"If people can live for 100 years, including sleeping for 30 years, eating for 10 years, dressing up for 7 years, traveling in traffic jams for 7 years, making phone calls for 1 0 years, nobody answering the phone 10 years, watching TV for 4 months. Fighting in youth, quarreling between husband and wife after marriage, scolding children after 5 years of regeneration, chatting for 70 days, blowing nose 10 days, cutting nails 15 days, psychosexuality for 8 days, and finally remaining time 10 years. What can you do in ten years? " Every time I see such a thing, I can't help being anxious. I'm afraid it's too late to do things, realize dreams and have desires.
In fact, everyone's anxiety comes from this "too late", too late to think clearly about what they want, and the temples have begun to turn white; Before you decide to fall in love, the other person is married; If you didn't have time to love your child, he would have grown up and left you; We will go to the grave before we succeed. We are afraid that it is too late.
Just when I was afraid it was too late, I received emails from several bean friends one after another. Some of them, under the pressure of reality, did jobs they didn't like and asked me what to do. Some asked me how to find my hobbies. Some people said that after their so-called "unreliable" attempt failed, they felt very confused and asked me how to pursue my own path. Someone asked me what ability and quality I need to do advertising copywriting. Some people go on blind dates again and again at the request of their parents, and they are exhausted. What should I do? Some even feel that they are losers in their second year of high school, muddling along all day, not knowing what they want and asking me how to plan my life. Others are only 20 years old, but they are worried about their marriage. They want to marry a rich man and live a comfortable life.
It turns out that everyone is equally confused. It turns out that everyone is equally anxious. It turns out that everyone is afraid of being too late. It turns out that everyone doesn't know what they want.
I began to ask myself, if I don't learn oral English well for half a year, will my life become a mess? If my dream is not realized all my life, will my life be very unfortunate? The answers are all negative. Because I know that I am living seriously every day, and because I am working hard to move forward towards my dream step by step, every day is still very fulfilling and happy. Think about it and you will no longer be anxious. I asked myself again, if you give yourself two years to learn spoken English and take it slowly, and give yourself 20 years to realize your dream, can you take it slowly? The answer is yes. I suddenly relaxed all over. When I allowed myself to take my time, I suddenly felt that the solid strength of traveling light and down-to-earth came back.
Because this society is too impetuous, too fast-paced and too tempting, we can easily lose ourselves. We need to ask ourselves often, is it really too late? Can you take your time? Allow yourself time to get back on the road.
I have dinner with my best friend on weekends. They haven't seen each other for nearly three months. Three years later, she decided to quit her job in Shanghai and go back to her hometown to live with her family and boyfriend.
I asked, is she afraid of a new life?
She said, why not? I was scared to death.
I said, you sum up your 20 1 1 year.
She said that she paid off her debts at home, relaxed, fell in love and got an accounting certificate.
I said, look, when you grow up, you really don't have to be afraid. I believe you will live better and better.
She thought for a moment, nodded and said, well, there's nothing to be afraid of. The worst days are over.
At the beginning, we were always afraid that we would not get the material life we longed for, that we would meet someone who loved us well, that losing our youth would not change our career progress, that we would make the next decision that we would regret, that we would lose our inner essence and simplicity, and that we would often regret something we had done. However, along the way, we all walked in our own fears and regrets. Gradually, we learn, grow, enrich and become strong in fear, get rid of the original decision, and finally meet another self who is not afraid of the future. In fact, everyone has gone through this road, from fear to no fear, from regret to relief. Perhaps not being afraid and not regretting should be our motto in life.
It's no big deal to be confused.
You ask me what to do if I am confused? I can only answer that you have to accept your confusion. Because only by accepting the status quo can we change the status quo. Just like when I climbed Mount Everest, what about altitude sickness? I can only accept my rebellion and tell myself that it's no big deal. It's a normal phenomenon, and then I will adapt myself to the environment little by little until it disappears.
You also have to tell yourself that it's no big deal to be confused.
A friend asked me, will you stay in Shanghai all the time? I will answer I don't know, because I think the future is confused and things in the future are unpredictable. I have always been confused about life, and I think it is this confusion that drives me to keep thinking, working hard and moving forward.
