What kind of family will have problem children? Family is very important to children. This is a safe haven for children. No matter what difficulties you encounter, going home is the greatest comfort. See what kind of problem children will appear in the family I sorted out below.
What kind of family will problem children 1 have? Parents who come to the psychological counseling center are very anxious: "I told my children everything and did everything, but it didn't work." "Teacher, please do something. My child can't say that he has learned. " These parents have focused their attention on their children, as if the world would be peaceful as long as problem children was "repaired". As everyone knows, the root of many problems lies not in children, but in poor family relations. Children just show the problems.
Early psychologists only consulted people with problems, but they encountered strange phenomena: when a patient was cured and sent home, he would get sick again; Or someone at home is sick again. It seems that this family needs a patient.
Friends who have seen "Chinese Divorce" must remember that when Jianping Song and George W. LAM Raymond quarreled, their son Dangdang came out with a knife and drew several lines on his little hand in front of his parents. The husband and wife stopped arguing and rushed him to the hospital. Later, Lin Xiaofeng asked him why he did it. He said, "Last time you quarreled, I broke my head, so you stopped quarreling."
This is the logic of children, and it is also the logic of many "problem children". The children found that when his academic performance declined, parents in the cold war began to reconcile and discuss how to educate their children; When he was depressed, his father who traveled frequently increased his time at home; When he played truant, his parents began to think about ways and began to reflect: what should we change?
In the family, children are most likely to become patients. Because children love their families most. In children's eyes, parents are the most important people in his life. The quarrel or disintegration of parents is tantamount to the sky falling apart. Since "problems" can bring so many "benefits", children subconsciously choose to have problems at the expense of health and future.
If your child plays truant and his grades suddenly drop, he will hurt himself and feel depressed. How to judge whether these problems are caused by family relations or other reasons?
First of all, recall what happened at home when the child first appeared these symptoms. For example, husband and wife quarrel, family members are sick or what difficulties the family faces, and so on.
Secondly, observe the relationship between the development of children's problems and family atmosphere. Does the child's condition get better when the family difficulties are alleviated? How will the child's condition be different if he is accompanied by his family?
Third, assuming that children do not have these problems, what will be the relationship between parents? How will family members live? Has the time spent together increased or decreased? Is the quarrel increasing or decreasing? Comparing these differences helps to find out which aspects of the family children want to influence.
Problem children's subconscious hope is that "problems" can stabilize family relations, increase members' time together, help parents to ease the contradiction between husband and wife, and attract parents' attention to him or her.
If you are worried about your children's problems, please take some time to reflect on your family situation and change your family relationship with your children.
What kind of family will appear in the parents' meeting of problem children 2?
Treat children rationally after parents' meeting.
Every parent has a different personality, some have a good temper and know how to reason with their children; Some people have a bad temper and love to lose their temper with their children. Zhao Shumin, a teacher from the parents' school of North Fourth Online School, gave specific guidance and suggestions on different behaviors of parents after the parent-teacher conference.
Rational parents: it seems normal to face children, but he will find a suitable opportunity and way to tell them. He won't be happy with the children's achievements, but sincerely affirm their efforts. In the face of children's problems, they will calmly discuss the reasons with their children and put forward strict requirements and constructive opinions.
Zhao Shumin commented: Such parents are tolerant of their children without doting on them. When parents are calm and children are happy, children will concentrate on their studies and go all out.
Grumpy parents: attach great importance to the opinions of parents' conferences and teachers, and seem to actively cooperate with schools and teachers. After attending parent-teacher conferences, I always vent my nervousness and anger on my children the first time I see them.
Zhao Shumin comments: As a parent, whether you have educational ability or not, you must first have the ability to control your emotions. It is unwise to let anger control you. This state has a very bad influence on children and will lose their trust and respect for their parents.
Depressed parents: unhappy, in the face of children's problems, let alone how to help children build confidence, even he can't find confidence himself.
Zhao Shumin comments: Such parents will bring heavier psychological burden to their children, making them more at a loss and less confident.
Parents' meeting reminder
Parents should also "prepare lessons" in advance when holding parent-teacher conferences.
Every semester, the school will hold at least one parent-teacher conference, but different parents have different feelings after the conference. Interested parents will "prepare lessons" first, and then go to the parent-teacher meeting. Zhao Shumin said that parents should pay attention to communicate with their children's class teachers and teachers in all subjects, and learn about their children's details in all aspects of school. During their time with their children, they should pay attention to listening to their feelings and thoughts about the school, classes, teachers and classmates. Only when parents prepare the class so carefully can the questions raised at the parent-teacher meeting be clear and targeted.
Parent-teacher conferences and opinions
Parents should not be "class teachers" in their children's homes.
When a school holds a parent-teacher conference, it usually takes this opportunity to introduce parents to the school's educational philosophy, curriculum and other information, so that parents can understand the school and put forward specific requirements for students, and at the same time provide parents with an opportunity to fully understand their children's school situation. But parents often only pay attention to two things: the requirements of the school and the performance of their children in school.
Family education has its own tasks and methods. Parents are parents, there is no need to be a class teacher for children, and completely repeat the requirements of school teachers for children. It is said that the church makes children feel that their parents are annoyed.
Parent-teacher experience
There is little difference between successful counseling and failed counseling.
Whether parents do it intentionally or not, in fact, real family education is carried out when parents get along with their children. Zhao Shumin pointed out that in the process of implementing family education, the difference between successful family education and failed family education is often very small, and sometimes even imperceptible. An important duty of family education is to actively and closely cooperate with school education. The cooperation mentioned here is not that parents simply repeat the requirements of schools and teachers for their children, nor that parents play the role of school teachers in family life, but that they really help and improve school education. Some educational functions are not as effective in school as in family education, such as cultivating children's concepts and habits of respecting their parents and loving labor, and the educational effect will be better in family life. Parents should give full play to these characteristics of family education and provide supplementary education for places where school education cannot or cannot be done well.
After the parent-teacher conference
"Problem children" need to be treated rationally.
There are always some children who have become "problem children" in the eyes of teachers and parents because of their poor academic performance and poor classroom discipline. If you meet such a child, Zhao Shumin suggested that parents should treat their children rationally.
"Children's education is not something you need to worry about. The key is to use scientific educational methods to help children. " Zhao Shumin said, "Parents can't simply copy other people's methods and standards and apply them directly to their children. Instead, we should carefully observe and analyze the specific situation of children to adjust methods and modify standards; Strict education for children is not simply strict with children, but strict with yourself at the same time. If you want your child to correct his shortcomings, first see if he has the same shortcomings. "
Facing problem children, there is an essential difference between parents' "tolerance" and "doting". Tolerance is to allow children to make mistakes and correct them, and it is a principled love for children; Spoiling is to allow children to make mistakes and accept their mistakes, which is unprincipled love for children. Since every family is a child, parents have no chance to try their children's education and need to treat their children rationally. The more children's problems, the more serious the problems, and the more parents' rationality and patience are needed! Newspaper synthesis