Then in the next two articles, Brother Snail will explain "attraction in sexual feelings" and "the correct posture of holding back (attacking)".
PS: Because we want to learn "the correct posture of fighting back and saving", we need to know and understand "attraction in sexual feelings". Therefore, Brother Snail did not directly explain "the correct posture of counterattack".
First, the management of long-term emotional relationships mainly depends on: attraction
In the relationship between men and women, whether it is the germination of feelings or the maintenance of a long-term sweet relationship, it depends on attraction.
The constant attraction between men and women is mainly maintained by the "value" provided by each other.
Of course, there are other factors that affect long-term emotional relationships.
For example, the married family and children, the integration of social circles, and the interests of property will all affect the emotional relationship between men and women, but these are not the ones that need to be explained this time. Brother Snail will not go into details here!
In addition, the "value" mentioned here is a concept relative to "demand".
Conceptual analysis:
(1) Needs: For needs, friends can refer to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, such as physiological needs, safety needs and emotional needs. And emotional demand is an important factor affecting the long-term emotional relationship between the two sexes.
(2) Value: According to the theory of biological evolution, the two values corresponding to the most basic needs of animals are survival value and reproduction value.
As far as people's "demand" is concerned, it can be the value provided for "survival guarantee demand": money, house, car, etc. These are basically values that meet people's living needs.
It can also be the value provided for "emotional psychological needs": freshness, security, comfort, existence and so on.
For example, girls need a sense of security in a relationship, and boys often go to nightclubs, which can't meet the emotional needs of girls. This relationship is difficult to maintain! )
It can also meet the reproductive value of the continuation of racial life: elite with good looks, good genes, strong body and high IQ, etc.
Among them, the value that can meet each other's "needs" is called "high value": for example, girls love handsome and rich. Otherwise, it is "low value": for example, people are short and poor.
Of course, only high-value things can attract people.
Because each of us has different "needs" and wants different "values".
For example, girls from wealthy families and girls from ordinary families obviously have different understanding and needs for money!
So in the final analysis, it is still necessary to understand each other's needs, and then prescribe the right medicine to provide each other with the required "value" in order to better maintain their feelings!
When the value provided by our wishful thinking can't meet each other's expectations and needs for a long time, it's no fun!
For example: the other person always wants to sleep, but you just let others eat, then the other person will definitely be unhappy!
In addition, the factors that affect emotional attraction are:
(1) Attitude and framework in emotion: The lower your attitude and framework in sexual relationship, the lower your control in this relationship.
(2) the effort and energy invested in this relationship: the more you invest (time, money, effort, emotion, body, etc.). ), the more you value this relationship, the more passive you are.
(3) Deep emotional connection between men and women: This is the deepest emotional connection, and there are many things to say, which Brother Snail will explain later. (Brother Snail wrote a shallow article before, and interested friends can read the history article. )
..... and so on.
PS: About the detailed analysis of the attraction switch and demand in gender relations, Brother Snail will explain it in detail in future tweets, so please pay attention!
Second, want to save each other's hearts immediately? Don't be silly!
Therefore, when you want to save a person and maintain a long-term relationship, you need to provide "high value" to meet each other's "need" to "re-attract" and retain each other!
And when you lower your posture and dignity, to retain, to pray, to pester each other, your value is low, and you can't produce emotional attraction at all. Moreover, the more entangled you are, the more the other party will reject and dislike you, and naturally it is impossible for the other party to change their minds!
In addition, it also reflects a kind of human nature: the easier you get, the less you will cherish it! Because the more entangled you are, the lower your availability will be!
Even at some special times, you put down your dignity and pray for the other person to stay. But if you still don't know how to improve yourself, change yourself, learn how to get along with each other and learn the ability to love, the other person will eventually leave you!
In short, whether it is a fake breakup or a real breakup, when you want to save someone, you need to make a second (heavy) (new) attraction.
Conceptual analysis:
(1) Fake breakup: There is still some emotional attraction between you, and the other party is still hesitating temporarily, hesitating, or watching your changes. Occasionally, I will have some communication and interaction with you, and I will take care of you a little, so that I can pay attention to my health.
(2) Real breakup: You are no longer attractive to the other party, or even bored and rejected you.
Third, strive to improve yourself and fight back with high value.
Therefore, if you want to save each other, you must stop all entanglement and prayer, strive to improve your value and charm, and fight back with "high-value identity" is king!
This is what Brother Snail mentioned in his previous article "The Core of Social Thinking": Pay attention to yourself and return to yourself!
Of course, Brother Snail can't guarantee that your second attraction here will be successful, but it is the best and most effective way of thinking. Moreover, when you improve yourself slowly, you will find that the person who once made you "reluctant to go" will gradually fade away in your world.
When you constantly improve and change your value in all aspects, your "needs" will also change! Finally, you will find that you don't need Ta as much as you did at the beginning.
Here, friends don't need to ask too many reasons, because people like brother snail have experienced this! )
Time will dilute everything. When you look back, you will find that no matter how much you can't let go, it has become the mark of your growth! In addition, in the emotional world, we all have to understand the fact that it is not that you "never leave" and the other party will "live and die together"!
Here, please remember the core of emotional thinking explained above again: pay attention to yourself and strive to improve your value!
Finally, regarding how to enhance their own value, Brother Snail shared before: "Shaping four values and improving yourself!" This article is mainly aimed at boys, and girls can also refer to it. You can go and see if you want to know!
PS: Brother Snail will launch the "Correct Posture for Boyfriend" tomorrow, so stay tuned!
Reference source: snail socialization-emotional psychological posture and social skills, only sharing practicality!