Modern society is changing so fast that the subway was being built where I had dinner with my friends last month. Obviously, this was a clothing store last week, but this week it was changed to Shaxian snack. A plane tree that has been growing for decades may be transplanted overnight. As the old saying goes, stand at 30, but don't be confused at 40. In the face of such a rapidly changing society, there should be more confusion and confusion will last longer. It's normal to be confused at 50. My father is very confused about this online ticket sale now. In this era, you should be tolerant of yourself, allow yourself to be confused, allow yourself to be confused, and allow yourself to take your time.
3. Do what you love and love what you do.
You asked me if I didn't know what I wanted. What should I do? I'll tell you, so go find it. In your early twenties, it is normal and lucky not to know what you want, because when you are confused, you will think and find what you want step by step.
It really doesn't matter if you don't know what you want when you are young. You don't have to be too anxious, but you need to know what you are interested in and where you are willing to invest your time. When I ask a person what you like or what you are interested in, I am most afraid of hearing a "I don't know" answer. If you don't even know what you are interested in, it's really scary. How can a person who doesn't even know himself know life and the world? I believe many people know what they are interested in, although they can't clearly know what they love.
It is really important to find what you like to do and know what you love. I remember Steve Jobs' speech at Stanford University's graduation ceremony:
"Sometimes, life will hit you on the head with a brick. Don't lose heart. I know the only thing that keeps me going is that I love what I do. You must find what you love. This sentence applies not only to your work, but also to your love. "
"Your job will occupy most of your life, and the only way to get real satisfaction from your job is to love your job. If you haven't found it, keep looking. Do not stop. Like all things related to the heart, you will know when you find it. And just like those beautiful loves, they will become more and more mellow as the years grow. "
If you really don't find what you like, please don't miss any chance to try. You can accept all kinds of challenges and try all kinds of things. Don't take yourself too seriously, lose false self-esteem, don't be afraid of making a fool of yourself, and don't be afraid of failure. You should even allow yourself to fail often, give yourself the experience of failure and give yourself the courage to keep coming back. All you have to do is try actively until you find your true love. Give yourself time, take your time, give yourself courage to face failure and persistent enthusiasm for your dreams, because the hardest thing is not to face failure, but to remain enthusiastic in the face of repeated failures.
4. Life has no plan.
You ask me how to plan my life? I can only answer I don't know. I used to be superstitious about things like "career planning" and "life planning", and I felt that planning my life path early would be a step closer to success. Later, with more life experience, I gradually gained some independent thinking ability, and found that "life planning" is completely nonsense, life is difficult to plan, and life has never been planned.
The Monkey King jumped out of a stone and won't change at the age of 72, and he didn't know that he would become a big disciple of a monk named "Tang Priest" and go to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures with a pig. Zhu Gekongming didn't know that he would write "Battle of Red Cliffs" in military history when Liu Bei visited the thatched cottage. When Jobs dropped out of Reed College, he only studied there for half a year. Of course, he didn't know that he would become the founder of a mobile phone brand called iphone, and he never expected that when he died, major websites around the world would write "Jobs1955-201"on their pages to remember him.
Feng Tang may never have thought that he would become the global deputy managing partner of McKinsey & Company, and he is also a writer who has published several books. I was a poet when I was young, and an artist when I was young. Later, I read a doctor's degree in gynecology, and then I entered a consulting company. Now I am engaged in industry. He writes novels whenever he wants, starts a company whenever he wants, and is doing what he wants all the way. Cai Jun probably never thought that he would become the first mystery writer in China. He just taps the keyboard under the banyan tree in class. Lao Luo may never have thought that he would become an English teacher, and he also fought a long-drawn-out rights protection war with Siemens. A year and a half ago, I didn't know that I would walk four kilometers at the foot of Mount Everest at an altitude of 5,200 meters, with a normal heartbeat and smooth breathing. I don't know if I can run for 70 minutes and finish 10 km. Not only am I not exhausted, but I am also happy to run. I didn't even know I was writing in a place called Douban, and then more than 7,000 bean friends paid attention to me. I just do what I like, go where I want to go, run step by step and write word by word (please forgive me for shamelessly juxtaposing myself with Feng Tang, Cai Jun and Lao Luo).
Life is never planned, but comes out step by step. Find something you like and do a little every day. After a long time, you will see your growth.
