For example, if you want to develop in a first-tier city, he just wants to work in his hometown. Two people have different goals and have to break up. For example, your parents don't agree with you to fall in love with him, and the family power is too strong, so you have to break up. For example, he cheated on someone else, and you want to break up. The reason for breaking up is reasonable and unreasonable. As long as it leads to the interruption of intimate relationship, you can't get along with him as before Then this situation is called lovelorn, and lovelorn means that you have lost the love from the person you love. Besides, there will be no other feelings to replace this kind of love for a while.
You will feel extremely sad because of such a loss, as well as despair and loneliness, and even lose the courage and confidence in life. Why should we talk about lovelorn as an important topic? It is because lovelorn love belongs to something that cannot be avoided in our emotional history. Once lovelorn happens, the whole person will enter a state of serious illness, leading to some abnormal performances. Emotions are also easy to get out of control, such as tears, tea and rice, insomnia and depression. And the efficiency of study and work plummeted. Why do we become abnormal when we are lovelorn?
The evolutionary screaming mechanism can explain this problem. When we are in a sweet relationship, the blood in our brain will produce a compound ammonia, which makes us feel very happy. When we face the problem, we have to break up and be in a state of disability. What about this brain circuit? It will also cause us extreme mental pain and make us unwilling to accept some situations after losing our loved ones. I wish everything would go back to the past.
Losing love makes us feel that our lives are stagnant, we are not interested in anything, and we don't feel our existence. Some people say that if you want to get out of this lovelorn shadow as soon as possible, then you should start a new relationship as soon as possible. Rely on the power of this new love to forget the pain of old love. This statement sounds reasonable, but is it really an effective method? It doesn't have to be like this.
In my consultation, many people will mention breaking up with the person they love. But I still miss each other day and night, and my family and friends are trying to convince themselves to accept the fact of lovelorn and actively introduce themselves to new people. But just because my mind is still on the other person, I can't make room for another stranger. Even if you meet another brand-new person on a blind date, not only can you not seriously start this relationship, but you will constantly compare the new person with the old love, and the more you compare, the more guilty you will be. There is no way to continue talking to new people. These situations prove that lovelorn is a kind of trauma. If you don't have enough time to repair the wound, let yourself reflect and grow through lovelorn, and let yourself bear the pain of lovelorn, then there is no way to sort out a brand-new mood and self to face the future feelings.
If you start a new relationship hastily, you are doomed to fail. It is unrealistic to get rid of the sadness and pain of lovelorn quickly. Lovelorn has its own operating procedures. Let's take a look at the three stages of lovelorn:
The first stage is unbelievable. I can't believe that I have to face the fact of breaking up, and I will feel puzzled and shocked. The second stage is to oppose breaking up and try to save this relationship through various means. Avoid leaving yourself helpless. The third stage is to try to give up. In other words, I realized that this relationship was hopeless, and I began to accept the reality and really bid farewell to my past love.
A psychological process like this takes as little as a month, and as much as half a year or a year, which allows you to reflect on a relationship, sum up experiences and lessons, and get yourself out of sadness and loneliness. So in after be lovelorn, you must know clearly what you can and can't do. If you persist in doing it, it may lengthen the painful cycle of your lovelorn. Doing something appropriate can help yourself earlier and end the pain caused by lovelorn. Start a new life.
So what can't we do after lovelorn? First, don't pester each other; second, don't hurt each other; third, don't hurt yourself. After breaking up, many people will still be strongly entangled in what they did wrong. I hope the other party can give me a chance to come back, so I keep sending messages to each other, asking questions, calling to express my feelings, or looking for them at home and at work. There is nothing wrong with such spoony behavior, but it will actually harass each other and embarrass each other. Being a man, stalking, beating, can't make the other person change their mind, but it may make the other person have feelings for this time. Become a very negative feeling, affecting your impression and opinion.
In the spirit of love, it is best not to pester each other after breaking up and keep a certain distance from each other, so as to avoid sighing instead of remembering when talking about this relationship in the future. This kind of thing is because of the frustration of lovelorn feelings. Then, under such setbacks, some people will be aroused with strong feelings of anger and resentment, and will have the psychology of mutual revenge to calm down the feelings of failure and trauma.
Take revenge to treat lovelorn, of course, there are also violations of the principle of kindness and best calculation. Some people will choose to post other people's nude photos online, or spread news, or abuse each other with violence, intimidate each other, and even take some destructive revenge measures. The purpose of doing this is that I can't get it, and others can't get it.
