0 1 consultation case sharing
My husband wants me to deposit it with a third party. Should I drag the third party to death or turn around and leave?
Is this why my visitor Yiling came to consult and left? Not reconciled. With my help, my husband just made some gains in his career and left and found a third party for nothing.
Stop, drag a third party to death? What should I do if I eat a fly in the face of an derailed husband? She asked, many people want to make the best choice after the other half has an affair, but in fact, you should know that there is basically no perfect choice.
Every road represents some losses and there will be some uncontrollable risks.
In this process, when you see the alternative road, you need to do a pros and cons analysis.
An analysis of weighing advantages and disadvantages
1. List each option first.
2. Make a choice and choose what you can accept most.
Choose the one that is most beneficial to your self-growth. What is good for self-growth? It means that after such a choice, you can gradually take the initiative in life, find your own strength and make yourself happy. Although it will be painful now, this pain is also an inevitable factor to promote your growth. According to these two principles, let's look at the issue of Yiling. She seems to have two choices: one is to turn around and leave, and the other is to drag a third party to death. If you choose the latter: Maybe you need to find out one thing-will you drag yourself to death and then drag a third party?
Do you have the ability to leave?
In a threesome marriage, your husband has only affection and no love for you. In marriage, you are just a child's caregiver, a connector between the old and the young, and a server in daily life.
If you really don't need emotional connection, just don't want to let go.
Although this kind of marriage doesn't get much love, it is very comfortable and has a lot of energy to drag a third party, so you can choose.
But if you are in great pain in the process of procrastination, you will not let go of your concern for the third party and your husband.
On the other hand, there are many things I don't want to take care of anymore. I can only say that a third party may drag you to death.
So you have to evaluate whether you have the ability to drag a third party to death.
Provided that you don't feel uncomfortable in the process of procrastination.
If you choose the former: you need to check-are you capable of leaving?
Four dimensions of departure
Inspection can be divided into four dimensions.
Dimension 1: Can you take care of yourself without relying on anyone? Most women who cheat have this ability. Because, after marriage, for the sake of family, women have developed eighteen skills of caring for people. Dimension 2: Can you make a living after you leave economically, so that the living standard will not drop too much, or even improve. This ability, whether you have it or not, is a very realistic question. Dimension 3: Emotional independence. If you really choose to drag a third party, you must remember that you should never see a third party and your husband every day. The only thing you have to do is to take care of their emotions and feelings when they are together.
Practice this while dragging a third party, and evaluate whether you have it or not when you turn around and leave.
Any restrictive ideas?
Dimension 4: Are there any restrictive concepts?
Some people have some unbreakable ideas in their minds, such as: home must be complete; Divorce affects a child's life; My parents are too fragile to accept the fact of divorce; After the divorce, I was afraid that others would think I was a loser. It's hard to turn around and leave without breaking through these ideas. It seems easy to turn around and leave, but she always carries a heavy lock in her heart. When she leaves, she will be dragged down by guilt.
If both roads are evaluated and you find that you may not be able to go on either road, then maybe you need to practice your strength again in this deadlock.
Control your own choices.
In Yiling's case, she said that her husband was also suffering, and she felt that her husband did not want to be a bad person.
He doesn't want to destroy his family, and he doesn't want to be abandoned by a third party.
This is evil in the cloak of kindness, and it is precisely because of his inaction that this family suffers such pain.
For your own peace of mind, let the closest people suffer.
In the face of such a man, we need to distinguish clearly: this pain is his, not yours, and you only need to be responsible for your own pain.
No matter how you choose, there is only one general direction, which is to cultivate your separation ability and let yourself have the right to choose, autonomy and happiness.
It's not that you have to divorce if you have the ability to separate, but when you have the ability to separate, you have a choice.