5. Live your own life, and parents do it themselves.
You ask me, how can I disobey my parents' orders, do what I like and love the person I like, instead of accepting the job arranged by my parents and accepting the blind date arranged by my parents? I can only say that I do my own work, my own man and my parents. Parents say you're fooling around. When you say that you are unreliable, you must have forgotten that they were so unreliable when they were young. Those parents may have a deep understanding that your experience, your lessons, your sufferings, your efforts and the secrets of your life can't be passed on to your children. If forced indoctrination, it will only lead to children's rebellion. You can only watch him fall, then get up again, suffer some losses, learn a lesson, then learn a long memory, get hurt and bleed, wipe off the blood on your body, and then continue to go your own way, because everyone's life is different, and everyone has to live his own life.
Liao Yimei said that fooling around is the only way for young girls and young boys to grow up, and it is a compulsory course for adults. Besides, I don't believe there is a simple, correct and easy shortcut. People who haven't been fooling around lack the necessary understanding of human uncertainty and self-confusion, which will be even more intolerable. They have a narrow understanding of many people and things and don't touch their skin.
Everyone has to experience pain in his life. Only when they have experienced pain can this life truly belong to you and you know what life is.
In fact, parents are not as ignorant and unreasonable as we thought. The most important thing is your attitude. You must know what you want and be responsible for all your actions. When you show them your attitude, communicate well, hope to do what you want and take full responsibility for your life, most of them can understand. Even if you can't accept it at first, they will accept it silently if you persist for a long time. After all, no parents want their children to be unhappy. The most important thing is that you have done it. Try to let your parents see your growth and trust you. When I just graduated, my parents strongly urged me to go back to my hometown, or go to Guangzhou, a city slightly closer to my hometown for development. I made it clear on the phone: I like Shanghai, I want to live in Shanghai, and I have friends in Shanghai. You should believe that I will live as well in Shanghai as I do. I have made decisions for myself since I was a child, and I will make my own decisions this time. My parents agreed and never mentioned letting me go home again. I think the most terrible thing is those who don't insist on fighting for themselves, can't make decisions for themselves, can't be responsible for their own lives, and then listen to their parents' arrangements, and in turn accuse their parents of controlling their own lives and interfering with their freedom of life. Because you have never fought for yourself at all, why do you blame your parents' arrangements? For example, you obviously don't want endless blind date, but you think your parents are right. After listening to their words, you go on a blind date, and then you are full of grievances and exhausted. Who can you blame? I can only blame myself for not taking responsibility.
6. Even if you can't afford the most expensive Paul, you can still afford 85 degrees C.
When you say you want to marry a rich man, I will only say that you can marry as long as you can marry yourself. You think you will be happy if you marry a rich man, so try it. You won't know what the life of the rich is like until you try. Is it as luxurious and beautiful as you think? Is this the life you want? For many people who like me lack independent thinking ability and don't know how to learn from other people's historical lessons, only through personal experience can they know what kind of life they want. Even if they don't know what kind of life they really want, at least they can understand what kind of life they don't want. Do you think you can feel happy by marrying a rich man? In fact, what you think of happiness is only the happiness standard set by fashion magazines, film and television entertainment and social customs. You never thought about what you really want.
In fact, you want to marry a rich man just to live a good life, and you don't have to struggle by yourself, but can you really enjoy such a good life with peace of mind? Since these good days are given to you by others, others can take them away at any time. Then how can you stand up? If you really marry into a rich family, but you are afraid of losing such a beautiful life all day, then you must be insecure and unhappy. Is today a good day? I firmly believe that only by letting yourself live a good life, that is the real good life.
Girl, you have to believe that in this society where you won't starve to death as long as you are willing to work hard, only by yourself can you have love and bread. Even if you can't afford the most expensive Paul bread, you can still afford bread at 85 degrees Celsius.
7. What binds your life?
Today, I spoke to a friend on the phone. She said that 20 12 asked the boss to give her a raise. Actually, she just jumped to a new company for three months. She wants to get married because she is 27 years old and her boyfriend is rich, but she has just been in love with this boyfriend for less than a month and may not have slept twice. She has to learn to drive and learn French, but she also said that she doesn't like learning these things. What she really likes is keeping a pet, because it is a survival skill in today's society, so she must learn it. I asked at that time, girl, are you tired?