Then when your brain is occupied by these irrational thoughts, it is easy to cause irreparable consequences and turn your lover into an enemy. This emotional cost is too great. If you really love someone, you shouldn't hurt her. Injury is a betrayal of love and faith. Meanwhile, you can't hurt yourself. Some people, after being lovelorn, are depressed, unwilling to go out, refuse to go to work without eating or drinking, refuse to study, and refuse such greetings and care from friends. Subconsciously torture yourself with these things in order to let your partner see your pain. Make the other person soft-hearted, or drown your sorrows in wine, drive too fast at night, or cut yourself with a knife. These practices are not desirable, they are hurting themselves, they are angry with themselves, they are blaming themselves, and they cannot keep each other. This trick of seeking death not only can't make you calmly treat lovelorn, but also can further disappoint yourself, because hurting yourself means hurting each other. This is also a way of thinking that you won't make me feel better and I won't make you feel better. It's only bad for self-healing, not good.
Entangled with each other, hurt each other, hurt yourself, are all things that you must not let yourself do after being lovelorn. In addition, after being lovelorn, some kinds of psychology are unhealthy, which will also hinder us from dealing with pain. I suggest you come here. Turn the unhealthy cognition around: first, in fact, when you are lovelorn, both you and the other person are painful. Don't think that you are the most painful person, and the other person is the happiest person. This is unrealistic.
Second, after breaking up, you always feel that the other party is better than yourself. You are not convinced, or you are relieved to know that the other party is not doing well. This mentality is not authentic. When you haven't come out of the lovelorn mood, you don't have to say something to bless each other to cover up your loss. It is more important than always paying attention to each other's well-being, and letting them envy you whether you are well-being.
Third, I don't want to see each other find their next love first. What about this contrast mentality? It's also holding you back. If the other person has a new relationship before you, it doesn't mean that you are an unwelcome person, that he will make fun of you, and that he will forget you. It's just a chance in time. He's already one step ahead of you, so you don't need to feel uneasy about it at all. You might as well ask yourself first, if you haven't talked about a new love, do you want to let yourself give up completely by seeing him enter a new relationship? Love is indeed a complicated matter, and you have to believe that lovelorn is also a science. Then, in addition to things that should not be done after lovelorn and the mentality that needs to be changed, what else should we pay attention to in order to see through lovelorn more scientifically and steadily and calm down the new sadness in our hearts.
The first and most important thing is to break the concept of love. Love is very important. Love can bring us sweetness and happiness, intimacy and security, right? But love is not the whole of life. If we regard love as life, once we lose love, our life will be lost. Therefore, in addition to love, we still have to keep our ideals, have our own spare time and have our own goals, so that when we lose love, we will not collapse at once.
Secondly, don't watch each other's network dynamics, don't contact each other actively, and don't inquire about each other's news. Live a life that will never have any psychological contact with each other. This kind of life seems to be static, but it is actually depositing memories and reflecting on yourself, thus ensuring that you are not disturbed by external information. Only in this way can we effectively restrain emotional impulses and prevent ourselves from doing the opposite behavior.
Finally, we should learn to confide in people we trust, so as to relieve the depressed pain inside. Take a short trip through the environment, temporarily isolate yourself from the people, things and things that cause your painful memories, go to a strange and beautiful place, and vent yourself quietly. This is also an effective method used by many people to eliminate the sadness of lovelorn love.
I remember a visitor. He and his girlfriend couldn't reach an agreement on life planning, so they had to break up and go their separate ways. Then when he came to me, his mental state was very depressed, which is the state that all lovelorn people will have. But he didn't think much about his girlfriend to comfort himself, as others said. He said. There is nothing wrong with having a girlfriend. Don't deceive yourself. I think his idea is very good, at least in terms of self-help, which can effectively improve your control.
I suggested that he should find something to support himself no matter how sad he is. He said that he was going to run for fitness. Running can effectively regulate this mood. Because negative emotions are stressful for people, we can divert our attention from stress through exercise. Then the brain will secrete endorphins, which will make people feel excited, so it can also make people feel relaxed and comfortable.
Now let's sum up that lovelorn is painful, and the process of dealing with lovelorn emotions is slow, but it is an indispensable part of one's emotional experience. Because lovelorn is an important driving force to promote a person's spiritual growth. In order to grow, there are many things we must choose to give up. Only when we deeply realize the loss will we have more courage to face separation and give up, and then we can become responsible people, others and ourselves.