rogue who keeps spying on you, you can't escape or deal with him. The only thing you can do is sit still.
Wang Tao came back with enough money. He stole an antique from his father in exchange. And tell me a good news, educated youth in some places have begun to protest against entering the city, and it is estimated that there may be a policy of returning to the city soon. I seem to see a dim hope for the future. Wang Tao casually put his arm around my shoulder and said, we are not here, and we will leave here after all. For the sake of taking care of you before Zhuang Cheng, I helped him this time, so I'm even with him. We set the table and banquet as an open relationship, and then we lived together. This is the premise for me to save him. ?
It was not until we invited several educated youths to eat and live together that he moved to save Zhuang Cheng. After he told me that everything was arranged, I was relieved, and my guilt about Zhuang Cheng was reduced a lot. I went to the pure land for the last time before Zhuang Cheng came back, packed up the hut, put Zhuang Cheng's messy notebook back, and left the process of saving him to me. I hope he understands that I don't come to me again. ? Find a partner if you have the right one. I'm not from here. I'm destined not to belong here after all, and I'll never cross this fairyland like a mirage, because it doesn't belong to this world, and it doesn't belong to the daily trivial and helpless life. If mistakes can buy freedom and happiness, I would rather choose mistakes. Everything was once a dream, and when I woke up, everything remained the same. ?
Empty net, you might as well stab me to death at your feet with a knife. How could you do that? Where should I go? You hide from me everywhere, and I can only escape from your sight obediently, so as not to let lonely sadness flash in your gentle eyes. As long as Wang Tao is good to you. Give you what I can't give. What do I want? As long as I catch a smile from you, I am already a fish in full bloom. I must take good care of our home. How many happy moments have you frozen here? You hold the little goldfish in your hand, gently touch the softness of dew on the lotus leaf, pick the lotus flower and put it into the water to watch the fish chase? Everything, everything will never come back? Can you cook me another meal and help me wash a dress?
Kong Jing is pregnant, but it's someone else's child. If it is my child, how happy I am! A girl from a neighboring village who is also a landlord wants to marry me, but I flatly refuse. I said I had a crush. I can't do it, my emptiness and being trampled by another person. If we can never be, let me protect this pure land for her.
Captain Wang never made trouble again and seemed to give up. It is rumored that the educated youth in some places have turned against the city. Wang Tao made a move. Will he leave with Kong Jing? Should I be prepared to never see her again? If she goes back to the city, I will make a living with her, and I will watch her from a distance?
Wang Tao finally got his wish and left here. He left alone, leaving an empty place where he was about to give birth. He is simply not human. He said that his father had only got one place, and he would send the vacant place to his city as soon as possible. Who knows tomorrow? Who can grasp tomorrow? Who knows his efforts? He hinted that I should take care of Kong Jing. I don't know what he means. Who cares? I learned that after he left, he found an empty place. She is in a bad mood, pale and sad. Have you seen me? Wow? She cried loudly. She is still a child, only 19 years old, and has to bear the thorns and helplessness of so many people. I didn't know what to do. I just kept saying: He will find a way. He can't leave you alone and his children. ? Stop it, Brother Zhuang Cheng. Only you in this world are really good to me. What should I do? I often have nightmares. I often wake up and open my eyes until dawn. I was overdrawn by waiting. I really don't know if I will die in this expectation. ? How can you think that? At least there is me. If life can be repeated, let's meet in another place and another scene. Without this educated youth going to the countryside, there would be no such scumbag as Captain Li? Let's live a beautiful life from beginning to end, without all the ugly intrusions from outside. I have no regrets. Don't say such farewell words. If Wang Tao can't take you away and you can't leave, let me take care of you. ?
Although I am considerate of her, she is always helpless and melancholy. I'm afraid it's bad for her health, but I can't find the right words to comfort her. Wang Tao's smelly boy left and hasn't come back yet. Empty static only received a letter from him. He said he was busy at work, and he would try to get her back to the city and let her take care of herself. I don't know how true this statement is, but I'm afraid I can't hold on these days. I tried to tell her that the lotus bloomed again, the little goldfish grew up and looked beautiful, and I renovated the small wooden boat? It doesn't seem to interest her, and she doesn't go any further there. She is always doing nothing and often doesn't say a word for hours.
Although I can get close to her every day, I can't do anything, because I watched her fall into deep hopeless depression, and I deeply blamed myself for it. This kind of pain is no less than her. I'm afraid she will kill herself. I despair at the thought of it.
Today, I finished my work in a hurry and went to an empty place. I always have a bad feeling recently. I'm afraid something will happen to her. The door is still closed. Is she in bed again? When I knocked at the door, no one answered. Through the window, my God! She lay motionless in a pool of blood. I went to the village midwife in a panic and hurried back to kick the door, but it was too late. She was out of breath. The midwife said it was a massive hemorrhage and didn't get to the hospital in time? I carried her to the hospital like a fool?
There are so many papers in the grass, but the bottom is all blank, but they outline their general life, and I guess the future scene without thinking. Wang Tao leads a new life with a sense of guilt. Perhaps this episode of life is just a drop in the ocean, but for emptiness, it is the destruction and end of life. Only Zhuang Cheng spent the rest of his life with memories and dreams out of thin air. This is the highest interpretation of love. In his later years, he never had a chance to have a warm home, but he stubbornly waited for his once love, which brought my long-lost heart back to the tranquility and beauty of life. After all, there are many ordinary people in life who are printing cards of true love for us, although there are no gorgeous words and strong emotional decorations. But true feelings are true feelings, and we can't deny its existence just because we can't do it. It doesn't contain any decoration or boasting. It is like a lotus, silently staying in the long river of life, sincere and permanent.