The process of our growth is a process of constantly receiving education, planning and accepting the standards given by the outside world. Fashion magazines, media information and social customs list various happiness standards for you. You frame yourself in a standard square, and the top border is that you want to succeed in your studies and enter a famous university. The bottom line is to make more money, buy a house and a car, and on the left is to get married before the age of 30. It is best to marry a rich man and have a happy marriage. The border on the right is a high-paying and stable job. You think you will feel safe. You think this kind of life is a happy and complete life, but it is not. I see many married people who have houses and cars are unhappy. They box themselves in this box and only feel more confused. They never think about themselves or what they want independently.
In fact, everyone's life is a process of dying. The sense of security you long for is nothing more than the hope that these two points and one line will go smoothly, taking fewer detours and detours. Life is a journey, and the destination is the same-death. Some people's journey is full of colorful and varied scenery, while others' journey is just a static and boring layer. What kind of person do you want to be?
An elderly elder told me that if there is an opportunity, it is not too late for young people to study abroad at the age of 30. The important thing is to experience life, experience life. I agree with him very much, but in reality, I also heard many people say that you are still studying abroad at the age of 30, which is too unreliable. When you finish school, how old will you be? The age of getting married, having children and looking for a job will be delayed accordingly, which will make your life miserable and so on.
Why is your thinking so rigid? What binds your mind and your life? In this era of information flooding and Weibo refreshing every second, independent thinking is more important than anything else.
I have always wondered why so many people calculate their lives like this. Life really doesn't count. There is only one life. You need to live your true nature. Maybe I got married and had children when I was at school? Even after school, what should I do if I get married and have children when I am old? What if you don't get married and have children all your life? Won't you be happy? Do you think life is good because you need others to say "good" to you? Does your sense of security come from meeting the standards set by social customs?
There is no sense of security in the world. If you think more, you will have a false sense of security of false prosperity. Women, in particular, are easily fascinated by all kinds of false security. Many times, our understanding of things is based on external information and various advertisements, lacking the ability of independent thinking and judgment, so it is easy to habitually label ourselves with all kinds of false sense of security: having a house makes us feel safe, having money makes us feel safe, having a stable job makes us feel safe, finding an honest and plain boyfriend makes us feel safe, getting married makes us feel safe, and having children makes us feel safe.
However, the real sense of security does not come from the external material endowment, but from the inner peace and enrichment, from the confidence and certainty of life. But to get these, you need to gradually accumulate life experience, suffer from life, experience a lot of things, meet many people, and have your own cultivation and understanding, so that you can be peaceful and dilute, without worry or fear. So, dear friend, don't worry, take your time and you will feel safe.
Take your time, everything will be in time.
Those who find their dreams in life early and follow their destiny are lucky. But those who haven't found the way they should go don't have to feel extremely painful, because it's not too late, so you should give yourself a chance to take your time. The old people in our country often tell young people that the rice should be eaten bit by bit and the road should be taken step by step.
No matter what kind of life you want, you should strive for it. You can chase beautiful women if you like them. If you want to marry rich people, you can find them. If you want to have sex, you can do it. You don't know what you really want until you really do it. How can you tell the good guys apart without meeting some scum? How do you know what kind of people to get along with without trying a few wrong people? How can you know what you like and don't like without trying something more?
Because of experience, I understand. What to do and what road to take should be explored step by step according to the inner voice, and trial and error should be made. Fall and get up again; Hit your head and fall back; If you go wrong, come back; Walk too fast, just slow down; Get lost, stop and think, and then keep walking. What you have to do is not to limit your life, listen to your inner voice, follow your inner wishes and take your time, so that everything will be timely.
If you find your own direction and work hard, but you don't get what you want, it's just that you don't have enough time, effort and growth. The slogan of a watch is: Only time can understand love. I think this is a slogan with a little philosophical thinking. what is love ? Love is a long process, not just a passionate moment when I tell you that I love you, but countless ordinary days when I have a meal of porridge and daily necessities. Only time knows love, and only time can witness growth. Without the accumulation of time, the increase of efforts and the increase of quantitative change, I can't see my own growth. God will care for those who persist in their efforts. If you don't believe me, try again for three or five years, and then look back to see if you get what you want. So, dear friend, don't worry, take your time and you will see your future.
Postscript: I feel like I'm talking nonsense after writing so much. There is nothing new under the sun. I have written some words in this article in my other diaries. I believe that many predecessors have said the same thing, and I am just an organizer and porter, sorting out and transporting the books I have traveled and read to you. I know your predicament is beyond my article. Everyone has their own life lessons to complete, but I still hope this article can give you some thoughts and help.